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Rob Falconer

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For the furnishings, we went to BIKEA

05/05/12 19:03:09

Of course I write in small letters - I'm anti-capitalist

24/10/11 10:01:26

After eight hours, the submarine finally got the better of Eric

03/08/11 10:04:48

A bicycle, often called a bike (and sometimes referred to as a "pushbike", "pedal bike", "pedal cycle", or "cycle", is a human-powered, pedal-driven, single-track vehicle, having two wheels attached to a frame, one behind the other. A person who rides a bicycle is called a cyclist, or bicyclist.

What, I should get my captions from Sickipedia? I thought you said Wikipedia.

05/05/12 19:09:31

Someone had clearly lost their bearing

14/01/12 11:00:49

A pane in the arse

10/11/11 12:27:09

Why not see a shrink? ...

03/09/11 10:25:34

So, there really is a Fashion Police?

17/05/12 19:00:45

Disabled driver

21/04/12 11:56:37

Well, Gentlemen, I think that proves conclusively that the way to a man's heart is NOT through his stomach

17/03/12 20:10:17

If you see that BBC weatherman, tell him I've just had to sweep three feet of "mild with a gentle breeze" from my drive

17/12/11 11:03:50

About to Kermit a driving offence

04/10/11 10:00:19

Keep taking the tablets, love

24/09/11 10:00:23

That’s my little pecker

15/05/12 19:00:13

I’d recognise him anywhere, Officer - he had a small mole on back of his knee

13/05/12 10:01:00

Up the Arsenal!

01/05/12 19:00:08

The lads were dressing them with their eyes

18/07/11 10:05:55

The Costa cruise captain had been told not to leave his post

01/05/12 10:04:58

I like duck, but I couldn’t eat a hole one

29/12/11 20:00:12

Harry was a ledge-end

15/05/12 10:00:12

Self-raising flower

14/05/12 10:01:17

Interflora said "Say it with flowers," so I sent some to my mother-in-law

31/03/12 19:32:22

27/02/12 11:00:24

To be politically correct, the Council decided to write "Do Not Write on this Wall" in every language

27/01/12 11:03:01

So you're not going out, then?

11/09/11 11:17:41

01/09/11 10:05:20

05/08/11 10:06:07

"So, it's Good Easter from me"

"And it's Good Easter from him"

23/04/11 11:41:30

When I asked if you had protection, I meant a raincoat

27/08/11 10:05:19

26/08/11 10:02:30

Reverse? I said we need back-up.

24/08/11 10:25:11

22/08/11 10:01:29

10/07/11 15:26:27

Two fans who attended the Whitney Houston concert obviously didn’t listen to the news

23/02/12 11:00:22

No fillings, Mum – just three crowns

26/01/12 11:00:18

Ladies, Gentlemen, and Extinguished Guests ...

09/11/11 16:38:11

OK, Sir, now empty your other pocket

23/09/11 10:00:39

Have YOU lost a finger recently in an accident that wasn't your fault? ...

22/09/11 10:01:09

With a Howitzer hidden inside, Jesus was ready for the Romans this time

21/08/11 10:53:18

And Sergeant Smith here is running to raise money for The Society for Sufferers from Excessive Earwax

16/05/12 10:13:32

14/05/12 10:10:22

Swede wins the No-ball Prize

13/05/12 10:08:30

An ageing Leonardo DiCaprio waits patiently for Kate Winslet to come back for him

01/05/12 10:00:27

The number of the feast

04/02/12 20:03:28

I’ll get my clothes off, Harold – I never realised these Viking re-enactments were so realistic

27/12/11 11:00:28

In this week's Frozen Planet, Sir David Attenborough finds a six-month-old lime jelly mousse at the back of his fridge

23/11/11 20:01:53

Thirteen cents? Gee, that's darned cheap!

19/11/11 20:05:01

OK, so it is the red wire you cut

10/11/11 14:32:39

Anne Robinson plans new budget airline

29/10/11 19:02:10

30/09/11 10:04:58

Well, Harry had always wanted a flat-screen TV

16/09/11 10:00:34

11/09/11 11:34:18

Sex at Glastonbury is OK, Maureen, but this is Ladies' Day at Ascot

27/08/11 10:58:57

If anyone has just impediment as to why this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, please press the red button now

19/08/11 10:01:58

Maybe I should have worn a red carnation

26/07/11 10:07:08

Well, you wouldn't expect David Blunkett to take the photographs, would you?

15/04/11 10:01:16

30/11/10 11:07:11

16/05/12 21:30:13

Jeremy Clarkson proudly displays his trophies

05/05/12 19:00:12

07/03/12 20:02:42

As ever, bankers remain silent on bonuses

28/01/12 11:00:29

World's largest ladies' toilet opens in Glasgow

24/01/12 11:02:55

Of course she's hanging on tightly - she's my self-grip wench

27/12/11 11:14:24

Before I risk death in battle, Darling, I just have to know why you've got a toilet seat strapped to your waist

27/12/11 11:13:40

Witch direction?

29/10/11 19:00:58

OK, who put Viagra in my hair shampoo?

20/10/11 10:01:18

Then my husband said, "I can't see any crocodiles in this damned aquarium. I'll have a closer look."

29/09/11 13:48:58

It went well with the ladder in her stocking

25/09/11 10:00:59

I'd leave 50p under the plate, but I don't believe in fly-tipping

31/08/11 10:04:31

His Master's Vice

08/08/11 10:03:24

Derek felt a little down in the mouth

09/07/11 10:04:51

The Press finds new ways of eavesdropping on celebrities

08/07/11 10:07:48

A young Lance Armstrong admits to taking Calpol

21/05/11 10:02:42

Alicia was a flower deranger

07/03/10 11:01:12

04/03/10 11:36:17

11/12/09 11:49:21

Suddenly, Leonardo da Vinci had an idea for a completely new means of transport

18/05/12 10:00:07

12/04/12 11:17:44

29/03/12 19:00:58

08/02/12 20:00:36

07/02/12 20:01:40

Mirror, mirror, on the mall …

14/01/12 11:00:24

And hurry up with that photo - I can't stay like this for ever

13/01/12 20:01:30

We'd better film those polar bear cubs in the garage

17/12/11 11:00:34

Thinking inside the box

02/12/11 11:00:41

Feeling suicidal, Eric was thinking of becoming a pizza and topping himself

18/11/11 11:05:11

12/11/11 20:00:40

The Mental Hospital raised funds by running its own call centre

22/10/11 19:26:05

22/10/11 10:10:13

I'm trying to type in c aptio ns, but something keeps hit ting th e sp a ce bar

14/10/11 19:45:04

Well done, lads - now we can pick up the Wales v France match on the telly.

14/10/11 12:09:44

After the top three guys had been binge-eating on Cadbury's and Lindt all night, everybody was waiting for the chocolate fountain to begin

14/10/11 10:26:54

Hey, we're supposed to be outside the Duke of York pub

14/10/11 10:02:10

28/09/11 10:01:58

I most certainly did not suggest an afternoon of text

15/09/11 10:00:37

When a porcupine sneezes ...

11/09/11 10:07:41

Divorces are escalating

19/08/11 10:00:37

Debbie had made chewing her fingernails into an art form

05/08/11 10:03:00

Of course Derek had really wanted cat nav

23/07/11 10:23:17

And Catherine had specifically asked William not to land the helicopter in the garden

15/07/11 10:34:57