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Al Overy Vote score: 22027Al Overy

"Ok, all booked. Barbershop, April 12th."

21/03/21 8:01:56

John  Glover Vote score: 23223John Glover

"What's Nelson saying?"
"Not sure, sounds like a load of gobbledy Duke."

18/03/21 21:51:31

Sorry John Glover, I didn't get this one until it was too late. Great caption. More than just a load of gobbledyDuke. --Willie Johnson
Michael Winner Vote score: 25610Michael Winner

I really should just buy a replacement plug.

14/03/21 9:32:25

Al Overy Vote score: 22027Al Overy

Illegull

12/03/21 8:00:06

Tony S Vote score: 12843Tony S

Thank you for pointing out the mistake on the ticket sir as a sign of our appreciation we would like to offer you a chance to purchase 2 bottles for just £1.90

06/03/21 8:03:41

100 ml is only 9.5p, but you can't purchase it. --Willie Johnson
Dave Bryan Vote score: 40318Dave Bryan

Someone at Sainsbury's has shown a lack of concentration.

06/03/21 8:00:09

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52584Stephen Bean

Pulp fiction

06/03/21 8:00:08

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

BBC NEWSROOM.

"Boss, I think you should take a look at this. This photo has just been sent in by a member of the public"

"So what? That's hardly news is it?"

"Hardly news? That's a six foot snowman..."

05/03/21 12:12:56

Don't worry, the 25 foot cat will take care of it. --Willie Johnson
Ian Skelding Vote score: 35259Ian Skelding

Buy one get Juan free.

03/03/21 12:11:54

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52584Stephen Bean

Wow, you can see her knotty bits!

26/02/21 20:00:10

"That's knot nice. Leaf me alone." --Willie Johnson
Mauris Iocus Vote score: 392Mauris Iocus

"Ahh... the peace and tranquility of fishing... hang on.. what's that music?"

25/02/21 12:09:11

Have to mention a special thankful appreciation to both Troompa Loompa & The Wolf, who both generously voted for my caption even though they both had captions in contention to top this leader board. Thank you for inspiring nobility. --Mauris Iocus
James Lennox Vote score: 25970James Lennox

The downside of early photography was the long exposure time.

24/02/21 20:13:42

Those baby photographers take forever. --Willie Johnson
Ian Skelding Vote score: 35259Ian Skelding

"I need your clothes, your boots and your. ..... could you call me a cab?"

22/02/21 20:54:22

OK, "You're a cab." --Willie Johnson
Glyn Evans Vote score: 13429Glyn Evans

"It's alright Mum, you push, I'll catch my sister"

18/02/21 8:25:23

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

Some people are just not cut out for working at the Samaritans

16/02/21 8:15:50

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40318Dave Bryan

''How much do the council pay you for doing this job?''

''What council?''

14/02/21 8:26:00

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24962Vanessa the Guesser

"I got chills, they're multiplying.."

"You'd better get tested then."

12/02/21 20:00:22

They're multiplying by dividing, adding to the population. --Willie Johnson
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 24530Troompa Loompa

Sadly they were separated when Dave was posted overseas.

07/02/21 12:02:33

C CaMel Vote score: 19652C CaMel

"two things I can never sleep with."

04/02/21 16:42:23

Tony S Vote score: 12843Tony S

" ................... . ."

It's a silent caption

03/02/21 20:13:30

Your best one yet! --Mauris Iocus
Lucky Elperro Vote score: 6321Lucky Elperro

Showing his incompetence again, the PM forgets to leave his phone number.

27/01/21 12:00:49

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

"It took me ages to get up the A4 this morning"

26/01/21 20:00:16

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35259Ian Skelding

'Tortoise wins race.'
"What? I'm sure I was only asleep for a short while."

22/01/21 12:20:26

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40318Dave Bryan

Feline Dion

21/01/21 12:01:21

Still sounds like Pussy Riot. --Mauris Iocus
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 16393Hercules Rockefeller

"I thought you claimed that you never test your makeup on animals."

20/01/21 12:07:55

Tony S Vote score: 12843Tony S

Newcastle under 8s Swim team return after lockdown

19/01/21 8:01:39

You should see the under 8 boys' swim team --Mr Dome
Mark Wilson Vote score: 5197Mark Wilson

" You gonna tell her she's not allowed on the sofa"

16/01/21 12:19:02

Vivvy En Vote score: 16847Vivvy En

🎵 Always look on the bright cider life

13/01/21 20:23:51

Dan Nicholls Vote score: 19944Dan Nicholls

Always said she was a hoe.

07/01/21 14:49:38

Hoe-ly mole-y! --Willie Johnson
The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

I met her on Plenty of Fish & Chips

21/12/20 20:38:35

James Lennox Vote score: 25970James Lennox

Upon returning from a piss, Dave suddenly realised he'd re-entered the auditorium through the wrong door.

