lol

''Wow. Who's that gorgeous-looking girl over there?''
'' She's called Medus-''

09/02/18 12:32:37

Are we there, yeti?

26/03/17 8:01:33

''That mannequin was a bargain. I even got a quarter back.''

22/01/18 20:37:41

British intelligence had been talking about bum pin Hitler off for some time.

19/06/17 20:58:32

creative clever

Firefly

19/01/17 22:49:23

When the midwife produced a candle, the baby's face lit up.

19/12/16 20:53:42

Bought my aunt a cute pug yesterday. Ah, those googly eyes, the squashed nose, wrinkles, but never mind, the dog still likes her anyway.

30/01/18 12:38:05

clever

Joseph to God: ''What good is a coat if I have nowhere to live?''
God: ''Okay. Let me think about it...''

30/10/17 9:45:33

Fly fishing.

19/10/17 20:32:59

I think my iphone has been haka-d.

09/10/17 20:26:23

clever

Smearrings.

20/08/17 21:00:41

Salvador Dali's little known painting, 'The persistence of 21 Tottenham Court Road,' went up for auction today at Christies.

04/05/17 12:41:28

There was no chance of drowning in the pool as it was only 1 foot deep.

17/11/17 12:25:53

lol clever

''I'm very sorry if I've given you the wrong impression, senor Alvarez, but I can only offer you a platano relationship.''

01/10/17 13:22:18

''So Tony. How did your girlfriend react to the engagement ring inside the bowl of mushy peas, routine?''

22/04/17 9:39:37

Cat got your tongue.

16/08/16 8:01:09

The Lion sips tonight.

19/07/16 20:10:49

Bring your own Peppa.

13/12/17 20:07:30

What Ronnie Corbett would've looked like with a beard.

18/11/17 13:56:21

White whine.

18/10/17 13:54:19

Cockachew.

16/08/17 20:10:56

The Russian ladies synchronised swimming doubles team just before shaving.

21/07/17 16:08:08

lol

The rest of the village got fuck all.

16/12/16 20:05:14

''It's only a balloon, son, stop your blubbering.''

11/06/18 10:05:29

This valentines, Say it with roaches.

15/11/17 12:14:04

Blow-up dell.

(nod to 12.59)

10/09/17 15:26:50

Bird: ''Hey fella's, watch out for the worms round here, they're lethal.''

24/08/17 12:04:22

Happy yellow spider day!

05/06/17 8:55:44

They could both do with another coat.

24/04/17 8:46:58

Welcome to Bath.

04/02/17 13:56:20

''How come I could never do anything like this with my old Spirograph?''

01/12/16 21:25:05

As you can see quite clearly here, it's very difficult to tell if this is Hillary Clinton or her stand-in.

15/09/16 12:47:09

This is Saudi Arabia. Road rage crime will NOT be tolerated.

29/06/16 12:51:10

creative

That road rage guy will never give me the finger again.

07/06/16 9:36:23

''Cheer up, there's always hoop.''

26/02/18 8:29:21

Four 'waiters.'

02/02/18 10:21:17

...Bought a new inflatable dalek on obey.

03/09/17 20:59:34

Great book of pranks 49..
How to trick your grandfather into reading a newspaper with no print.

17/08/17 12:10:16

The car owners had left a CD of Mariah Carey for the dog to enjoy while they went shopping.

30/04/17 21:27:39

''Yes. They're definitely much softer since I started using furry liquid.''

14/04/17 21:16:33

'Fab' view.

06/01/17 14:29:47

When they grew up, the Li Po twins were going to be famous tap dancers.

10/06/18 20:03:43

The hiding plaice.

10/06/18 12:37:00

''Let's all do the conga...''

01/06/18 9:12:07

Is that a newly-discovered Constable painting?

13/02/18 11:31:19

In spite of losing everything he had, the incredible shrinking man simply refused to give up his guitar.

11/02/18 21:03:46

''Jamaica doll?''
''No. I bought it on ebay.''

21/01/18 9:40:07

That dog is clearly a pecan-ese.

28/11/17 21:23:50

Dem bones, dem bones, dem..drive bones.

01/11/17 13:25:29

Maria was fed up. She has worked herself to the bone and all for what?

14/10/17 12:43:32

''Ahem!! Fellow villagers of the damned. Has anybody seen my children?''

09/10/17 9:07:35

''Rob, I'll never speak to you again. You knew perfectly well that was Iain Duncan Smith back there. Why did you swerve to avoid him?''

