Peeking Duck

05/08/18 7:00:11

lol

Jesus, I really did upset her this time

13/06/18 7:06:42

Igloo

06/05/18 11:00:07

Guys, 4 passengers is the max I'm allowed..what do you think this is..a bloody Tardis??

25/04/18 19:02:29

Fowling the pavement

05/11/17 21:17:57

creative

I ended up dreading parents day at school.

06/07/23 11:19:45

"So, I walked into this packed pub, shouted 'TOPLESS BIRD LYING IN THE PARK!' and got served in no time!"

03/05/23 11:33:14, edited: 03/05/23 17:47:22

Starring a bunch of old has Beans.

16/03/23 20:00:47, edited: 17/03/23 9:39:50

Sarah had it fitted so Dave can be aware of its existence.

09/03/23 12:00:22

Darling, I think the car has a punkture.

10/02/23 12:00:24

Rex is clearly shocked by the size of Micky’s erection.

07/11/22 12:00:12

clever

Debbie and Ray are so pleased the warmer weather has arrived, they can finally afford to eat today.

09/05/22 11:01:30

'Working from home hasn't affected me at all' Said Michael Jones, Director of Lloyds Bank.

25/11/20 8:36:44

clever

Mike detects earth tremors pretty much everywhere he goes.

03/11/20 12:00:33

"I tried that new barbers down the road yesterday"
- "Yeah, me too Dave"

30/10/20 12:04:33

lol

In a moment of magnificent inspiration Kevin and Julie saved themselves thirty quid for a babysitter and went out.

27/10/20 8:00:41

Tom and Dave think it's bloody hilarious nobody can go out clubbing anymore!

26/10/20 12:00:08

They had a boy. Greyam.

22/09/20 11:01:56

Dave was devastated when his mum and dad suggested it was time he moved out.

02/07/20 7:07:42

Yet another blond moment strikes, Linda had an appointment to see the Doc.

26/06/20 11:24:50

lol

Sainsburys are forced to close as a Tate and Lyle delivery goes horribly wrong.

17/01/20 9:13:05

Now in Cinemas - Frozen, number 2.

23/12/19 8:05:40

🎵..the Red-Nosed Reindeer....🎵

20/12/19 12:40:27

This wasn't what Malcolm expected when he joined the Army and was told he'd be posted abroad.

19/12/19 21:27:51

It would seem we've signed a new player...

20/11/19 8:00:25

After years of searching it was clear that I had discovered why bears sh*t in the woods.

25/10/19 7:01:46

Faulty Towers

09/08/19 20:33:36

"Quick Dave! Pull your trigger!!!"

26/05/19 7:34:33

lol

"Yes love, it does"

02/04/19 11:02:41

lol

Jesus Christ love, we're only going down the pub for a quick half!

21/01/19 20:06:32

lol

And how was your Bernard Matthews turkey?

27/12/18 10:11:02

Good old Dave, he spent so long attempting to chip his ball out of the bunker he moved in.

20/11/18 13:50:19

It took me a while to get through that beer but the wife's Christmas present is sorted.

28/10/18 20:02:47

Come on guys, you can clearly see he was down first when the music stopped

03/10/18 19:00:24

lol

At least we were spared the photo of him in the dump truck

30/09/18 11:00:42

James Exceled at swimming.

29/09/18 19:09:59

Dinner Date

15/09/18 7:26:44

I personally didn't like their kitchen but it takes allsorts...

21/11/17 8:16:32

Very nice love, but I was actually hoping for a scarf.

26/05/23 11:05:07, edited: 26/05/23 11:31:50

♪ What's new Pussy Cap ♪

11/02/23 8:00:46, edited: 11/02/23 13:27:40

lol

Note to self, when robbing a bank always ask the get away driver what type of car he’ll be turning up in.

02/02/23 12:12:10

Dave, there's worst to come, apparently it's over the wrong river....

22/10/22 15:15:07, edited: 22/10/22 15:18:33

Following 2 years of working from home Raj adapted well to being back in the office.

19/05/22 19:50:34

lol

Onlooker recognises her donation to the charity shop.

12/03/22 8:29:44

'Park in my space again and I shall personally make sure you go to hell'

01/11/21 20:03:45

"He's not even mine, he just walked in one day and occupied the lounge, then the hall, the kitchen and now upstairs. It's like he wants to take the place over"

22/10/21 19:01:19

Dave suffers from parking sons.

15/10/21 7:45:15

Crowds start gathering to watch people drinking and eating scotch eggs in tier 2.

30/11/20 20:31:15

lol

There have been calls for this statue to be removed. Apparently he was a sh*thead.

