For the love of God Victoria, please eat something.

08/06/12 19:06:33

For safety of other drivers I think we should put a few cones out.

12/07/12 10:18:32

For the last time PISS OFF. I am not Susan Boyle. She lives 2 doors down.

20/05/12 19:09:02

£50
WINNER

Anne Frank enjoys a nice day out.

21/12/11 11:05:34

Do you take plastic?

20/09/11 10:02:38

Worst Scooby Doo villain hiding place ever.

05/04/12 10:01:41

Even in Amsterdam the January sales threw up some special offers.

12/01/12 11:03:48

I spy with my little eye something beginning with F.

08/06/12 10:02:49

Get off the road ya muppet.

04/10/11 10:03:28

Klaus the German sports fan stakes his place at the finishing line to the 2012 Olympics marathon race.

22/03/12 11:15:31

Tim waits for snow man

02/03/12 20:27:01

Frank, give us a hand, Jack has got his head stuck in the shopping trolley again.

10/12/11 20:03:25

Scottish syndicate wins £5 in the lottery.

06/06/12 20:50:14

Jack brings his concrete surf board into the Dragons Den hoping for a £100K investment for a 2% stake in his company.

15/05/12 10:10:42

Geppetto hoped it was only a phase Pinocchio was going through.

06/09/11 10:48:38

Rangers unveil ambitious plans for a new stand at Ibrox.

06/05/12 10:01:02

I hear you are a swinger.

24/03/12 11:01:41

We may need to call in Super Nanny.

09/01/12 11:02:52

Do you take plastic. Yes and rubber.

30/12/11 20:03:54

Frank was so ugly even the tide wouldn't take him out.

03/10/11 11:51:53

Do you have protection?
Ya, I'm doing you in the shade of a tree.

31/07/12 10:03:09

Residents in that part of Geneva where The Large Hadron Collider passes could tell when it was switched on.

10/04/12 11:43:24

....You took a fine time to leave me loose heel......

21/01/12 11:13:11

I swear to God I posted that caption before I read the other ones.

05/01/12 20:15:18

Do you fancy a bone?
No, I have a headache.

07/08/11 10:06:17

Quackadder

27/07/11 10:05:06

Finding Nemo just became a whole lot easier.

30/06/11 7:56:34

HeBrew

23/05/11 10:01:48

Did you pack this luggage yourself sir?

30/07/12 19:29:33

Ahh fuck, here comes Michael Barrymore.

19/07/12 10:56:25

It's not yew, it's me.

08/07/12 19:05:54

"Can I get 2 hake and a mackerel please?"
"20 past 3 love."

22/06/12 19:44:15

...and i would've gotten away with it if it weren't for those pesky meddling kids

08/03/12 11:08:28

Text the sheep will you and tell them to come down off the hill.

07/08/11 10:11:58

For goodness sake Maureen. Not every seat you sit on has a commode.

20/06/11 10:11:26

trust me, it's what your grandmother would have wanted.

13/07/12 19:16:23

Sorry lads, can't let you in, no open toe sandals.

28/04/12 19:03:31

Frank, did you leave the landing light on again?

23/01/12 20:28:15

Ebay, the early days.

18/01/12 20:08:14

Katrina and the Waves

18/12/11 11:44:11

The staff at the Russian doll factory are given a well earned day out.

07/12/11 20:35:21

He just fell in with the wrong cloud.

08/09/11 10:31:39

Hello Room Service? I hope you have a pen.

01/09/11 10:03:38

Frank, you better put some toilet rolls in the fridge.

25/08/11 10:00:54

In hindsight, Jesus regretted not opting for the lethal injection.

21/08/11 14:31:57

Traffic island

29/06/11 10:01:25

I'm OK as long as they don't bring back the pole tax.

01/05/12 11:25:05

A bird in the hand is worth a poo in the bush.

14/04/12 10:28:16

A young James May never turned his nose up to free top gear.

