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"He was found dead, but undamaged."
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Greg Curtis Vote score: 6095Greg Curtis

"He was found dead, but undamaged."

19/12/19 22:37:32

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 8406Chris Keegan

This wasn't what Malcolm expected when he joined the Army and was told he'd be posted abroad.

19/12/19 21:27:51

 
The Wolf Vote score: 6968The Wolf

The lengths some people go to in order to appreciate their own farts...

19/12/19 20:00:50

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38790Welsh Rarebit

Is that the guy who starred in 'Foam Alone'?

19/12/19 20:00:17

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 4637Kenny Ireland

"Bloody weirdo. Last time he came in a Jiffy".

20/12/19 3:36:01

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 4637Kenny Ireland

Jeremy would spend the remainder of his years in insulation.

20/12/19 3:29:14

 
The Wolf Vote score: 6968The Wolf

Who says your sex life has to be boring when you get older?

19/12/19 20:00:14

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 9401Mr Dome

'...three million nine hundred and ninety nine thousand nine hundred and ninety eight, three million nine hundred and ninety nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine..... Shit I'm missing one!!'

19/12/19 20:48:32

 
Stu Dent Vote score: 3738Stu Dent

He's fucking nuts

19/12/19 20:10:23

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 4637Kenny Ireland

Packman.

20/12/19 2:53:24

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 8994Dave Bryan

Body In The Bag Murder: Police say the case has been wrapped up.

19/12/19 20:19:13

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 8994Dave Bryan

Sadly, Barry Houdini did not receive the same critical acclaim as his brother.

19/12/19 20:06:02

 
stone face Vote score: 7439stone face

"Well done Derek..And welcome to the Autoerotic Asphyxiation Society."

19/12/19 21:16:01

 
Karyn Harrison Vote score: 4394Karyn Harrison

Shit, that's Mr Andrews, my old Biology teacher!

19/12/19 20:55:27

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 2094Scrijjy Doo

And he would have gotten away with it if only he had remembered air holes.

19/12/19 20:14:43

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 9217Stephen Bean

There are few jobs worse than cleaning out a Jolly Green Giant's condom.

19/12/19 20:06:24

 
Lynne A Vote score: 44Lynne A

Packaged and sent by male order.

20/12/19 8:36:06

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 4637Kenny Ireland

"Marg. Could you get that loft insulation company on the phone please?"

20/12/19 3:34:06

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 11492Vanessa the Guesser

That's the worst case of Hermes I've ever seen.

19/12/19 20:34:42

 
The Wolf Vote score: 6968The Wolf

"...AND YOU CAN STAY IN THERE UNTIL YOU'RE SORRY... Honestly, who puts the family Christmas supply of Wotsits in the washing machine with a green sock? What an utter prick"

19/12/19 20:11:29

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 2094Scrijjy Doo

I can clearly see your nuts.

19/12/19 20:08:09

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 11492Vanessa the Guesser

Package holiday

19/12/19 20:06:39

 
Rachel P Vote score: 1462Rachel P

Self storage

19/12/19 20:03:49

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38790Welsh Rarebit

Paul E Styrene

19/12/19 20:00:40

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 6571Hercules Rockefeller

Peanuts envy

19/12/19 20:00:33

 
James Lennox Vote score: 5319James Lennox

When masturbation loses its thrill, it's time to improvise.

19/12/19 20:00:06

 
Generic RedHead Vote score: 678Generic RedHead

Boyle in the bag.

20/12/19 7:32:07

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 5599Vivvy En

The bogeyman

19/12/19 20:19:46

 
Mark England Vote score: 16516Mark England

Meet Toxteth O'Grady

19/12/19 20:10:23

 
James Lennox Vote score: 5319James Lennox

Kurt Vonnegut once said that sexual intercourse is just an elaborate form of masturbation. I think for this guy it's the other way around.

