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One screw over the Cuckoo's Nest

10/06/23 12:19:03

"White folks were the only folks that were ever allowed to have any fun back in the day. Here's a picture of two of them, watching as a sparrow drowns in a segregated drinking fountain"

08/06/23 8:38:27

"Is this a barge?"

"No, it's a kennel boat"

26/05/23 9:23:59

"You can never get over that new car smell"

17/05/23 9:02:50

"What the fuck is going on with this cat flap?"

04/05/23 12:09:45

"I thought they were quirky fashion shoes but nope, it's the T-1000. Get the shotgun out"

23/04/23 20:05:18

"With the off slide rule..."

23/03/23 9:19:24

"Which one's the pea under?"

21/03/23 20:09:43

"What's your verdict on these new safety helmets?"

"They're a bit silly, do we need them for wheelchairs?"

03/03/23 10:35:32

It's looks big but you'd be surprised how much you can fit into your shopping trolley

18/02/23 12:00:16

Forget test crash dummies, the best way to test out a car for faults is to release a flange of baboons on to it and see what they tear off.

17/02/23 12:00:29

Shut Happens

01/02/23 9:13:23

"Oh no! All three have appeared at the same time! How will it end?"

26/01/23 13:45:20

"Neill got the job as an ambulance attendant, even bringing his own stretcher to the interview"

26/01/23 8:53:18, edited: 26/01/23 9:01:33

"Who was fastest around the pole?"

"Let's call it a tie"

17/01/23 9:17:15

"This is quite nice, you said the mushroom was shit and tacky"

12/01/23 9:10:54

Enthouse

11/01/23 20:02:09

Even owls get hit by recessions.

07/01/23 8:00:15

"That Jon Bon Jovi doesn't age, does he?"

21/11/22 20:00:15

Bic n Mix / Sticky Snack Plastic

18/09/22 20:11:20, edited: 18/09/22 20:13:04

"Please stay on the cycle pith"

17/09/22 20:00:53

"That's A done, on to B..."

11/09/22 8:29:50

"Excuse me Mister, can I have my head back please?"

07/09/22 8:20:11

"Ha ha, missed me suckers!" said a delighted Carrie.

30/08/22 12:21:55

"Your mission Agent Hunt if you chose to accept it is to go up the staircase without setting off any furbie..."

22/08/22 20:08:01

"What do you think of the new benches?"

"I have great expectations for them"

16/08/22 8:02:52

"Get with the program!"

06/08/22 20:06:07

Nimpuss Cloud

28/07/22 20:04:07

"Piercing? Go to a professional"

09/07/22 15:51:03

"He started to push it over but he fell asleep"

"That's because he's a bulldozer"

01/07/22 8:43:02

If anyone inserted that into my mouth or rectum, I'd be fuming.

15/06/22 18:59:59

At least the kitchen floor is clean for a change

08/06/22 8:52:29

No strings attached

22/05/22 20:06:44

"Oh gosh! What have I done! That was friendly fire, right?"

"It's fine, it's only a Boo Boo"

20/05/22 8:15:36

"You know when you say there's a monster that eats people's socks and that's why you can never find the other one


...I think she's at the end of the bed!"

10/05/22 11:42:59

I felt the stick was being unfairly treated so I threw the dog for it

24/04/22 8:35:08

"Vladimir, I am your father"

"Yeeessss! I'm so excited, I always thought you were"

16/04/22 8:23:38

Pencil pusher

15/04/22 8:09:24

"Ow, this stings! I wish they'd had cucumber handy rather than limes"

07/04/22 8:02:45

"Those are the ears of the last child that are stuck on to the fabric, it's perfectly safe"

05/04/22 8:03:02

The Lady of the Lake replied "Could you come back another day when I've not been out partying all night to pick up your sword?"

04/04/22 8:19:29

"I've got a tomato on a stick, all we need to do now is learn how to make fire"

01/04/22 13:21:04

"I've been here and it was disappointing. The ladies don't glow as advertised"

29/03/22 8:07:49

CSI: "This is where the second little pig lived."

19/03/22 12:04:18

"What do you think of this prohibition they've introduced?"

19/02/22 12:03:08

"Did you guys get over the Civil war? Because I don't think you did"

28/10/21 20:15:47

"You shouldn't have insulted the ice cream scooper"

17/10/21 12:01:27

The Termiteator

30/04/21 8:00:25

Try Putin it out

07/03/21 12:05:15

"We fucked up - this expedition was a mistake, pass it on"

14/01/21 20:12:39

I like chimpanzees. They don't try to brainwash their kids with their own political agendas.