09/03/12 20:12:48

Maureen, why are those donkeys crying?

08/03/12 20:11:56

crouching tiger, hidden tripod

27/02/12 20:08:29

Frank's folding skills went unappreciated at the Resource Center for Blind People.

15/12/11 11:05:37

Don't fancy searching for the black box.

15/08/11 19:23:44

Ladies, do you mind moving, the tide is trying to come in.

18/07/11 10:09:23

Golden receiver.

08/07/11 10:03:23

Antiques roadshow 2045.

17/09/12 7:56:46

Nixon - The Trailer

07/07/12 10:08:52

Cheeseus Christ, it's a miracle!!!!

03/07/12 10:02:31

Johnny, go in and ask Mr Jones nicely if you can have your boomerang back.

10/06/12 10:05:05

Worst cremation ever.

09/06/12 19:12:26

A new Ann Summers's branch.

08/06/12 19:13:15

Right lads. 2 more minutes before our shifts starts. please finish your cigarettes.

08/06/12 10:01:09

'Pimp My Statue' was dropped by MTV after just 6 episodes.

18/05/12 10:03:26

Last time I go to bloody specsavers.

04/05/12 10:05:56

If Quentin Tarantino directed 'Honey, I've Shrunk The Kids".

27/04/12 10:05:28

Years have not been kind to Ian Brown.

06/04/12 19:02:59

Yes hello, we were looking to speak to someone about getting our gastric bands loosened.

18/01/12 11:03:38

Tea's up

21/09/11 10:01:47

Frank, would you consider moving over to Marlborough lights?

08/09/11 10:06:43

"I think the baby needs changing".
"I so hope it is the baby".

22/08/11 10:18:41

Geoff Boycock

20/08/11 10:07:26

OK, I'm ready, turn on the current.

29/07/11 10:02:51

Switzerland's worst assisted suicide clinic.

16/06/11 10:37:06

Grandfathers for justice.

10/02/11 11:29:26

Agent Nora to base, Agent Nora to base. No sign of terrorists here in the park. Will proceed to the post office as soon as I catch my breath.

06/05/10 10:35:36

Maureen, did you leave the landing light on again?

15/04/10 10:10:53

Darth Vader's conjoined twins in the waiting room of their consulting plastic surgeon.

25/07/12 10:16:46

I love women but I couldn't finish a whole one

17/07/12 19:04:54

Worlds worst cat neutering service.

19/06/12 11:01:36

Italian Cruise Ship Captain Training School.

01/05/12 10:02:23

The writing was on the wall for this relationship.

27/01/12 11:00:29

combined harvesters.

05/01/12 11:01:01

For the love of Christ Frank would you ever install that extractor fan that you have been promising me for years.

02/01/12 20:11:02

Heather Mills prepares another charity bag.

07/12/11 11:02:35

Art Attack

31/10/11 11:02:04

and in a couple of nights time this will become St Elmo's fire.

30/10/11 14:10:43

Shortly after finishing the last song on the CD, Jedward's song writers sign a suicide pact.

13/10/11 19:26:16

ok what was it again, www.ratemyshite.co.uk

06/10/11 10:02:04

A deb you taunt.

28/09/11 15:19:38

This can of coke better be cold.

07/09/11 11:48:57

Jay Leno in HD is pulled after one show.

03/09/11 21:24:22

After this latest incident George Michael is banned from the Pimms tent for life.

20/08/11 10:09:47

Jimmy Nail

05/08/11 10:01:53

Sorry Doctor, ink blot test or no ink blot test, all I see is a man training a horse.

04/08/11 10:58:57

As usual at the annual cannibals lunch they fight over the bill.

27/07/11 10:03:07

Shortly after this scene Judith Chalmers and her stunt double was dropped from "Wish You Were Here".

18/07/11 10:30:15

Worst orthodontist ever.

13/07/11 10:19:50

Tastes like dog poo and smells like dog poo. Lucky I didn't step in it.

