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“IKEA withdraw Flatley-pack furniture following noise complaints.”
08/09/25 7:39:05
Cleanliness is next to dogliness.
05/09/25 19:06:34
When scuba-diving, ensure your face-mask has a tight seal.
02/09/25 19:16:00
Captioneer responds to edit suggestion.
22/08/25 19:06:10
That moment you remember you have diabetes.
20/08/25 7:21:46
Turns out the Edinburgh Zoo pandas did breed after all...just not with each other
17/08/25 7:48:33
The Jab Four
14/08/25 19:01:55
Bogpuss
13/08/25 11:00:17
After being married to Ken for three years, Barbie stopped making much of an effort.
12/08/25 19:22:43
That's not very mature.
09/08/25 11:24:56
"Do you have an orange face and an elaborate comb over? You need..."
01/08/25 19:02:41, edited: 01/08/25 19:03:10
He must be a pantomime villain.
31/07/25 7:02:40
The little boys room
30/07/25 11:01:46
"Well you know you said you wanted something to go with your dress?"
28/07/25 7:01:53
Check out the new underpants range from Victorian's Secret.
25/07/25 7:06:53
Knittingham Forest
22/07/25 7:00:27
"I was drunk!" Geppetto told Pinocchio
20/07/25 19:09:50
French toast
04/07/25 11:19:05
''This is so heavy I can't hold it for much longer.''''Don't worry, I'll get a crane.''
02/07/25 7:33:07
"I brought you a Birthday crescent."
02/07/25 7:03:32
"Just my luck" mused a reincarnated Mick Jagger.
27/06/25 7:06:31
Power to the people
17/06/25 19:00:47
I thought he'd be a Carpenters fan.
17/06/25 13:56:29
"I don't think Suzy should be driving, she's legless."
14/06/25 19:03:44
Having had enough of talking bollocks in the name of children's entertainment, Pingu made the most of his retirement.
14/06/25 7:18:45
BBSea
28/05/25 19:01:52
Panty hose
25/05/25 7:01:05
When your passport gets lost in the post.
22/05/25 7:04:50
🎵 Purple Dane, purple Dane 🎵
12/05/25 19:01:50
The Sink Panther
11/05/25 11:05:46
"I enjoy three Trafalgar Square meals a day."
09/05/25 7:01:43
People didn't take mask wearing seriously at first during Covid.
05/05/25 19:01:12
If the church was double booked in England, you'd just have a quiet word with the vicar.
05/05/25 7:28:31
“Idiot, I said bring some tambourines to the station.”
30/04/25 7:08:27
"Where's this plaque you want me to unveil?"
25/04/25 19:03:55
We've had him so long now, he's like part of the furniture.
25/04/25 7:01:42
"I'll tell you what we're going to do. We're going to raise tariffs on him!"
12/04/25 19:02:47
Never was an oxymoron more accurately illustrated.
07/04/25 11:48:14, edited: 07/04/25 11:50:10
The Grate Escape
31/03/25 11:01:07
The Emperor Strikes Bach
23/03/25 20:11:55
When Dave suspected his wife was having an affair he had the bedroom bugged.
19/03/25 12:03:24
"And now on to my next chart...Wagon Wheels."
10/03/25 8:15:15, edited: 10/03/25 8:16:05
Why did you get fired from your air traffic control Job ?
08/03/25 12:11:06
Without their hoods on it's hard to distinguish Ku Klux Klan members from normal everyday people
03/03/25 12:03:23, edited: 03/03/25 12:32:32, suggested edits
'Whatever happened to Grandad?''He varnished..'
10/02/25 20:19:32
Dave was having a bad hare day.
09/02/25 12:11:47
Cheshire East Council proudly announce a sharp decline in tramps.
07/02/25 8:14:15
The oldest swinger in town.
01/02/25 12:02:32
He's always jumping the queue.
29/01/25 8:03:46
“OK, OK ……. another idea I had was a kind of fusion between Goggle Box and Naked Attraction but with a Clarkson’s farm twist where we slaughter one of the guests and the public can vote …….”
27/01/25 12:11:50
Frocky
26/01/25 20:02:18
"Ninety mph winds expected today."
