best earliest latest latest and best captions

The thin blue line

21/04/24 7:01:05

clever

Potpourri

16/04/24 11:14:43

You know a marriage is doomed when the divorce lawyers are already circling at the ceremony.

11/04/24 7:27:49

lol

"Errrr, Dad. Our Zoom call is still connected..."

02/04/24 12:52:22

clever

"Hmm, I could put you on the donor list. Or you could have a good look down the side of the sofa and in the dog's bed?"

31/03/24 19:38:40

"Well you've totally upstaged us!" said the hanging dice.

31/03/24 11:16:48

clever

Cat on a Hot Twin Oeuf

29/03/24 21:30:50, edited: 29/03/24 21:32:27

Counter intelligence

27/03/24 8:42:37, edited: 27/03/24 9:11:53

Blade Runner

23/03/24 20:34:22

lol

🎵 Are you bonesome tonight? 🎵

22/03/24 12:03:11

“Want a fight? Let’s take it outback!”

19/03/24 20:32:27

Sadly a tidal wave Schwepped them all away.

15/03/24 20:17:08

lol creative

Behind the scenes on 'Jason and The Argonauts"

10/03/24 8:05:06

"So, my plan is to buy caption.me, rename it pun.me, fire Chris Beach, and ban cat photos. You like that, boy?"

09/03/24 8:06:15, edited: 09/03/24 8:07:26

A Fish called Honda

04/03/24 20:09:39

''There is a downside. I've got six mothers-in-law.''

04/03/24 8:26:44

"I'm still adjusting to no longer working from home."

27/02/24 20:08:30

"It was either this or pineapple."

24/02/24 20:04:31

lol

"If you get your scrotum trapped in your chain mail again, you're on your own."

23/02/24 12:03:45

Knitting noodles.

19/02/24 12:00:44

Copper feel

18/02/24 8:40:28

🎵 Nights in au gratin 🎵

15/02/24 12:28:06

clever

They've just dropped off their kids at the nursery.

05/02/24 20:07:02

“…. You do not have to lay anything but anything you do lay…”

30/01/24 12:12:34

"Dave, when you said you were selling your house..."

27/01/24 8:04:36

Tot air balloon

19/01/24 20:00:37

lol creative

Susan's soul was annoyed enough about being harvested, but spinning around a plastic tube with Mitten's hairballs and Dave's nail clippings was just too much.

16/01/24 8:16:36

Bagelpuss

09/01/24 8:00:19

lol

Amazon - Delivery instructions. In the event that I'm not in, please leave my parcel in my safe place (around the back, 9th floor, behind the pipe)...

"I f*cking hate this job."

08/01/24 12:26:18

Crocks

30/12/23 12:11:12

Wig Trouble in Little China

25/12/23 8:02:06

creative

For Christmas, we really want somebody to fix the leak in the ceiling.

18/12/23 8:10:03

“Bumping into your parents on holiday is bad enough…”

04/12/23 8:03:22

clever

"The Christmas post has arrived!"

01/12/23 12:14:43

clever

"Ah, I see you bought the Jehovah's Witness Repellant Package."

01/12/23 8:04:02

lol

“Dave’s just ordered a new Mercedes with his sales bonus, is your husband still writing captions for a living? What does he drive?”

29/11/23 12:04:58

"If I'd known the dogs would miss Dave this much I would've had him cremated."

27/11/23 20:26:37

lol

When you’re 37 minutes into your new diet and already hallucinating.

26/11/23 20:07:03

“Name two things you couldn’t get when you were 16.”

24/11/23 20:25:44

T-reks

18/11/23 20:03:47

Man-chest-er Ewe-knitted

16/11/23 12:02:45

"I'd like to thank everyone in the audience for coming."

14/11/23 20:31:50

lol

Best. Massage. Ever.

11/11/23 9:37:12

When you ask a blonde on a train if she wants to hang out.

09/11/23 20:25:49

creative

Now there's an organisation I can get behind , Just Stop Dancing On Ice.

03/11/23 8:11:22, edited: 03/11/23 19:57:15, suggested edits

"And what seems to trigger this irrational fear of spiders?"

27/10/23 11:01:07

''I don't like living here. The landlord is always on my back.''

26/10/23 7:18:06

"Make them go away. They're giving me the CBeebie jeebies."

24/10/23 11:26:00, edited: 24/10/23 11:27:02

Front row seats still available.

