best earliest latest latest and best captions

"Unlucky sir you had to get the hoop over the boy to win the prize. "

25/12/21 20:12:26

Hogwarts school are to investigate who stole the teachers broomstick.

23/12/21 12:05:13

"Dad I think you got glue or something on it, it's stuck to my neck.

09/12/21 13:02:00

"I said it needed a catalytic converter not a Catholic. "

01/11/21 20:08:20

Dave sits quietly reading his paper hoping no one will notice his colostomy bag has burst.

14/09/21 12:09:14

"Mavis it says here they have caught the last surviving female red squirrel in the country. Mavis did you hear that. Mavis MAVIS."

28/07/21 8:21:13

clever

The government erect giant fishing nets around the country to stop inbound flights from red list countries.

12/07/21 12:19:35

Water Shep down.

09/06/21 20:49:22

Interesting reading at the vets, certainly better than that other book How to put down Alsatians.

28/05/21 12:24:21

Rorschach has thanked you all for taking his blot test and will be in touch with those needing psychological help once names
are revealed in 3 days.

20/05/21 8:19:31

1 is on her maiden trip the other has had plenty of passengers inside her.

26/04/21 8:12:16

Excuse me Miss have you seen 2 girls come along here who tricked me and stole my motorbike.

24/04/21 12:06:16

I'd love to stand here for the rest of the day watching your animal impressions but i must fly ... oh damn

20/04/21 12:34:23

Just a normal day cutting the grass in a Scottish summer.

27/03/21 20:02:38

Bloody post office, I was told my sex toy would arrive in a discreet brown paper bag.

20/03/21 12:32:15

Hey save some of the spaghetti for me.

03/03/21 20:13:04

Welcome to UK Border Security, move along sir we think the car behind has 200 more cigarettes than their allowance allows.

01/03/21 12:04:27

creative clever

That 4 and 20 blackbird pie was lovely what's for pudding

25/02/21 8:03:03

Ova and out

02/02/21 12:20:28

The hills are alive with the sound of the Von Trapped family

28/01/21 20:16:15

Kamala Harris starts to throw out Trumps policies

26/01/21 20:14:59

I told my wife if she has any complaints about me then make a list

26/01/21 20:11:42

Wilderness survival day 5: thanks to my faithful companion I now have wood to make fire which will enable me to cook and eat .... I'll really miss that dog

20/01/21 8:02:05

Batman and sobbin

19/01/21 12:12:25

That's just not cricket

19/01/21 12:08:21

The women play in all seater stadiums.

04/04/24 20:16:46

After every hunt Jill like to have her kills stuffed and mounted. These are 2 of her favourites.

03/02/24 12:14:42

lol

I've had a call from some bloke in Pink Floyd asking if we have any he's making a wall

27/01/24 8:28:31, edited: 27/01/24 8:29:14, suggested edits

lol

I was getting turned on until I realised the nipples were actually outie belly buttons.

21/01/24 20:24:41

I'm not Interested in birds I'm happy chatting to my pen pal.

05/01/24 20:05:30

January 1st and my boyfriend desserted me.

01/01/24 20:08:50

After years of investigation into incidents at The Shanghai Bald Society police say there has been a terrible cover up.

25/12/23 9:05:43

Take the dog out he's bursting

14/07/23 20:13:26, edited: 14/07/23 20:13:49

"I'm trying to breed rabbits."
"But you only have one rabbit."

09/07/23 8:13:08

She does this everytime she needs a drink should we tell her the water bottle comes out of the holder?

01/07/23 8:25:00

clever

That's the last time I lend ET my bike.

17/06/23 8:05:49

Billy thought it was time to resurrect their relationship.

29/04/23 13:25:10

He's walked into that door again. I don't think those eye drops are working.

29/04/23 8:19:20

Where do you find funny dinosaur skeletons?
Amuseum.

06/03/23 20:11:39

It's a memorial to my latex he was a handy man.

11/02/23 12:18:30

At 1st I thought it was Elton John but turns out it's his rocket gran.

18/01/23 9:11:36

"Yes it looks great but can you stop sewing buttons on my new socks."

07/01/23 12:08:25

The sudden snow storm caught them underwear.

04/01/23 12:10:49

A little gnome carrying a big glass ball..looks shattered.

03/01/23 8:25:58

Autumnmobile.

27/11/22 12:11:45

Barf time.

25/11/22 12:18:30

8 out 10 hippos can't tell the difference between butter and stork.

07/11/22 20:03:10

"That tree would have landed right on my head if I hadn't remembered 2 duck."

05/10/22 20:14:52

I think they are Amish match.

10/09/22 8:31:59

The only way I could get on caption me was to identify as a cat.

30/08/22 8:11:49

Swedens new James Bond.

00Sven.

25/08/22 12:09:39

I'm going to wait until they make the book into a film as all our meetings are on zoom.

