lol

''Wow. Who's that gorgeous-looking girl over there?''
'' She's called Medus-''

09/02/18 12:32:37

Are we there, yeti?

26/03/17 8:01:33

''That mannequin was a bargain. I even got a quarter back.''

22/01/18 20:37:41

British intelligence had been talking about bum pin Hitler off for some time.

19/06/17 20:58:32

creative clever

Firefly

19/01/17 22:49:23

When the midwife produced a candle, the baby's face lit up.

19/12/16 20:53:42

lol

''Dad, do you know the Piano's on fire?''
''You hum it, son, and I'll play it.''

25/07/22 12:16:39

Bought my aunt a cute pug yesterday. Ah, those googly eyes, the squashed nose, wrinkles, but never mind, the dog still likes her anyway.

30/01/18 12:38:05

clever

Joseph to God: ''What good is a coat if I have nowhere to live?''
God: ''Okay. Let me think about it...''

30/10/17 9:45:33

Fly fishing.

19/10/17 20:32:59

I think my iphone has been haka-d.

09/10/17 20:26:23

clever

Smearrings.

20/08/17 21:00:41

Salvador Dali's little known painting, 'The persistence of 21 Tottenham Court Road,' went up for auction today at Christies.

04/05/17 12:41:28

There was no chance of drowning in the pool as it was only 1 foot deep.

17/11/17 12:25:53

lol clever

''I'm very sorry if I've given you the wrong impression, senor Alvarez, but I can only offer you a platano relationship.''

01/10/17 13:22:18

''So Tony. How did your girlfriend react to the engagement ring inside the bowl of mushy peas, routine?''

22/04/17 9:39:37

Cat got your tongue.

16/08/16 8:01:09

The Lion sips tonight.

19/07/16 20:10:49

Bring your own Peppa.

13/12/17 20:07:30

What Ronnie Corbett would've looked like with a beard.

18/11/17 13:56:21

White whine.

18/10/17 13:54:19

Cockachew.

16/08/17 20:10:56

The Russian ladies synchronised swimming doubles team just before shaving.

21/07/17 16:08:08

lol

The rest of the village got fuck all.

16/12/16 20:05:14

''It's only a balloon, son, stop your blubbering.''

11/06/18 10:05:29

This valentines, Say it with roaches.

15/11/17 12:14:04

Blow-up dell.

(nod to 12.59)

10/09/17 15:26:50

Bird: ''Hey fella's, watch out for the worms round here, they're lethal.''

24/08/17 12:04:22

Happy yellow spider day!

05/06/17 8:55:44

They could both do with another coat.

24/04/17 8:46:58

Welcome to Bath.

04/02/17 13:56:20

''How come I could never do anything like this with my old Spirograph?''

01/12/16 21:25:05

As you can see quite clearly here, it's very difficult to tell if this is Hillary Clinton or her stand-in.

15/09/16 12:47:09

This is Saudi Arabia. Road rage crime will NOT be tolerated.

29/06/16 12:51:10

creative

That road rage guy will never give me the finger again.

07/06/16 9:36:23

''Cheer up, there's always hoop.''

26/02/18 8:29:21

Four 'waiters.'

02/02/18 10:21:17

...Bought a new inflatable dalek on obey.

03/09/17 20:59:34

Great book of pranks 49..
How to trick your grandfather into reading a newspaper with no print.

17/08/17 12:10:16

The car owners had left a CD of Mariah Carey for the dog to enjoy while they went shopping.

30/04/17 21:27:39

''Yes. They're definitely much softer since I started using furry liquid.''

14/04/17 21:16:33

'Fab' view.

06/01/17 14:29:47

''You do realise, once we get home with that ONE solitary can of felix you have in your basket, that I will have to eat you, don't you?''

Thu 15:51:35

Giant's Pawsway, N.Ireland.

27/07/22 9:38:11

''Good morning ladies and gentlemen. This is your new captain speaking. Please bear with me as this is my first day in a new job. If you have any questions please feel free to ask me personally. My name is Boris.''

07/07/22 12:17:51

Kids today. Where are their brains?

30/06/22 8:24:02

When they grew up, the Li Po twins were going to be famous tap dancers.

10/06/18 20:03:43

The hiding plaice.

10/06/18 12:37:00

''Let's all do the conga...''

01/06/18 9:12:07

Is that a newly-discovered Constable painting?

