tony kelly

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	lol ''Wow. Who's that gorgeous-looking girl over there?'' '' She's called Medus-'' 09/02/18 12:32:37	1 18

	Are we there, yeti? 26/03/17 8:01:33	17

	''Where exactly did the jellyfish sting you, Mr. Smith?'' 17/11/22 13:06:18	14

	''That mannequin was a bargain. I even got a quarter back.'' 22/01/18 20:37:41	13

	British intelligence had been talking about bum pin Hitler off for some time. 19/06/17 20:58:32	13

	creative When urine love with a beautiful woman... 24/08/22 9:45:33, edited: 24/08/22 9:45:58	12

	creative clever Firefly 19/01/17 22:49:23	12

	When the midwife produced a candle, the baby's face lit up. 19/12/16 20:53:42	12

	lol ''Dad, do you know the Piano's on fire?'' ''You hum it, son, and I'll play it.'' 25/07/22 12:16:39	11

	Bought my aunt a cute pug yesterday. Ah, those googly eyes, the squashed nose, wrinkles, but never mind, the dog still likes her anyway. 30/01/18 12:38:05	10

	clever Joseph to God: ''What good is a coat if I have nowhere to live?'' God: ''Okay. Let me think about it...'' 30/10/17 9:45:33	10

	Fly fishing. 19/10/17 20:32:59	10

	I think my iphone has been haka-d. 09/10/17 20:26:23	10

	clever Smearrings. 20/08/17 21:00:41	10

	Salvador Dali's little known painting, 'The persistence of 21 Tottenham Court Road,' went up for auction today at Christies. 04/05/17 12:41:28	1 10
I heard it went down for auction --Mr Dome
	There was no chance of drowning in the pool as it was only 1 foot deep. 17/11/17 12:25:53	9

	lol clever ''I'm very sorry if I've given you the wrong impression, senor Alvarez, but I can only offer you a platano relationship.'' 01/10/17 13:22:18	1 9
Ah, I've just got it (had to look up platano). Clever! --Pussy Galore
	''So Tony. How did your girlfriend react to the engagement ring inside the bowl of mushy peas, routine?'' 22/04/17 9:39:37	9

	Cat got your tongue. 16/08/16 8:01:09	9

	The Lion sips tonight. 19/07/16 20:10:49	9

	Bring your own Peppa. 13/12/17 20:07:30	8

	What Ronnie Corbett would've looked like with a beard. 18/11/17 13:56:21	8

	White whine. 18/10/17 13:54:19	8

	Cockachew. 16/08/17 20:10:56	8

	The Russian ladies synchronised swimming doubles team just before shaving. 21/07/17 16:08:08	8

	lol The rest of the village got fuck all. 16/12/16 20:05:14	8

	''It's only a balloon, son, stop your blubbering.'' 11/06/18 10:05:29	7

	This valentines, Say it with roaches. 15/11/17 12:14:04	7

	Blow-up dell. (nod to 12.59) 10/09/17 15:26:50	7

	Bird: ''Hey fella's, watch out for the worms round here, they're lethal.'' 24/08/17 12:04:22	7

	Happy yellow spider day! 05/06/17 8:55:44	7

	They could both do with another coat. 24/04/17 8:46:58	7

	Welcome to Bath. 04/02/17 13:56:20	7

	''How come I could never do anything like this with my old Spirograph?'' 01/12/16 21:25:05	7

	As you can see quite clearly here, it's very difficult to tell if this is Hillary Clinton or her stand-in. 15/09/16 12:47:09	1 7
Might be her hat stand ? --Polymorph
	This is Saudi Arabia. Road rage crime will NOT be tolerated. 29/06/16 12:51:10	7

	creative That road rage guy will never give me the finger again. 07/06/16 9:36:23	7

	Can't see the hood for the trees. 08/11/22 12:35:09	6

	''How did you get that plaster on your forehead?'' ''Over the top of the cone.'' 30/09/22 8:59:28	6

	''Cheer up, there's always hoop.'' 26/02/18 8:29:21	6

	Four 'waiters.' 02/02/18 10:21:17	6

	...Bought a new inflatable dalek on obey. 03/09/17 20:59:34	6

	Great book of pranks 49.. How to trick your grandfather into reading a newspaper with no print. 17/08/17 12:10:16	6

	The car owners had left a CD of Mariah Carey for the dog to enjoy while they went shopping. 30/04/17 21:27:39	6

	''Yes. They're definitely much softer since I started using furry liquid.'' 14/04/17 21:16:33	6

	'Fab' view. 06/01/17 14:29:47	6

	'I know, yeah. I had the exactly the same trouble building my son's hotwheels track.' 22/10/22 14:38:06	5

	''Ask yourself, Puss, 'do I feel fluffy?''' 05/10/22 10:04:26	5

	The rain in Spain, falls mainly on the Great Dane. 14/08/22 20:03:13	5

	''You do realise, once we get home with that ONE solitary can of felix you have in your basket, that I will have to eat you, don't you?'' 04/08/22 15:51:35	5

