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C CaMel Vote score: 19637C CaMel

Karma Comedian

10/07/23 7:08:57

Karen McDonald Vote score: 6695Karen McDonald

Harey chest.

09/07/23 7:03:52

brian davies Vote score: 2105brian davies

Game over.

05/07/23 7:18:31

John Harrison Vote score: 10752John Harrison

"Bloody hell Dorothy, looks like Tinman has been working out."

02/07/23 19:05:41

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15725Chris Keegan

The Sea of Tranquility.

01/07/23 19:29:29

Tony S Vote score: 12796Tony S

Is it time to wake the pilots guide dog yet?

01/07/23 11:25:32

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40283Dave Bryan

Dave had been warned in advance that the road was blocked.

30/06/23 11:03:14

Tony Edwards Vote score: 42658Tony Edwards

Wince Harry

27/06/23 11:02:55

Tony S Vote score: 12796Tony S

She got the horse in the divorce settlement having been saddled with 10 kids.

22/06/23 19:20:48

John Harrison Vote score: 10752John Harrison

Picture clearly faked. No way that ginger kid would be out in the sun.

21/06/23 11:12:31

M Clarkie Vote score: 1318M Clarkie

Starbugs.

19/06/23 19:01:40, edited: 19/06/23 19:02:19

Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 18028Scrijjy Doo

How old they will be when they pay off their student loans.

16/06/23 19:53:23

Mark England Vote score: 24080Mark England

"How much butter did you use?"

"Four knobs"

15/06/23 11:13:40

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40283Dave Bryan

''I was going to buy the house but it didn't have a living room.''

11/06/23 7:22:36, edited: 11/06/23 7:24:14

M Clarkie Vote score: 1318M Clarkie

"F***ing slow down" The old guy sniped as we passed him.

09/06/23 7:09:09, edited: 09/06/23 7:27:05

Nice angle. Suggestion: Speech marks. Also, "past" should be "passed" here, but now I'm just being a pedantic prick. --James Lennox
Al Overy Vote score: 22017Al Overy

Drivers: never leave a muddy car in a seedy neighborhood.

01/06/23 19:00:14

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35233Ian Skelding

“You won’t get in without a tie mate.”

24/05/23 7:00:57

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15725Chris Keegan

"Rex has fallen in!"
- "NEVERMIND"

22/05/23 11:01:07

Joe Vote score: 2338Joe

'How are the AA meetings going Sally?'
'Erm... well I've done 12 steps'

17/05/23 19:27:45

Mark England Vote score: 24080Mark England

"The Collonic Irrigation went well Miss Jones. Would you like to take it home?"

13/05/23 11:11:04

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35233Ian Skelding

“Go ahead punk, make my 5 a day.”

10/05/23 7:06:22

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40283Dave Bryan

Considering she had been a Tory all her life, the groom was surprised how quickly she went into Labour.

08/05/23 7:00:12

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40283Dave Bryan

Plastic waist

03/05/23 19:32:15

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15725Chris Keegan

Dave originally thought dating a captioner would be fun.

03/05/23 7:30:48

stoneface1 Vote score: 1936stoneface1

"This pool"s freezing..I can really feel the draught."

27/04/23 19:32:20

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15725Chris Keegan

"What do you remember about falling down the stairs?"
- "LEFT, CAUTION, MOBILE PHONES, WATCH, LEFT, CAUTION, MOBILE PHONES, WATCH, LEFT, CAUTION, MOBILE...."

23/04/23 11:34:05, edited: 23/04/23 12:16:15

Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 16383Hercules Rockefeller

"How did you manage to get such a realistic dog costume for your tarantula?"

20/04/23 19:05:58

Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 18028Scrijjy Doo

Never bring a laser pointer to an axe fight.

15/04/23 19:13:15

Mr Toad Vote score: 2088Mr Toad

"Where'd you want me to hang these?" asked Damocles.

14/04/23 16:52:03

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52526Stephen Bean

"Ha ha, I win guys. Swords beat paper."

14/04/23 11:00:07

David  Michael Vote score: 1654David Michael

New measures introduced to deal with the Scottish midges

13/04/23 7:35:22

How about one ten times the size, to deal with the clegs? --Molly R
Chris Keegan Vote score: 15725Chris Keegan

Sue threw Dave out 6 months ago. She seriously regrets not using the front door.

12/04/23 19:02:31

Julie Bridge Vote score: 873Julie Bridge

Tom had always been a chick magnet

12/04/23 7:03:49

Vivvy En Vote score: 16833Vivvy En

"Thanks, Gran. The jumper fits perfectly."