24/06/11 10:07:48

World glory hole championships begin in Tokyo.

11/05/11 10:01:01

If you can't find the spatula use the fork Luke.

25/02/11 11:48:53

New kid on the block.

13/01/11 15:51:11

Look at the length of that caption there. Bet he'll get no votes for that. Surely he knows that brevity is the soul of wit. No telling some people.

09/03/10 11:03:25

facebook. The early days.

29/08/09 10:25:03

2 slices of toast please. cut them up into little buffalo soldiers please.

29/08/12 11:03:06

Worst Antiques Road Show ever.

30/07/12 19:27:34

He appears to be covered in hundreds and thousand. I think he may have topped himself.

12/07/12 10:06:25

Loo roll

09/07/12 19:00:45

'50 shades of grey' promotional road show

09/07/12 10:01:02

If the NHS did face transplants.

17/06/12 19:02:14

very enterprising.

17/06/12 10:01:59

Ryanair were going to have a field day with this passenger.

13/06/12 19:06:34

Hi, I'm Dr Frank. I'll be your gynecologist today.

25/04/12 10:11:33

North Korea fire work display.

10/04/12 19:03:13

spinal twat

31/03/12 11:28:59

Best bottle opener ever.

27/03/12 10:03:08

KFC quality control manager in action.

16/03/12 11:04:32

Hello is that Npower? I'm ringing about my £40,000 bill.

15/03/12 11:16:14

Jedward, the early days

11/03/12 11:01:57

Worst bluetooth head set design ever,

01/02/12 20:47:01

"this is your captain speaking. GERONIMO......."

31/01/12 11:04:07

The kids on Heather Mills road just loved rubbing her nose in it.

15/01/12 11:05:44

Worst dogging site ever.

12/01/12 10:51:45

What do I want for Christmas?? You know what I fucking want for Christmas!!! The conjoined separation procedure and the Inbetweeners DVD.

21/12/11 20:07:17

Batty boy.

05/12/11 11:00:20

Stupid buoy

03/10/11 10:05:13

You gotta love Amsterdam.

20/09/11 10:01:10

Russian ATM.

07/09/11 10:17:40

nice drawers

28/08/11 10:03:36

I think I'm going to kill a mocking bird.

30/07/11 17:54:15

Korean take-away home delivery service.

23/07/11 10:06:50

Uri Geller wet dream.

14/07/11 10:48:37

Oh Christ, he's going to suction cup me to the fridge again.

08/07/11 10:06:21

Amp and Deck.

06/07/11 10:07:19

Take a left when you come to the fork in the row.

24/06/11 10:09:19

If Elton John managed pedestrian crossing at traffic signals in London.

25/05/11 11:38:05

If you 'Honey, I've shrunk' this, that or the other one more time I am filing for divorce.

24/05/11 10:08:00

With cut backs the empire had to rely on no entry signs rather then the energy sapping force fields.

20/05/11 10:03:02

New Scottish Widows ad campaign hopes to attract younger investors for their pension products.

09/04/11 12:10:25

A man walks into a bar....

14/03/11 11:05:24

Alice tried to explain but the more she went on the more the constable was convinced she was off her tits on drugs.

13/02/11 11:20:51

North Korean take-away home delivery.

30/11/10 11:31:16

Just off upstairs to put this bad boy on vibrate.

11/11/10 14:03:01

KFC refute claims that it is using GM chickens.

09/11/10 11:02:56

After a couple of weeks settling in George Michael begins to look on the bright side of prison.

28/09/10 10:02:43

Sorry sir, no trainers.

13/04/10 10:09:29

Hello, tea help line. Have you tried turning the kettle off and then on again?

14/03/10 11:45:09

No Frank, the saying is "you hit the nail on the head".

04/03/10 11:20:11

bloody instruction are all in English but I think it should be the other way up.

04/01/10 11:06:04

a new tunnel linking Milton Keynes with Sydney, Australia was officially opened today.