17/12/20 20:09:39

Pay the 20p, feed the goat, go home and pat yourself on the back for having accomplished a good deed for the day. Then they feed the goat to the T-Rex.

31/10/20 12:35:40

"Have you tried Soylent Red?"

09/07/20 12:06:28

Licking their lips, the zombies wondered which lion to eat first.

17/08/19 12:10:35

For John McClane's sixth outing, the villains hijack the advertising.

11/06/19 21:01:22

Charlie's on a break away.

04/04/16 10:08:59

Wheel E. Coyote is pushed out of court after landmark compensation payment from the ACME company.

25/08/15 12:50:18

Lions are born free, jaguars are born with copyright.

16/01/15 20:28:28

There Will Be Bloodhound

Sun 12:05:15

Pooling Resources

21/03/24 16:31:02

"Are the other animals in the hundred Acre Wood as annoyed as you?"

"Wouldn't you be if you had constant flytippers and dog walkers who don't pick up their dog shit?"

13/03/24 12:26:24, edited: 13/03/24 20:06:37

"They hired the best bounty hunter in town, Speedy Gonzales is dead meat."

06/03/24 8:02:45

"I've been on the ratkins diet"

23/02/24 9:32:41

Darn Darn Noodles

19/02/24 12:16:22

The car park's choc a block

09/02/24 20:01:42

Pride celebrates Glasgow's first Celtic Orange Lodge

02/02/24 9:44:26

"I remember as a child Mum sold one of these for £40 during the Great Arsewipe Rush of 2020...how times have changed"

25/01/24 8:12:36, edited: 25/01/24 8:25:25

"There, proof!"

"There's no need to make a thong and pants about it!"

18/01/24 8:03:38

Claws 3D

17/01/24 12:03:01

Overthrone

13/01/24 10:14:03

Fall of the House of Escher

12/01/24 20:05:27

Toe Storey

29/12/23 10:17:25

The owner of the Andrex puppies lives a life of luxury

28/12/23 20:06:24

"We had to think of something else when they said you're not allowed to use performance enhancing drugs"

20/12/23 20:11:10

Everybody wanted to be the green power ranger and nobody would back down.

18/12/23 9:13:28

"I wish they'd cook the sausages before serving up the packs in the canteen"

09/12/23 20:10:36

"One day we can afford you a real guitar Grandma"

08/12/23 8:31:55

"I only want one pretzel, not the entire multipack"

04/12/23 20:13:00

"Psst! Your chess board needs another 63 squares"

02/12/23 20:07:27, edited: 02/12/23 20:07:37

"In my day, they would have never have had this during the Blitz!"

01/12/23 8:09:29, edited: 01/12/23 8:13:40

"It's so practical, why hasn't anyone thought of it before? More people should charge the car whilst dogging"

25/11/23 15:39:07

"That bin lorry won't know what's hit it when they get a piece of me"

10/11/23 9:05:53

Rupee Goldberg

09/11/23 12:06:37

"From our range, most folk chose to send their loves off in a casket however if you really need to budget we can chop them up and put them into cardboard boxes"

07/11/23 20:13:37

Breaddy Krueger

17/10/23 12:14:22

A classic episode of Trigger Happy TV from the 50s

15/10/23 8:12:00

No Fisting Please, We're British

13/10/23 14:04:26

"The health inspector says we should stop relying on Terry to tell us and buy a meat thermometer"

22/09/23 20:21:08

"This trampoline's powerful"

17/09/23 20:00:45

Gal Jolson

16/09/23 22:07:09

"It'll make the game more of a challenge as we're more likely to be out of breath if we smoke these"

10/09/23 12:07:02

"There's one missing!"

10/09/23 9:31:41

Whatever happened to polo necks?

09/09/23 12:06:12

"Mark?"

30/08/23 20:04:50

"Today, I have brought you all to the exact spot where the housing crisis is at it's worst"

"Michael, there's no houses here"

"Yes, exactly"

29/08/23 20:14:09

Shire Straits

27/08/23 16:38:40

"Don't look at me like that, I don't believe you made this"

20/08/23 21:08:57

"It's been great for stopping me biting my nails although as a habit biting my nails was much cheaper"

14/08/23 20:03:15

"Serve"

14/08/23 12:20:23

"We've been driving around with a telephone pole in the back of the pick up truck and still we can't get good WiFi signal"

12/08/23 20:10:05