	Giant's Pawsway, N.Ireland. 27/07/22 9:38:11	5

	''Good morning ladies and gentlemen. This is your new captain speaking. Please bear with me as this is my first day in a new job. If you have any questions please feel free to ask me personally. My name is Boris.'' 07/07/22 12:17:51	5

	Kids today. Where are their brains? 30/06/22 8:24:02	5

	When they grew up, the Li Po twins were going to be famous tap dancers. 10/06/18 20:03:43	5

	The hiding plaice. 10/06/18 12:37:00	5

	''Let's all do the conga...'' 01/06/18 9:12:07	5

	Is that a newly-discovered Constable painting? 13/02/18 11:31:19	1 5
Probably worth quite a bit of Monet --Mr Dome
	In spite of losing everything he had, the incredible shrinking man simply refused to give up his guitar. 11/02/18 21:03:46	1 5
Daft. Love it :) --Mr Dome
	''Jamaica doll?'' ''No. I bought it on ebay.'' 21/01/18 9:40:07	5

	That dog is clearly a pecan-ese. 28/11/17 21:23:50	5

	Dem bones, dem bones, dem..drive bones. 01/11/17 13:25:29	5

	Maria was fed up. She has worked herself to the bone and all for what? 14/10/17 12:43:32	5

	''Ahem!! Fellow villagers of the damned. Has anybody seen my children?'' 09/10/17 9:07:35	5

	''Rob, I'll never speak to you again. You knew perfectly well that was Iain Duncan Smith back there. Why did you swerve to avoid him?'' 11/05/17 21:03:56	5

	Honey. Can you pass the Don King sauce, please? 24/03/17 14:48:34	5

	Interstellar artois. 23/02/17 20:52:56	5

	'''Do not spin dry.' WTF does that mean?'' 03/02/17 9:36:05	5

	Twenty minutes waiting for the cycle to finish for just three pairs of underpants and a tank top. 12/12/16 11:36:02	5

	Dog shelter 29/08/16 8:06:31	5

	Is that where the bloke from Sparks ended up? 31/07/16 20:51:21	5

	You've been framed. 28/07/16 12:32:22	5

	First meeting - as children - of Boris Johnson and Angela Merkel. 18/07/16 8:18:16	1 5
One child, one freaky stuffed 'toy'. --Darthey Bussell
	''That woman is very forward isn't she? For myself, I prefer women who act all koi on the first date.'' 24/11/22 16:27:51	4

	''Foster, I have no wish to alarm you, with us being here on the edge of a precipice an' all, but are you any good at fighting off polar bears?'' 20/11/22 10:29:56	4

	''Seriously, mate, do I LOOK like a dentist?'' 07/11/22 20:14:28	4

	''Mum, am I going to the nursery today?'' ''Of sorts.'' 06/11/22 12:40:12	4

	Amazon review. 'Good Shit was crap.' 18/08/22 8:08:30	4

	''I always said the bridegroom has an owl head on young shoulders.'' 18/07/22 9:38:44	4

	''You would wear the same pink boots, wouldn't you Cliff?'' 14/06/18 9:47:25	4

	''No sir, I'm afraid we cannot accept that passport photo.'' 16/04/18 8:16:49	4

	''Stop!You stole that hat from that green beaver creature didn't you?'' 29/03/18 20:58:27	4

	Wouldn't you just like to kiss his face off? 25/02/18 9:48:33	4

	Motor Tyke. 26/01/18 8:21:05	4

	Weighting for a taxi. 01/01/18 21:15:04	4

	Stocking fillers. 01/01/18 12:00:54	4

	Giant turtle discovered on moon. 17/12/17 8:41:31	4

	The postman always rinks twice. 11/12/17 9:34:32	4

	The Henry V111 gumball vending machine. 05/12/17 10:20:09	4

	If she makes it to the end she can take a bough. 24/11/17 14:09:52	4

	''Your beard needs a damn good trim.'' ''So does yours, son.'' 12/10/17 20:37:28	4

	''Where the heck do I plug this thing in out here in the jungle?'' ''Sam, you're in a park in Bristol.'' 09/10/17 20:37:31	4

	''Hi Mrs.Nicholls. I wondered if you happen to have any WD40?'' 08/10/17 8:59:13	1 4
Leave my wife out of this! --Dan Nicholls
	creative ''I'm very sorry to have to tell you this, but they named a hurricane after me.'' 'Wow! You mean Irma? What's wrong with that?'' ''No. Jose.'' 11/09/17 20:35:56	4

	''Thanks for saving me from the jaws of that crocodile.'' 24/08/17 18:49:49	4

	''I see some little bugger has lit a match to one of that poor horse's farts again.'' 08/07/17 14:04:44	4

	We get the funniest looks from everyone we meet... 21/04/17 10:06:45	4

	They told Prince Charles that pets often look like their owners. 08/03/17 0:47:44	4

	So that's where Pat Butcher's missing earring got to? 06/03/17 18:08:16	4

	Ground control to May,Joe and Tom. 09/02/17 21:00:44	4

	lol ''I'm not a number, I'm a free dog.'' 05/02/17 12:34:35	4