21/12/20 8:40:26

Al Overy Vote score: 22027Al Overy

"If you can stay at home stay at home, otherwise go to work but don't go to work if you can work at home. Meet outside, not inside unless you have to meet inside but wear a mask, even if you are outside with six people in a public place or thirty people in a church. Everyone clear?"

17/12/20 13:06:24

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

It took 4 hours for Emma to gradually melt a 5ft snowman using her heated thermal glove, but she was determined to finish the job. Absolutely ruthless.

07/12/20 9:01:08

James Lennox Vote score: 25970James Lennox

Deer Lord...

06/12/20 20:00:51

Kenny Ireland Vote score: 6396Kenny Ireland

"The climax of our trip".

03/12/20 20:34:29

Climb-ax? --Willie Johnson
Al Overy Vote score: 22027Al Overy

I see your future, young one. You will go on to be... In many, many, MANY captions.

30/11/20 8:02:38

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52584Stephen Bean

"But mum, I had a bath yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that."

23/11/20 8:53:15

alexandra ball Vote score: 3324alexandra ball

Stop looking at those tits!

18/11/20 20:41:53

I can relate to this caption as I used to go out with a pornithologist.  --Karen Oakenfull
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 16230Neil Mackenzie

Joe was blind but he knew his wife had took her knickers off.

14/11/20 9:18:05

C CaMel Vote score: 19652C CaMel

Experienced idiot seeks village.

12/11/20 11:52:02

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24962Vanessa the Guesser

Police are going to file charges.

10/11/20 20:06:58

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40318Dave Bryan

''Did you find the needle?''

''No.''

08/11/20 8:22:17

"No, I'll needle little more time." --Willie Johnson
Stephen Bean Vote score: 52584Stephen Bean

WWTF

06/11/20 12:17:00

Vivvy En Vote score: 16847Vivvy En

How to scare the crap out of a woodpecker.

29/10/20 20:49:55

And lose an eye! --Karyn Harrison
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 18034Scrijjy Doo

The Bitches of Eastwick




nod to 8:17:54 and/or 12:07:32

25/10/20 14:48:35

stone face Vote score: 10117stone face

Thomas would never live this school prom photo down. The other kids taunted him for months. It got so bad he decided to quit his job as headmaster, and vowed never to wear that dress again.

22/10/20 8:13:48

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52584Stephen Bean

The Loneliness of the Thong Distance Runner

21/10/20 19:34:50

Mark England Vote score: 24083Mark England

The first ever car to park in Liverpool

16/10/20 11:01:17

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24962Vanessa the Guesser

McCain and Abel

13/10/20 19:00:57

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52584Stephen Bean

"I can't see a bloody thing with the son in my eyes."

30/09/20 19:05:05

He's about to get a sonburn, even though he's wearing a sonscreen. --Willie Johnson
Dave Bryan Vote score: 40318Dave Bryan

''Say something, darling.''

''I can't, it's a silent movie.''

25/09/20 7:10:59

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

That moment that you let yourself into your parent's house to give them their anniversary card and........

23/09/20 19:36:06

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40318Dave Bryan

''Don't forget, two centimetres.''

21/09/20 19:25:47

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15725Chris Keegan

"I really don't know where he got it from but it's everytime he's about to take off he's got to point out the emergency exits"

19/09/20 8:18:07

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40318Dave Bryan

''Just hand over the bananas and nobody will get hurt.''

16/09/20 11:15:32

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35259Ian Skelding

"I have to send her out to get the groceries now since she told me that I couldn't drive anymore," said Prince Phillip.

14/09/20 7:33:39

Vivvy En Vote score: 16847Vivvy En

"Dinner's on me..."

12/09/20 19:22:44

Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 16393Hercules Rockefeller

Crop top

12/09/20 19:09:39

James Lennox Vote score: 25970James Lennox

I wish we could return to the good old days, when women took ironing seriously.

10/09/20 7:21:35

Al Overy Vote score: 22027Al Overy

Little house on the purry

09/09/20 11:29:34

James Lennox Vote score: 25970James Lennox

It's obviously a Salvador Baalí.

07/09/20 7:00:36

Rachel P Vote score: 2304Rachel P

"I can't go with someone staring at me"

06/09/20 7:13:19

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24962Vanessa the Guesser

Miss Russia won the pageant by a whisker

28/08/20 19:14:06

Then, did they whisker away? --Willie Johnson
The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

"...and this is the dick pic he sent me this morning..."

"Eugh, Sally that's gross. Your Grandad should know better"

19/08/20 19:17:03

Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 16393Hercules Rockefeller

Peeky Blinders

16/08/20 7:03:06

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40318Dave Bryan

''I'm the monkey who sees no evil. I went blind years ago.''

15/08/20 7:07:28

Mark England Vote score: 24083Mark England

I worry about our daughter sometimes. I often think "What planet are you on?"

13/08/20 7:33:41

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40318Dave Bryan

As he was late for an appointment, Jaques decided to have his starter and dessert together.

