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	This Week				Last Week			All Time
	Quota	Added	Score	Rank	Added	Score	Rank	Added	Score	Rank
Captions	39	9	26	#19	9	26	#18	3085	3330	#54
Photos			3	#8		3	#8	60	241	#10
Comments	16	2	2	#8	2	2	#7	236	246	#33
Forum Posts		1						1
Suggested Edits								1	3	#10

	This Week		Last Week		All Time
	Voted	Rank	Voted	Rank	Voted	Rank
Captions	111	#3	111	#3	13356	#17
Photos					758	#25
Comments	5	#3	5	#2	368	#22
Forum Posts
Suggested Edits					5	#9

captions comments received captioned photos

captions

	lol As a funeral director, I should never have agreed to the, ‘Take Your Kids To Work Day' initiative. 30/03/20 13:59:43	27

	“What shampoo do you use?” “Shoulders.” 08/12/22 20:04:27	21

	lol creative Archeologists reveal why very few escaped from the Pompeii disaster. 15/11/21 8:48:18	20

	creative clever Storm Ciara wreaks havoc across the UK: "I was lucky, a trampoline missed me by an inch and the bloke over the road is wearing a shed." 13/02/20 12:29:29	20

	He’s the underdog 28/02/24 8:00:59	19

	lol “Dave…wtf have you done to my hair dryer!? 06/01/24 12:17:44, edited: 06/01/24 12:18:12	19

	lol creative “……..…..and they all lived happily ever after……Now bugger off to bed.” Mon 20:11:48	18

	lol “It was bloody damp in our house when we were kids. This is us in the back bedroom.” 19/01/22 20:16:39	18

	This original design of an Airbus didn’t take off. 02/10/22 8:12:04	16

	lol "What do you mean go faster? I'm ninety f*cking seven you ungrateful hag." 12/04/21 8:36:41	16

	You always could tell Pete had a bad hangover by the size of the ice pack. 21/03/20 20:05:38	16

	lol That look when you spot your wife with another man and you can't do anything about it because you're a statue. 09/05/19 20:28:46	16

	Footage 29/02/24 10:24:40	15

	“We can’t both have irons on Park Lane.” 25/10/21 8:19:14	15

	"I see Edward's on the helium again." 14/07/21 12:03:09	15

	lol "Tonight on, When Hip Replacements Go Wrong....." (Nod to 12:05:24) 11/05/20 0:07:30	3 15
Hi xxx (best make your comments anonymous at the moment), I guessed whoever had done the caption hadn't seen Dave's caption and loved the way you used the idea in a different way. I think Dave was unlucky not to get more votes though and wished ... --Stephen Bean
	lol creative "Help I can't untangle my hands" 15/03/20 21:00:26	15

	CanoepÃ©s 21/09/17 20:32:23	2 15

	lol Oscar Pistorius's campaign bus 24/07/16 12:40:44	15

	Rick decided not to complain, but instead changed his meal choices to beef casserole and sticky toffee pudding. 20/12/21 9:05:58	14

	That's so fake. You can see the thin wires holding the spider up! Duh. 22/08/20 8:50:44	14

	"Darling, can you smell ga....." 18/08/20 8:01:34	14

	Sarah has a drinking problem 08/04/20 8:01:26	6 14
Is that an Airplane in your bottle? --Guideaux .
	In a shocking autobiography out next week, entitled "I hated the bastard" Captain Birdseye's granddaughter tells all. 13/02/20 22:53:41	14

	creative She's hoping that a few minor adjustments to her new skirt, will help take away the emphasis from her massive arse. 23/08/17 20:40:55	3 14
Hahaha, yes petal ;D xx --Karen Oakenfull
	lol creative Uri Geller makes a start on corrogating a new door for his storage unit. 15/06/15 12:38:19	14

	Having just had two Bishop's Fingers, Brendan needed a drink. 09/05/14 9:02:16	1 13
After that he was Hob gobbling. --John Glover
	There once lived a gardener from Leeds… Who swallowed a packet of seeds It was more fertile grass When it came out his arse It also choked most of the weeds 13/01/24 8:04:08, edited: 13/01/24 16:51:18, suggested edits	15 13
“There once lived a gardener from Leeds…”Who's garden was overgrown and full of grass and reeds.He bought a new strimmer to make things look trimmerBut could now see Leeds so things were grimmer!! --Phil Swan
	Van for sale. Low silage 16/07/23 8:18:46	13

