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Don't mention his weight. Don't mention his haircut. Don't mention his weight. Don't mention his haircut. Don't...
10/10/23 19:06:43
Forest Dump
08/10/23 19:04:16
Anyone repulsed by Dave's depiction of Marilyn Monroe really wasn't ready for his Sharon Stone.
08/10/23 13:31:43, edited: 08/10/23 13:34:16
Sadly died from a Cadillac arrest
06/10/23 7:02:13
"Fake Mews!"
02/10/23 19:00:41
"Do they come in packs?"
28/09/23 19:06:52
"What does it feel like?" "Itchy and Scratchy."
27/09/23 11:09:55
The Three Mustgetbeers
24/09/23 19:17:15
"How the heck's this supposed to keep the mosquitos off, Derek?""Have you seen the size of the mosquitos?!"
23/09/23 7:14:10
The Deli Lama
22/09/23 19:03:24
"...and after spraying scent, beating their chests and howling loudly the Kangaroo mating ritual finally ends with a bout of air guitar.."
18/09/23 7:10:41
Ironically, it was this exact pose that had resulted in her becoming a mummy in the first place.
15/09/23 7:09:39
For the stairs we make the bread with plain flour for the escalator we use self raising.
14/09/23 19:08:32
The Doctor told me to keep taking the tablets.
12/09/23 7:12:49
Bone China
08/09/23 11:01:04
Dave liked to start easy with his ransom demands
03/09/23 19:02:50, edited: 03/09/23 19:03:09
That shark just wants to have his kayak and eat it
01/09/23 19:20:22
The Repair Shop "not what it was", say TV critics.
25/08/23 11:25:27
"Ok, so I'll organise the church, the guest list, the reception venue, the menu, the flowers, and the photos. Dave, you can sort the transport."
13/08/23 19:31:47
A Tail of Two Kitties
11/08/23 11:01:30
"Just a heads up, guys, Ozzy Osbourne is visiting the ward today."
11/08/23 7:35:30
The Nudey Blues.
08/08/23 7:12:35
The frocky horror show.
06/08/23 14:07:31
The Day the Oeuf Stood Still
06/08/23 11:05:08
Waitress wanted. Must be flexible.
28/07/23 19:07:22
"They laugh now, but when someone needs a color pencil..."
25/07/23 19:05:40
"You just cut and paste, Dad"
21/07/23 11:20:53
The Nutty Professor.
17/07/23 19:11:02
Right Wing Lunatic
14/07/23 11:23:56, edited: 15/07/23 16:58:14
"And now we go over live to a toy store in France"
03/07/23 7:23:43
Meals on Heels
29/06/23 7:07:16
Postman Pat was already regretting it.
26/06/23 20:45:52, edited: 26/06/23 21:25:03
The Hokey Cokey's changed since I were a girl.
26/06/23 12:53:54
Jacuzzi Cousteau
23/06/23 11:44:48
They're always going on family trips.
19/06/23 11:26:52
Dave knew he would find a way to enjoy the James Blunt concert with his girlfriend
13/06/23 7:10:10
"Follow me it's the quickest way to the beach"
12/06/23 19:51:57
For those who like to watch what they eat.
07/06/23 11:00:22
Footsee
06/06/23 19:00:15
"Any last words, sir?""Yes. I'd like to thank whomever forgot the rope."
04/06/23 19:52:29, edited: 04/06/23 19:55:29
Meanwhile, the weather in Manchester improved so much you could actually see the top of benches.
31/05/23 11:11:11
Someone told Dave it was healthier to eat "whole foods"
29/05/23 11:51:01, edited: 29/05/23 11:51:45
"Hi Nana! can you see us? thanks for the jumpers, we really like them. Yes we wear them all the time, don't we Tony?" "Yes.""Nono not too small at all, are they Tony?""No."
27/05/23 7:37:03
Sir Walker Raleigh
21/05/23 11:00:22
A single match later and we settled down next to a roaring fire.
20/05/23 7:00:52
Superking.
19/05/23 11:00:25
Round one.
18/05/23 15:15:35
Mystery surrounds fate of missing hairdresser.
17/05/23 7:06:41
"Can you get the hell off me. I'm trying to have a piss."
15/05/23 7:14:38
"How much?" "4 bucks""Will ya take 3?"
13/05/23 19:02:21
Dave hoped the ticket inspector wouldn't notice him.
