For the love of God Victoria, please eat something.

08/06/12 20:06:33

For safety of other drivers I think we should put a few cones out.

12/07/12 11:18:32

For the last time PISS OFF. I am not Susan Boyle. She lives 2 doors down.

20/05/12 20:09:02

Anne Frank enjoys a nice day out.

21/12/11 11:05:34

Do you take plastic?

20/09/11 11:02:38

Worst Scooby Doo villain hiding place ever.

05/04/12 11:01:41

Even in Amsterdam the January sales threw up some special offers.

12/01/12 11:03:48

I spy with my little eye something beginning with F.

08/06/12 11:02:49

Get off the road ya muppet.

04/10/11 11:03:28

Klaus the German sports fan stakes his place at the finishing line to the 2012 Olympics marathon race.

22/03/12 11:15:31

Tim waits for snow man

02/03/12 20:27:01

Frank, give us a hand, Jack has got his head stuck in the shopping trolley again.

10/12/11 20:03:25

Scottish syndicate wins £5 in the lottery.

06/06/12 21:50:14

Jack brings his concrete surf board into the Dragons Den hoping for a £100K investment for a 2% stake in his company.

15/05/12 11:10:42

Geppetto hoped it was only a phase Pinocchio was going through.

06/09/11 11:48:38

Rangers unveil ambitious plans for a new stand at Ibrox.

06/05/12 11:01:02

I hear you are a swinger.

24/03/12 11:01:41

We may need to call in Super Nanny.

09/01/12 11:02:52

Do you take plastic. Yes and rubber.

30/12/11 20:03:54

Frank was so ugly even the tide wouldn't take him out.

03/10/11 12:51:53

Do you have protection?
Ya, I'm doing you in the shade of a tree.

31/07/12 11:03:09

Residents in that part of Geneva where The Large Hadron Collider passes could tell when it was switched on.

10/04/12 12:43:24

....You took a fine time to leave me loose heel......

21/01/12 11:13:11

I swear to God I posted that caption before I read the other ones.

05/01/12 20:15:18

Do you fancy a bone?
No, I have a headache.

07/08/11 11:06:17

Quackadder

27/07/11 11:05:06

Finding Nemo just became a whole lot easier.

30/06/11 8:56:34

HeBrew

23/05/11 11:01:48

Did you pack this luggage yourself sir?

30/07/12 20:29:33

Ahh fuck, here comes Michael Barrymore.

19/07/12 11:56:25

It's not yew, it's me.

08/07/12 20:05:54

"Can I get 2 hake and a mackerel please?"
"20 past 3 love."

22/06/12 20:44:15

...and i would've gotten away with it if it weren't for those pesky meddling kids

08/03/12 11:08:28

Text the sheep will you and tell them to come down off the hill.

07/08/11 11:11:58

For goodness sake Maureen. Not every seat you sit on has a commode.

20/06/11 11:11:26

trust me, it's what your grandmother would have wanted.

13/07/12 20:16:23

Sorry lads, can't let you in, no open toe sandals.

28/04/12 20:03:31

Frank, did you leave the landing light on again?

23/01/12 20:28:15

Ebay, the early days.

18/01/12 20:08:14

Katrina and the Waves

18/12/11 11:44:11

The staff at the Russian doll factory are given a well earned day out.

07/12/11 20:35:21

He just fell in with the wrong cloud.

08/09/11 11:31:39

Hello Room Service? I hope you have a pen.

01/09/11 11:03:38

Frank, you better put some toilet rolls in the fridge.

25/08/11 11:00:54

In hindsight, Jesus regretted not opting for the lethal injection.

21/08/11 15:31:57

Traffic island

29/06/11 11:01:25

I'm OK as long as they don't bring back the pole tax.

01/05/12 12:25:05

A bird in the hand is worth a poo in the bush.

14/04/12 11:28:16

A young James May never turned his nose up to free top gear.

09/03/12 20:12:48

Maureen, why are those donkeys crying?

