"Nah, that's rubbish," said Walt Disney. "Let's try dogs and spaghetti."

01/11/22 8:00:55, edited: 01/11/22 8:04:08

"Sure, it stings now, but you'll thank me when you're grown up and immune to jellyfish."

06/10/22 11:04:54, edited: 06/10/22 11:13:33

When she sobered up, Rose suddenly wished for an iceberg.

10/08/22 13:16:38

Later that evening...

🙁🥴😠🤮

18/05/22 7:27:06

lol clever

"Chris Beach certainly has an eclectic record collection."

"Yes, but my gut says there's some subtle common theme..."

13/05/22 13:37:30

Despite her abnormal childhood, Susan grew up to be a perfectly normal serial killer.

04/11/21 12:07:00

lol

"Put down the knife, Davy, and let's discuss this silly hat idea."

18/10/21 11:20:10

Mittens was later convicted by concrete evidence.

07/10/21 19:08:30

creative

The downside of early photography was the long exposure time.

24/02/21 20:13:42

Upon returning from a piss, Dave suddenly realised he'd re-entered the auditorium through the wrong door.

21/12/20 8:40:26

Deer Lord...

06/12/20 20:00:51

I wish we could return to the good old days, when women took ironing seriously.

10/09/20 7:21:35

lol

It's obviously a Salvador Baalí.

07/09/20 7:00:36

lol

That awkward first date moment, when she wants you to regurgitate food into her mouth, but you're not sure if you should.

19/07/20 7:14:06

The top half looks good, but dig a little deeper and you'll find she's got crabs.

29/05/20 19:14:51

Warning, terrible pun ahead, brace yourselves.

24/03/20 20:24:26

My wife wanted a baby, I wanted a fridge magnet, we compromised.

26/06/19 7:00:40

lol

Scientists at CERN say it's nothing to worry about.

23/03/19 13:42:05

clever

He's been driving around in circles for ages.

20/02/19 12:00:19

lol

Oh for God's sake, not another photo of an old lady carrying an umbrella while riding a skateboard!

13/10/23 7:01:09

"Excellent, Mr. Smith, your elbow is healing well. You can pass me my clothes back now."

18/09/23 19:33:44, edited: 18/09/23 19:35:26

"Excuse me, miss, I'm the caption.me photographer. Could you move aside so I can take a picture of that cat?"

02/09/23 7:11:13

lol

Not another cat picture.

09/08/23 19:19:52

"Ok, Dave, I'll move them. Just stop peeing on my arm."

04/07/23 19:01:46

"Take that off, Dave, you look like a foal."

11/06/23 19:34:40

- 21
- Hung like a horse
- Sexual deviant
- Behind you

25/02/23 8:00:16

What happens in the barn, stays in the barn.

12/11/22 20:06:08

"Give me your basket, bitch!" demanded Little Red Riding Hoodlum.

26/08/22 7:11:50

"Well, those seats are novel."

16/08/22 7:04:17, edited: 16/08/22 7:08:51

lol creative

"...and this is a 5 month pregnant woman balancing a Jacobean nursing chair on her chin."

Some people take shadow puppetry too seriously.

23/06/22 19:30:52

"At the time of the explosion the seat was up, so we know the perpetrator was a male. Sticky finger marks suggest he was right handed. And judging by the shoeprints we can tell he wears a size 9 1/2."

"Very good, Watson, but you're missing one important fact."

"What's that, Holmes?"

"This is Caption.me. The perpetrator was obviously Dave."

20/06/22 20:53:21

clever

"Dad, I can't breathe!"

"Son, shuffle back and give your sister some room."

18/02/22 8:50:49

"Mittens, honey, I've got good news and bad. The good news is I have that pesky mouse cornered..."

01/02/22 20:10:14

"Where on earth is the bow?"

"At the front."

17/11/21 9:04:49

The Invisible Man still has nightmares about the time he caught Spiderman masturbating.

30/10/21 9:04:25

Good news! The members of caption.me have all chipped in to help solve your problem! Here's 942 cats.

11/10/21 19:06:35

"Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in."

06/08/21 19:00:26

"Those bugs have eluded me so far, but something tells me they're f#cking close."

25/05/21 19:47:45

"We're not wearing anything Dave, but if you're shy come in your shorts."

"I have."

09/03/21 12:00:39

Fortunately the North Korean nuclear threat wasn't all it had been cracked up to be.

22/02/21 8:22:01

lol

Dave loved riding lightning rods during hurricanes. He did it well. We'll miss you Dave.

14/01/21 8:07:10

It's a wonder of nature how sunflowers always turn to face the camera.

08/11/20 20:09:23

"Honey, remember how 9 months ago I told you I was abducted by aliens..."

29/09/20 7:03:18

When your remote falls down the back of the pouch.

24/08/20 11:05:55

Gloves and mask are required PPE - Lab coat is optional.

30/04/20 7:03:23

I hope to move here, I'm sick of living in Wanking.

16/04/20 19:19:03

To: parents@gmail.com
"I have your children. Will exchange for 6 rolls of bog paper and a bottle of hand sanitiser. Do you agree with these terms?"

To: kidnapper@gmail.com
"Nah, keep them."

31/03/20 12:07:22

clever

Hot Tin Roof on a Cat

20/03/20 12:38:53

Pareidolia is a psychological phenomenon that causes people to see faces in everyday things, unless you're a Captioneer and then you see tits and penises.

