super vote: ( left this week)
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“Shun of a Bic!”
17/09/23 7:06:22
“Was the Police all you could think of for something blue”
15/09/23 11:08:53
They're dam tasty
11/09/23 19:04:34
“Hmm she is a captioneer and my name is Dave this is not going to end well “
09/09/23 19:06:58
OnlyGrans
05/09/23 19:07:24
“A gift from my feller.”
24/08/23 11:53:23
I torte saw a pudding cat
20/08/23 19:03:00
Dave was forever taking his cock out in public.
16/08/23 11:05:47, edited: 16/08/23 12:05:33
Nobody was surprised by her dress. Rumours had been circulating for a long time that she had something in the oven.
14/08/23 7:11:17
"And here's 4,999 I prepared earlier."
11/08/23 19:20:11
When you get drunk, try to jump over something you shouldn't, stumble, land awkwardly on an unsuspecting wombat who gets wedged up your arse so you have to waddle home and get your mum to pull it out... We've all been there.
10/08/23 19:47:41
Chess nuts hosting in an orphan foyer
06/08/23 19:12:30, edited: 08/08/23 7:37:20
They're hoping to win the cup. Along with the knife, fork, spoon and the plate.
31/07/23 19:16:47
Feels on wheels
29/07/23 19:42:00
...and that morning his poor little daughter got into trouble for going to school with bullets, a service rifle and a Swiss Army knife.
25/07/23 19:29:09
Coming home to find my husband like this was really disturbing . It is only July after all.
21/07/23 19:19:55
Kentucky Pride Chicken
20/07/23 11:03:51
Abdo-men
16/07/23 19:14:11
Fake ewes.
09/07/23 19:09:20
He was quickly faggotten.
06/07/23 7:39:51
"As we now commit Paul's body to the gravy..."
06/07/23 7:33:14
"There's got to be easier ways of sneaking out for a pint Reg."
05/07/23 19:04:04
That black masking tape is gonna hurt when they pull it off.
26/06/23 11:03:32
24/06/23 19:10:37, edited: 24/06/23 19:11:48
"Coffee, and step on it!"
19/06/23 19:01:09
"Are you going to take the train, Dave?""Nah, I think I'll catch a cab."
18/06/23 7:03:56
"Oh you're back. How was your first day working at Subway?"
14/06/23 11:08:58
"The worst thing about Great Floods," moaned God. "Is having to dry everything afterwards."
04/06/23 11:01:22
Broke Butt Mountain
27/05/23 21:03:20
Glazer: It’ll be £100 but you’ll need a special coating which will be £350.
25/05/23 19:07:05
Herr of the Dog
15/05/23 19:02:22
"How's your husband's funeral business going?""Good thank you, but he does have a tendency to bring his work home with him."
14/05/23 11:08:18
Dave was out canvassing for votes on behalf of the Conservatories.
07/05/23 19:13:37
The Baralympics
04/05/23 7:06:22
02/05/23 19:00:30
"...Are you together?"
29/04/23 20:13:36
"Hide me quick the I'm a celebrity crew have run out of kangaroo testicles."
29/04/23 7:06:30
"It says: Verify you are human. Crap! How did they know?"
22/04/23 7:01:22
An officer and genital man
16/04/23 11:00:54
‘Although there was some blood the paramedics found a strong pulse.’
14/04/23 19:48:56
5 Scar Restaurant
06/04/23 19:41:41
It's nice to have at least one square meal a day.
04/04/23 19:03:28
Running a vehicle on methane gas does have it's disadvantages.
04/04/23 11:09:31
Hot cross nuns
31/03/23 19:16:36
This is the first time I've wanted to have 5 a day.
31/03/23 11:00:10
Meal Deal
27/03/23 7:01:39
Please give up your seat for middle age passengers.
26/03/23 11:30:26
Crèche diet.
14/03/23 12:37:51
Paddlington station
13/03/23 20:00:15
Mane entrance.
13/03/23 8:06:48
If lost return to May.
11/03/23 14:21:10
“Take me to your weeder.”
