"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the sudden loss of cabin pressure, but everything is now under control, and rest assured, stewardess Nancy can hang on to that wing for hours."

22/03/22 13:11:05

Chair coverings were deemed appropriate, given Buster's romantic history with furniture legs.

03/01/22 20:42:28

lol

"Hi, Steve from Surrey, enjoys long walks in the park, looking for a man who likes rubber, spikes, and barking like a dog?"

"No, I'm Bill Rockwell, photographer."

"Oh, forget I said anything."

29/10/21 23:37:16

"No parking space again! I'm going to have a word with those clowns next door."

10/08/21 20:09:57

creative

This joyous day was squawked about for years at the local seagull colony.

01/08/21 20:54:49

Don't do it. It's false advertising.

22/07/21 8:01:33

"I SAID, YOUR LIPSTICK IS ON WONKY! Oh, I give up, she's obviously deaf as a post."

17/07/21 8:13:05

Staging this photo was expensive. It cost Lucy from wardrobe an arm and a leg.

09/05/21 20:10:50

"That's just life son, they've stopped mum and I from swinging too."

19/02/21 20:10:50

lol

"Barry, you're twenty-seven, don't you think it's time you left home?"

14/02/21 20:16:24

"I'll be late home, I've got a mountain of paperwork to get through."

26/01/21 20:00:06

"Well, that's the last time I chase Santa up the chimney."

30/12/20 20:02:32

rg;;oij gapo htm'm thejioj; astj ast garg ,.o g oh nagi ,ngauh greopq gihn kl;ma iyk q.,

... Shit, turns out I have to look at the keyboard to type.

08/08/20 8:06:12

"Hello sailor, do you need a tug?"

26/06/20 12:00:35

Say goodbye to costly toilet paper!

Say hello to costly wallpaper!

09/04/20 12:01:41

clever

Triplicat

17/03/20 8:27:18

Yet another sensible reason why every American should own a gun.

20/02/20 20:30:21

Nothing says Prince of Demonic Evil like a V-neck sweater.

24/01/20 8:04:46

"A little help here guys, this damn sign's heavy."

12/01/20 20:00:48

It's weird how in every group of friends there's always one muppet.

16/12/19 8:00:53

Damn. I'm an atheist.

21/11/19 20:00:24

How much is that Dobby in the window?

08/10/19 20:00:10

"It's fine. Don't mind me. Pretend I'm not here. Go back to sleep."

28/07/19 8:00:16

The photo doesn't show how truly impressive this is. They're actually jumping it backwards.

30/06/19 8:13:44

Due to recent controversy, all red-headed children must be blurred in photos.

10/05/19 8:01:23

creative clever

"Menstrual cycle - Mood. Do you understand now?"

26/01/19 9:26:11

"Have you tried lubricating with butter?"

"Yes, but can we focus on getting my son out."

17/02/22 9:03:51

Not many people know that after the gang wraps up a case and unmasks the villain, Velma likes to smoke a joint and strip out of her polo neck sweater.

26/10/21 8:09:31

"Mum, isn't that guy with the cane who keeps bumping into things your boss?"

"Quiet son, I called in sick today."

16/07/21 20:35:12

"Are you guys here for the board meeting?"

13/07/21 13:19:36

"Yep, I can get it out OK, but if you don't mind me asking, how long has your wife been down there?"

10/07/21 8:00:50

"No, sorry, I'm Buddhist, I think you'll find Christians in the next tent."

18/04/21 20:20:46

"Honey, our daughter's 21st is not an ideal time to play with your sex doll."

07/01/21 12:29:09

Well, that proves it. Cats have no idea how to erect a tent.

12/11/20 20:33:02

Given the alternative I think I'd grind my own organ too.

20/10/20 8:10:11

"Damn, that bridge was lower than I thought."

29/09/20 12:08:51

"Give it up kid, with these ears I'm never going to fly."

24/06/20 12:12:30

clever

The shipment of ultra powerful magnets was going smoother than Dave had expected.

20/04/20 20:38:59

Sally and Ted were high school sweethearts and she had been fiercely loyal to him for twenty years, apart from that one time she screwed Satan.

08/03/20 8:08:58

🎵 All I Want For Crispness Is You 🎵

06/02/20 20:00:10

Typical bloody Captioneers. Post a beautiful photo of a hummingbird and you're lucky to get a dozen captions, but put up a pic of a giant inflatable penis and you can't shut the bastards up.

31/01/20 20:44:28

clever

"F*ck it's cold," said the Red Dragon.

18/12/19 20:19:08

He's clearly bananas.

29/11/19 8:16:57

"And the winner of this year's Baptist Church Hide and Seek competition is ... God ... again."

07/11/19 20:00:18

Highland fling

30/10/19 8:17:06

lol

She's a bit tall and bald, but I'd have her.

28/10/19 12:07:30

lol

Needless to say, the bridesmaids were not happy.

27/10/19 12:08:41

Copycat

[Nod 12:00:09 & 12:00:10]

06/10/19 13:33:58

A Wedding and Two Funerals.

25/09/19 8:27:31

This explains how Jason came back from the dead 8 times.

02/09/19 20:02:22

"Don't worry about it mate, that water was bloody cold."

