Rob Falconer

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	For the furnishings, we went to BIKEA 05/05/12 20:03:09	1 22

	Of course I write in small letters - I'm anti-capitalist 24/10/11 11:01:26	19

	After eight hours, the submarine finally got the better of Eric 03/08/11 11:04:48	18

	A bicycle, often called a bike (and sometimes referred to as a "pushbike", "pedal bike", "pedal cycle", or "cycle", is a human-powered, pedal-driven, single-track vehicle, having two wheels attached to a frame, one behind the other. A person who rides a bicycle is called a cyclist, or bicyclist. What, I should get my captions from Sickipedia? I thought you said Wikipedia. 05/05/12 20:09:31	1 17

	Someone had clearly lost their bearing 14/01/12 11:00:49	17

	A pane in the arse 10/11/11 12:27:09	16

	Why not see a shrink? ... 03/09/11 11:25:34	16

	So, there really is a Fashion Police? 17/05/12 20:00:45	1 15

	Disabled driver 21/04/12 12:56:37	15

	Well, Gentlemen, I think that proves conclusively that the way to a man's heart is NOT through his stomach 17/03/12 20:10:17	15

	If you see that BBC weatherman, tell him I've just had to sweep three feet of "mild with a gentle breeze" from my drive 17/12/11 11:03:50	14

	About to Kermit a driving offence 04/10/11 11:00:19	14

	Keep taking the tablets, love 24/09/11 11:00:23	5 14

	That’s my little pecker 15/05/12 20:00:13	13

	I’d recognise him anywhere, Officer - he had a small mole on back of his knee 13/05/12 11:01:00	13

	Up the Arsenal! 01/05/12 20:00:08	13

	The lads were dressing them with their eyes 18/07/11 11:05:55	1 13

	The Costa cruise captain had been told not to leave his post 01/05/12 11:04:58	12

	I like duck, but I couldn’t eat a hole one 29/12/11 20:00:12	12

	Harry was a ledge-end 15/05/12 11:00:12	11

	Self-raising flower 14/05/12 11:01:17	1 11

	Interflora said "Say it with flowers," so I sent some to my mother-in-law 31/03/12 20:32:22	11

	Mutt-a bike 27/02/12 11:00:24	11

	To be politically correct, the Council decided to write "Do Not Write on this Wall" in every language 27/01/12 11:03:01	11

	So you're not going out, then? 11/09/11 12:17:41	11

	Travelpodge 01/09/11 11:05:20	11

	Man-icure 05/08/11 11:06:07	11

	"So, it's Good Easter from me" "And it's Good Easter from him" 23/04/11 12:41:30	2 11

	When I asked if you had protection, I meant a raincoat 27/08/11 11:05:19	5 10

	Flap Jack 26/08/11 11:02:30	10

	Reverse? I said we need back-up. 24/08/11 11:25:11	10

	Gran's Hatch 22/08/11 11:01:29	1 10

	Man-Nikon 10/07/11 16:26:27	2 10

	Two fans who attended the Whitney Houston concert obviously didn’t listen to the news 23/02/12 11:00:22	9

	No fillings, Mum – just three crowns 26/01/12 11:00:18	9

	Ladies, Gentlemen, and Extinguished Guests ... 09/11/11 16:38:11	9

	OK, Sir, now empty your other pocket 23/09/11 11:00:39	2 9

	Have YOU lost a finger recently in an accident that wasn't your fault? ... 22/09/11 11:01:09	1 9

	With a Howitzer hidden inside, Jesus was ready for the Romans this time 21/08/11 11:53:18	1 9

	And Sergeant Smith here is running to raise money for The Society for Sufferers from Excessive Earwax 16/05/12 11:13:32	8

	Kinder garden 14/05/12 11:10:22	8

	Swede wins the No-ball Prize 13/05/12 11:08:30	8

	An ageing Leonardo DiCaprio waits patiently for Kate Winslet to come back for him 01/05/12 11:00:27	8

	The number of the feast 04/02/12 20:03:28	8

	I’ll get my clothes off, Harold – I never realised these Viking re-enactments were so realistic 27/12/11 11:00:28	8

	In this week's Frozen Planet, Sir David Attenborough finds a six-month-old lime jelly mousse at the back of his fridge 23/11/11 20:01:53	8