28/12/09 13:25:39

Just another Italian government cabinet meeting.

14/12/09 12:02:47

In the Red Dwarf make-up room Kryten prepares for a days filming.

11/12/09 11:08:41

Amsterdam certainly does cater for all tastes.

19/11/09 11:11:10

...oh and I'll take a packet of condoms. I'm feeling lucky.

14/10/09 20:32:38

Little Becky dreaded parents day at her school more then anything else.

31/07/09 10:33:24

Even blow up dolls have to numb the pain before going to bed with Simon Cowell.

12/04/09 11:49:47

Frank, a new convert to Islam, kicked himself when he realised Ramadan was for 30 days and not 300.

22/09/12 19:45:33

Yes sir, the Discovery Deluxe 5000 has excellent air conditioning.

16/09/12 7:11:16

The man out walking his dog who usually finds all the dead bodies was left speechless.

02/09/12 8:29:48

ta da!!! I just done another captains log in my pants.

31/08/12 8:06:58

Not too many Koreans are employed in this sector.

01/08/12 10:02:59

If you need your dog walked twice in one day there will be a 'second coming' charge.

01/08/12 10:01:59

Home time at the Jet Engine factory.

08/07/12 10:01:29

Vidal Sasoon comes back as a poltergeist .

04/07/12 19:06:02

It was a lovely funeral. We had to bury Fluffy in a pizza box mind you.

19/06/12 10:01:51

World hide and seek championships enters it's second week.

16/06/12 10:05:11

Hull Rovers.

16/05/12 19:04:44

Frankly my dear, I don't give a clam.

02/05/12 10:10:01

Yes, I am single as it happens. How did you know?

25/04/12 10:07:15

I'm a flag pole dancer.

15/04/12 19:02:34

Frank, I've passed my theory test but failed the practical.

19/03/12 20:03:51

Idiots guide to dogging.

19/03/12 20:02:35

Tidal Dave

13/03/12 20:36:01

The birth of a politician.

08/03/12 12:42:43

A Margaret Thatcher job center.

28/02/12 11:01:48

Elephants prostrate examiners AGM

24/02/12 20:22:32

Scottish sun dial

13/02/12 20:02:48

Damien Hirst - Age 9 1/2

03/02/12 20:02:45

Worst petrol cap position ever.

31/01/12 20:25:42

Italian coast guard. "Wonder what the loud noise was? Must make inquiries after my 2 hour lunch."

17/01/12 12:32:37

Deaf wedding of the year.

07/01/12 21:03:41

worst crimewatch reconstruction ever.

09/12/11 20:57:15

Another busy day at air traffic control.

05/12/11 11:01:05

Irish Stature champion, Rick O'Mortos.

23/11/11 11:01:53

Poison arrow.

13/11/11 11:01:09

on the internet no one knows you are a dog.

11/11/11 11:00:44

Yes we do live in a hard water area. Why do you ask?

08/11/11 6:58:06

If Channel 5 produced 'Total Wipeout'.

26/10/11 15:07:31

I prefer my woman with no strings attached.

11/10/11 19:01:44

When Kermit arrived back two weeks later in a wheel chair he rued his decision to go to France on holidays.

04/10/11 10:26:08

Josef Fritzl family portrait.

30/09/11 10:03:26

Screen Saver.

24/09/11 17:15:33

My kingdom for a charger.

24/09/11 15:07:07

This bin was empty 2 minutes before James Corden went into the chipper.

23/09/11 10:02:36

Out for a duck, leg before.

20/09/11 10:00:36

Hello, Vodafone support? I have having some difficulty with my hands free.

19/09/11 11:07:29

Bad reception.

16/09/11 10:04:10

Cotton Eye Joe

08/09/11 10:00:29

New tribute band - Take Fat

01/09/11 14:26:29

fathers-4-justice boot camp.

30/08/11 11:21:22

Ok Mr Glitter, time for your suppository again.

25/08/11 10:13:00