best earliest latest latest and best captions

“Want a fight? Let’s take it outback!”

19/03/24 20:32:27

Sadly a tidal wave Schwepped them all away.

15/03/24 20:17:08

lol creative

Behind the scenes on 'Jason and The Argonauts"

10/03/24 8:05:06

"So, my plan is to buy caption.me, rename it pun.me, fire Chris Beach, and ban cat photos. You like that, boy?"

09/03/24 8:06:15, edited: 09/03/24 8:07:26

A Fish called Honda

04/03/24 20:09:39

''There is a downside. I've got six mothers-in-law.''

04/03/24 8:26:44

"I'm still adjusting to no longer working from home."

27/02/24 20:08:30

"It was either this or pineapple."

24/02/24 20:04:31

lol

"If you get your scrotum trapped in your chain mail again, you're on your own."

23/02/24 12:03:45

Knitting noodles.

19/02/24 12:00:44

Copper feel

18/02/24 8:40:28

🎵 Nights in au gratin 🎵

15/02/24 12:28:06

clever

They've just dropped off their kids at the nursery.

05/02/24 20:07:02

“…. You do not have to lay anything but anything you do lay…”

30/01/24 12:12:34

"Dave, when you said you were selling your house..."

27/01/24 8:04:36

Tot air balloon

19/01/24 20:00:37

lol creative

Susan's soul was annoyed enough about being harvested, but spinning around a plastic tube with Mitten's hairballs and Dave's nail clippings was just too much.

16/01/24 8:16:36

Bagelpuss

09/01/24 8:00:19

lol

Amazon - Delivery instructions. In the event that I'm not in, please leave my parcel in my safe place (around the back, 9th floor, behind the pipe)...

"I f*cking hate this job."

08/01/24 12:26:18

Crocks

30/12/23 12:11:12

Wig Trouble in Little China

25/12/23 8:02:06

creative

For Christmas, we really want somebody to fix the leak in the ceiling.

18/12/23 8:10:03

“Bumping into your parents on holiday is bad enough…”

04/12/23 8:03:22

clever

"The Christmas post has arrived!"

01/12/23 12:14:43

clever

"Ah, I see you bought the Jehovah's Witness Repellant Package."

01/12/23 8:04:02

lol

“Dave’s just ordered a new Mercedes with his sales bonus, is your husband still writing captions for a living? What does he drive?”

29/11/23 12:04:58

"If I'd known the dogs would miss Dave this much I would've had him cremated."

27/11/23 20:26:37

lol

When you’re 37 minutes into your new diet and already hallucinating.

26/11/23 20:07:03

“Name two things you couldn’t get when you were 16.”

24/11/23 20:25:44

T-reks

18/11/23 20:03:47

Man-chest-er Ewe-knitted

16/11/23 12:02:45

"I'd like to thank everyone in the audience for coming."

14/11/23 20:31:50

lol

Best. Massage. Ever.

11/11/23 9:37:12

When you ask a blonde on a train if she wants to hang out.

09/11/23 20:25:49

creative

Now there's an organisation I can get behind , Just Stop Dancing On Ice.

03/11/23 8:11:22, edited: 03/11/23 19:57:15, suggested edits

"And what seems to trigger this irrational fear of spiders?"

27/10/23 11:01:07

''I don't like living here. The landlord is always on my back.''

26/10/23 7:18:06

"Make them go away. They're giving me the CBeebie jeebies."

24/10/23 11:26:00, edited: 24/10/23 11:27:02

Front row seats still available.

20/10/23 19:42:23

"Come on, fellow Seagulls, let's go raid the bins. There's no chance of a spare chip with this bastard."

19/10/23 11:05:32

lol

Chris Beach announces venue for the Dave Awards Ceremony

19/10/23 7:08:45

lol x2

Even though he was sweating his nuts off in the dog suit, Dave would do anything to avoid paying the train fare.

18/10/23 19:02:35

Filly O Fish

18/10/23 11:09:48

Bummingbird

17/10/23 19:24:28

lol creative

After Yellow Submarine, George Martin's preference for singers when recording were

1: John Lennon
2: George Harrison
3: Paul McCartney
4: Debbie who makes the tea
5: Ringo Starr

16/10/23 7:20:42

Now the funnel have to stop.

13/10/23 11:07:42

"Why can't I have a mobility scooter like everybody else?"

13/10/23 7:15:49

"I don't know about you, Ling, but I've got a monumental headache."