11/05/17 21:03:56

Honey. Can you pass the Don King sauce, please?

24/03/17 14:48:34

Interstellar artois.

23/02/17 20:52:56

'''Do not spin dry.' WTF does that mean?''

03/02/17 9:36:05

Twenty minutes waiting for the cycle to finish for just three pairs of underpants and a tank top.

12/12/16 11:36:02

Dog shelter

29/08/16 8:06:31

Is that where the bloke from Sparks ended up?

31/07/16 20:51:21

You've been framed.

28/07/16 12:32:22

First meeting - as children - of Boris Johnson and Angela Merkel.

18/07/16 8:18:16

''You would wear the same pink boots, wouldn't you Cliff?''

14/06/18 9:47:25

''No sir, I'm afraid we cannot accept that passport photo.''

16/04/18 8:16:49

''Stop!You stole that hat from that green beaver creature didn't you?''

29/03/18 20:58:27

Wouldn't you just like to kiss his face off?

25/02/18 9:48:33

Motor Tyke.

26/01/18 8:21:05

Weighting for a taxi.

01/01/18 21:15:04

Stocking fillers.

01/01/18 12:00:54

Giant turtle discovered on moon.

17/12/17 8:41:31

The postman always rinks twice.

11/12/17 9:34:32

The Henry V111 gumball vending machine.

05/12/17 10:20:09

If she makes it to the end she can take a bough.

24/11/17 14:09:52

''Your beard needs a damn good trim.''
''So does yours, son.''

12/10/17 20:37:28

''Where the heck do I plug this thing in out here in the jungle?''
''Sam, you're in a park in Bristol.''

09/10/17 20:37:31

''Hi Mrs.Nicholls. I wondered if you happen to have any WD40?''

08/10/17 8:59:13

creative

''I'm very sorry to have to tell you this, but they named a hurricane after me.''
'Wow! You mean Irma? What's wrong with that?''
''No. Jose.''

11/09/17 20:35:56

''Thanks for saving me from the jaws of that crocodile.''

24/08/17 18:49:49

''I see some little bugger has lit a match to one of that poor horse's farts again.''

08/07/17 14:04:44

We get the funniest looks from everyone we meet...

21/04/17 10:06:45

They told Prince Charles that pets often look like their owners.

08/03/17 0:47:44

So that's where Pat Butcher's missing earring got to?

06/03/17 18:08:16

Ground control to May,Joe and Tom.

09/02/17 21:00:44

lol

''I'm not a number, I'm a free dog.''

05/02/17 12:34:35

BBC thinking of returning to the test card after midnight.

01/01/17 9:38:38

''...Also, you are now standing in quicksand...''

24/12/16 1:31:43

The foreground wasp is quite clearly about to sting the shit out of the person taking the photograph.

15/12/16 16:42:08

''But Mrs Clinton, I had no intention of testifying against you - honest.''

20/09/16 12:09:18

Latest spot the ball prize contestant claims 'his most obvious win' ever.

31/08/16 8:43:53

23 Appleby Avenue received a lot of drunk mail.

25/08/16 14:44:01

''If you didn't have your head so full of rubbish, maybe you'd get on in life.''

22/08/16 15:18:30

''We won't tell you again, you WILL come and see the Bonnie Langford all-stars special, and you'll jolly-well like it.''

25/07/16 23:43:29

Time waits for no nan.

25/07/16 9:34:59

...as they alpaca hell of a punch back.

21/07/16 20:21:47

To join our modelling company, you should send us a full head shot of yourself.

05/07/16 12:15:21

I've just gained four new followers on tumblr.

23/06/16 21:39:16

IVY!!! What have I told you? This dinosaur obsession really has got to stop!

22/06/16 9:34:59

Purple haze.

13/06/18 20:23:12

''I do wish you'd stop calling me Stewpot.''

03/06/18 13:36:39

So that's what happened to Pat Butcher's earrings.

30/05/18 12:09:39

''Problem, guys. When I asked for new actors to take on the new Avengers movie, I was thinking more ...Purdy, and Steed.''

18/03/18 9:35:22

Dave lives and breathes football, even when waiting for the 49c to Glossop bus station.

02/03/18 8:07:57

''I missed the ball by this much.''

01/03/18 21:12:32

That quite simply isn't cricket.

24/02/18 12:04:40

clever

Scratch n sniff.

13/02/18 13:45:57

After that, he should have a breaming smile.

08/02/18 20:36:52

Shi tzuki.

