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''They come in four sizes, sir: small, medium, large and jumbo.''
03/08/25 7:15:51
Donald Duck
01/08/25 7:01:42
🎵 It's raining men. 🎵
31/07/25 19:00:24, edited: 31/07/25 19:01:02
“God I hate going to these Michelin starred restaurants “ said Dave
28/07/25 11:17:18
Dave didn't realise he was Dyson with death.
28/07/25 7:07:43
Many hands make light work.
24/07/25 11:06:09, edited: 24/07/25 11:13:16
Octopus Energy provide emergency lighting while they sort your power cut
24/07/25 11:05:07
Illumin8.
24/07/25 11:04:13
The concept is hard to swallow.
17/07/25 7:06:42
''You boil those squirrels.''
15/07/25 7:01:37
Bark seat driver
10/07/25 11:00:31
“You look like Pooh today, Piglet.”
09/07/25 11:02:00
Yo ho ho and a bottle of milk.
09/07/25 7:04:09
Santa Claws
06/07/25 11:03:13
“Got you something for your new pad.”
04/07/25 11:08:55
Tabby Road
04/07/25 7:02:17
"Want this? My break's over. I'm off to the Gyny Ward now dressed as a bleedin' tampon!"
03/07/25 19:09:10, edited: 03/07/25 19:11:57
“….and the good news is that the cat crossing the road was not harmed “
30/06/25 11:05:23
If you think that's impressive, you should see her skid marks.
24/06/25 19:04:23, edited: 24/06/25 19:04:59
Hook, Line, and Stinker
22/06/25 7:01:43
🎵 Tainted Glove 🎵
20/06/25 19:53:42
Shits like a glove
20/06/25 19:02:17
“Hey Judas…”
17/06/25 11:00:59
Gluttonous Maximus
16/06/25 19:11:12
Sonja had heard that it expands by six inches in the Summer.
16/06/25 11:06:57
"Can't stay long, I've got an election."
16/06/25 7:57:46
The Shaped Crusader
15/06/25 19:01:14
''Don't worry, we won't let daddy cook the dinner again.''
15/06/25 7:01:04
''My painting has been stolen.''''Don't worry, I'll get a Constable.''
08/06/25 7:04:58
Art attack
30/05/25 19:00:35
Jum-boo
28/05/25 7:00:36
This year's bum-per crop
27/05/25 19:02:07
Dave felt a bit conned after wining the 1 Minute Supermarket Dash
27/05/25 7:04:49
"All packed, Wilma!"
26/05/25 7:01:39
Sorry Dave, but you're delusional if you think that outfit is anywhere near enough protection for trimming the cat's nails
24/05/25 19:14:21, edited: 24/05/25 19:14:39
ONE MAN AND HIS DOG''The crowd love it but I don't think the judges will be impressed.''
24/05/25 7:06:35, edited: 24/05/25 7:10:47
The Slice Girls
21/05/25 11:06:17
Madame Tussauds has gone downhill.
16/05/25 11:05:10
Velcrows.
12/05/25 7:04:08
"All our milk is locally sauced."
11/05/25 19:08:16
Monkey Wench.
11/05/25 7:23:28
And he moans when I don't keep the downstairs trimmed.
11/05/25 7:05:23
Cats are a running joke on this site.
04/05/25 11:00:59
“So you were in barbershop in Spain and they had the power cut. So what happened then?”
30/04/25 11:08:31, edited: 02/05/25 9:55:36, suggested edits
''The last person who tried this kicked the bucket.''
29/04/25 19:03:19
'Plenty of Fish' my arse!
26/04/25 7:07:06
Nobody could work out how Jane was smuggling books out of the library
24/04/25 7:00:35
Make America Grunt Again.
20/04/25 7:05:39
The Crate Outdoors
19/04/25 11:11:45
Amazon's packaging is getting ridiculous again. All for a bottle of nail varnish!
19/04/25 11:00:57
"Herman's Kermits."