12/08/22 20:40:12

Police training camp see who is best equipped to be a pig.

09/08/22 12:04:29

I have been betting on that horse for years have lost hundreds and thousands.

25/07/22 8:08:57

"Bloody hell Dave you're meant to be our handy man stop writing your stupid captions and just fix the chair."

12/06/22 8:12:14

I told you both to hold on tight , that the motorbikes acceleration is fast.

06/05/22 20:18:43

"I must admit seeing you here looking so sexy I need to tell you I am getting a little Hornby."

30/04/22 12:14:05

"Come on son you have been sat there for 20 minutes now surely your stiffy has gone."

29/04/22 12:04:26

creative clever

"You might have used different coloured wool but thanks for the ducks sitting on a nest of eggs slippers Nan."

27/04/22 8:06:36

"Glad you managed to get parked at the Penis enlargement clinic Lee."

27/03/22 12:02:04

"I love my alpaca. "
"You mean llama ."
"I can never pronounce Welsh words properly."

10/02/22 12:21:48

"OK no kissing but hands up anyone who will do anal."

02/02/22 20:22:42

"What do you mean you took the top off its not a convertible. "

21/01/22 8:15:51

"MUM the GP surgery has answered shall I tell them that they are 18 months late for the pregnancy test you asked for "

27/10/21 12:24:50

I'm a celebrity producers dismiss claims of animal cruelty saying all creatures used on the show are put up in 5 star hotels before their performance.

10/10/21 20:37:04

"Believe me Cinderella it's for your own good the Prince is called Andrew."

31/07/21 20:39:30

"Where are the puppies?"
"You said throw the litter out the window while we are driving."

31/07/21 8:34:09

You know you are getting old when the boy bands look so young.

26/06/21 8:16:17

But it still only has an outdoor toilet.

19/06/21 20:06:43

"I told you not to complete your surgery to tansgender until after the birth, you've just blown your new cock off."

18/05/21 8:19:36

"Luckily this is a telephone mast I have a signal and can make a call and reverse the charges."

13/05/21 20:04:58

Rosa Barks a black lab was told she can't ride on the bus

12/05/21 12:08:27

Due to cut backs this year's panto will be Snow White and the 4 dwarfs.

06/05/21 20:30:58

North Yorkshire pigeon racing society investigate cheating claims.

01/05/21 8:53:55

And if you turn it up the other way all Michelle Obamas clothes fall off.
Ok gentlemen can we get back to the enquiry about sexual attitudes in the workplace.

25/04/21 8:37:50

Earthquake hits Oldham causing millions of Pounds worth of improvements.

29/03/21 12:05:46

Tragic scene as Olaf is mown down

27/03/21 20:01:45

At the end of each term at university Bruce would bring his stuff home for his mum to wash.

09/02/21 20:26:44

You think that looks impressive you should have seen him deliver it all on his moped

09/02/21 20:13:00

After a number of years service we are sad to announce that Henry the hen will be retiring but pleased that he has been adopted by a friendly old army man Colonel Saunders

08/02/21 12:48:59

For Gods sake kids just wait till later then you can have a Slush Puppy.

07/02/21 8:36:11

In todays cooking with sausages competition I think we have a wiener

28/01/21 8:14:35

Well he has already screwed the whole country

27/01/21 8:06:57

Steve was really pleased with his hare transplant

22/01/21 12:07:13

I just bought a house down there but had to leave a big deposit

16/01/21 21:03:13

"Trust me lads in 70 years time In 2020 all the men will be dressing like this."

Thu 8:10:01

After a terrible foul we needed to get number 2 off the pitch.

04/04/24 20:07:21

This is what happens when companies are forced to portray every possible combination of gender , race , sexuality , religion , age........

16/03/24 12:25:12, edited: 16/03/24 12:55:32

He always wanted to be a professional wrestler but I thinks he's just been walking round with his head in the clouds.

02/03/24 8:31:45

You know the annoying old cat lady down the end of our street ? Well I've got her a present

08/02/24 12:00:55, edited: 08/02/24 12:09:48

Bust friends

21/01/24 20:00:31

I think you are all being hard on her.

13/01/24 12:09:40

The inventor of the multi hotdog maker has been raking it in.

10/01/24 12:10:55

Winning the scissors race for the 3rd year running Jill was a cut above the rest.

04/01/24 20:02:11

lol

"GRANNY WHERE IS MY TREAT?"
"Stop shouting she can't hear you and come away from the grave they need to fill it in now."

23/12/23 12:34:44

I couldn't eat that it goes right through me.

11/12/23 20:31:56

I'm not worried for us but we are on the 14th floor and the laundrette is in the basement.

22/11/23 8:11:34

Just seeing who has the biggest chopper.

15/11/23 8:36:54

I think you've pulled.

29/10/23 8:05:07

"I told you last week Dave I'm dating this plant now."

07/07/23 20:27:29