super vote: ( left this week)
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Karma Comedian
10/07/23 7:08:57
Harey chest.
09/07/23 7:03:52
Game over.
05/07/23 7:18:31
"Bloody hell Dorothy, looks like Tinman has been working out."
02/07/23 19:05:41
The Sea of Tranquility.
01/07/23 19:29:29
Is it time to wake the pilots guide dog yet?
01/07/23 11:25:32
Dave had been warned in advance that the road was blocked.
30/06/23 11:03:14
Wince Harry
27/06/23 11:02:55
She got the horse in the divorce settlement having been saddled with 10 kids.
22/06/23 19:20:48
Picture clearly faked. No way that ginger kid would be out in the sun.
21/06/23 11:12:31
Starbugs.
19/06/23 19:01:40, edited: 19/06/23 19:02:19
How old they will be when they pay off their student loans.
16/06/23 19:53:23
"How much butter did you use?""Four knobs"
15/06/23 11:13:40
''I was going to buy the house but it didn't have a living room.''
11/06/23 7:22:36, edited: 11/06/23 7:24:14
"F***ing slow down" The old guy sniped as we passed him.
09/06/23 7:09:09, edited: 09/06/23 7:27:05
Drivers: never leave a muddy car in a seedy neighborhood.
01/06/23 19:00:14
“You won’t get in without a tie mate.”
24/05/23 7:00:57
"Rex has fallen in!"- "NEVERMIND"
22/05/23 11:01:07
'How are the AA meetings going Sally?''Erm... well I've done 12 steps'
17/05/23 19:27:45
"The Collonic Irrigation went well Miss Jones. Would you like to take it home?"
13/05/23 11:11:04
“Go ahead punk, make my 5 a day.”
10/05/23 7:06:22
Considering she had been a Tory all her life, the groom was surprised how quickly she went into Labour.
08/05/23 7:00:12
Plastic waist
03/05/23 19:32:15
Dave originally thought dating a captioner would be fun.
03/05/23 7:30:48
"This pool"s freezing..I can really feel the draught."
27/04/23 19:32:20
"What do you remember about falling down the stairs?"- "LEFT, CAUTION, MOBILE PHONES, WATCH, LEFT, CAUTION, MOBILE PHONES, WATCH, LEFT, CAUTION, MOBILE...."
23/04/23 11:34:05, edited: 23/04/23 12:16:15
"How did you manage to get such a realistic dog costume for your tarantula?"
20/04/23 19:05:58
Never bring a laser pointer to an axe fight.
15/04/23 19:13:15
"Where'd you want me to hang these?" asked Damocles.
14/04/23 16:52:03
"Ha ha, I win guys. Swords beat paper."
14/04/23 11:00:07
New measures introduced to deal with the Scottish midges
13/04/23 7:35:22
Sue threw Dave out 6 months ago. She seriously regrets not using the front door.
12/04/23 19:02:31
Tom had always been a chick magnet
12/04/23 7:03:49
"Thanks, Gran. The jumper fits perfectly."
08/04/23 19:00:10
Mary Poppins was always one for good conduct.
07/04/23 19:08:58, edited: 07/04/23 19:14:47
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blew
03/04/23 11:00:19
Rucksnack
30/03/23 11:01:31
The Cycling Proficiency Test is a lot harder these days.
28/03/23 19:00:38
May the force pee with you
28/03/23 11:02:26
Rest in PC
27/03/23 19:00:10
Ham and legs
26/03/23 7:00:20
Dental in plant
25/03/23 20:33:50
''There's so much money in the Premier League, smaller clubs can't hope to compete on a level playing field.''
23/03/23 8:53:39
Bedknobs and Zoom Sticks
22/03/23 20:17:25
"I don't care if you have a flat tyre sir, you can use a jack like everyone else."
21/03/23 8:05:41
Crash in the Attic
20/03/23 12:00:59
"Why do you always have to go one better than me? I pull a rabbit out of a hat and you manage this!"
18/03/23 8:04:29
"Stop right there madam, we have reason to believe you have stolen some of our onions."