17/04/25 12:26:55
Better safe than soggy
16/04/25 19:22:25
BBC period dramas aren’t as accurate as they used to be.
16/04/25 13:42:30
I was expecting something a bit fancier from the Ritz
14/04/25 11:02:45
Erik the Bread
14/04/25 7:07:22
The Lion Ring
12/04/25 7:27:34
Increased risk of a stroke.
11/04/25 11:27:15
''We always wear masks on the caption site to protect ourselves from the pundemic.''
09/04/25 11:16:45
“They kicked me out of the Dragon’s Den whilst I was still shaking?!”
07/04/25 7:21:25
"Have you shoplifted an extra large Saveloy or are you just pleased to see me?"
03/04/25 19:18:30
"And you should hear the horrible squealing noise when you give it a squeeze."
03/04/25 11:15:14
At least I'm no longer constipated
02/04/25 8:45:12
French onion sellers have changed a bit since my day.
01/04/25 19:07:17
Foiled ya!
30/03/25 11:07:53
Airing your dirty laundry in public
30/03/25 7:01:25, edited: 30/03/25 7:01:53
"Blonde hair? Breaking chairs? Eating your breakfast? Don't worry, son, I'll sort the bitch out."
29/03/25 20:01:04
Stepbrothers
28/03/25 12:00:20
"You spoil those pubic lice"
27/03/25 12:07:34
Dave loved to be the centaur of attention
25/03/25 8:01:11
"I appreciate the effort, Prue, but I'd rather have a tin of Whiskas."
23/03/25 12:45:00
She loves being in the headlines
21/03/25 12:02:25
Beachy Head
18/03/25 20:00:20
I know it doesn't match the other side, but the prosthetic ear shop didn't have much of a selection
11/03/25 12:05:59
Mix N Hatch
08/03/25 8:02:55
"Dad. This is the bastard who tried to catch me in his net"
06/03/25 12:08:32
Superstar singer tries to go unnoticed but everyone knows it's A Dell
06/03/25 8:03:19
Expectant fathers anxiously wait on the Mutternity ward.
28/02/25 12:19:19
"How many mommies does everybody have? Yes, Lesbina."
27/02/25 12:18:39
"I remember him when he was still green behind the ears" said Dave
26/02/25 8:10:24, edited: 26/02/25 8:10:55
Hairvoyant
24/02/25 12:01:12
Lady Googoo
23/02/25 20:05:35
There's Monet in property.
17/02/25 12:05:52
A standard funeral in Grimsby.
16/02/25 12:27:04
At least we'll not have to pay ground rent.
13/02/25 12:01:33
As a health and safety officer that should be surrounded by cones
13/02/25 8:17:54
"I've always wanted to be on a panel!"
10/02/25 20:03:10
Graindad
10/02/25 20:01:01
Charity watchdog investigate Horse Riding for the Blind.
10/02/25 8:16:17
2078: Since the fast food ban, McDonald's has gone underground.
09/02/25 8:08:41
At last... after all those years with a floppy disc!
07/02/25 20:21:11
The family had no idea he was a drug addict even though he's been shooting up for years.
02/02/25 20:17:32
He'll have a sore head in the morning.
01/02/25 20:01:46
“Do you like it here?”“Yes, acetylene nicely thanks.”
01/02/25 8:19:45
Make sure your captions aren't too funny as I'm not allowed to smile.
31/01/25 12:11:59
🎵 Some Guys Have All the Muck 🎵
30/01/25 12:05:01, edited: 30/01/25 12:06:16
Sheep Thrills
30/01/25 8:05:44
-"Dad, I've got something embarrassing to confess."-"You're gay?"-"No, I'm going to play for Southampton."
27/01/25 8:19:57
From rags to reiches
26/01/25 12:02:34
Under dog
24/01/25 12:01:29
"Where's the goldfish?"
23/01/25 12:00:48
creative 
suggested edits