08/04/23 19:00:10

Glyn Evans Vote score: 13412Glyn Evans

Mary Poppins was always one for good conduct.

07/04/23 19:08:58, edited: 07/04/23 19:14:47

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52526Stephen Bean

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blew

03/04/23 11:00:19

Al Overy Vote score: 22017Al Overy

Rucksnack

30/03/23 11:01:31

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24955Vanessa the Guesser

The Cycling Proficiency Test is a lot harder these days.

28/03/23 19:00:38

Vivvy En Vote score: 16833Vivvy En

May the force pee with you

28/03/23 11:02:26

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52526Stephen Bean

Rest in PC

27/03/23 19:00:10

He died from a virus. --KimJong Pun
Al Overy Vote score: 22017Al Overy

Ham and legs

26/03/23 7:00:20

John Harrison Vote score: 10752John Harrison

Dental in plant

25/03/23 20:33:50

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40283Dave Bryan

''There's so much money in the Premier League, smaller clubs can't hope to compete on a level playing field.''

23/03/23 8:53:39

Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 18028Scrijjy Doo

Bedknobs and Zoom Sticks

22/03/23 20:17:25

John Harrison Vote score: 10752John Harrison

"I don't care if you have a flat tyre sir, you can use a jack like everyone else."

21/03/23 8:05:41

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52526Stephen Bean

Crash in the Attic

20/03/23 12:00:59

Paul Gledhill Vote score: 3745Paul Gledhill

"Why do you always have to go one better than me? I pull a rabbit out of a hat and you manage this!"

18/03/23 8:04:29

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52526Stephen Bean

"Stop right there madam, we have reason to believe you have stolen some of our onions."

17/03/23 12:00:13, edited: 17/03/23 12:01:00

Glyn Evans Vote score: 13412Glyn Evans

"We're returning these with our sincerest apologies they were somewhat damaged in the police ambush but on a lighter note we can tell you he died with his boots on"

15/03/23 12:04:57

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15725Chris Keegan

"Love, you won't believe what I saw today, only a squirrel with a stall selling plastic flowers"
- "HAVE YOU BEEN ON THAT FU@KING CAPTION SITE AGAIN!"

11/03/23 20:57:44

John Harrison Vote score: 10752John Harrison

Heads or Wales?

08/03/23 12:00:12

C CaMel Vote score: 19637C CaMel

“What about the smell?”
‘They don’t mind.’

08/03/23 9:00:09

James Lennox Vote score: 25940James Lennox

"And that was Li Hong Ko performing a triple twist double somersault inverted tuck. Next up, we have Tina from Doncaster."

06/03/23 8:13:43

Crunchy Chords Vote score: 8839Crunchy Chords
Breadphones

04/03/23 20:00:19

Mark England Vote score: 24080Mark England

Perfect when wearing Drainpipes

04/03/23 12:14:59

Peter Houle Vote score: 1019Peter Houle

Time and time again.

02/03/23 20:00:12

Julia Kinsey Vote score: 2549Julia Kinsey

I'm nothing special, in fact I'm a bit of a boar…

02/03/23 8:00:15

Upvote for the first sentence Kate. I'm with Dave on the second ;)  --James Lennox
Al Overy Vote score: 22017Al Overy

Many happy returns!

28/02/23 12:01:33

Julia Kinsey Vote score: 2549Julia Kinsey

Many Amazon parcels left on the front step are stollen...

28/02/23 12:00:13

Tony S Vote score: 12796Tony S

And the pilot had spent ages worrying about the rain in Spain.

24/02/23 12:05:12

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52526Stephen Bean

"One small sip for man, one giant gulp for mankind."

24/02/23 9:11:34

Julia Kinsey Vote score: 2549Julia Kinsey

Clunk Click Every Sip

22/02/23 8:02:41, edited: 22/02/23 9:25:53

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35233Ian Skelding

How ironi

21/02/23 8:03:55

Molly R Vote score: 5237Molly R

Armchair.

20/02/23 12:00:12

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52526Stephen Bean

"How much for a shave?"
"10 quid."
"I only have a fiver. How much can I get for that?"

19/02/23 12:00:23, edited: 19/02/23 12:54:42

Great caption! Think it might work slightly better without the “me at the barbers” bit?  --Chris Beach
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 16230Neil Mackenzie

He’s going to make a Mastiff splash.

18/02/23 20:46:20

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

"This machine is useless. I selected K9."