13/05/23 7:03:54
''She died several hours ago, Holmes. Do you suspect foil play?''
09/05/23 19:28:42
"Nobody's gonna call me a couch potato."
08/05/23 11:00:13
Dave was bored with wearing his hair in a bun.
07/05/23 11:01:11, edited: 07/05/23 11:05:22
🎵 I'm Singh in the rain
07/05/23 7:01:35, edited: 07/05/23 7:01:48
Pride comes before a fowl
05/05/23 7:57:18
And in Dublin, the annual 'Swap you Wife for a Keg of Guinness' promotion kicks off.
04/05/23 7:01:19
Court her, pound her.
29/04/23 19:26:05
''Can he do any other tricks?''''Yes, he can make food disappear.''
26/04/23 11:31:49
The Beached Boys
20/04/23 11:02:19, edited: 20/04/23 11:16:28
I only went in for a wee and ended up sh*tting myself.
19/04/23 19:01:46
For Sale: Customised Monster Truck with hula hoop holder included.
17/04/23 7:00:29
"I warned you not to have sex with that ostrich."
16/04/23 7:00:35, edited: 16/04/23 7:00:54
Tom Cruise
15/04/23 7:01:52
Not the best venue for a Shotgun Wedding.
03/04/23 11:15:46
The nuns would become quite competitive when it came to changing fluorescent tubes in the monastery.
31/03/23 19:01:09
Please could you play something by OREO Speedwagon?
30/03/23 19:00:16
The look of the Irish
30/03/23 7:09:23
“I need another pint, my urine is on the dark side.”
28/03/23 11:00:50
Sofa King Uncomfortable
27/03/23 12:13:47
Shark and Ride
24/03/23 8:01:25
"I hate f*cking sharks!""Nobody's forcing you."
24/03/23 8:00:25
A minor
22/03/23 12:11:18
Art for arse sake
19/03/23 8:07:21
Cops and Lobbers
12/03/23 20:08:19, edited: 12/03/23 20:16:12
Charred Drive
08/03/23 20:02:54
My wife wears 'eels.
08/03/23 8:00:30
"Hmmn, do you reckon we should put the 'Out of Order' sign at the bottom or the top?"
06/03/23 12:29:17
''Don't you find rats a problem?''''No, they moved out last month.''
01/03/23 12:18:01
''She's a nice girl but she can't hold her drink.''
28/02/23 20:15:03
The management of the nearby Skittles factory have denied responsibility.
27/02/23 20:07:14
Poor Tina. Even the tide won't take her out.
25/02/23 12:13:19, edited: 25/02/23 12:15:52
"He's my step brother."
16/02/23 12:00:06
"I think I'm gonna find a new Best Man, Dave. This Stag Do sucks."
09/02/23 12:17:23
"...and WAKE UP DAVE!" shouted the hypnotist.
05/02/23 20:00:26
Careful, when he wants a drink he schnaps.
04/02/23 20:41:54, edited: 04/02/23 20:42:06
He told me I was cutting it a bit fine for the train.
03/02/23 12:07:56
When you said you knew a girl that did a great BJ...
02/02/23 21:38:51
"The prisoners are at it again Sir.""Find me the ring leader."
29/01/23 20:11:48
“Do you want some more lintels and beams?”“No thanks, I’ve had enough of that vegetarian crap.”
23/01/23 20:54:42, edited: 23/01/23 21:00:57
"My brother and me go to carpenter classes""Cool, have you been going long?""We've only just begun"
23/01/23 20:34:33
"I warned him not to go sailing after gargling with Listerine."
19/01/23 8:00:16
Despairing the inevitable onslaught of excruciating puns, the bananas chose suicide.
15/01/23 20:18:34
Rolling Stones deny being fossils
14/01/23 8:00:12
Sorry Luna, we need all of them to make the roads safer.”
07/01/23 12:00:17
"Yes, there's a little bird shit, but thankfully no pineapple."
04/01/23 20:54:36
''Is there anything you miss about Jamaica?''
30/12/22 12:01:03
"I wished for my bollocks back."
27/12/22 13:32:49, edited: 27/12/22 13:34:16
Christmas charades was always a blast.“ A bird in the hand is worth two in a bush!” Shouted Aunty.
22/12/22 8:23:44
Using a fish and cat as bait, young Dave was determined to catch himself a crocodile.
19/12/22 8:07:56
