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The Three Tonners
29/05/24 11:00:29
"I still say it would have been easier to use the battering ram, Sarge."
29/05/24 7:16:00, edited: 29/05/24 7:43:51
Braking and entering.
29/05/24 7:10:47, edited: 29/05/24 7:52:26, suggested edits
"I now declare this box open."
28/05/24 7:08:25
When your boss says, 'from tomorrow you're fired', but you stay late to get another 24,000 off the production line.
23/05/24 11:17:35
🎶 tread, tread wine 🎶
20/05/24 19:04:39
A frostitute
18/05/24 19:00:59
"Hmmn ... I don't know. Maybe we should go with Andy escaping Shawshank through a sewer pipe instead?"
18/05/24 7:05:09
“Look, no hands!”
16/05/24 19:03:40
It's a race against thyme.
14/05/24 7:06:13
Lady and the Lamp
11/05/24 19:01:23, edited: 11/05/24 19:10:17
"Was it a natural birth?""No, Caesar-ian."
11/05/24 11:08:40
Salad dressing
11/05/24 11:00:38, edited: 11/05/24 11:02:49
Petflix
10/05/24 7:03:56
Duploganger
05/05/24 11:15:13
I was shitting bricks after eating that.
25/04/24 11:02:23
Pork Chopper
18/04/24 11:16:16
Get off your high horse
15/04/24 19:10:08
Bonehemian Rhapsody
14/04/24 19:02:12
Chilling photo of Maria Bolokov, the Russian serial killer who kept a souvenir from every man she murdered.
12/04/24 19:03:04, edited: 12/04/24 19:03:38, suggested edits
Loo-loo
10/04/24 19:01:48
Throne of Game.
07/04/24 11:06:13
Prickly pair
03/04/24 11:01:35
The Hounds of the Basketfills
01/04/24 7:05:25
It's a Frankfurther
30/03/24 12:04:17
"She's never properly recovered from that Paul Mckenna stage experience. He told her that she was a Dung Beetle"
29/03/24 12:06:32
"He said he wants a penguin""We ain't got any. We've Kit Kats if that'll do."
24/03/24 12:19:13
Air Jardins
23/03/24 20:29:03
Romancing the Stone
22/03/24 8:07:32
"The drinks are on me!"
15/03/24 20:03:39
Climbing frames
14/03/24 20:05:10
"Remember last week, when I said I thought I saw a squirrel go in the cellar..."
12/03/24 20:07:28
Air Giraffic Control
10/03/24 12:22:49, edited: 10/03/24 12:24:01
"One wonders if she spreads easily."
09/03/24 20:07:56
Airbnb
06/03/24 12:11:40
🎵 Singing in the Train 🎵
05/03/24 8:25:14, edited: 05/03/24 8:26:15
“The Pink Floyd museum was disappointing.”
04/03/24 12:01:19
Tee Rex
03/03/24 12:10:43
"Go from 2nd to 3rd,then ease to 4th , now a high 5."
03/03/24 8:08:50
Erm...Wizard of Oz, that's not the right place to put my heart
29/02/24 20:01:32
Purramid
29/02/24 12:03:02
The X-File
27/02/24 12:03:28, edited: 27/02/24 12:03:41
A skeleton in the closet
26/02/24 13:05:00
It's got great reviews on Trip Advisor.
21/02/24 12:18:47
"So, concluding the council meeting regarding the funding of pothole repairs, we have 164 votes for, and 1 against."
19/02/24 20:15:33
Tweet dreams
17/02/24 21:03:03
Pizza Hat
17/02/24 8:00:39
Bury F.C
14/02/24 12:01:03
World Musical Chairs champion 10 years straight.
13/02/24 8:31:27
"Now if we turn them over we might be able to see the artist's mark."
12/02/24 20:02:26
A fish called Wander
11/02/24 12:06:15
Saturday Night at the Moovies
10/02/24 8:00:25
Chockade
09/02/24 20:07:21
They're the cat's pyjamas
08/02/24 20:06:09
“Typical of them, most people make do with a clothes horse.”