07/07/20 7:17:52

Dave's intense fear of flying was being pleasantly distracted by walking round an abandoned asylum killing zombies with an axe.

09/06/20 11:20:41

lol

I'm not surprised he's knackered, he came in at twenty to one this morning.

01/02/20 15:58:13

One foot in the rave"¦..

30/01/20 12:00:56

Reservoir Dogs

29/01/20 8:07:29

She had a silly cone implant.

27/01/20 12:00:06

I suppose a fork is out of the question?

18/12/19 8:00:17

"I'm afraid Sarah won't be in today, she's caught some sort of bug"

03/12/19 8:00:12

It was just enough of a distraction for Chris to help himself to the bench.

27/11/19 20:01:59

I wouldn't say she's spoiled but that's her dolls house in the background.

13/11/19 8:11:09

No Entry.

21/10/19 7:04:41

lol

Apparently Landfill went the extra mile and scored in the last minute.

04/10/19 11:00:09

The young newlyweds are clearly delighted to eventually be back home following their Thomas Cook break.

25/09/19 7:02:25

lol creative

"So how often are these horrendous nose bleeds?"
- "About once a month"

29/07/19 19:09:36

clever

I wish I'd been arrested while walking down the aisle.....

21/05/19 9:36:13

Pete's waiting for his swimming coach

27/04/19 11:24:20

"This is unusual Mrs Jones, it's usually your husband I pick up with some bird"

25/04/19 19:08:37

"Sorry love, I just can't make up my mind. Can you try the flying ducks again?"

13/04/19 18:02:22

clever

What a fab idea, sham poo on tap.

01/03/19 8:21:53

lol

Meanwhile, at the County Fair, the 'guess my dress size' attraction was proving popular.

21/02/19 12:11:06

clever

Following increased security, Police foil suspected terrorist gang.

02/02/19 20:33:04

lol clever

"And that's why, at this point of every month, I start shouting at the two of you"

26/01/19 10:20:19

creative clever

Foot, Sea, 100

13/01/19 12:54:37

Gardeners World Raining Champion.

05/12/18 20:00:44

Cat on a hot bin roof

21/11/18 8:00:07

It's a brick wall son, a bit like talking to your father.

20/10/18 7:06:54

lol

"You'll never guess who I bumped into today while having a fag break"
- "Who?"
"Everyone"

14/09/18 12:07:20

lol

"Errr, guys, sorry you'er not quite in the centre..it's just a jump to the left"...

23/05/18 7:00:28

This morning a TV crew forced their way into a flat. It's break in news.

26/04/18 7:22:28

Darling...don't you think it's time to cut the lawn..

23/03/18 12:09:29

A night on the tiles

02/03/18 12:05:03

"Have you seen that new film about UFO's?"
"No, but I've seen the trailer"

10/02/18 12:09:18

clever

Heavy Petting

06/12/17 16:02:06

Flown to the lions.

07/06/23 19:51:04

Looks like he could do with a Veg table.

13/04/23 11:00:33

How will I recognise you?

17/03/23 12:04:45, edited: 17/03/23 12:31:30

Jump Suit

08/02/23 20:00:12

“Do you ever pee in the bath??”
- "Yep, carrot too!”

16/11/22 13:16:53

Dave is his step dad.

31/10/22 8:04:35

Sunak continues to suggest everything’s fine.

28/10/22 11:00:10

I preferred Fly Tipping by J.R Hartley.

05/10/22 11:29:11

creative

When Dave eventually got home he couldn't believe it. He had been wearing his T Shirt back to front all day!

30/09/22 20:15:44

'Thank you for calling The Conservative Party, press 1 for someone who doesn't care, 2 for someone who can't be bothered or 3 for someone who's sleeping off a hangover'

19/05/22 20:15:43

He's put on a few stones

30/04/22 8:49:02

And so it came to pass, following the great floods of 1931 this part of London became know as Chairing Cross.

05/03/22 20:00:34

"Darling, it's your turn to walk the dog"

30/09/21 19:19:28

Scottish police arrest 22 men for having a search party

14/01/21 12:14:37

"Darling, I'm sorry but whoever did your hair today made a right arse of it"

15/12/20 22:34:38

lol x2

"Ladies and Gentlemen, due to unforeseen circumstances Michael Buble cannot perform this evening, however, as a special surprise Peter Andre has agreed to entertain us!!!"

13/11/20 14:07:44

"Darling, I think we should stop Tom from watching The Apprentice, that's the fourth babysitter he's fired"

26/09/20 14:50:30

"How adorable, how long has he been playing the banjo?"
- "About a year, but that bloody kid keeps nicking it off him"

27/08/20 13:29:36

clever

This evening's edition of Mastermind is unfortunately postponed.

16/02/20 15:10:25