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Rob Falconer

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I've been doing caption competitions since the days when Punch was a proper magazine on the bookstalls. Addicted? Me? Hahahahaha.

Location: Penarth

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captions

For the furnishings, we went to BIKEA

05/05/12 20:03:09

Of course I write in small letters - I'm anti-capitalist

24/10/11 11:01:26

After eight hours, the submarine finally got the better of Eric

03/08/11 11:04:48

A bicycle, often called a bike (and sometimes referred to as a "pushbike", "pedal bike", "pedal cycle", or "cycle", is a human-powered, pedal-driven, single-track vehicle, having two wheels attached to a frame, one behind the other. A person who rides a bicycle is called a cyclist, or bicyclist.

What, I should get my captions from Sickipedia? I thought you said Wikipedia.

05/05/12 20:09:31

Someone had clearly lost their bearing

14/01/12 11:00:49

A pane in the arse

10/11/11 12:27:09

Why not see a shrink? ...

03/09/11 11:25:34

So, there really is a Fashion Police?

17/05/12 20:00:45

Disabled driver

21/04/12 12:56:37

Well, Gentlemen, I think that proves conclusively that the way to a man's heart is NOT through his stomach

17/03/12 20:10:17

If you see that BBC weatherman, tell him I've just had to sweep three feet of "mild with a gentle breeze" from my drive

17/12/11 11:03:50

About to Kermit a driving offence

04/10/11 11:00:19

Keep taking the tablets, love

24/09/11 11:00:23

That�s my little pecker

15/05/12 20:00:13

I�d recognise him anywhere, Officer - he had a small mole on back of his knee

13/05/12 11:01:00

Up the Arsenal!

01/05/12 20:00:08

The lads were dressing them with their eyes

18/07/11 11:05:55

The Costa cruise captain had been told not to leave his post

01/05/12 11:04:58

I like duck, but I couldn�t eat a hole one

29/12/11 20:00:12

Harry was a ledge-end

15/05/12 11:00:12

Self-raising flower

14/05/12 11:01:17

Interflora said "Say it with flowers," so I sent some to my mother-in-law

31/03/12 20:32:22

Mutt-a bike

27/02/12 11:00:24

To be politically correct, the Council decided to write "Do Not Write on this Wall" in every language

27/01/12 11:03:01

So you're not going out, then?

11/09/11 12:17:41

Travelpodge

01/09/11 11:05:20

Man-icure

05/08/11 11:06:07

"So, it's Good Easter from me"

"And it's Good Easter from him"

23/04/11 12:41:30

When I asked if you had protection, I meant a raincoat

27/08/11 11:05:19

Flap Jack

26/08/11 11:02:30

Reverse? I said we need back-up.

24/08/11 11:25:11

Gran's Hatch

22/08/11 11:01:29

Man-Nikon

10/07/11 16:26:27

Two fans who attended the Whitney Houston concert obviously didn�t listen to the news

23/02/12 11:00:22

No fillings, Mum � just three crowns

26/01/12 11:00:18

Ladies, Gentlemen, and Extinguished Guests ...

09/11/11 16:38:11

OK, Sir, now empty your other pocket

23/09/11 11:00:39

Have YOU lost a finger recently in an accident that wasn't your fault? ...

22/09/11 11:01:09

With a Howitzer hidden inside, Jesus was ready for the Romans this time

21/08/11 11:53:18

And Sergeant Smith here is running to raise money for The Society for Sufferers from Excessive Earwax

16/05/12 11:13:32

Kinder garden

14/05/12 11:10:22

Swede wins the No-ball Prize

13/05/12 11:08:30

An ageing Leonardo DiCaprio waits patiently for Kate Winslet to come back for him

01/05/12 11:00:27

The number of the feast

04/02/12 20:03:28

I�ll get my clothes off, Harold � I never realised these Viking re-enactments were so realistic

27/12/11 11:00:28

In this week's Frozen Planet, Sir David Attenborough finds a six-month-old lime jelly mousse at the back of his fridge

23/11/11 20:01:53

Thirteen cents? Gee, that's darned cheap!

