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Always slice a cucumber before feeding to your tortoise.
Always slice a cucumber before feeding to your tortoise. photo | portfolio
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Funny Bean Vote score: 1921Funny Bean

Always slice a cucumber before feeding to your tortoise.

23/11/18 21:52:32

 
Pussy Galore Vote score: 7065Pussy Galore

“Harry! The grandkids have been feeding Tommy with your Viagra tablets again!”

23/11/18 20:00:21

 
Mark England Vote score: 14462Mark England

..and the tortoise beats the hare by a neck"

23/11/18 20:14:10

 
Karyn Harrison Vote score: 2015Karyn Harrison

You can have so much fun with a bag of ring doughnuts and a long-necked tortoise.

23/11/18 22:31:18

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 4808Chris Keegan

"Terry, did you by any chance drop one of your viagra tablets in the garden?"

23/11/18 20:00:39

 5
stone face Vote score: 3463stone face

Breeding these poor creatures to have long necks is so wrong. I'm turtley against it.

23/11/18 20:02:40

 
Karyn Harrison Vote score: 2015Karyn Harrison

Victor Meldrew sticks his neck out again.

23/11/18 20:00:35

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 34638Welsh Rarebit

"I hate being ostrichacized!"

23/11/18 20:00:20

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 6154Mr Dome

Apparently, due to his age, he can only keep it up like that for a minute or so

23/11/18 20:12:59

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 21301Michael Winner

Fun Fact: food swallowed by tortoises travels faster than the tortoises themselves.

23/11/18 20:29:15

 
Scrappy Doo Vote score: 532Scrappy Doo

I know who's getting a turtleneck sweater this Christmas!

23/11/18 20:24:21

 
larry G. Vote score: 1114larry G.

"I may be sticking my neck out, but I got a little shell-shocked.'

23/11/18 20:20:19

 
stone face Vote score: 3463stone face

We had to examine this fella in biology. To be honest it tortoise nothing.

23/11/18 20:04:31

 
Scrappy Doo Vote score: 532Scrappy Doo

What do you get when you cross a turtle with an ostrich?
I don't know, but it just bit my nuts off!

23/11/18 20:04:25

 
Pussy Galore Vote score: 7065Pussy Galore

We call him Perry. Perry Scope.

23/11/18 20:01:14

 
Pussy Galore Vote score: 7065Pussy Galore

“Oi! Wind your neck in!”

23/11/18 20:00:47

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 34638Welsh Rarebit

Talltoise

23/11/18 20:00:11

 
Sarah Murray Sarah Murray

My dad was a giraffe

07/12/18 1:37:54

 
Barrie Bullock Vote score: 407Barrie Bullock

Up tortiscope.

24/11/18 15:59:11

 
Carey Sutton Vote score: 514Carey Sutton

I am so sorry, I thought it was a toy the kids were swinging around.

24/11/18 13:13:24

 
Zak Toby1998 Vote score: 220Zak Toby1998

Teenage mutant ninja turtle.

23/11/18 20:54:13

 
Stu Dent Vote score: 1420Stu Dent

After many suicide attempts Terrence finally decided to give life one more go

23/11/18 20:44:02

 
Stu Dent Vote score: 1420Stu Dent

Before I got this shell I use to live in a block of flats.

23/11/18 20:23:59

 
larry G. Vote score: 1114larry G.

Hardbody meets E.T.

23/11/18 20:23:58

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 4808Chris Keegan

When you said let's do turkey with some kind of twist to it this year...

23/11/18 20:18:28

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 5188Glyn Evans

Lettuce must be getting harder to reach.

23/11/18 20:15:12

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 20161Ian Skelding

"Who fancies necking Michelle?"

23/11/18 20:14:13

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 34638Welsh Rarebit

"Sh*t, Rod Hull is coming this way!"

23/11/18 20:08:37

 1
"Hurry, the only safe place is the roof." --Michael Winner
Sam Cass Vote score: 341Sam Cass

Plot twist: that's not the "head" you think it is.

23/11/18 20:06:57

 
stone face Vote score: 3463stone face

The fashionable people can now hold their hat in place using this terrapin.

23/11/18 20:06:41

 
Pussy Galore Vote score: 7065Pussy Galore

We're taking him to the vet. His farts really stink.

23/11/18 20:06:10

 
Sam Cass Vote score: 341Sam Cass

"Do giraffe to stare?"

23/11/18 20:04:28

 
Pussy Galore Vote score: 7065Pussy Galore

He’s part of our research program. We’re taking turtle care to the necks level.

23/11/18 20:03:46

 
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