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WINTER OLYMPICSAfter another predictable failure, questions have been asked about training routine of the British Bobsleigh Team.
02/07/23 7:11:12
Let sleeping dogs fly.
01/07/23 11:17:21
"Let me put it this way, Jerry: It's time for that final album."
28/06/23 11:23:43, edited: 29/06/23 22:26:57
Dave's wife made him sleep in the bath because his snorkling kept her awake all night.
23/06/23 11:05:03
What a charming pic
22/06/23 7:07:41
That's pour design.
20/06/23 19:00:55
Sadly Alvin never saw the Pérignon falcon.
16/06/23 11:14:10
"Take that off, Dave, you look like a foal."
11/06/23 19:34:40
You can never be too prepared for prison and the communal showers.
11/06/23 11:18:23, edited: 11/06/23 11:18:31
''Jake thought it was very unfair. Every Saturday morning his friends played football while he got dragged round the supermarket.''
10/06/23 7:09:32, edited: 10/06/23 7:23:12
“Did you develop any skills during lockdown Sharon?”
06/06/23 11:09:10
The Carpenters Course, we’ve only just begun…
28/05/23 20:47:00
Should’ve gone to Downing Street
25/05/23 19:00:20
Match of the grey.
21/05/23 7:16:26
Nigel fell off his bike on the way home and created a huge jam.
20/05/23 11:33:55
"Use the forks Luke"
16/05/23 20:02:33
Rage Against the Latrine
16/05/23 11:08:49
CHOMP! SLURP! SMACK!
15/05/23 11:15:31, edited: 15/05/23 11:16:18
When you've parked too far from the pump and are determined to make it reach.
14/05/23 7:04:08
Peckasus
12/05/23 11:00:06
Ripe Guard
11/05/23 19:42:25
Children should be seen and not hurled.
10/05/23 19:07:35
“My cell mates are all hardened criminals…”
10/05/23 11:01:53
Now I regret agreeing to help my daughter with her history project on Pompeii
09/05/23 19:27:43
Croissant dresser
07/05/23 11:03:07
The Cistern Chapel
06/05/23 8:00:37
"So, I walked into this packed pub, shouted 'TOPLESS BIRD LYING IN THE PARK!' and got served in no time!"
03/05/23 11:33:14, edited: 03/05/23 17:47:22
“I think I’ll have the fish. What are you getting?”“A taxi."
03/05/23 7:11:34
"Harvesting these nuts is a labia of love."
30/04/23 11:14:18
‘’Would you like to be my ghoulfriend?’’
29/04/23 11:00:15
The splatter of tiny feet.
28/04/23 11:06:08
“Have a safe flight.”
23/04/23 12:27:46
Not even Superman can stop The Incredible Sulk
21/04/23 19:30:03
🎵Ivory bodies gone surfin'......🎵
20/04/23 11:17:52, edited: 20/04/23 11:27:33
The start of Dave's family tree
19/04/23 11:35:44
Way out decorations.
15/04/23 16:25:13
Tom & Ferry
15/04/23 7:48:37
"What are we eating tonight Hammy?""Oh, just something I've throne together."
13/04/23 12:48:11
"We survived the tsunami but we're not out of the woods yet."
09/04/23 19:28:11
Deliveroops
05/04/23 11:00:09
"I think you'll find that the roll cage should be fitted on the inside of the car, Paddy."
01/04/23 9:41:07
Man united at the top of the table.
29/03/23 11:27:04
Talk Like an Egyptian
29/03/23 7:01:12
Angus lost £1 down his old chair in 1963, never again.
27/03/23 11:16:28
"Pssst. I don't mean to gossip, but the Hyena just called you a ginger twat."
26/03/23 19:13:35
Unfortunately, both ladies come with a lot of baggage.
24/03/23 20:24:26
“When I said rock him to sleep….”
22/03/23 15:12:05
"I turned the spare room into an orifice."
18/03/23 12:11:54
Starring a bunch of old has Beans.
16/03/23 20:00:47, edited: 17/03/23 9:39:50
This is why you never flush the loo while the train's stationary.
13/03/23 20:00:14
And so it came to pass that dozens of captioneers stared blankly at their screens.