19/11/11 20:05:01

OK, so it is the red wire you cut

10/11/11 14:32:39

Anne Robinson plans new budget airline

29/10/11 20:02:10

Family ties

30/09/11 11:04:58

Well, Harry had always wanted a flat-screen TV

16/09/11 11:00:34

Smoking jacket

11/09/11 12:34:18

Sex at Glastonbury is OK, Maureen, but this is Ladies' Day at Ascot

27/08/11 11:58:57

If anyone has just impediment as to why this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, please press the red button now

19/08/11 11:01:58

Maybe I should have worn a red carnation

26/07/11 11:07:08

Well, you wouldn't expect David Blunkett to take the photographs, would you?

15/04/11 11:01:16

Dual hairbags

30/11/10 11:07:11

No-sea parker

16/05/12 22:30:13

Jeremy Clarkson proudly displays his trophies

05/05/12 20:00:12

Wet Wet Wet

07/03/12 20:02:42

As ever, bankers remain silent on bonuses

28/01/12 11:00:29

World's largest ladies' toilet opens in Glasgow

24/01/12 11:02:55

Of course she's hanging on tightly - she's my self-grip wench

27/12/11 11:14:24

Before I risk death in battle, Darling, I just have to know why you've got a toilet seat strapped to your waist

27/12/11 11:13:40

Witch direction?

29/10/11 20:00:58

OK, who put Viagra in my hair shampoo?

20/10/11 11:01:18

Then my husband said, "I can't see any crocodiles in this damned aquarium. I'll have a closer look."

29/09/11 14:48:58

It went well with the ladder in her stocking

25/09/11 11:00:59

I'd leave 50p under the plate, but I don't believe in fly-tipping

31/08/11 11:04:31

His Master's Vice

08/08/11 11:03:24

Derek felt a little down in the mouth

09/07/11 11:04:51

The Press finds new ways of eavesdropping on celebrities

08/07/11 11:07:48

A young Lance Armstrong admits to taking Calpol

21/05/11 11:02:42

Alicia was a flower deranger

07/03/10 11:01:12

Ear whacks

04/03/10 11:36:17

Side burns

11/12/09 11:49:21

Suddenly, Leonardo da Vinci had an idea for a completely new means of transport

18/05/12 11:00:07

12/04/12 12:17:44

29/03/12 20:00:58

08/02/12 20:00:36

07/02/12 20:01:40

Mirror, mirror, on the mall �

14/01/12 11:00:24

And hurry up with that photo - I can't stay like this for ever

13/01/12 20:01:30

We'd better film those polar bear cubs in the garage

17/12/11 11:00:34

Thinking inside the box

02/12/11 11:00:41

Feeling suicidal, Eric was thinking of becoming a pizza and topping himself

18/11/11 11:05:11

Mask-ear-aid

12/11/11 20:00:40

The Mental Hospital raised funds by running its own call centre

22/10/11 20:26:05

Bullseye!

22/10/11 11:10:13

I'm trying to type in c aptio ns, but something keeps hit ting th e sp a ce bar

14/10/11 20:45:04

Well done, lads - now we can pick up the Wales v France match on the telly.

14/10/11 13:09:44

After the top three guys had been binge-eating on Cadbury's and Lindt all night, everybody was waiting for the chocolate fountain to begin

14/10/11 11:26:54

Hey, we're supposed to be outside the Duke of York pub

14/10/11 11:02:10

Penny farting

28/09/11 11:01:58

I most certainly did not suggest an afternoon of text

15/09/11 11:00:37

When a porcupine sneezes ...

11/09/11 11:07:41

Divorces are escalating

19/08/11 11:00:37

Debbie had made chewing her fingernails into an art form

05/08/11 11:03:00

Of course Derek had really wanted cat nav

23/07/11 11:23:17

And Catherine had specifically asked William not to land the helicopter in the garden

15/07/11 11:34:57

Incapability Brown

24/06/11 11:02:09

Harold began to suspect the identity parade for the Chelsea rapist had been rigged

20/06/11 11:00:52

Lions' maids

18/06/11 11:03:06

Then, when the enemy are still laughing, we bayonet them to death

22/04/11 11:05:02

"Well, Marty," said Doc Brown, "At least most of the car's gone back to 1955."