27/02/20 20:12:02

lol

Never give bubblegum to your dog.

16/01/20 23:35:44

Well, the ventriloquism was good, but have you thought about getting a smaller dummy?

04/09/19 7:02:16

"No Sweetie, put it down ... we have to cook it first."

20/08/19 19:00:13

I retract my earlier caption: THIS is the tackiest toilet I've ever seen.

24/04/19 19:09:10

creative

Replace your groin armour now Stormtrooper #66!

26/01/19 12:12:44

Dragging Queens

Tue 8:05:36

No Bat Nursery would be complete without a Bat Mobile.

11/08/23 7:13:58

Dave has always had a tendency to pose. It's a poor trait.

02/05/23 7:12:53

"I don't care how long it takes, one day I will get a winning caption."

27/03/23 19:00:11

Happens all the time when couples get old. Pops buys a caravan, and Nan dyes her hare pink.

02/09/22 7:06:45

"... and this one commemorates my 50th wedding anniversary."

"My God, you've been married 50 years?"

"No, I've been married 50 times."

06/04/22 19:45:10

"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the sudden loss of cabin pressure, but everything is now under control, and rest assured, stewardess Nancy can hang on to that wing for hours."

22/03/22 13:11:05

Chair coverings were deemed appropriate, given Buster's romantic history with furniture legs.

03/01/22 20:42:28

lol

"Hi, Steve from Surrey, enjoys long walks in the park, looking for a man who likes rubber, spikes, and barking like a dog?"

"No, I'm Bill Rockwell, photographer."

"Oh, forget I said anything."

29/10/21 22:37:16

"No parking space again! I'm going to have a word with those clowns next door."

10/08/21 19:09:57

creative

This joyous day was squawked about for years at the local seagull colony.

01/08/21 19:54:49

Don't do it. It's false advertising.

22/07/21 7:01:33

"I SAID, YOUR LIPSTICK IS ON WONKY! Oh, I give up, she's obviously deaf as a post."

17/07/21 7:13:05

Staging this photo was expensive. It cost Lucy from wardrobe an arm and a leg.

09/05/21 19:10:50

"That's just life son, they've stopped mum and I from swinging too."

19/02/21 20:10:50

lol

"Barry, you're twenty-seven, don't you think it's time you left home?"

14/02/21 20:16:24

"I'll be late home, I've got a mountain of paperwork to get through."

26/01/21 20:00:06

"Well, that's the last time I chase Santa up the chimney."

30/12/20 20:02:32

rg;;oij gapo htm'm thejioj; astj ast garg ,.o g oh nagi ,ngauh greopq gihn kl;ma iyk q.,

... Shit, turns out I have to look at the keyboard to type.

08/08/20 7:06:12

"Hello sailor, do you need a tug?"

26/06/20 11:00:35

Say goodbye to costly toilet paper!

Say hello to costly wallpaper!

09/04/20 11:01:41

clever

Triplicat

17/03/20 8:27:18

Yet another sensible reason why every American should own a gun.

20/02/20 20:30:21

Nothing says Prince of Demonic Evil like a V-neck sweater.

24/01/20 8:04:46

"A little help here guys, this damn sign's heavy."

12/01/20 20:00:48

It's weird how in every group of friends there's always one muppet.

16/12/19 8:00:53

Damn. I'm an atheist.

21/11/19 20:00:24

How much is that Dobby in the window?

08/10/19 19:00:10

"It's fine. Don't mind me. Pretend I'm not here. Go back to sleep."

28/07/19 7:00:16

The photo doesn't show how truly impressive this is. They're actually jumping it backwards.

30/06/19 7:13:44

Due to recent controversy, all red-headed children must be blurred in photos.

10/05/19 7:01:23

creative clever

"Menstrual cycle - Mood. Do you understand now?"

26/01/19 9:26:11

"Ah, yep, well done, Dave, but we actually need that one horizontal."

20/11/23 20:06:17

When you decide to end it all, but your feet want to live.

04/10/23 19:04:57, edited: 04/10/23 19:06:48

creative

*Ding Dong*

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain. Apologies, but we must return to the airport. Coming down the runway a bird was sucked into an engine."

02/06/23 19:00:08

I do ⬜
I don't ⬜

08/05/23 7:00:11

clever x2

Some people really, really hate Brussels sprouts.

06/01/23 8:03:09, edited: 06/01/23 8:09:14

creative

That awkward moment when a gust of wind blows away your curtain and completely ruins the puppet show.

28/07/22 7:10:32

"Have you tried lubricating with butter?"

"Yes, but can we focus on getting my son out."

17/02/22 9:03:51

Not many people know that after the gang wraps up a case and unmasks the villain, Velma likes to smoke a joint and strip out of her polo neck sweater.

26/10/21 7:09:31

"Mum, isn't that guy with the cane who keeps bumping into things your boss?"

"Quiet son, I called in sick today."

16/07/21 19:35:12

"Are you guys here for the board meeting?"

13/07/21 12:19:36

"Yep, I can get it out OK, but if you don't mind me asking, how long has your wife been down there?"

10/07/21 7:00:50

"No, sorry, I'm Buddhist, I think you'll find Christians in the next tent."

18/04/21 19:20:46

"Honey, our daughter's 21st is not an ideal time to play with your sex doll."

07/01/21 12:29:09

Well, that proves it. Cats have no idea how to erect a tent.

12/11/20 20:33:02