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“When I said I like women in fishnets…”
01/04/25 7:13:03
Weapons of brass destruction
26/03/25 12:00:55
"That's the last time we invite Dave and Susan to a dress up party," said Volodymyr Zelensky.
22/03/25 20:27:54
"Hang on.. You want me to give up the tit for this!!"
21/03/25 8:03:52
That's the last time I use corn flour
16/03/25 20:08:18
School dinner
13/03/25 12:06:05
''Where are you going to park it?''''Out back.''
12/03/25 12:08:13
"I think I like the first one that I tried on."
04/03/25 12:14:20
I have a sign like that on my bed with a full calendar of dates.
01/03/25 12:02:31
A Hard Day's Flight
27/02/25 20:20:53
I think we might have rented the wrong Trainspotting dvd...
25/02/25 21:53:07
Shower cap
18/02/25 20:00:25
Rex has always been a light eater.
15/02/25 20:14:51
Somewhere Rover the rainbow
15/02/25 20:02:45
🎵 I got you Babe 🎵
10/02/25 8:13:53
The council need to fill in these pot holes.
09/02/25 20:00:51
He's just a ctrl freak
07/02/25 20:01:35
“Rake up, Maggie.”
30/01/25 12:18:09
My Lidl Pony
29/01/25 8:03:45
They aren't the kind of shoes you can wear furlong.
28/01/25 8:28:20
Yappy birthday!
25/01/25 20:05:48
Bagpuss
23/01/25 12:00:37
I don't care about the tree but why did you have to paint a garden fence on the carpet?
20/01/25 8:32:26
Gay City Rollers
18/01/25 8:01:35
The ride of your wife.
11/01/25 8:00:36
“My wife won’t stroke it.”
09/01/25 8:01:19
''I'm hoping to get laid tonight.''
05/01/25 8:02:54
The rough end of Sesame Street.
27/12/24 8:15:36
“ ……….. and the pet Piranhas, did they survive the flood? ….”
26/12/24 20:33:54
Its time we let you know, the reason you can't fly son, is we adopted you as a baby
22/12/24 12:04:20
Herbievore
21/12/24 20:05:11
"Doctor, doctor! I keep seeing elephants cooking!""Have you seen a psychiatrist?""No, just elephants cooking!"
05/12/24 12:50:19
"Are you sure that is all you have left?" said Dave at 10 PM on his Christmas Eve present buying spree.
04/12/24 8:05:12
Wall's Street
01/12/24 12:06:00
Bangers and sash
27/11/24 8:09:58
Dave was struggling to adjust to life in the Witness Protection Program.
26/11/24 8:06:04
Hoax Hoax Hoax
23/11/24 20:04:41
Flight of the Living Dead
19/11/24 12:02:02
Nothing turns Jock on more than seeing his sheep in fish nets.
18/11/24 11:32:43
DeliverWho
16/11/24 20:06:29
Cock au Van
10/11/24 8:04:05
"Get a shroom!"
09/11/24 8:01:29
The lads were gutted to discover that their order didn't include the model.
05/11/24 12:04:39
Aw just like daddy's
01/11/24 12:06:08
Once a month HR selects the most noteworthy employees
31/10/24 20:16:27
Quiffhanger
26/10/24 7:56:12
"See how you like it, Schrodinger!" SLAM.
20/10/24 11:03:15
Just a minor repair.
14/10/24 11:24:03
Who donut?
13/10/24 7:00:26
Rex's Chainsaw Massacre
11/10/24 19:00:31
When your bark is bigger than your bite
10/10/24 11:00:55
Halloweenie
06/10/24 11:40:38
Hawaii Fi-do.
05/10/24 19:00:25, edited: 05/10/24 19:55:57
A Right Twatt!
01/10/24 7:00:40, edited: 01/10/24 7:50:29
It was murder on the roads this evening.
28/09/24 19:04:43
“E.T. phone 911.”
26/09/24 7:51:51
Made by Cartel
20/09/24 19:06:34
"I'm Spartapuss!"