15/02/23 8:00:10

Mark Cowling Vote score: 3057Mark Cowling

"Sure, honey, I don't mind scraping the ice off your windscreen this morning..."

10/02/23 12:00:43

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24955Vanessa the Guesser

There's a wing mirror thief at large and police are combing the area.

08/02/23 12:00:46

KT A Vote score: 12890KT A

Pete felt rather scammed after being asked if he wanted to sleep with Margarita

04/02/23 8:01:29

John Harrison Vote score: 10752John Harrison

It was a difficult job, but being an undertaker wasn’t without perks

02/02/23 8:00:41

James Lennox Vote score: 25940James Lennox

"For Crissake, there's no need to call Social Services, the damn baby isn't even mine."

31/01/23 20:08:36

John Harrison Vote score: 10752John Harrison

"Anything for the weekend sir?"
"Yes, a dozen Elastoplast and a prosthetic nose please."

29/01/23 14:35:09

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52526Stephen Bean

Scream cheese

28/01/23 12:00:13

Mark Cowling Vote score: 3057Mark Cowling

The whole thing was toppled by a draught.

27/01/23 20:00:08

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52526Stephen Bean

Party animals

25/01/23 12:00:07

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52526Stephen Bean

Desperately Soaking Susan

24/01/23 20:28:49

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40283Dave Bryan

''I can't understand why people are so amazed to see Great Dane car mechanics when we've had Corgi gas fitters for years.''

24/01/23 12:24:58

Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 18028Scrijjy Doo

5 out of 2 Dentists Recommend

18/01/23 20:11:37, edited: 18/01/23 20:12:15

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52526Stephen Bean

"Why are they looking so sad?"

"Some Joker stole their lunch money."

18/01/23 12:22:05

KT A Vote score: 12890KT A

Best office shredder of 2023

10/01/23 12:03:09

Mark Cowling Vote score: 3057Mark Cowling

"Tesco even turned this one down for their lasagne."

09/01/23 10:01:17

Tesco's sausage in a special sauce that looks very similar to a horse penis is a totally underrated delicacy.I can't wait for when Tesco opens their in-store boucherie chevalines. Nobody bats an eye about eating horse in France (hors... --Glyn Evans
Dave Bryan Vote score: 40283Dave Bryan

''I got handkerchiefs for Christmas as well.''

03/01/23 12:36:55

Julia Kinsey Vote score: 2549Julia Kinsey

Buddha-pest

24/12/22 20:00:20

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52526Stephen Bean

Beerwolf

23/12/22 12:00:30

John Harrison Vote score: 10752John Harrison

Dealer-shep

21/12/22 8:16:18

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52526Stephen Bean

Moodolph

20/12/22 12:00:08

Al Overy Vote score: 22017Al Overy

"Looks like you've blown a seal, mate."

"Honestly, it's just frost on my moustache!"

16/12/22 20:00:15

Al Overy Vote score: 22017Al Overy

This led to heated arguments.

15/12/22 20:06:07

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52526Stephen Bean

What kind of birds nest in boots?

Doc House Martens.

15/12/22 12:03:50, edited: 15/12/22 12:05:04

Good enough at just “Doc House Martens” !!I would have said “Clarks Gable” but I’ve exceeded my quota ☹️ --Julia Kinsey
Ellen Duncalf Vote score: 1425Ellen Duncalf

This year's Weight Watchers party was the wildest to date.

13/12/22 20:00:27

John Harrison Vote score: 10752John Harrison

Britain’s border control capability explained

07/12/22 20:01:29

Dan Nicholls Vote score: 19939Dan Nicholls

Deep pan crisp and Steven

06/12/22 20:03:10

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

"Sir, wake up please. The DFS store is about to close."

06/12/22 8:04:28

Al Overy Vote score: 22017Al Overy

Steve mainly went shopping to check out girls.

04/12/22 8:16:37

Al Overy Vote score: 22017Al Overy

Apples and purrs.

03/12/22 12:01:42

KT A Vote score: 12890KT A

"This is one of my sprouts. You should see my cabbages!"

02/12/22 12:00:11

Mark Cowling Vote score: 3057Mark Cowling

"Sister, I've got your back."

25/11/22 12:01:06

Crispin Fisher Vote score: 119Crispin Fisher

Of course my teeth are chattering we've not had the heating on all month.

18/11/22 21:17:35

Al Overy Vote score: 22017Al Overy

"Tell me doctor, what did the scan show?"

"Hmm... Can you drive a minibus?"

18/11/22 8:03:34

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