best earliest latest latest and best captions

🎵 just another prick in the wall 🎵

12/03/23 8:00:11

“…and that was the very imaginative, albeit put together at the last minute, story of Sammy Squirrel and his trolley of plastic plant pots. The BBC would like to thank those of you who did decide to tune in and would again like to apologise for the schedule changes and lack of sports coverage today.”

11/03/23 20:00:16

Your order will arrive on Saturday. Yes, I know I promised that last Saturday. It's on its way this time I swear.

07/03/23 12:00:33

"It's how I first learnt to spell."

01/03/23 8:01:39

Running joke.

25/02/23 8:00:11

clever

Platterpuss.

23/02/23 20:09:23

Grange Over The Hill

15/02/23 20:28:55

“It doesn’t run very well.”

14/02/23 12:22:25

Nosey parker.

08/02/23 8:00:08

clever

The Famous Fyffe

07/02/23 12:00:06

Balance Armstrong

05/02/23 20:18:15

Superman was confident he could tackle one Danny Devito, but not three of the buggers.

03/02/23 20:00:20

Key for unknown lock sold separately.

31/01/23 12:00:07

lol

The Retailer Formerly Known as Prince.

22/01/23 22:35:34, edited: 26/11/24 11:25:20, suggested edits

Perhaps trying to make an SOS message with these buggers was a mistake, thought Tom.

17/01/23 8:11:43

“There’s got to be a Zebra crossing around here somewhere.”

14/01/23 12:14:39

clever

It had a good review on Trip Advisor

12/01/23 8:01:30

SPORT: BREAKING

In a bid to increase their wages, professional female bowlers have begun a series of strikes.

10/01/23 8:02:21

Fanny By Gaslight

05/01/23 8:23:00

lol

"About the order I emailed in. Just to confirm, that should be 30cm, not 30km. Soz for any inconvenience."

04/01/23 20:58:11

Eggs Floorentine

02/01/23 20:01:10

creative

Perhaps our American captioneer can explain this vehicle. Is it a boxcar, Willie?

02/01/23 8:08:45

The moment Ringo was picked to play drums.

01/01/23 12:30:49

From Here to Maternity

31/12/22 20:44:23

I used to like it when the street names were shorter, it’s a real pain filling in forms.

29/12/22 9:12:59

lol

The cost of living crisis claims more victims today, trying to shake coins out of the sofa.

28/12/22 8:21:56

Please take your litter home

24/12/22 8:02:14

Kiss and makeup

23/12/22 8:00:12

"What temperature do you set the thermostat?"

21/12/22 20:22:45

"This will be such a great picture for Facebook. I can't believe we got our little angel to balance on top of the tree..."

20/12/22 20:01:49

The only downside is the small prick

20/12/22 9:44:12

Terror-cotta

19/12/22 12:33:07

clever

Her body was discovered in a Subway.

13/12/22 22:49:05

"I had a bad reaction to this and went to A & E. I waited ages to be seen."

05/12/22 20:27:40

lol

"Jim your dinners ready, what are you looking for?"
"I'm looking for a book by Shakespeare"
"Which one?"
"William"

03/12/22 21:24:31

The good old days... when families could afford to heat one room.

02/12/22 8:00:14

clever

Hubert eagerly awaited the big match.

29/11/22 20:00:14

I’m so glad we didn’t get a flat

24/11/22 8:00:21

clever

The Eyes Have Hills

22/11/22 12:38:13

lol

"Oh my God! That bull is doing International Sign Language with his horns!"

"Really? What's he saying?"

"Moo."

16/11/22 20:01:07, edited: 16/11/22 20:01:48

lol

"Hold on, my other shoe is ringing."

15/11/22 12:02:39

lol

Even as a youngster Michael McIntyre had been a bit of a show off.

14/11/22 8:12:24, edited: 14/11/22 9:28:23

creative

My wife always runs around like this

12/11/22 9:03:54

Tom was in bed all day with a bug.

06/11/22 20:00:08

Memory bank

06/11/22 8:02:57

lol

''Stand to attention. Form two straight lines. Move when I tell you to move.''

''They may know the grill, Sarge, but you'll never make soldiers out of them.''

03/11/22 12:30:52, edited: 03/11/22 12:41:33

lol

“Kids, go and say your goodbyes to Daddy while we wait for the Coroner.”

31/10/22 8:00:15

Which clown thought this up?

28/10/22 19:17:39

That meat looks a bit dicey.

17/10/22 7:03:39

"Gotta admit, you had me feeling a little paranoid when you said you were gonna take me out earlier."

11/10/22 7:09:05

clever

''What's that noise, darling?''

''It'll probably be those bloody kids from next door climbing on the roof again.''

04/10/22 7:41:43

creative

Shave The Children

02/10/22 11:00:10

She only married him because he's loaded.