11/10/23 19:17:02

Limbited edition

04/10/23 11:09:08

But you will often find 'Blackpool' written in rock.

02/10/23 7:55:38, edited: 02/10/23 7:57:15

creative

"I thought after 80 years he'd have forgiven me for eating his porridge!"

29/09/23 7:05:07, edited: 29/09/23 7:12:23

lol

“You know granny wants to see you “

24/09/23 7:05:10

"I'm sure we've met, but I'm sorry, my short term memory is terrible."

22/09/23 7:03:59

"Have you made any plans for Christmas yet?"

17/09/23 11:01:12

Dave was beginning to think it was time to trim his chest hair.

09/09/23 11:01:23

"Your turn to change the litter tray."

01/09/23 7:05:27

Tarmac Adam

30/08/23 11:51:34

creative

Wham! He was struck from behind by a careless Wispa.

18/08/23 7:08:44

"That bloody tortoise is not going to win this time!"

15/08/23 7:03:12

lol

“9 lives my arse.”

06/08/23 7:01:56

"I'm not sure, Gerald. What's wrong with fifty shades of grey?"

25/07/23 7:02:40

Central Pork

21/07/23 7:05:35

Chicken Kev

20/07/23 11:01:04

Bathroom Scales

15/07/23 19:00:52, edited: 15/07/23 19:01:18

The Man in the Iron- rich Mask.

11/07/23 8:03:45

That's the worst case of tinsillitis I've ever seen said the doctor.

10/07/23 11:04:36

lol clever

Poultry in Motion

28/06/23 7:09:50

“It was a hell of a chase Sir but we’ve finally caught the wild goose.”

23/06/23 19:04:04, edited: 26/06/23 6:38:02

lol

"Waiter, I think there's been a mistake. I ordered a carafe of wine."

22/06/23 11:08:07

lol

Guardian of the Galaxies

17/06/23 7:15:29

"Mum, the social worker is here..."

06/06/23 11:01:52

“Mind your backs please! Warm up act coming through…”

01/06/23 7:01:21

"BLOOMING POTHOLES!"

24/05/23 19:00:13

Although Dave was an experienced photographer, he was still having problems with overexposure.

23/05/23 11:01:19

lol

“OH JEEZUS…TURN IT OFF! I told you the kids weren’t old enough to load the washing machine.”

22/05/23 11:00:16

Lambert and 26 Butlers

19/05/23 11:00:29

clever

Macho Man

19/05/23 7:13:47

"Now where's that tosser with the Rottweiler?"

06/05/23 11:06:02

lol creative

"It says here that it's good manners to remove swimming caps whilst eating."

03/05/23 7:02:12

“These pieces are part of our private collection.”

30/04/23 11:04:17

She acted like their friendship was genuine, but he could see straight through her

29/04/23 11:13:31, edited: 29/04/23 11:14:33

Inn at the deep end

27/04/23 19:27:12

“I’m going on strike as well. They’re paying me chicken feed.”

18/04/23 7:00:15

lol

"I used too much cillit bang"

13/04/23 19:18:38, edited: 13/04/23 19:37:34

creative

''A male streaker has just ran onto the pitch, Mildred.''

''I can't see anything.''

''What do you expect in this weather?''

10/04/23 7:21:35

creative

*remove nut covers and then give wipers a good pull, most aerials just unscrew but a good yank should do the job.*

05/04/23 7:24:50

Pirate of the CaribBean

17/03/23 8:00:09

Commandoughs

16/03/23 12:19:43

Pain killers

16/03/23 12:00:36

🎵 just another prick in the wall 🎵

12/03/23 8:00:11

“…and that was the very imaginative, albeit put together at the last minute, story of Sammy Squirrel and his trolley of plastic plant pots. The BBC would like to thank those of you who did decide to tune in and would again like to apologise for the schedule changes and lack of sports coverage today.”

11/03/23 20:00:16

Your order will arrive on Saturday. Yes, I know I promised that last Saturday. It's on its way this time I swear.

07/03/23 12:00:33

"It's how I first learnt to spell."

01/03/23 8:01:39

Running joke.

25/02/23 8:00:11

clever

Platterpuss.

23/02/23 20:09:23

Grange Over The Hill

15/02/23 20:28:55

“It doesn’t run very well.”

14/02/23 12:22:25

Nosey parker.

08/02/23 8:00:08

clever

The Famous Fyffe

07/02/23 12:00:06