02/04/11 14:30:28

Al Pacino's Mum was so good at knitting, she was known as Scarf Ace

13/10/10 11:13:12

Derek finally got the foreign assistant in the sex shop to understand what sort of doll he wanted

11/07/10 15:24:44

Well, it�s more fun than walking (sorry about the typo)

17/05/12 11:01:03

The car in front is a Tow-yachter

16/05/12 21:46:27

He's a retriever - he brings all your limbs back

14/05/12 20:06:34

Bites? What worries me is that he must have a nail-gun.

14/05/12 20:01:03

I wanted a bike - I said something with pedals, not petals

14/05/12 11:02:12

Wallpaperback rider

05/05/12 20:35:21

No, I've never been to the Arctic. Why?

06/04/12 20:10:52

The links effect

26/03/12 11:04:43

We've had to remove your organ - anything to stop your playing it in the operating theatre

17/03/12 20:31:03

Oh no, my phone�s in my other pocket � I think I�ve just stapled my ear again

09/03/12 11:00:13

And I�ve got you some underarm deodorant for your birthday

29/02/12 11:00:18

LIDL Nicky

04/02/12 20:01:56

Barbie queue

03/02/12 11:02:39

Suddenly, Debbie went into Warp Drive

12/01/12 11:02:23

I told you not to put your head in the washing-machine with the coloureds

11/01/12 11:00:31

And this week's "Come Dine with Me" comes from Fukushima

10/01/12 20:03:03

Boot�s Wimbledon branch

28/12/11 20:01:12

Ready for the taxi-dermist

29/11/11 11:04:26

Off-duty plain-clothes policemen

26/11/11 11:00:26

Afro-dizzyac

24/11/11 20:00:49

Long John Silver couldn't find a parrot anywhere

22/11/11 20:01:12

Playing around with two oars wasn't as much fun as Harry had hoped

20/11/11 20:00:35

The Museum Curator was taking searching visitors a little too far

12/11/11 11:07:25

Black Bull gives you wind

22/10/11 11:01:22

Bury St Edmund

21/10/11 20:49:09

Anyone seen my sister? She went out picking vegetables a few days ago.

15/10/11 11:02:06

Oxford - the City of Dreaming Squires

28/09/11 11:39:37

What a geyser!

26/09/11 11:17:50

Eric regretted standing so close to the Pacific when the satellite landed

26/09/11 11:02:46

Her knickers were marked "Welcome," but her necklace said otherwise

25/09/11 11:33:21

The Medusa was down to one a day now

25/09/11 11:04:06

OK, so you've adjusted my pacemaker. Now pop it back inside.

15/09/11 11:01:07

Yeah, I'm down to forty a day now

25/08/11 11:22:39

Sergeant Pepper's Glowy Arse Club Band

25/08/11 11:19:10

Bridal path

19/08/11 11:03:37

That scarecrow's gone raven mad

10/08/11 11:02:40

Gnasher was a guide dog for the blind drunk

08/08/11 15:49:36

Buy polar

26/07/11 11:07:30

That's not right

29/06/11 11:00:40

Debbie wanted baby's photo album to begin from the very first moment

19/06/11 11:09:06

Two dogs' faces? All I can see is the outline of a vase.

24/05/11 11:00:40

"No," said Princess Beatrix, "I think I'll go with the other design"

22/05/11 13:41:07

... and an Ink Cartridge in a Bear Tree

14/05/11 11:03:10

If you don't tip the taxi-driver, he'll tip you!

09/05/11 11:11:22

Help me, Doc - my back's saw

07/05/11 11:04:44

Sorry, Sir, but it's the last lobster we have left in the restaurant

07/05/11 11:02:19

My girlfriend uses a photo of her Nokias

27/04/11 11:22:19

Heston Bloomin' fell

25/04/11 12:28:58

And now perhaps one of the bride's family sniffing each other's bottoms?