13/03/23 12:02:17
“Freeze!”
12/03/23 20:01:24
Snow patrol
12/03/23 20:00:17
“Oh my god, my husband is home early from the pub. QUICK, GET OUT… and you better leave through the front door because he always climbs through the window naked when he’s drunk.”
12/03/23 8:01:39, edited: 12/03/23 8:03:12
''If Jan won't look after him, April May.''
11/03/23 8:52:56
Dadpool
10/03/23 20:00:11
Have you been involved in an accident that wasn't your volt?
10/03/23 12:12:30
Sarah had it fitted so Dave can be aware of its existence.
09/03/23 12:00:22
"Dave, you didn't have to set fire to it. I'm sure someone would've voted for your captions eventually."
08/03/23 20:04:45
Both have an annoying Harry on the flip side.
08/03/23 12:02:08
Vroom with a view
05/03/23 21:03:22
Parasole
04/03/23 12:01:21
- 21- Hung like a horse- Sexual deviant- Behind you
25/02/23 8:00:16
“You’re still thinking about the castration aren’t you?”
23/02/23 20:36:13
Scrap petal
22/02/23 12:00:43
"God, Muriel, you could at least brush away the cake crumbs."
20/02/23 20:05:26
''We Winalot of our races.''
12/02/23 8:06:30
Lee would later be accused of using performance enhancing dogs.
12/02/23 8:05:39
Darling, I think the car has a punkture.
10/02/23 12:00:24
I had one as a pet, it dyed.
07/02/23 8:17:12
I won’t string up those who come up with “Cat and the Fiddle” or “Schrödinger” puns because I don’t agree with acts of violins
06/02/23 12:00:15
''Can you take the kids to school, darling?''''Sorry, I've got too much on my plate.''
05/02/23 12:03:01
The flag of Iceland
04/02/23 12:00:07
Trainee chef
03/02/23 12:02:07
“Excuse me doctor, should you really be doing that whilst my husband is in there doing a sperm sample?”
01/02/23 12:03:40
Leap of Faith, Grace, Julie, Susan and Claire.
29/01/23 8:23:21
Readers digest.
27/01/23 12:00:19, edited: 27/01/23 12:00:52
Rock, third from the son.
26/01/23 12:23:55
You should take that washing in, it’s about to reindeer
25/01/23 8:00:09
Anneka Rice is the latest celeb to be accused of queue jumping.
24/01/23 8:12:13
''I've made you some more toast, dear.''''Well done.''
22/01/23 12:28:11
I wouldn't be seen dead in one of these. Or alive, come to think of it...
21/01/23 8:00:15
18/01/23 20:00:26
English teachers incensed over car proven to be both stationary and stationery.
17/01/23 20:01:05
''Would you like the store to deliver it?''''No, I'm a collector.''
16/01/23 9:00:26
It's classed as game meat
16/01/23 8:52:32
“We have to darling, he’s your brother”
14/01/23 20:05:25
Have I seen these cats before? Maybe. The one on the left rings a bell.
13/01/23 12:00:16
Have I Got Mews For You
13/01/23 12:00:13
"You spoil that bloody squirrel"
11/01/23 20:03:52
Chipmonks tend to copy human behaviour. He must have been watching the captioneers clutching at straws again.
11/01/23 12:14:16, edited: 11/01/23 12:24:49
Great at playing bagpipes... Rubbish at hiding tennis balls.
08/01/23 13:20:18
“Before you read the papers, Your Majesty, you might want a coffee.”
05/01/23 20:00:35
Every time we have an argument she just needs time to simmer down.
05/01/23 8:23:40
To go from desired to adored.
31/12/22 20:04:33
''Don't worry, I'm not going to throw you in the canal. I'm only pulling your leg.''
31/12/22 12:30:35
"Seriously, you want £200,000 for a 5% share of your business?"
28/12/22 20:01:38
His bark is better than his sight
26/12/22 12:39:49
"Sir, as requested, we finally found four Jacks who could lift the tank."
25/12/22 20:00:08
Pizza, Floor 'n' Tina
18/12/22 8:00:13
