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Bye-plane
26/06/24 19:01:19
“I did say I thought those Taylor Swift tickets were fake “ said Dave
23/06/24 11:05:13
Sugar plump fairy
23/06/24 11:01:06
Swan fake.
21/06/24 11:00:27
“Sedimentary, my dear Watson.”
21/06/24 7:06:53
Venus guy trap
20/06/24 19:00:26
At least he never peas in the bath.
18/06/24 18:26:55
* YOU'VE
11/06/24 7:08:03, edited: 11/06/24 7:12:08, suggested edits
Pumpkin Pi
09/06/24 19:00:34
More towel Kombat
09/06/24 11:28:41
Bic-ini
08/06/24 19:14:18
"Bloody hell Dave you were supposed to remove the hanger before sending her out"
08/06/24 11:02:28
At first the authorities were worried about the protest but after a few hours the crowd melted away.
07/06/24 19:21:15
Loch Mess
03/06/24 11:21:38
"All we need is a preacher from the Black Lagoon."
03/06/24 11:02:20
Once again, Dave had failed to read the invitation properly.
03/06/24 7:03:37, edited: 03/06/24 20:47:14, suggested edits
Ruff and tumble
01/06/24 7:18:20
"When this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you're going to see some serious shit."
31/05/24 19:02:34
Cheese on toes
31/05/24 11:22:00
"Hmmn, sounds like it needs a tune up."
31/05/24 7:01:02, edited: 31/05/24 7:02:00
Cutting your toes off to spite your lace.
28/05/24 19:09:33
“You are feline sleepy, very sleepy”
28/05/24 11:11:04
Ginger bread
27/05/24 7:01:51
"I love your new home... what a novel design."
26/05/24 19:02:17
Even the 'cushion up the jumper' trick was no guarantee of a seat on the 5:15 to Tooting Broadway.
25/05/24 11:18:59
🎵 These boots were made for walkies 🎵
22/05/24 7:17:29
Farmfoods Parmesan taken off sale.
21/05/24 7:02:40
THE BIG DEBATE''Tonight we ask: Is it too easy to get a tattoo license?''
17/05/24 7:14:34
Manhandle
15/05/24 11:10:51
Roll model
14/05/24 19:00:28
Wimbledon Chimpionship
14/05/24 11:02:54
Thanks babe, will ping u later.
13/05/24 11:05:07, edited: 13/05/24 11:05:55
''This is a passenger announcement. All trains will be subject to delays owing to a jumper on the line.''
10/05/24 11:09:46
Puss In Roots
09/05/24 19:25:00
Snoop dog
06/05/24 19:12:23
I like to keep my messages punchy.
06/05/24 11:27:43
Troy Story .
05/05/24 7:34:23
"When you asked if you could hold him for a spell..."
01/05/24 19:07:48
Darling I think Lexi is on heat
01/05/24 7:05:44
“Touring is tiring but at least the pay is rubbish.”
29/04/24 11:09:03
The estate agents finally find the perfect house for Fred and Wilma.
27/04/24 7:09:19
''I think this raises an important question for future Olympics, Steve. Should shooting events take place in the athletics stadium?''
22/04/24 11:22:59
Trunk and disorderly
21/04/24 11:22:57
Gran Prix
20/04/24 7:00:34
Never search online for Carol Vorderman's pussy.
18/04/24 19:28:52
Wash & Go.
17/04/24 7:01:20
Dave decided to dispose of his car after getting an astonishing number of parking tickets in one day.
16/04/24 7:29:38
Gullp
12/04/24 7:01:18
Guns and Roses
11/04/24 19:09:37
Snakes and Ladas
10/04/24 11:09:00
Reservoir Mogs
09/04/24 11:03:57
"Bet he'll NEVER forget!"
07/04/24 20:18:34
"Im guessing you don't comb here very often?"
06/04/24 19:05:19
"I could do with a hand to get out."
06/04/24 11:01:53
Inker Bell
06/04/24 7:05:16
Shoot to krill policy
02/04/24 7:02:03
Rest in pieces
31/03/24 19:11:04
The cat that got the beam
30/03/24 20:01:21
"When Sandra said she could tell the difference between an Indian and an African elephant I thought that she ment by comparing the size of their ears"
29/03/24 13:18:23
The building needed a supporting bream
28/03/24 20:08:10, edited: 28/03/24 20:10:09
I prefer the 2 pee machines.
28/03/24 12:04:06
"Great Scott Marty! That's the roses pruned, now we've got to get Back to the Fuscia."
25/03/24 20:18:20
Driving Miss Daisy
23/03/24 12:00:18
Yawn again Christian
23/03/24 8:13:34
His condition was terminal.
21/03/24 20:02:06
Paula Radcliffe stopped for a crêpe at the side of the road.(nod to 20:12:00)
18/03/24 20:17:01, edited: 18/03/24 20:18:15
Baited breath
14/03/24 8:36:08
"Pass me my gun Dave.""Why?""To kill a mocking bird."
13/03/24 12:23:09, edited: 13/03/24 12:23:36
“The lingerie is adorned to encourage its removal? Illogical.”
12/03/24 12:04:02
The Rotary Club
08/03/24 20:05:09
Let your fingers do the torquing
07/03/24 20:11:46
"I told you we would get a carriage to ourselves" said Sally
05/03/24 8:11:41
Jim Henson's kids didn't even know he existed till they turned 5.
03/03/24 20:13:46, edited: 03/03/24 20:20:37
Cockpet
01/03/24 8:08:14
Footage
29/02/24 10:24:40
"Thanks, Dave, I needed that. Now if you could just pass me my robes and scythe we'll get on with things."
26/02/24 12:12:16
He usually goes to bed with a tart.
25/02/24 20:06:49
"Sweet Dreams"
25/02/24 20:01:43
Indognito
24/02/24 12:07:56
Is there any concrete evidence?
19/02/24 20:04:57
Watt's new pussycat?
18/02/24 20:02:38
If a two-word descriptive pun doesn't win, I'll eat my hat.
17/02/24 8:08:28
Caerphilly made bed.
15/02/24 12:16:26
Bed Leicester
15/02/24 12:15:01
🎵 You’ll never walk again 🎵
14/02/24 12:45:43
Ranch dressing
13/02/24 20:04:01
''Don't let go of him, he's got the pasties.''
06/02/24 12:03:42
Four skin sausages
02/02/24 20:00:55
Clare Balding denies Crufts bribery allegations.
02/02/24 12:13:47
"The estate agent said it was in mint condition."
02/02/24 8:26:14
Some passengers keep a tally of how many times they've been in the mile high club.
30/01/24 20:02:32
''They're flying off the shelves.''
29/01/24 8:19:13
"My toilet is squeaky clean."
27/01/24 12:24:52
Powder room
22/01/24 12:02:43
Monster Munch
21/01/24 12:04:46
"Ooh a four leaf clover, about time we had a bit of luck".
19/01/24 20:11:18
Creche landing.
19/01/24 8:13:16
"I know my condition has worsened recently, but why should I have to pay for more than one seat?" asked the elephant man.
15/01/24 12:15:03
🎵 The Leader of the Alpaca 🎵
14/01/24 8:02:13, edited: 14/01/24 8:08:06
"Hey Harold. Remember when we were younger? We used to be at it like rabbits every day.""Well, my memory isn't what it used to be, but I do know my name's not Harold""MILDRED...OVER 'ERE LOVE."
11/01/24 12:42:39
suggested edits
clever 
