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Stephen Bean Vote score: 33613Stephen Bean

"What an amazing coincidence. They've both put Rohypnol in each other's drink."

21/11/21 20:28:36

John Llamas Vote score: 20527John Llamas

“ Hi boys only me, don’t worry if you can’t get to the phone ….. just to say I am going to be a bit late. I have just remembered I need to pop to B&Q and get that Carbon Monoxide monitor you keep going on about Dave .. see you in a bit … bye for now”

21/11/21 20:53:58

Karen Oakenfull Vote score: 3411Karen Oakenfull

Try as they might, Roger and Melve have never managed to watch the last 2 hours of The Sound Of Music.

21/11/21 22:42:09

The Wolf Vote score: 19290The Wolf

It had been talked about for years and was a highly anticipated event. But when the captioneer Christmas party finally happened and the clock struck 9pm, daily habits soon kicked in.

21/11/21 20:01:22

Al Overy Vote score: 16981Al Overy

Next on 4: Are we better off after Brex...

21/11/21 20:00:58

Tosser Wivlov Vote score: 6766Tosser Wivlov

and then Susan said my bum looked big in the black jeans so I tried on the blue ones but the zip was too stiff, it was like the one on me leather jacket that Tony bought me for my birthday when he went to London for a meeting with the Japanese buyers, one of those thin brass ones, so next I tried on the......boys are you still listening?

21/11/21 20:07:05

Ian Skelding Vote score: 31708Ian Skelding

Couch potadoze

21/11/21 20:19:46

Stu Dent Vote score: 5672Stu Dent

The narcolepsy society's Christmas party was a great success this year

21/11/21 20:15:09

Oh really? I must have slept through it. --Willie Johnson
Ian Skelding Vote score: 31708Ian Skelding

"Which idiot hired these two for our next Gogglebox season?"

21/11/21 20:11:36

Dan Nicholls Vote score: 18236Dan Nicholls

Someone's been binge watching the sheep hurdling again.

21/11/21 20:05:00

Stephen Bean Vote score: 33613Stephen Bean

"...and finally I received my 233rd vote last week for... Guys?"

21/11/21 20:01:00

Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 8885Scrijjy Doo

"My name is Bill W. and I am a narcolept--ZZZZZZZZZZ."

21/11/21 22:52:03

Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 14620Neil Mackenzie

It was declared a draw as neither drank the other under the table.

21/11/21 21:34:32

John  Glover Vote score: 23042John Glover

Note pinned on fridge. "If you find my missing spliff, don't smoke it. Linda rolled up the whole eighth to teach me a lesson."

21/11/21 21:32:18

Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 12004Hercules Rockefeller

Police were baffled as to why the killer chose to pose the bodies in such a manner.

21/11/21 20:08:40

The Wolf Vote score: 19290The Wolf

"Guys, are you going to come through to the kitchen and help us with the washing up? Oh Karen, look at them. Let's leave them to rest."

"Hehe, works everytime. Put Babestation on Dave"

21/11/21 20:08:12

Al Overy Vote score: 16981Al Overy

*Snore* *Mutter, mutter... Gulliver*

*Mumble, Superglue*

- I wonder what those guys are dreaming about.

21/11/21 20:00:36

Kenny Ireland Vote score: 6120Kenny Ireland

Snooker returns to the BBC.

22/11/21 8:16:29

Michael Winner Vote score: 25610Michael Winner

Ever wondered why they put those 'do not use whilst intoxicated' labels on nailguns?

21/11/21 21:32:35

Vivvy En Vote score: 12410Vivvy En

21/11/21 20:52:26

Chris Halliwell Vote score: 5797Chris Halliwell

As the U.F.O. flew away and the guys still hadn't come round from the Anaesthetic the Aliens couldn't quite remember what they were hoping to find out from giving humans an Anal probe.

21/11/21 20:22:52

Greg Curtis Vote score: 8717Greg Curtis

"...Thank God they don't sleep in the nude."

21/11/21 20:12:59

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