13/02/18 11:31:19

In spite of losing everything he had, the incredible shrinking man simply refused to give up his guitar.

11/02/18 21:03:46

''Jamaica doll?''
''No. I bought it on ebay.''

21/01/18 9:40:07

That dog is clearly a pecan-ese.

28/11/17 21:23:50

Dem bones, dem bones, dem..drive bones.

01/11/17 13:25:29

Maria was fed up. She has worked herself to the bone and all for what?

14/10/17 12:43:32

''Ahem!! Fellow villagers of the damned. Has anybody seen my children?''

09/10/17 9:07:35

''Rob, I'll never speak to you again. You knew perfectly well that was Iain Duncan Smith back there. Why did you swerve to avoid him?''

11/05/17 21:03:56

Honey. Can you pass the Don King sauce, please?

24/03/17 14:48:34

Interstellar artois.

23/02/17 20:52:56

'''Do not spin dry.' WTF does that mean?''

03/02/17 9:36:05

Twenty minutes waiting for the cycle to finish for just three pairs of underpants and a tank top.

12/12/16 11:36:02

Dog shelter

29/08/16 8:06:31

Is that where the bloke from Sparks ended up?

31/07/16 20:51:21

You've been framed.

28/07/16 12:32:22

First meeting - as children - of Boris Johnson and Angela Merkel.

18/07/16 8:18:16

''I always said the bridegroom has an owl head on young shoulders.''

18/07/22 9:38:44

''You would wear the same pink boots, wouldn't you Cliff?''

14/06/18 9:47:25

''No sir, I'm afraid we cannot accept that passport photo.''

16/04/18 8:16:49

''Stop!You stole that hat from that green beaver creature didn't you?''

29/03/18 20:58:27

Wouldn't you just like to kiss his face off?

25/02/18 9:48:33

Motor Tyke.

26/01/18 8:21:05

Weighting for a taxi.

01/01/18 21:15:04

Stocking fillers.

01/01/18 12:00:54

Giant turtle discovered on moon.

17/12/17 8:41:31

The postman always rinks twice.

11/12/17 9:34:32

The Henry V111 gumball vending machine.

05/12/17 10:20:09

If she makes it to the end she can take a bough.

24/11/17 14:09:52

''Your beard needs a damn good trim.''
''So does yours, son.''

12/10/17 20:37:28

''Where the heck do I plug this thing in out here in the jungle?''
''Sam, you're in a park in Bristol.''

09/10/17 20:37:31

''Hi Mrs.Nicholls. I wondered if you happen to have any WD40?''

08/10/17 8:59:13

creative

''I'm very sorry to have to tell you this, but they named a hurricane after me.''
'Wow! You mean Irma? What's wrong with that?''
''No. Jose.''

11/09/17 20:35:56

''Thanks for saving me from the jaws of that crocodile.''

24/08/17 18:49:49

''I see some little bugger has lit a match to one of that poor horse's farts again.''

08/07/17 14:04:44

We get the funniest looks from everyone we meet...

21/04/17 10:06:45

They told Prince Charles that pets often look like their owners.

08/03/17 0:47:44

So that's where Pat Butcher's missing earring got to?

06/03/17 18:08:16

Ground control to May,Joe and Tom.

09/02/17 21:00:44

lol

''I'm not a number, I'm a free dog.''

05/02/17 12:34:35

BBC thinking of returning to the test card after midnight.

01/01/17 9:38:38

''...Also, you are now standing in quicksand...''

24/12/16 1:31:43

The foreground wasp is quite clearly about to sting the shit out of the person taking the photograph.

15/12/16 16:42:08

''But Mrs Clinton, I had no intention of testifying against you - honest.''

20/09/16 12:09:18

Latest spot the ball prize contestant claims 'his most obvious win' ever.

31/08/16 8:43:53

23 Appleby Avenue received a lot of drunk mail.

25/08/16 14:44:01

''If you didn't have your head so full of rubbish, maybe you'd get on in life.''

22/08/16 15:18:30

''We won't tell you again, you WILL come and see the Bonnie Langford all-stars special, and you'll jolly-well like it.''

25/07/16 23:43:29

Time waits for no nan.

25/07/16 9:34:59

...as they alpaca hell of a punch back.

21/07/16 20:21:47

To join our modelling company, you should send us a full head shot of yourself.

05/07/16 12:15:21

I've just gained four new followers on tumblr.

23/06/16 21:39:16