15/04/11 11:02:24

Derek realised it was about time he put the walls up around his outside lav

06/04/11 11:03:26

There was a hole in the floor in the Practical Parenting class, and Jerry could watch the Nude Painting downstairs

08/03/11 11:03:24

I always check the obituaries each morning, and, if I'm not in there, I set off for work

20/10/10 11:18:45

Slotsam and betsam

28/08/10 11:09:24

Bling and buy sale

20/04/10 11:22:30

At �1.70 an issue, the problem now isn't being homeless, it's being mugged

23/03/10 11:09:12

Grabby National

15/02/10 19:06:14

Snow White was later convicted of having sex with a miner

03/12/09 11:04:38

And don't you dare yell "I'm not going in the box" in the middle of the next funeral

02/12/09 11:31:16

Maybe we shouldn't have named the road "Via Gra"

28/11/09 11:23:09

In a sense, I suppose they're both off-road vehicles

16/05/12 22:36:53

He�s known as The Interriergator!

14/05/12 20:00:09

Weed?

Sure have, Dad.

14/05/12 11:00:55

Daft Odile

14/05/12 11:00:40

I've been a vegetable gardener all my life, but that's the ugliest Swede I've ever seen

13/05/12 11:03:40

Harry always returned any kids� balls he found in his garden

13/05/12 11:00:56

The 'cycle to work' scheme was a complete failure - I work from home

05/05/12 21:25:31

Yeah, most riders fall off when they get to this part of the Pyrenees

05/05/12 20:01:54

Cath�s menstrual cycle was driving her up the wall

05/05/12 20:00:23

It was the first time Anne Robinson had appeared in public without make-up

03/03/12 20:01:15

Ah! Bus-tow!

02/03/12 11:00:13

I'd love to reach that bone, but I conduit

08/02/12 20:05:32

I Can�t Believe it�s not Butterfly

24/01/12 20:00:12

If Jimmy wants to learn how to drive one of these, don't stand in his way

20/01/12 11:01:36

Yeah, well, Gary's cheaper than putting a brick under the tyre

19/01/12 20:18:33

Felix returns from his holiday at Sellafield

13/01/12 11:02:37

Look what the cat dragged in

13/01/12 11:01:28

It's in memory of my dear departed husband, Arf'er

12/01/12 11:01:14

David Attenborough's 85th Birthday Party

10/01/12 20:07:40

Smallville, USA

26/12/11 11:00:20

Some of these captions really stink!

13/12/11 20:20:22

Sorry, love, but you're not going to get any votes with a caption like that

12/12/11 21:21:45

11/12/11 15:23:06

Brian Edward Cox, have you been creating nuclear energy in your bedroom again?

24/11/11 11:03:00

That was the last time Eric would argue with the Jolly Green Giant

20/11/11 11:00:47

Pete's a delivery boy

18/11/11 11:04:06

Suddenly the power failed, and Derek was delighted

17/11/11 20:00:54

I just hide the tyres and I can park my convertible anywhere!

11/11/11 20:05:46

Now he had access to caption.me, Rover hoped to Winalot

11/11/11 13:29:03

Me? Take two bottles into the Arctic?

08/11/11 11:01:05

That's a bad sign

06/11/11 20:12:22

Yeah, I'm from Staines. Why do you ask?

29/10/11 11:01:19

Flaming June

13/10/11 11:03:20

Boy, those brakes are good, Fred

10/10/11 11:02:17

more captions

last comments (total: 98)

Sherpa Tenzing, How did he get his caravan up there?

Neil Mackenzie

01/05/12
12:43am

comment on caption:
Sherpa Relaxing

(not Tensing) [Rob Falconer]

The caravan? It was Brian Blessed's back pack.

John Glover

01/05/12
10:31am

comment on caption:
Sherpa Relaxing

(not Tensing) [Rob Falconer]

Very good smilie face

The [forum thread] in question, for those who've not seen

Chris Beach

(admin)

05/05/12
8:18pm

comment on caption:
A bicycle, often called a bike (and sometimes referred to as a "pushbike", "pedal bike", "pedal cycle", or "cycle", is a human-powered, pedal-driven, single-track vehicle, having two wheels attached to a frame, one behind the other. A person who rides a bicycle is called a cyclist, or bicyclist.

What, I should get my captions from Sickipedia? I thought you said Wikipedia. [Rob Falconer]

Bicycles, Daleks, X ray photos, Office workers, I dread to think what is coming next!

Cath Jones

05/05/12
11:15pm

comment on caption:
Cath�s menstrual cycle was driving her up the wall

[Rob Falconer]

I know the feeling Cath. I've had an encounter with the bash Pete kids and been taken up the back passage by somebody called Michael. What next indeed!