08/03/12 20:11:56

crouching tiger, hidden tripod

27/02/12 20:08:29

Frank's folding skills went unappreciated at the Resource Center for Blind People.

15/12/11 11:05:37

Don't fancy searching for the black box.

15/08/11 20:23:44

Ladies, do you mind moving, the tide is trying to come in.

18/07/11 11:09:23

Golden receiver.

08/07/11 11:03:23

Antiques roadshow 2045.

17/09/12 8:56:46

Nixon - The Trailer

07/07/12 11:08:52

Cheeseus Christ, it's a miracle!!!!

03/07/12 11:02:31

Johnny, go in and ask Mr Jones nicely if you can have your boomerang back.

10/06/12 11:05:05

Worst cremation ever.

09/06/12 20:12:26

A new Ann Summers's branch.

08/06/12 20:13:15

Right lads. 2 more minutes before our shifts starts. please finish your cigarettes.

08/06/12 11:01:09

'Pimp My Statue' was dropped by MTV after just 6 episodes.

18/05/12 11:03:26

Last time I go to bloody specsavers.

04/05/12 11:05:56

If Quentin Tarantino directed 'Honey, I've Shrunk The Kids".

27/04/12 11:05:28

Years have not been kind to Ian Brown.

06/04/12 20:02:59

Yes hello, we were looking to speak to someone about getting our gastric bands loosened.

18/01/12 11:03:38

Tea's up

21/09/11 11:01:47

Frank, would you consider moving over to Marlborough lights?

08/09/11 11:06:43

"I think the baby needs changing".
"I so hope it is the baby".

22/08/11 11:18:41

Geoff Boycock

20/08/11 11:07:26

OK, I'm ready, turn on the current.

29/07/11 11:02:51

Switzerland's worst assisted suicide clinic.

16/06/11 11:37:06

Grandfathers for justice.

10/02/11 11:29:26

Agent Nora to base, Agent Nora to base. No sign of terrorists here in the park. Will proceed to the post office as soon as I catch my breath.

06/05/10 11:35:36

Maureen, did you leave the landing light on again?

15/04/10 11:10:53

Darth Vader's conjoined twins in the waiting room of their consulting plastic surgeon.

25/07/12 11:16:46

I love women but I couldn't finish a whole one

17/07/12 20:04:54

Worlds worst cat neutering service.

19/06/12 12:01:36

Italian Cruise Ship Captain Training School.

01/05/12 11:02:23

The writing was on the wall for this relationship.

27/01/12 11:00:29

combined harvesters.

05/01/12 11:01:01

For the love of Christ Frank would you ever install that extractor fan that you have been promising me for years.

02/01/12 20:11:02

Heather Mills prepares another charity bag.

07/12/11 11:02:35

Art Attack

31/10/11 11:02:04

and in a couple of nights time this will become St Elmo's fire.

30/10/11 14:10:43

Shortly after finishing the last song on the CD, Jedward's song writers sign a suicide pact.

13/10/11 20:26:16

ok what was it again, www.ratemyshite.co.uk

06/10/11 11:02:04

A deb you taunt.

28/09/11 16:19:38

This can of coke better be cold.

07/09/11 12:48:57

Jay Leno in HD is pulled after one show.

03/09/11 22:24:22

After this latest incident George Michael is banned from the Pimms tent for life.

20/08/11 11:09:47

Jimmy Nail

05/08/11 11:01:53

Sorry Doctor, ink blot test or no ink blot test, all I see is a man training a horse.

04/08/11 11:58:57

As usual at the annual cannibals lunch they fight over the bill.

27/07/11 11:03:07

Shortly after this scene Judith Chalmers and her stunt double was dropped from "Wish You Were Here".

18/07/11 11:30:15

Worst orthodontist ever.

13/07/11 11:19:50

Tastes like dog poo and smells like dog poo. Lucky I didn't step in it.

24/06/11 11:07:48

World glory hole championships begin in Tokyo.

11/05/11 11:01:01

If you can't find the spatula use the fork Luke.

25/02/11 11:48:53