21/08/19 8:09:52

That sinking feeling when you're about to become extinct.

02/06/19 8:00:40

Holy Shit

27/05/19 12:00:10

That's the tackiest toilet seat I've ever seen.

24/04/19 8:01:27

Oscar Pistorius' latest escape attempt.

10/04/19 13:07:25

"Grandmother, what big eyes you have."

08/04/19 12:00:22

... of Driving into Miss Daisy.

05/04/19 12:33:19

The problem has been the red pen. If we switch to a green one things will improve.

26/01/19 8:33:37

"Oh, a pun, I've heard of these. Common people use them, don't they?"

15/06/22 20:12:23

Ok, so the White Rabbit is obvious, but which one of you is Alice?

23/05/22 10:04:31

"I'm sure Mum won't mind me borrowing this thing she keeps in her bedside table."

17/05/22 12:12:59

"This psychopathic nutcase is about to mount me, and you seriously have to ask why the long face?"

20/04/22 20:01:02

I've always wondered how spaghetti was made.

10/01/22 8:43:40

"My culture believes it is a sin to go out in public without first covering your face."

"My culture too, honey, my culture too."

02/01/22 8:44:25

lol

"Girls, please come back to the farm! I said we've got 'Ed shearing', not 'Ed Sheeran'!"

03/11/21 20:38:21

Holy crap, I've got the leading caption for the first time ever!

Oh, wait ... damn you, Chris Beach.

02/11/21 21:35:46

"Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! It's Al Overy!"

24/10/21 20:00:55

"I'm so sorry about this. We really must get our chandeliers more safely secured to the ceiling."

29/07/21 20:23:29

Kids these days ... can't even wipe their own arses without help from Google.

03/06/21 12:00:47

"Is he ever going to yell 'Cut'?"

07/05/21 20:03:16

creative

"Dear me," remarked the Queen. "That dominos display was rubbish."

29/04/21 12:23:45

"Psst ... we're getting off this planet soon. Don't tell the humans."

15/04/21 12:13:20

"Two? Freak."

27/02/21 8:01:35

lol

How many times have I lain half naked in a pool of my own vomit and before passing out stupidly thought, "Well, at least things can't get any worse."

15/02/21 8:15:22

"Yes, my paw has been stuck to the steering wheel. No, I'm not going to elaborate on the type of adhesive used."

28/11/20 8:42:50

lol

"Candy? Is that you?"

"No."

22/10/20 21:36:25

"Dear Mr. Beach, I have your daughter. She will be safely released after you change last month's winning caption to 'The Dali Llama'. Yours sincerely, Anon."

08/10/20 8:06:23

At least the English version only has one mistake, the Welsh version is a right mess.

02/10/20 12:06:33

"Well Karen, it's called a stiletto, and the things it's made out of are called pans."

There are sexy wives, and kitchen wives, but poor Frank missed out on both.

24/08/20 20:27:24

Don't you just hate it when some random idiot washes your windows, then expects to get paid?

23/08/20 8:06:39

"Darling, if you don't stop smoking then in 20 years you'll be dead!"

"Well doll, in 20 years you're gonna look like your mother, so I'll take death."

16/08/20 20:24:58

"Lassie, my hand is caught in the filter. Unlock the gate latch with your teeth, then open the door inside with your paws. Knock the phone off the receiver and tap 9-9-9 with your nose. When someone answers, bark out Morse code for S-O-S. Go girl!"

"... woof?"

12/07/20 20:17:47

It's always embarrassing when your anteater sneezes in public.

19/06/20 0:20:45

Typical, me and my mates were enjoying a nice day at the beach, then bang on lunchtime a f*cking Captioneer showed up.

28/05/20 12:03:46

I told her not to insult my horse.

16/05/20 8:03:42

Makes you wonder what she's doing with her other hand?

07/03/20 9:25:47

You think head lice are bad, try having fire bugs.

02/02/20 8:39:43

Ah, the hummingbird, the songbird's shy cousin.

31/01/20 8:24:20

Due to a strict censorship doctrine all Japanese porn is pixelated.

14/01/20 12:23:38

I think the hedgehog's been done to death ... but another ten minutes in the oven wouldn't hurt.

12/12/19 20:11:36

clever

I find myself strangely attracted to her, but maybe it's just gravity.

04/12/19 21:06:26

I have a sudden urge to give Peace a chance ... twice.

28/11/19 8:02:02

"Where'd that guy in the 'Homo Sex Leads to Hell' shirt disappear to?"

12/11/19 20:06:44

"I'll give you a banana when you finish writing that complete works of Shakespeare."

28/10/19 12:15:47

Sometimes my wife and I role play that she's a prostitute and I'm a horny client. This is a picture of me practising with a real prostitute.

07/10/19 12:46:09

lol

They warned us AI would take over the world, but when my smartphone became fully sentient it just decided to get its charging port pierced.

04/10/19 8:24:14

🎵Paper-bike Rider🎵

01/08/19 8:01:01

Just a regular day at the beach for Evel Knievel.

13/06/19 8:34:54

"Look at that girl taking our photo over her shoulder. Weirdo."

20/05/19 8:09:41

Ground Hog Day ... I feel like I've read this caption before.

13/05/19 22:51:52