19/09/24 7:01:28, edited: 19/09/24 7:17:46, suggested edits
Fancy getting on a train with bear feet.
17/09/24 7:01:11
For a hot sunny day when you are roasting.
15/09/24 11:06:33
Draw me like one of your Essex girls
13/09/24 11:21:09
BREAKING NEWS: Chris Beach Arrested In Dawn RaidOur photograph shows the caption site cells where the inmates were forced to churn out puns for up to sixteen hours a day. Many had not seen their families for several years. One poor inmate had gone completely insane: whenever the trolley appeared with his lunch he would rip off all his clothes and start screaming 'Meals on Wheels'. Two dozen cats, three dogs, a cow and a crocodile have been removed from the premises. A police spokesperson stated that although the investigation is ongoing, they won't be looking into anything out of respect for the captioneers.
11/09/24 11:55:58, edited: 13/09/24 7:10:00, suggested edits
They were riding at a gastronomical speed
08/09/24 11:04:10
My little cloney.
04/09/24 19:27:45
“Gonna be late tonight love, I’m stuck at work.”
03/09/24 7:03:15
"Thought you'd appreciate the hard back."
02/09/24 19:05:31
Driving Miss Lazy
02/09/24 7:05:30
"Eye of newt and shake of broom, let his fork become a spoon!"
31/08/24 11:02:14
“When you said it was an 18-30 holiday I thought you meant age not year “ said Dave
30/08/24 11:10:51
"Look, just stop eating the baked beans."
24/08/24 11:03:54
"Put it on my tab."
19/08/24 7:05:39
Was it easy to make?A pizza cake.
16/08/24 11:00:45
Death On The Aisle
14/08/24 11:22:04
Not often seen in a Quality Street
14/08/24 7:06:51
It doesn't take a genius to work that out.
12/08/24 7:03:54
"It took a lot of balls to do what you did Mary"
11/08/24 11:07:29
Nantendo
10/08/24 11:08:25
The Statue of Littery
09/08/24 19:00:49
Unidentified Frying Objects
31/07/24 7:01:36
Dressed to kill
30/07/24 7:02:35
nana nana nana nana...
14/07/24 19:01:50
Many men died because they couldn't find it.
12/07/24 19:00:59
The Mannequin who would be King.
11/07/24 7:02:36
Mombrero
08/07/24 19:01:18
“ The wedding reception starts at 5.00 this Saturday so you will just need to cover for 90 minutes unless there’s extra time “ said Dave
03/07/24 11:28:21, suggested edits
If that caption wins the £50 I'm giving up.
02/07/24 19:31:06
CHICAGO RAILWAY STATION''Excuse me, driver, is this the last train to New York?''''It could be.''
02/07/24 19:24:34
3 o'clock that night..."EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!! EXTERMINAAATTTE!!!""Honey, it's your turn."
30/06/24 19:21:25, edited: 30/06/24 19:24:47
BREAKING NEWSHumpty Dumpty recovering at home after nasty fall.
27/06/24 11:05:11, edited: 27/06/24 11:17:45
"No bloody Surrey police cars up here!"
19/06/24 7:16:28
Kneehole surgery
15/06/24 8:47:32
Eat within 5 seconds
13/06/24 11:00:40
When I were a lad we dreamt there were mortar life.
13/06/24 7:02:29
"Darling, did you remember to bath the kids and let the cats out?"- "SHIT!"
12/06/24 11:24:20
Fine, but it's a bit tight.
11/06/24 7:02:39
🎵 Ghouls just wanna have fun 🎵
06/06/24 7:02:15, edited: 06/06/24 7:02:49
Bread Nose Day
05/06/24 7:14:34
"If you want a laugh, throw 3 sticks in different directions."
01/06/24 19:24:18, edited: 01/06/24 19:35:56
“I see fuel’s gone up again.”
30/05/24 11:16:05
Dinosnore
29/05/24 19:00:40
suggested edits