01/10/22 19:11:23

"Do you know what my favourite wine is, George?"
"Oh probably some old shit about brexit, fuel costs or wanting a bigger house"

16/09/22 19:01:26

He's been shopping in his natural Habitat.

12/09/22 19:00:27

lol x2

"OK I'm shining the torch where I want you to shoot it with a tranquilizer"

12/09/22 7:04:39

clever

He's also been working on his pecks.

24/08/22 19:00:33

Reading town centre

16/08/22 7:00:10

Let sleeping dogs dry

14/08/22 19:44:02

clever

Nod to 36:24:36

30/07/22 11:47:31

Cow & Gates

23/07/22 7:00:14

lol

"Ahhh it's Persil , no we won't be going back to our old washing powder."

22/07/22 19:42:31

Loos women

17/07/22 7:06:51

您通常会有一个装配图和零件清单与该单元。花几分钟检查所有零件和固定装置是否存在且正确。没有什么比在整个过程中发现一两个螺丝丢失更糟糕的了。包装中还应包含一些组装工具所需的工具，例如内六角钥匙或星形钥匙（完成后，将工具放在安全的地方）。

将所有固定件和小部件放在一侧或容器中（如塑料特百惠盒），以免它们“丢失”。

在开始组装设备之前，请检查所有部件以确保它们处于良好状态，因为它们有时会在存储和交付过程中受到撞击。如果有任何作品被标记，则由您决定在退回该作品或继续进行方面采取什么行动。

在拿起任何工具之前，请仔细阅读说明并从头到尾阅读它们，以便了解您将要遵循的过程。

13/07/22 11:02:16

Dave regretted responding to the ‘90% off!’ haircut advertisement.

10/07/22 19:26:35

I told you not to pick at it.

05/07/22 11:05:38

Unfortunately Churchill was dropped by Pepsi after testing positive for Coke.

28/06/22 22:26:11

"Hello, is that the vet? Yes, it's my cat. He's eaten an umbrella."

22/06/22 8:33:23

He's going to need a bigger newspaper

19/06/22 7:03:33

Kentucky Pride Chicken

07/06/22 19:12:09

lol x2

"Don't forget to tape Bugs Bunny for me".

31/05/22 11:06:31

Latest frontline photo reveals clear evidence that Putin has Bungled his invasion.

20/05/22 7:00:07

lol

"So God created Adam in His own image, which, strangely, was that of a 70s pornstar."

07/05/22 12:28:08

creative

After losing the first 8 of his lives, Graham was particularly annoyed with the 9th.

18/04/22 11:04:05

lol

"So, you say that the assailant attacked you with a high-powered leaf blower, Madam? Do you have any proof?"

11/04/22 19:00:41

Ahh look, she’s drifted off

04/04/22 7:00:17

lol

"Make up for Daryl Hannah please!"

02/04/22 19:41:59

clever x2

Quick, call Tony Blair! I knew if we searched long enough we'd find hidden arms in a rack

31/03/22 19:16:58

Barbie doll

25/03/22 21:02:57

"And 8 months later the Grand Designs team are back to see how the project is progressing"

19/03/22 12:27:52

lol

"See - I told you this room was big enough!"

17/03/22 12:06:33

lol x2

That awkward moment when the Wimbledon Men’s Singles trophy gets stuck in your afro.

25/02/22 12:00:50

My name is Dave and I'm a talcaholic.

22/02/22 20:05:22

lol

"Now, my good man, are you a mounted policeman?"

"No."

"Would you like to be?"

07/02/22 20:11:21

"Thank you so much for saving my life."

"No problem. Just chew your food more in the future before swallowing"

30/01/22 13:14:36

lol

“It was bloody damp in our house when we were kids. This is us in the back bedroom.”

19/01/22 20:16:39

Smart-ass.

19/01/22 8:50:08

lol

"Play louder I can still hear them trying to make another baby."

16/01/22 20:28:59

lol x2

"Don't let your mum catch you looking at those white women with their tits covered."

14/01/22 8:07:54

Dave decided to look up an old girlfriend.

02/01/22 20:36:27

Is that a crop top?

12/12/21 8:21:53

lol

"Oh f@ck ,could my day get any worse?"
"Brace yourself Barry the bull is taking a run up."

10/12/21 8:10:20

“So how much of the house is yours following the divorce?”

23/11/21 8:12:35

After a lifetime of hard work he's urned it.

16/11/21 8:01:24

A prize to die for

16/11/21 8:00:13

clever

"Listen, I hear you mounted my cousin in your dining room! Now it's pay back time!"

13/11/21 20:00:49

The police line-up was going fine until one of them squealed.

27/10/21 19:24:17

Sue was so glad this one was nearly finished, her knees were getting really sore.

25/10/21 19:01:02

"Can you tell me how many lives you have left?"

"Nein."

22/10/21 19:00:34

clever

Comic relief

12/10/21 7:25:34