	Thirteen cents? Gee, that's darned cheap! 19/11/11 20:05:01	8

	OK, so it is the red wire you cut 10/11/11 14:32:39	8

	Anne Robinson plans new budget airline 29/10/11 20:02:10	8

	Family ties 30/09/11 11:04:58	8

	Well, Harry had always wanted a flat-screen TV 16/09/11 11:00:34	8

	Smoking jacket 11/09/11 12:34:18	8

	Sex at Glastonbury is OK, Maureen, but this is Ladies' Day at Ascot 27/08/11 11:58:57	8

	If anyone has just impediment as to why this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, please press the red button now 19/08/11 11:01:58	8

	Maybe I should have worn a red carnation 26/07/11 11:07:08	8

	Well, you wouldn't expect David Blunkett to take the photographs, would you? 15/04/11 11:01:16	1 8

	Dual hairbags 30/11/10 11:07:11	8

	No-sea parker 16/05/12 22:30:13	7

	Jeremy Clarkson proudly displays his trophies 05/05/12 20:00:12	7

	Wet Wet Wet 07/03/12 20:02:42	1 7

	As ever, bankers remain silent on bonuses 28/01/12 11:00:29	7

	World's largest ladies' toilet opens in Glasgow 24/01/12 11:02:55	7

	Of course she's hanging on tightly - she's my self-grip wench 27/12/11 11:14:24	7

	Before I risk death in battle, Darling, I just have to know why you've got a toilet seat strapped to your waist 27/12/11 11:13:40	1 7

	Witch direction? 29/10/11 20:00:58	7

	OK, who put Viagra in my hair shampoo? 20/10/11 11:01:18	7

	Then my husband said, "I can't see any crocodiles in this damned aquarium. I'll have a closer look." 29/09/11 14:48:58	7

	It went well with the ladder in her stocking 25/09/11 11:00:59	7

	I'd leave 50p under the plate, but I don't believe in fly-tipping 31/08/11 11:04:31	2 7

	His Master's Vice 08/08/11 11:03:24	1 7

	Derek felt a little down in the mouth 09/07/11 11:04:51	3 7

	The Press finds new ways of eavesdropping on celebrities 08/07/11 11:07:48	7

	A young Lance Armstrong admits to taking Calpol 21/05/11 11:02:42	7

	Alicia was a flower deranger 07/03/10 11:01:12	7

	Ear whacks 04/03/10 11:36:17	7

	Side burns 11/12/09 11:49:21	7

	Suddenly, Leonardo da Vinci had an idea for a completely new means of transport 18/05/12 11:00:07	6

	Rust in Peace 12/04/12 12:17:44	6

	Billy the Skid 29/03/12 20:00:58	2 6

	Grate Draine 08/02/12 20:00:36	6

	Maiden voyage 07/02/12 20:01:40	6

	Mirror, mirror, on the mall … 14/01/12 11:00:24	6

	And hurry up with that photo - I can't stay like this for ever 13/01/12 20:01:30	6

	We'd better film those polar bear cubs in the garage 17/12/11 11:00:34	6

	Thinking inside the box 02/12/11 11:00:41	6

	Feeling suicidal, Eric was thinking of becoming a pizza and topping himself 18/11/11 11:05:11	6

	Mask-ear-aid 12/11/11 20:00:40	6

	The Mental Hospital raised funds by running its own call centre 22/10/11 20:26:05	6

	Bullseye! 22/10/11 11:10:13	6

	I'm trying to type in c aptio ns, but something keeps hit ting th e sp a ce bar 14/10/11 20:45:04	6

	Well done, lads - now we can pick up the Wales v France match on the telly. 14/10/11 13:09:44	6

	After the top three guys had been binge-eating on Cadbury's and Lindt all night, everybody was waiting for the chocolate fountain to begin 14/10/11 11:26:54	6

	Hey, we're supposed to be outside the Duke of York pub 14/10/11 11:02:10	1 6

	Penny farting 28/09/11 11:01:58	6

	I most certainly did not suggest an afternoon of text 15/09/11 11:00:37	6

	When a porcupine sneezes ... 11/09/11 11:07:41	6

	Divorces are escalating 19/08/11 11:00:37	6

	Debbie had made chewing her fingernails into an art form 05/08/11 11:03:00	1 6

	Of course Derek had really wanted cat nav 23/07/11 11:23:17	6

	And Catherine had specifically asked William not to land the helicopter in the garden 15/07/11 11:34:57	6

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