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Ali Cat
21/09/25 7:04:07
"I'm shitting bricks Doc."
14/09/25 11:00:26
"Sorry, I forgot to mention there's no insulation on that part of the cable."
08/09/25 19:02:46
Language barrier
06/09/25 19:01:44
The moment you realise you may have been adopted.
20/08/25 11:02:01
“I think he’s batting for the other side.”
10/08/25 19:05:19
BREAKING NEWS''A tiger has walked into a flat and eaten three of the tenants. Police have described the scene as Shere Khanage.''
22/07/25 11:35:02, edited: 22/07/25 11:42:18
Nightwear On Elm Street
22/07/25 7:01:35
That dreadful moment you catch your willy in a zip.
30/06/25 7:07:57, edited: 30/06/25 7:08:53
I've always wondered how he looked after falling from the Empire State Building.
26/06/25 19:13:15
When you pose for a portrait, you need to keep stationery.
22/06/25 19:06:31, edited: 23/06/25 8:47:08, suggested edits
Eat at Mcdonald's and you'll get a Dodgy Ticker
18/06/25 19:15:36
“I told you to fix that electric blanket.”
18/06/25 7:05:43
“Janet Jackson’s nipple doesn’t take any chances these days.”
09/06/25 7:08:45
Brush hour
07/06/25 19:06:31
The pilot's guide dog gets free rides everywhere.
06/06/25 7:02:22
Cagney and Lassie
04/06/25 19:28:52, edited: 04/06/25 19:46:40
Just for the effect, Tina then spits out coco pops.
03/06/25 19:08:25
"So, are you going anywhere interesting this year?"
19/05/25 7:03:38
Following the cybersecurity breach at M&S, the instructions for Colin the Caterpillar got lost.
09/05/25 11:08:35
"Please don't dessert me!"
06/05/25 19:19:34
Euston, we have a problem...
21/04/25 19:00:18
''Men are all the same. They have a one Trek mind.''
18/04/25 7:17:47
''Well, Sandra, you've seen all three men trying to get it into the bowl. Which one would you like to marry?''
15/04/25 11:18:04
I could murder a drink.
08/04/25 7:01:12
You also here for the Columbo audition?
03/04/25 19:01:26
The crack of Dawn.
31/03/25 19:00:35
"...and it looks like we have our first gay Pope."
25/03/25 20:00:38
'More TNT Vicar?'
24/03/25 12:06:37
Weapon of mass destruction
24/03/25 12:00:21
When you don't realise that someone has stolen your binoculars.
16/03/25 12:09:46, edited: 16/03/25 12:23:13
Spray it with flowers
14/03/25 20:01:01
"He loves your mousey hair."
05/03/25 8:16:29
Wake up and smell the coffin
27/02/25 8:06:06
''I'm just glad they're out getting some exercise instead of sitting around playing poker all day.''
19/02/25 12:17:08
It'll have you in stitches!
19/02/25 8:06:34
"Yes, I've showered properly. Is this really necessary, mum?"
14/02/25 8:14:04
"You're out of the rain now, luv, you can take off your Macintosh."
08/02/25 20:10:33
"I told you Rudolph's red nose was more serious than just a common cold."
08/02/25 12:14:27
Some say Van Gogh was ostracized because he was autistic, but in reality it was because he kept licking his balls in public.
24/01/25 8:15:37
She definitely wears the trousers
20/01/25 12:04:07
Roundhog day
19/01/25 12:17:58
I told you not to try and milk it.
09/01/25 20:03:11
“The shelter said he loves kids.”
09/01/25 12:01:12
She was fired for gloss misconduct.
06/01/25 12:11:37
"The Spiderman convention. You?"
17/12/24 12:07:45
Talk to the flipper 'cos the face ain't listening
12/12/24 12:17:32
The Wrong Brothers
11/12/24 12:04:24
"Mum, please can I go out tonight?"
07/12/24 8:04:45
"I'm worried that my hairline is reseeding."
03/12/24 8:03:19
Rules for dating my daughters.1. You can't
29/11/24 8:22:23, edited: 29/11/24 8:22:40
Latest anti-immigration measures revealed.
19/11/24 20:02:17
"No... Still no phone reception."
14/11/24 12:00:30
Space probe sends pictures confirming there’s water on Mars
13/11/24 12:09:17, edited: 13/11/24 12:11:12
Danny DeVito's biggest roll yet.
12/11/24 12:39:30
Mind the crap
31/10/24 12:14:22
"That reminds me, I still need to get the pigs in blankets."
18/10/24 11:03:42
St. Knickerless
18/10/24 11:01:09
Crapentry
12/10/24 7:14:50
The Hound That Rocks the Cradle
07/10/24 11:13:55
"I wanted gloves, not Mittens."
06/10/24 19:05:18
They all plaid well.
29/09/24 11:09:19
A man of the broth.
29/09/24 7:38:50
"Why would you ask if I fell asleep baby sitting your kids ?"
07/09/24 7:48:16
“They throw up so fast…”
04/09/24 11:04:34
Left tenants
29/08/24 19:05:30
That could cause a pile up.
28/08/24 19:08:50
Take top off and shake.
27/08/24 19:00:33
8 out of 10 cats prefer Whiskeys
23/08/24 19:03:33, edited: 23/08/24 19:10:23, suggested edits
He's getting too big for his boot
10/08/24 19:06:41
Help ….what idiot added bath salts
24/07/24 11:04:39
The furry tail of New York.
20/07/24 7:15:20
These sunglasses offer 100% Ewe V protection.
15/07/24 19:13:16
🎵 Grazing on a sunny afternoon
15/07/24 19:04:48
5 years we've been married and never a crossword.
13/07/24 7:12:11
Drum kit
01/07/24 19:00:44
'One turkey and cheese, and step on it."
13/06/24 11:40:01
"I'm fed up with this. Can't we just buy a lemon squeezer?"
11/06/24 19:03:36, edited: 11/06/24 19:04:45
Youngsters nowadays think they gnaw everything
09/06/24 7:03:15
Cleanliness is next to dogliness.
01/06/24 7:01:34
Our beaches used to be clean but now you spend all day dancing around Pooh.
30/05/24 7:24:06
5 seconds earlier... "Just a trim please Delilah."
13/05/24 7:32:10
NOW can I enter the Eurovision song contest?
12/05/24 19:03:15
3 wined mice
08/05/24 7:02:54
"This is great I must come back and do this in the summer" said Dave
03/05/24 7:05:49, edited: 03/05/24 7:06:11
Mills and Boom.
29/04/24 7:10:10
"I had better go and change. Being captain of the Titanic I don't want to do anything to embarrass myself."
25/04/24 7:26:56
Cistern Act
10/04/24 19:00:41
Wheel's on meals
09/04/24 7:04:59
"Moses, wait for us!"
08/04/24 19:02:24, edited: 08/04/24 19:08:05, suggested edits
Slush puppies
08/04/24 7:01:24
Every little yelps.
01/04/24 7:01:58
Game of Thrones
28/03/24 12:02:03
Their relationship is already on the rocks.
22/03/24 8:02:12, edited: 22/03/24 8:02:27
"Don't worry, I won't eat you. Parrots repeat on me."
16/03/24 20:04:30
THE GREAT DAVENDO''To be honest the trick works better with a swordfish.''
14/03/24 8:12:27
Nice sofa - where's it from?The Co-op
11/03/24 12:12:24
'The only real problem I see is possibly getting a passport'
09/03/24 12:50:31
Kremlins
08/03/24 8:08:34
He suffers from hemorrdroids
29/02/24 20:04:12