03/02/18 9:22:48

Life is a cab-in-et old chum...

15/01/18 13:11:29

Jim's other half finally left him after she discovered he was sleeping aground.

22/12/17 20:07:50

Remaining Oliver Reed collectible goes for auction at Sotheby's.

13/12/17 0:22:04

Fur Elise

13/11/17 23:38:12

Iggy Pop doesn't look himself these days.

01/11/17 13:24:47

Nor way I could afjord such a holiday.

25/10/17 8:05:58

Jean only had to look at a vibrator, and it made her corny.

18/09/17 20:51:43

This black and white picture fails to do justice to the policewoman's copper tints.

12/09/17 12:26:07

''Oh Jeremy, those sensitive fingers of yours are sending me into ecstasy.''

25/08/17 8:25:10

'Have you seen a sandwich shop?'

06/08/17 9:13:41

The pearly gates

01/08/17 16:20:43

I saw a mouse - Where? There on the hair...

28/07/17 8:37:43

''oh sit, I don't feel too good...''

15/07/17 8:02:13

Lionel could no longer afford to drive, so he travelled everywhere these days by tuba.

06/07/17 22:39:28

...Minus the two feet which are missing on this sign...

05/07/17 13:19:29

''Do you Promise to love, honour, and obey, obey...OBEY!!!''

18/06/17 6:56:23

Little be known to the unfortunate pigeon, Dick Dastardly was sitting in the seat behind.

10/06/17 9:39:35

Lord of the rings.

22/05/17 12:24:40

''Are you sure you don't want to make love this evening, dear?''

10/05/17 20:10:13

Beryl at sea.

10/04/17 8:26:46

''One hundred dollars for a bit of plastic sheeting? You have to be kidding.!''

01/04/17 13:42:39

Cleopatrick

28/03/17 20:23:03

Photo sent in by Mrs.Kerry Gold.

23/03/17 22:09:09

I always said all American presidents were puppets.

22/03/17 12:48:59

Sarah was so happy to meet up again with her old flame.

06/03/17 12:00:10

The wait for these toasted buns is kiln me.

12/02/17 20:28:50

When asked why he didn't ride out for a place, the fourth placed jockey refused to comment, while his ostrich simply buried its head in the sand.

05/02/17 20:09:01

''Did you enjoy working in the blue peter garden?''
''No, I was fired.''

31/01/17 0:14:27

''I knew those new flying cars wouldn't work.''

01/11/16 9:51:00

The residents had chaired access to the garden.

31/10/16 13:04:59

''Either you get the fuck off, or I'll do a Michael Parkinson on yer.''

12/10/16 23:54:19

For those watching in black and white, the guy in the white shirt has a stripey red tie.

30/09/16 16:16:46

''How do you go about building those webs again? I'm a little rusty.''

19/09/16 8:04:57

If the bloke wasn't out of his tree before he started sawing, he certainly will be soon.

11/09/16 20:17:14

Welcome to the wheeltapers and shunters club.

09/09/16 12:16:38

Macdonalds customers prepare to eat apple pie.

08/09/16 8:38:45

''Shit, Jeremy, I meant a T REX tribute band.''

20/08/16 14:49:19

Arse about face.

11/08/16 12:32:34

This hot tub is rubbish.

20/07/16 14:03:12

I D parade for the crazed pot-bellied killer.

17/07/16 12:10:14

'..and then I saw this horrible apparition. I can tell you now, it made my hare stand on end..'

14/07/16 12:54:57

Shittykat.

09/07/16 20:08:50

Padilocks and the three gears.

08/07/16 20:13:24

Flat tyre.

24/06/16 12:34:45

To be consumed later.

21/06/18 13:14:55

''I didn't enjoy that Polish wine much.''

13/06/18 13:53:23

Tony's animal shadows were becoming more realistic by the day.

08/06/18 10:11:27

Those shoes look fab.

28/05/18 9:28:51

''George. I have ten guests coming later who all like legs. any suggestions?''
(nod to 8:00:14.)

26/05/18 9:37:34

Schwarber played shit today.

19/04/18 8:06:04

The Dead Kennedy's have certainly mellowed over the years.

26/03/18 11:39:12

Bow peep.

26/03/18 0:14:52

Hill street blues.

23/03/18 8:54:04

'' Mrs. Lioness over there won't talk to me. She said I'm a cheater.I mean, come on, do I look like I have spots?''

09/03/18 11:25:25

''Excuse me Miss, but we have good reason to believe you stole something from the ladies section.''