	Lillian checks the obituary column everyday to see if she’s in it. 28/04/22 8:14:59	1 13
She doesn't want to be "late". --Willie Johnson
	"Stay back Angela. I've got this.." 24/11/20 3:09:57	13

	clever Tong in cheek humour 05/04/24 20:17:10	12

	Baby steps 18/07/23 13:19:27	12

	creative Drama teacher: “Okay, class, let’s get started today with some full body interpretation…John, you are a pint of sterilised milk. Anna, you are a Victorian potato peeler, Mike, you’re Milton Keynes. Janet, you are a second hand washing machine, Frank, you are the Opening of Parliament. Kim, you are a pair of medieval underpants.” 29/06/23 20:41:06	12

	Bridget’s Got Talons 23/04/23 20:01:37	12

	When Janet was approached by a "˜certain magazine"˜ to do some modelling, she thought it would be the start of a glittering career but Scrap Metal Monthly had a very tight budget. 17/09/20 8:27:17	1 12
And she has a tight skirt. --Willie Johnson
	According to footage from his GoPro, his last words were, "Bit tricky here but don't worry guys, I got thi..." 12/08/20 13:48:46	12

	How they got the groom to Mars on his stag night still remains a complete mystery. 04/08/20 21:45:17	12

	It's quite rare to see a man of this calibre. 10/05/20 20:41:59	12

	lol clever "Say cheese." "Bvoooo." 04/03/20 17:06:17	1 12
Seriously, made me laugh out loud. Late captions are often sadly underrated. --James Lennox
	"It's pointless lying to me, I can see right through you." "I've half a mind to end this relationship." 27/04/19 8:07:56	12

	lol The same as other blokes do, use the wife's flannel. 22/01/19 10:06:44	12

	“Is that big bird stuffed?” “I’d assume so, she had a hearty luncheon.” 30/07/23 21:48:57	11

	Neil in a haystack 06/12/22 12:13:37	11

	lol “…………then in 400 yards we turn left and carry on straight ahead for half a mile, and take the 3rd exit at the roundabout then………Oh dad, this is so humiliating. I know you’re a tight bastard but couldn’t you have at least hired a car for my big day?” 29/01/22 14:10:39	11

	Try as they might, Roger and Melve have never managed to watch the last 2 hours of The Sound Of Music. 21/11/21 22:42:09	11

	lol Ever since June introduced Derek to the Sunlife Funeral Plan, He’s turned into even more of a tw*t. 05/11/21 8:18:54	11

	For Sale: Miniature Tiger Going Cheep 04/06/20 14:50:17	11

	...and he still would've been if he'd seen the bus coming a bit sooner. 14/05/20 12:12:47	11

	lol "I say we call him Huckleberry." 14/05/20 11:32:38	11

	Fly Chi 18/04/20 22:20:14	11

	"Does it hurt when you go to the toilet?" "Yes Doctor." 24/04/19 8:05:26	11

	lol "I don't mind being spoiled, but I wish they'd let me wash my own arse." 15/03/19 12:29:46	11

	Spider plant 22/05/15 13:59:20	11

	Cat proves once and for all that it hasn't got your tongue. 30/08/14 8:32:03	11

	creative He's lucky he didn't get pissed at the Blue Oyster Bar instead. He'd have been trying to sell half a drain-pipe, two terrified hamsters and an industrial plunger! (Well, according to a friend of mine you understand.) 24/06/14 0:24:38	11

	In true Latvian circus burial law, Olav the clown was given a traditional send off. 11/06/14 16:22:40	1 11
Brilliant caption! --Michael Winner
	“Can I have my eyes back?” 10/01/24 20:01:07	10

	Mein Kramp 16/04/23 12:27:00	10

	$3.99!? Where's the justice in that? 02/11/20 12:01:58	10

	"Stop fretting Maureen." 10/03/20 22:14:49	10

	lol He's playing arse song! 01/07/16 4:40:50	2 10
I agree! Didn't see it until now, but you showed how a later-entry can get votes quickly, IF the caption is brilliant, as yours is. Congrats! --Greg Curtis
	“C’mon, off to Banbury Cross at once!” 07/03/24 8:07:24	9