20/10/23 19:42:23

"Come on, fellow Seagulls, let's go raid the bins. There's no chance of a spare chip with this bastard."

19/10/23 11:05:32

lol

Chris Beach announces venue for the Dave Awards Ceremony

19/10/23 7:08:45

lol x2

Even though he was sweating his nuts off in the dog suit, Dave would do anything to avoid paying the train fare.

18/10/23 19:02:35

Filly O Fish

18/10/23 11:09:48

Bummingbird

17/10/23 19:24:28

lol creative

After Yellow Submarine, George Martin's preference for singers when recording were

1: John Lennon
2: George Harrison
3: Paul McCartney
4: Debbie who makes the tea
5: Ringo Starr

16/10/23 7:20:42

Now the funnel have to stop.

13/10/23 11:07:42

"Why can't I have a mobility scooter like everybody else?"

13/10/23 7:15:49

"I don't know about you, Ling, but I've got a monumental headache."

11/10/23 19:17:02

Limbited edition

04/10/23 11:09:08

But you will often find 'Blackpool' written in rock.

02/10/23 7:55:38, edited: 02/10/23 7:57:15

creative

"I thought after 80 years he'd have forgiven me for eating his porridge!"

29/09/23 7:05:07, edited: 29/09/23 7:12:23

lol

“You know granny wants to see you “

24/09/23 7:05:10

"I'm sure we've met, but I'm sorry, my short term memory is terrible."

22/09/23 7:03:59

"Have you made any plans for Christmas yet?"

17/09/23 11:01:12

Dave was beginning to think it was time to trim his chest hair.

09/09/23 11:01:23

"Your turn to change the litter tray."

01/09/23 7:05:27

Tarmac Adam

30/08/23 11:51:34

creative

Wham! He was struck from behind by a careless Wispa.

18/08/23 7:08:44

"That bloody tortoise is not going to win this time!"

15/08/23 7:03:12

lol

“9 lives my arse.”

06/08/23 7:01:56

"I'm not sure, Gerald. What's wrong with fifty shades of grey?"

25/07/23 7:02:40

Central Pork

21/07/23 7:05:35

Chicken Kev

20/07/23 11:01:04

Bathroom Scales

15/07/23 19:00:52, edited: 15/07/23 19:01:18

The Man in the Iron- rich Mask.

11/07/23 8:03:45

That's the worst case of tinsillitis I've ever seen said the doctor.

10/07/23 11:04:36

lol clever

Poultry in Motion

28/06/23 7:09:50

“It was a hell of a chase Sir but we’ve finally caught the wild goose.”

23/06/23 19:04:04, edited: 26/06/23 6:38:02

lol

"Waiter, I think there's been a mistake. I ordered a carafe of wine."

22/06/23 11:08:07

lol

Guardian of the Galaxies

17/06/23 7:15:29

"Mum, the social worker is here..."

06/06/23 11:01:52

“Mind your backs please! Warm up act coming through…”

01/06/23 7:01:21

"BLOOMING POTHOLES!"

24/05/23 19:00:13

Although Dave was an experienced photographer, he was still having problems with overexposure.

23/05/23 11:01:19

lol

“OH JEEZUS…TURN IT OFF! I told you the kids weren’t old enough to load the washing machine.”

22/05/23 11:00:16

Lambert and 26 Butlers

19/05/23 11:00:29

clever

Macho Man

19/05/23 7:13:47

"Now where's that tosser with the Rottweiler?"

06/05/23 11:06:02

lol creative

"It says here that it's good manners to remove swimming caps whilst eating."

03/05/23 7:02:12

“These pieces are part of our private collection.”

30/04/23 11:04:17

She acted like their friendship was genuine, but he could see straight through her

29/04/23 11:13:31, edited: 29/04/23 11:14:33

Inn at the deep end

27/04/23 19:27:12

“I’m going on strike as well. They’re paying me chicken feed.”

18/04/23 7:00:15

lol

"I used too much cillit bang"

13/04/23 19:18:38, edited: 13/04/23 19:37:34

creative

''A male streaker has just ran onto the pitch, Mildred.''

''I can't see anything.''

''What do you expect in this weather?''

10/04/23 7:21:35

creative

*remove nut covers and then give wipers a good pull, most aerials just unscrew but a good yank should do the job.*

05/04/23 7:24:50

Pirate of the CaribBean

17/03/23 8:00:09

Commandoughs

16/03/23 12:19:43

Pain killers

16/03/23 12:00:36