12/08/20 19:08:05

Rachel P Vote score: 2304Rachel P

Commuting suicide

12/08/20 12:09:13

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24962Vanessa the Guesser

Must be a Best Western.

03/08/20 11:00:07

Or a Second-Best Western. --Willie Johnson
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 6396Kenny Ireland

Gnome man's land.

02/08/20 7:59:31

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52584Stephen Bean

"Noah says he can take the boy, but one of you girls has to stay behind."

29/07/20 20:26:27

"Let's draw straws. The loser has to go with the boy." --Willie Johnson
Mark England Vote score: 24083Mark England

"The geese sent me. If you want to see your dog again, they want half a dozen loaves and a packet of raisins, by noon tomorrow"

29/07/20 19:20:22

Little did the geese know, it would all be stuffed down their throats for pate de foie gras. --Willie Johnson
Chris Keegan Vote score: 15725Chris Keegan

Brothels open up again, but you'll need more than a condom.

25/07/20 12:33:54

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

Up next on Channel 4. The miracle of childbirth...

22/07/20 19:03:45

James Lennox Vote score: 25970James Lennox

That awkward first date moment, when she wants you to regurgitate food into her mouth, but you're not sure if you should.

19/07/20 7:14:06

You'd think that no matter how inebriated someone got, that they wouldn't eat someone else's vomit - however it wouldn't surprise me if someone somewhere had a story like that to tell.  --Glyn Evans
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 19944Dan Nicholls

Good morning welcome to McDonald's, have you been waiting long?

16/07/20 7:33:19

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40318Dave Bryan

''Are you responsible for that crack?''

''Honestly, dad, it's not my fault.''

11/07/20 11:13:46

Al Overy Vote score: 22027Al Overy

The Floppy Cock Clinic were delighted with their tasteful rebrand.

11/07/20 7:15:43

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52584Stephen Bean

It's not easy googling 'how to remove superglue' with your elbows.

10/07/20 19:01:14

How to remove superglue with your elbows? Why not just use your... oh, never mind. --Willie Johnson
Stephen Graham Vote score: 1127Stephen Graham

You've got the job Miss Jones, you were way out in front of the other candidates.

06/07/20 11:11:19

She really stood out. --Willie Johnson
Mr Dome  Vote score: 20136Mr Dome

Of the four bank robbers only half made a clean getaway

04/07/20 19:38:26

Mark England Vote score: 24083Mark England

"How was I to know that I couldn't shit in THAT sand?"

02/07/20 19:11:41

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24962Vanessa the Guesser

"At the turd stroke, it will be 12.27 and 30 seconds.."

27/06/20 11:27:30

Must be an Irish Speaking Clock....12.27 and 30 seconds..So It Is. --Flo .
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 24530Troompa Loompa

It was 3 hours before Jane's boss realised she'd actually skived off for the afternoon.

27/06/20 8:09:19

Good either way although even better with both sentences in my opinion. What I think doesn't matter, I hope you get more votes. --Willie Johnson
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24962Vanessa the Guesser

"Is this the bastard who shoved a stick in my rabbit hole?"

25/06/20 19:00:27

Up the rabbits! --Karyn Harrison
alexandra ball Vote score: 3324alexandra ball

I caught a fish, it was this big!

21/06/20 11:28:53

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15725Chris Keegan

Consequently Sharon hasn't lost any knickers off the line in weeks

17/06/20 11:28:22

Dirty bitch hasn't washed any that's why. --Morgan .
stone face Vote score: 10117stone face

"Well the good news is, they're expected to bring social distancing down to one metre. So you'll be able to ride inside soon."

15/06/20 11:22:21

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35259Ian Skelding

2019 : Lazy bugger
2020 : Responsible adult

05/06/20 8:44:56

Rachel P Vote score: 2304Rachel P

Minutes later the arcade crab claw picked up the groom

31/05/20 19:45:38

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40318Dave Bryan

Neighbours

30/05/20 7:00:13

James Lennox Vote score: 25970James Lennox

The top half looks good, but dig a little deeper and you'll find she's got crabs.

29/05/20 19:14:51

Vivvy En Vote score: 16847Vivvy En

'Wish I'd never taught them how to play games on their phones'

29/05/20 11:12:51

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15725Chris Keegan

Drowning Street

27/05/20 11:06:12

Mark Wilson Vote score: 5197Mark Wilson

"Can't believe the girls started the beach volleyball without me"

27/05/20 8:00:18

John Llamas Vote score: 20904John Llamas

" ..... yes, I know I said we need a cycling coach but ....."

22/05/20 19:10:34

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40318Dave Bryan

''After three days of suffering in excruciating agony, the cat eventually died.''

''That was wonderful. I love a happy ending.''

22/05/20 7:37:20

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24962Vanessa the Guesser

"I think our neighbours are swingers."

19/05/20 8:06:06

In that case they might be up for a treesome? --Woofer 6
stone face Vote score: 10117stone face

Waiter! There's a heir in my loaf.

17/05/20 19:53:21

Bread Head. --Woofer 6
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