23/01/25 8:06:02
"For christ sake Wills, you're a 42 year old man. You should be able to tie your own shoe laces"
22/01/25 12:02:42
“And that’s why we don’t ask the priests what they want for Christmas.”
02/01/25 12:15:54
This is the dyslexic couple who walked into a bra.
30/12/24 20:05:32, suggested edits
A Purramid.
29/12/24 20:00:39, edited: 29/12/24 20:17:11
Well, that's another red squirrel we've got rid of
26/12/24 12:02:33
That's the plane they used to drop the F-bomb.
23/12/24 8:57:56
-"Ensign Zarkon, why has the human subject not been lifted onboard?"-"I'm sorry, Captain, but we may have made a small miscalculation in scale."
22/12/24 8:17:55
The flying Scotsman.
21/12/24 12:01:19
"How's your herring Vincent?"
18/12/24 12:09:21
Prince Alarming
16/12/24 20:01:12
🎵 I think I seen 'bout everything, when I see an elephant fry 🎵
05/12/24 13:24:00
“Yummmmmmmmm ……. “
05/12/24 8:08:02, suggested edits
"What's a joint like this doing in a nice girl like you?"
04/12/24 8:03:58, edited: 04/12/24 12:45:22
Harlem Lobetrotters
02/12/24 20:06:45
“I trained him to keep the mouse moving during long meetings when I ‘worked from home,’ if I manage to find another job I’ll remember to turn the camera off.”
02/12/24 8:05:50
''Your plaice or mine?''
30/11/24 8:00:35, edited: 30/11/24 8:00:45
"When I said I'd like a present for someone who's eighteen feet..."
22/11/24 20:06:52
"Sorry Gilligan, but a red shirt is a red shirt."
21/11/24 20:00:40, edited: 21/11/24 20:00:55
"Sorry, luv, it had been a while."
07/11/24 12:03:42
"I'll be ready in five minutes, Darling. Just putting my face on."
04/11/24 8:11:39
'If you go away this Christmas, please make sure your pets have enough to drink.'
02/11/24 12:08:09
Bogs Bunny
01/11/24 20:00:30
Monday's Child is Pharaoh of Face.
24/10/24 19:00:39, edited: 24/10/24 19:01:40
Cleaning up the mouse droppings
20/10/24 7:06:05
The X Tiles
16/10/24 19:05:50
"So, are there any downsides to living in Oz, Dave?"
07/10/24 7:10:12, edited: 07/10/24 8:49:52
Aviary well dressed tourist.
03/10/24 20:58:19
Clash of the Tartans
29/09/24 11:01:31
"Stop being so melondramatic Dave."
27/09/24 11:05:21
🎵 It's such a purrfect day...
25/09/24 19:08:26
"I tried a bottle and took a shine to it, polished it off."
23/09/24 7:44:53
Bedridden
18/09/24 7:07:46
Hen & Perry's
15/09/24 11:09:37
I've always wondered how she gets that parting in her hair.
13/09/24 11:09:42
MewTube
12/09/24 11:07:33
Beans on toes.
09/09/24 7:01:15
''When rocket assisted wheelchairs were first introduced nobody thought they would take off.''
05/09/24 7:06:34
That rain was in tents
03/09/24 11:01:28
Most of the people in our street are odd.
01/09/24 11:34:11
This airbag is a bit useless
26/08/24 7:16:07
''I'm just having a byte to eat.''
19/08/24 7:15:23
"So you were giving the 'loser' gesture to the guy swinging a wrecking ball, and what happened next?"
18/08/24 19:02:37
Cluedough.
16/08/24 19:02:00
Most people are surprised when they see the inner workings of a robot
15/08/24 11:17:30
The Grammar Police have been notified and will be on the scene shortly.
14/08/24 7:12:12
I think this team needs a Shearer
12/08/24 11:02:20, edited: 12/08/24 11:03:00
"...Then we collect the slobber, bottle it up, and sell it as White Lightning"
08/08/24 11:07:13, edited: 08/08/24 11:09:00
''This should get the Germans off the sunbeds.''
07/08/24 11:06:55, edited: 07/08/24 11:10:54
creative 
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