01/02/24 8:16:41
"What are you listening to?""A cephalopodcast."
31/01/24 12:43:36
Newly Arrived Migrant Speaks Out:''I must admit I did expect some kind of boat for $10,000.''
31/01/24 8:22:46, edited: 31/01/24 8:39:16
Levi-athan
28/01/24 20:03:14, edited: 28/01/24 20:04:28
Moby Dick
25/01/24 20:26:45
"Thar she blows!"
25/01/24 20:07:33, edited: 25/01/24 20:08:00
Sumo mothers do 'ave 'em
20/01/24 20:03:33
''That child will go far.''
19/01/24 8:09:19
Gerry and the Pacemaker
17/01/24 8:08:34
"Contenderrrrs ready!?"
16/01/24 20:11:51
From the new mother-of-the bride range.
14/01/24 20:01:51
They come in packs of three
14/01/24 12:02:09, edited: 14/01/24 12:15:27, suggested edits
Being cut and sliced didn't bother Mr Carrot, but the previous night in Tina's bedroom was still playing on his mind.
12/01/24 12:37:54
"No, carry on...I will get into those sodding leggings."
12/01/24 12:02:33
"I'm suffocating my nits."
08/01/24 8:09:37
Ancient Wonders Series 2: The Hanging Hardons of Dagenham.
07/01/24 8:26:25
Turd class
06/01/24 20:35:15
His Ma disnae think he'll get a girlfriend any time soon.
02/01/24 12:01:31
Dave was rubbish at picking up girls.
31/12/23 20:19:41, edited: 01/01/24 8:03:59
Seems great at first, then gets used as coat rack.
30/12/23 20:02:45
Working ova time
26/12/23 20:12:18
Say cheese.
23/12/23 20:02:23
The Jungle Rook
22/12/23 21:09:42
Reminds me, I need to put the pigs in blankets in the oven.
18/12/23 12:03:08
"I heard what the vet did to you mate. I'm sorry for your loss."
14/12/23 12:02:06
"Yeah, sex with him is dry, boring, and one sided, but for some reason it does keep my thrush away."
12/12/23 8:24:39
The Oil and the Pussycat
09/12/23 12:13:02
"Jeez, I could murder a grandma ... I mean, a kebab."
07/12/23 8:13:13, edited: 07/12/23 8:28:15
It's a scam. He pays you £15 an hour to let him sing...but it's £100 to make him stop.
06/12/23 20:03:25
"Unfortunately for Susan, the similarity to a Donkey ended there."
04/12/23 8:12:21
Johnny Cash
03/12/23 8:09:27
"I'm sorry. I can't hear you. I'm stone deaf."
02/12/23 20:02:24
The ghost of captions past
02/12/23 8:00:30
Jack Rustle.
28/11/23 12:03:50
"How does it feel to be so close to death?""What are you talking about? I'm about a thousand feet from death."
20/11/23 20:21:25
Also available: Dinosaur Bones.
18/11/23 20:15:01
Toiletrees
15/11/23 8:02:05
Rupee cushion
09/11/23 12:03:05
"It's not that I'm not enjoying it, but could we go to the swings or something on our second date?"
03/11/23 20:05:39
Has bins
31/10/23 8:02:23
"Look guys, I know we're all upset about having to cancel the safari in Africa, but the mortgage has gone up so we just need to make the most of it. LOOK...there's another one."
28/10/23 11:16:48
Breakfast - London - £37.99
22/10/23 19:04:20
“Del I told you if we park the van here we’ll be charged.”
22/10/23 8:03:06
Arse over tit
17/10/23 19:12:38
Weapon of ass destruction
14/10/23 11:09:00
"Oh dear, I've just thrown up that meal I had a week ago.""Don't worry, Dave, the captions are all being regurgitated too."
12/10/23 19:17:35
suggested edits