05/03/18 23:36:20

Don't you just hate it when your ice cream ends up on top of a shell petrol station...

09/02/18 8:49:58

Carrion camping..(on a hippo's back)

02/02/18 0:27:20

The pigeon landed on Bill's lap when it realised he had gone to seed.

13/01/18 9:38:47

Due to adverse weather conditions,Logan international airport, Boston, will today be run by skeleton staff only.

08/01/18 8:51:06

Sorry, kids not allowed at stag do's.

16/12/17 20:40:33

Bought them on e - bay.

20/11/17 13:35:32

Slip ons.

18/11/17 20:57:00

''Ugh, sure is windy in here.''
''Well shut the damn window.''
''No. I opened the window because it's windy in here. You stink!''

17/10/17 15:26:42

I wish that was cheese, then I could have written a minekraft caption...sigh.

15/10/17 10:06:05

''Sorry. I can't eat that. It tastes like carp.''

13/10/17 23:13:10

*Thinks...''H'm. Like, I'm NOT gonna push all that shite on the floor any minute now...''

11/10/17 8:26:23

''Jen, come outside, the recycling has gone weird.''

08/10/17 8:20:21

''Come along, ladies. 'I fought the law' by the clash deserves a lot more!''

02/10/17 10:36:32

''Hey. I'm so glad you came over for a hug after insulting me.. Because, all in all, you were...just a dick on that wall.''

24/09/17 20:22:08

''Hey. Have you ever tried whelks?''
''Sure, sure. But I prefer travelling by boat, as my legs get tired these days.''

22/09/17 0:19:37

''Hands up, those who have an irritating Welsh accent...''

19/09/17 20:59:24

Hong Kong fuji.

08/09/17 17:09:43

My guitar gently weeps...like me when I realise I'm 70 years old.

07/09/17 12:02:56

''Ahh. I'm bored rigid, here. Hurry up and sort that boot out, or I'll start Tutan' on that horn of yours. Khamun, get on with it!''

22/08/17 8:51:25

One has to keep abreast of these new water appliances.

21/08/17 20:24:01

''Come out of there, Marmaduke, we need to discuss where baby kittens come from.''

21/08/17 12:21:58

''Andrexia, how'd you like your new earrings?''

20/08/17 21:03:31

Talktalk voted most reliable internet service provider for 4th year running.

18/08/17 20:05:07

Ricky Tomlinson, suffering from a sore throat, ad libs his way through a new comedy script.

18/08/17 12:43:34

''I guess we needed this talk. Our relationship is hanging by a thread...''

03/08/17 1:14:54

I don't understand it, my dentist told me I have receding hairline gums.

01/08/17 12:44:46

''Hi. Is that the radiography department? I just wondered if you could tell me how you thought I did in my interview? Oh, I see. You'll be letting me know quite soon..Okay then. Thank you for your time...''

23/07/17 8:25:56

''Cashew?''
''Bless you!''

15/07/17 0:49:39

Anyone wanna play knockdown ginger?

04/07/17 23:26:35

''..So, it was a progression thing. Knowing I had a deep-seated fear of bees, my counsellor firstly introduced me to watching Brentford, then she told me to polish my furniture with beeswax, after that I had to wear a bee costume to a fancy dress party, followed by a visit to a Hives concert, and then..wham!! Just look at how much I have achieved since then...''

01/07/17 9:13:55

Cat on a hot toyota roof.

29/06/17 11:21:01

Sky's work experience team were getting younger and younger.

07/06/17 8:11:07

Blackpool pleasure beach.

25/05/17 8:00:46

''Darn it.We left Alex back at the shop still trying to get into his betting slip outfit.''

18/05/17 14:03:49

Welcome to this summer's raffle. Please guess how many seeds are inside the bird feeder.

11/05/17 8:55:54

''Hey, Slash, what time does the Barbara Dickson concert start again? Don't wanna be late for it.''

07/05/17 20:08:08

''Freeze! Hands behind your back while I have a word in your shell-like, Mister.''

06/05/17 12:03:04

''THIS...IS....SPARTA!''

05/05/17 11:07:38

And now the latest weather with Michael Fish...

''Today will see clear blue skies, lots of sun, and...I can safely reassure the lady who messaged me here earlier today, that there is definitely no chance of any snow whatsoever...''

01/05/17 15:20:21

''Oh my goodness! You two have made a Gauguintuan mess.''

01/05/17 10:06:14