	Billy was in a rush now, the burping competition started in 10 minutes. 24/01/24 20:03:58	9

	Bohemian Catsody 02/12/23 8:30:35	9

	As I watched my long lost brother approach, even Davina McCall was a bit scared. 01/01/22 20:13:31	2 9
Love this one, I think 'brother' could have added to the caption. But ,hey, three other captioneers liked it as it is. --John Glover
	Back in the day, there were all sorts of ways to cure hiccups. 17/11/21 20:09:51	9

	“I remember when all this used to be fields.” 10/10/21 10:04:20	9

	“My son, did you just shout out you were looking for Jehovah?” “No mate, I said, f*cking move over.” 01/08/21 8:11:21	9

	Looks like he's been in the beer trap again. He'll sh*g anything when he's pissed. 12/08/20 20:32:38	9

	"Joe got his pet, but you promised to get me a kitten Daddy?" "I did but....ahem.." 01/06/20 22:12:12	9

	"Are we there yet?" 06/08/16 20:27:38	9

	With such an odd shaped head, ping pong looking eyes, fat beer belly and jaundice, I'd recognise Brenda anywhere. 22/06/14 3:31:56	9

	Up until it burnt down in 1971, this photo gives us a rare glimpse inside the underground recruitment office for The Ministry Of Silly Walks. 10/05/14 0:00:34	9

	“Trying to think of a novel way to decorate your stairs? Just use your loaf.” 14/09/23 20:03:58	8

	Ding dong “Oh..hello Barbara. Don’t just stand out there on the doorstep in the cold, go away!” 22/08/23 15:19:44	8

	“He was dancing about a minute ago, why has he suddenly passed out?” “It’s nothing to worry about. He tends to lapse into a coma if he accidentally presses shuffle and a Coldplay album starts up. He’ll come round in an hour or so.” 05/04/23 8:06:03	8

	We moved to Tasmania last December. I must say the Carol Singers that come round are a bit different. 10/11/22 8:01:44	8

	Not the best time to find out your new wife was originally a roofer called Derek. 04/10/22 20:35:31	8

	“……then turn left and drive about half a mile to the end of the road and you’ll see my house on the corner next to the statue……What do you mean you can’t find it!?” 06/10/21 12:49:22	8

	Cheers bud but this an iPhone 8, I told you to nick me an 11 or 12. 05/08/21 8:04:11	8

	"How did you get on down the Job Centre Pete?" 05/07/21 0:40:54	8

	lol Grandma thinks she's doing Facebook. Bless. 03/09/20 14:19:17	8

	That awkward next day after your wife has found out you've been having an affair and she's burnt everything you own. 28/05/20 12:56:46	1 8
Or you said you weren't having an affair and the shorts and shoes she found under the bed are actually yours, so you have wear them to prove it. --Troompa Loompa
	Stoney broke 11/05/20 20:00:49	8

	Goal!! 16/04/20 2:49:53	1 8

	clever 🎵 His Hat Has Got The Sun On...🎵 08/03/20 22:20:44	8

	He was eventually thrown in a recycling bin. 06/07/19 8:32:26	8

	Jack marvelled at the proud stance she took to break wind. 29/01/19 15:21:55	8

	Thankfully, the hospital catheters of today, are far less conspicuous than this crude contraption from the 1870's 10/09/14 19:08:42	8

	Since trying out the new German caffine shampoo, Helmut's hair has been up for over 4 days. 28/08/14 20:46:59	8

	Hmmm … I’m gonna have to wake her. I can’t find me bloody underpants.” 10/09/23 3:27:27	7

	Bernard had forgotten about the umbrella he’d swallowed until it opened. 27/07/23 20:05:01	7

	Archeologists Excavate Ancient Mayan Furniture 02/05/23 12:12:40	7

	lol creative “This?” “Nope.” Almost 36 years later and still no joy for Bono. 24/04/23 16:10:04	1 7
So obscure. Love it :) --James Lennox
	clever Died hard fans 10/04/23 8:00:51, edited: 10/04/23 8:02:20	7