23/02/23 8:01:19
Desert island disc.
21/02/23 20:22:12
Looks like a nice port.
21/02/23 12:00:16
Sloth is one of the Seven Tetley Sins
19/02/23 13:13:01
''I always buy big Tesco cucumbers. My husband has only got a Lidl one.''
18/02/23 12:11:25
You think that's big? Look at the size of the Brussel Sprouts behind her
18/02/23 12:09:40
I see beer's going up again
18/02/23 9:47:59
Light ale
18/02/23 8:00:17
Centrefold.
17/02/23 20:09:00, edited: 17/02/23 20:09:46
“Unfortunately, none of the four photographs submitted conform with UK passport criteria. Please retake without the stuffed cat.”
15/02/23 12:01:59, edited: 15/02/23 14:19:57
If you prefer dogs, there's a Yorkie in the other vending machine.
15/02/23 8:03:09
"That poor lady doesn't know whether she's coming or going."
10/02/23 8:00:11
Welcome to Bettersea Dogs Home.
09/02/23 8:06:12, edited: 09/02/23 8:38:32
Acupunchair
06/02/23 8:00:14
Shortly after he became a goody-two-shoes.
04/02/23 20:19:21
Global Warning
01/02/23 8:01:57
On reflection it wasn't the best location for the annual Sleep Walkers Society camping holiday.
29/01/23 9:49:24
The Moona Lisa
28/01/23 8:08:31
"And what's your occupation?""I crush cans with my feet, it's soda pressing"
21/01/23 20:51:26
Passing a hard stool had inflamed Gran's IBS.
18/01/23 8:01:30
🎵 Postmortem Pat and his black and white cat
17/01/23 12:25:12
"Waiter! There's a flyer in my scoop."
16/01/23 12:10:17
"A three-headed rabid dog that pisses fire?""Or we could get a cat.""The dog it is."
14/01/23 20:05:59
"I thought I'd spruce the place up a little."
11/01/23 20:19:12
Hello France, I want to come home 😕
09/01/23 20:02:30
Crop Gun
06/01/23 8:16:30
Farmed Forces
06/01/23 8:01:30
Knot the Nine O'Clock News
01/01/23 20:00:20
We wish you AA Merry Christmas.
26/12/22 8:00:54
Accident investigators will need to examine the Dasher cam.
23/12/22 20:01:37
Yule tide
18/12/22 12:13:31
Eventually the Police sniper caught him as he couldn’t resist chasing the little red dot.
11/12/22 9:07:56
At least the picture is well-hung.
09/12/22 20:17:06
The chief whippet sits at the front.
02/12/22 20:25:41, edited: 02/12/22 20:26:01
Mad cow diocese
30/11/22 8:29:47
Sonic.... BOOM!
26/11/22 20:00:33, edited: 26/11/22 20:19:20
Rare find for David Attenborough as he stumbles across the nest of a Leather-Arsed Grebe
26/11/22 12:00:34
The Ministry of Silly Talks
21/11/22 16:17:45
"It's octuplets again, Mrs Petrov."
18/11/22 8:00:12
It’s nice to see a parent and child enjoying playing together without the adult being on their phone.
17/11/22 21:25:49
"I thought the hangover was bad enough...and then the toilet seat slammed down."
17/11/22 12:43:12
BBQs currently £1 at Aldi.
15/11/22 8:00:54
Copper feel
09/11/22 12:00:44
"Can you ask the captioneers for a bed pun please."
02/11/22 12:05:53
Jacque Cruise Tow..
29/10/22 11:07:29
“One Sausage and Egg McMuffin, no egg, no muffin.”
14/10/22 11:04:43
"We have reason to believe Sir, that you were driving and have swapped seats with Trixie to avoid taking a breathalyser test"
14/10/22 11:00:22
Captian is that the Forth bridge you have crashed into.No its the first one.
09/10/22 9:20:58
''You aren't going to believe this, Rover. Two German Shepherds have nicked our sunbeds.''
29/09/22 7:04:58
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