19/12/19 20:01:50

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 990Mark Wilson

When Gran said she had a memorial done to remind her of Gramps for the room I was expecting maybe a engraved candle!

20/12/19 17:09:43

 
Sam Cass Vote score: 944Sam Cass

He's packing.

20/12/19 15:37:52

 
Carey Sutton Vote score: 891Carey Sutton

I think he was picked on for being a dick, so he put on a condom for protection.

20/12/19 10:12:57

 
Lucky Elperro Vote score: 4451Lucky Elperro

It's your own fault Jim. You were warned not to eat too much popcorn with a colostomy bag.

20/12/19 9:17:34

 
Generic RedHead Vote score: 678Generic RedHead

"Mum, your delivery is here!"

20/12/19 7:14:36

 
Generic RedHead Vote score: 678Generic RedHead

"special" delivery

20/12/19 7:12:45

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 9401Mr Dome

'Dear John.
You have caused me years of abuse and I have had enough so I drugged you and left you in this bag to die. I really just want to see you to suffer. Kate'

20/12/19 5:23:20

 
Dev B Vote score: 599Dev B

Conceived from a dick

20/12/19 4:29:21

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 4637Kenny Ireland

Due to a typing error, James ended up in the insulation unit.

20/12/19 3:31:32

 
John  Glover Vote score: 20324John Glover

For a penance brother James would sweat it out for an hour in a sealed polythene bag filled with polystyrene pieces. He became known in the abbey as The Chip Monk.

20/12/19 2:08:30

 
Charles Gilbert Vote score: 484Charles Gilbert

Cereal killer strikes again.

20/12/19 1:06:14

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 10552Neil Mackenzie

Democrat not happy with green polystyrene packing chips, he wanted them in peach.

19/12/19 22:29:50

 
Rachel P Vote score: 1462Rachel P

Ken had used Lynx all his life, but vaccum packed kept him fresh for longer

19/12/19 21:32:14

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 22855Michael Winner

"Dear Amazon, please send a replacement as the Civil Servant I ordered has arrived dead."

19/12/19 21:24:18

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 8406Chris Keegan

Match.com, now doing home delivery.

19/12/19 21:14:30

 
Karyn Harrison Vote score: 4394Karyn Harrison

Ann Summers under fire from environmentalists for posting their blow up dolls ready inflated.

19/12/19 20:45:23

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 8994Dave Bryan

Foaming at the mouth

19/12/19 20:39:02

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 8406Chris Keegan

If a stay in the Amazon seems too cheap....

19/12/19 20:36:12

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 31406Tony Edwards

Bubble crap

19/12/19 20:28:11

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 1359Willie Johnson

Don't you just hate it when... (*Naw, too easy*).
What happened to the Geoduck and Peanut Worms I was going to send?

19/12/19 20:27:38

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 31406Tony Edwards

Cockoon

19/12/19 20:25:36

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38790Welsh Rarebit

Randyfloss

19/12/19 20:24:07

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 21923Ian Skelding

Tory MP relaxing at home.

19/12/19 20:21:45

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 1359Willie Johnson

They weren't green before he got in there.

19/12/19 20:20:13

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 6510Glyn Evans

Get stuffed

19/12/19 20:18:37

 
James Lennox Vote score: 5319James Lennox

Exactly the reason frozen pea companies shouldn't employ midgets.

19/12/19 20:14:37

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 2094Scrijjy Doo

I don't think that's what they mean by packing peanuts.

19/12/19 20:08:09

 
James Lennox Vote score: 5319James Lennox

The new Superstud Doll! Just $9.99!! Money back if you're not 100% satisfied! (Refund does not include $199 P&P)

19/12/19 20:06:47

 
Crunchy Chords Vote score: 3200Crunchy Chords

Introducing the “Ghost me and Post me” package from Dignitas

19/12/19 20:02:05

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 8994Dave Bryan

For best results soil in the bag.

19/12/19 20:00:56

 
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