	“Are you sure there’s a £10,000 prize in these eggs Malcolm? I reckon it’s in them Cadbury ones?” 02/01/23 20:17:09, edited: 02/01/23 20:18:55	7

	lol Boss: “Stop! Did you just hear that twang?” Twang: “I didn’t hear anything but I think a cable just snapped.” 08/10/22 12:15:24	7

	Tonight On - Struggling Young Mothers: “I thought that the consequences of swallowing pips and seeds was a myth.” 24/06/22 12:09:30	7

	lol I’m assuming the rectum insertion ban came about from that incident involving some lads on a stag night in Wales, who drunkenly decided to fill up the groom’s arse with a gallon of unleaded. He became too ill to even walk. But thanks to a massive fart and a nearby smouldering ashtray, the groom made it to the church on time…….in the Bahamas….a week early. 15/06/22 19:35:59	7

more captions

last comments (total: 117)

Message to Al. Thank you for you edit suggestion. Before I decide, I just want to say that the initial intention was to just write the first line, assuming everyone/most people know the limerick and people thinking or remembering what comes next is supposedly what may cause a chortle or two. The one I know is:
There once was a gardener from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
Loads of grass, grew round his arse
And now he’s covered in weeds.
Should I write the original as I know it, or add your version which I think is funnier or shall I leave it as it is. If it’s worth changing to make it funnier, please let me know Al and also what others think possibly.

(caption author)

13/01/24
3:55pm

comment on caption:
There once lived a gardener from Leeds… Who swallowed a packet of seeds It was more fertile grass When it came out his arse It also choked most of the weeds [Karen Oakenfull]

Fair enough, Caption Author. Leave it how it is. I'd never heard it before and improvised.

Al Overy

13/01/24
4:42pm

comment on caption:
There once lived a gardener from Leeds… Who swallowed a packet of seeds It was more fertile grass When it came out his arse It also choked most of the weeds [Karen Oakenfull]

Kathleen, 'ass' rhymes better if you're from north of Watford Gap. :)

Al Overy

13/01/24
4:44pm

comment on caption:
There once lived a gardener from Leeds… Who swallowed a packet of seeds It was more fertile grass When it came out his arse It also choked most of the weeds [Karen Oakenfull]

That’s because you are a quick witted clever little Devil our Al. I still don’t know what to Kathleen said to write ass instead of arse but I don’t know which limerick she means. I’ll see If I can find her.

(caption author)

13/01/24
4:48pm

comment on caption:
There once lived a gardener from Leeds… Who swallowed a packet of seeds It was more fertile grass When it came out his arse It also choked most of the weeds [Karen Oakenfull]

I say “arse” though?😳
I never ever imagined that those would be my first words to you our Kathleen. Can we not let this affect our friendship?

(caption author)

13/01/24
4:54pm

comment on caption:
There once lived a gardener from Leeds… Who swallowed a packet of seeds It was more fertile grass When it came out his arse It also choked most of the weeds [Karen Oakenfull]

Thank you Al xxx

Karen Oakenfull

16/01/24
7:31pm

comment on caption:
There once lived a gardener from Leeds… Who swallowed a packet of seeds It was more fertile grass When it came out his arse It also choked most of the weeds [Karen Oakenfull]

Love this theme, Cap Auth, but wonder if a more specific story might get more votes. I've offered one but feel free to reject, I'm voting for your original anyway wink

James Lennox

19/01/24
6:53pm

comment on caption:
When asked about his heroism during the glue factory explosion, Dave replied "Has anyone got any solvent to get this prick off my back?" [Karen Oakenfull]

Thanks James. That’s much better. I love this edit suggestion option. I’ve written a lot of captions that have the idea, but a re-write can make the world of difference. Plus you learn more about creating better captions.

(caption author)

19/01/24
8:11pm

comment on caption:
When asked about his heroism during the glue factory explosion, Dave replied "Has anyone got any solvent to get this prick off my back?" [Karen Oakenfull]

Is it a Shotgun Wedding, then... or, "Matr AMO ny?"

[anon]

04/02/24
3:11am