17/03/23 12:00:13, edited: 17/03/23 12:01:00
"We're returning these with our sincerest apologies they were somewhat damaged in the police ambush but on a lighter note we can tell you he died with his boots on"
15/03/23 12:04:57
"Love, you won't believe what I saw today, only a squirrel with a stall selling plastic flowers"- "HAVE YOU BEEN ON THAT FU@KING CAPTION SITE AGAIN!"
11/03/23 20:57:44
Heads or Wales?
08/03/23 12:00:12
“What about the smell?”‘They don’t mind.’
08/03/23 9:00:09
"And that was Li Hong Ko performing a triple twist double somersault inverted tuck. Next up, we have Tina from Doncaster."
06/03/23 8:13:43
04/03/23 20:00:19
Perfect when wearing Drainpipes
04/03/23 12:14:59
Time and time again.
02/03/23 20:00:12
I'm nothing special, in fact I'm a bit of a boar…
02/03/23 8:00:15
Many happy returns!
28/02/23 12:01:33
Many Amazon parcels left on the front step are stollen...
28/02/23 12:00:13
And the pilot had spent ages worrying about the rain in Spain.
24/02/23 12:05:12
"One small sip for man, one giant gulp for mankind."
24/02/23 9:11:34
Clunk Click Every Sip
22/02/23 8:02:41, edited: 22/02/23 9:25:53
How ironi
21/02/23 8:03:55
Armchair.
20/02/23 12:00:12
"How much for a shave?" "10 quid.""I only have a fiver. How much can I get for that?"
19/02/23 12:00:23, edited: 19/02/23 12:54:42
He’s going to make a Mastiff splash.
18/02/23 20:46:20
"This machine is useless. I selected K9."
15/02/23 8:00:10
"Sure, honey, I don't mind scraping the ice off your windscreen this morning..."
10/02/23 12:00:43
There's a wing mirror thief at large and police are combing the area.
08/02/23 12:00:46
Pete felt rather scammed after being asked if he wanted to sleep with Margarita
04/02/23 8:01:29
It was a difficult job, but being an undertaker wasn’t without perks
02/02/23 8:00:41
"For Crissake, there's no need to call Social Services, the damn baby isn't even mine."
31/01/23 20:08:36
"Anything for the weekend sir?""Yes, a dozen Elastoplast and a prosthetic nose please."
29/01/23 14:35:09
Scream cheese
28/01/23 12:00:13
The whole thing was toppled by a draught.
27/01/23 20:00:08
Party animals
25/01/23 12:00:07
Desperately Soaking Susan
24/01/23 20:28:49
''I can't understand why people are so amazed to see Great Dane car mechanics when we've had Corgi gas fitters for years.''
24/01/23 12:24:58
5 out of 2 Dentists Recommend
18/01/23 20:11:37, edited: 18/01/23 20:12:15
"Why are they looking so sad?""Some Joker stole their lunch money."
18/01/23 12:22:05
Best office shredder of 2023
10/01/23 12:03:09
"Tesco even turned this one down for their lasagne."
09/01/23 10:01:17
''I got handkerchiefs for Christmas as well.''
03/01/23 12:36:55
Buddha-pest
24/12/22 20:00:20
Beerwolf
23/12/22 12:00:30
Dealer-shep
21/12/22 8:16:18
Moodolph
20/12/22 12:00:08
"Looks like you've blown a seal, mate.""Honestly, it's just frost on my moustache!"
16/12/22 20:00:15
This led to heated arguments.
15/12/22 20:06:07
What kind of birds nest in boots?Doc House Martens.
15/12/22 12:03:50, edited: 15/12/22 12:05:04
This year's Weight Watchers party was the wildest to date.
13/12/22 20:00:27
Britain’s border control capability explained
07/12/22 20:01:29
Deep pan crisp and Steven
06/12/22 20:03:10
"Sir, wake up please. The DFS store is about to close."
06/12/22 8:04:28
Steve mainly went shopping to check out girls.
04/12/22 8:16:37
Apples and purrs.
03/12/22 12:01:42
"This is one of my sprouts. You should see my cabbages!"
02/12/22 12:00:11
"Sister, I've got your back."
25/11/22 12:01:06
Of course my teeth are chattering we've not had the heating on all month.
18/11/22 21:17:35
"Tell me doctor, what did the scan show?""Hmm... Can you drive a minibus?"
18/11/22 8:03:34
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