super vote: ( left this week)
"Where does it go to ?"" Wherever it f@cking likes."
12/03/25 8:06:42
My wife covered the floor in piss because for the first time ever I put the toilet seat down.
06/02/25 12:04:45, edited: 06/02/25 14:04:23
I don't think he will score tonight.
23/01/25 20:09:16
"If Gregg Wallace makes one more pussy joke ...."
14/12/24 12:09:16
Do you need a toe ?
02/11/24 8:45:24
Is this your 1st Christmas in Australia ?
15/10/24 7:05:02, suggested edits
Troy Story .
05/05/24 7:34:23
The estate agents finally find the perfect house for Fred and Wilma.
27/04/24 7:09:19
I prefer the 2 pee machines.
28/03/24 12:04:06
They are well hung.
07/01/24 8:06:47
"I said I wanted a traditional Christmas. ""Sorry I thought you said transitional. "
21/07/23 19:36:43
Is it time to wake the pilots guide dog yet?
01/07/23 11:25:32
She got the horse in the divorce settlement having been saddled with 10 kids.
22/06/23 19:20:48
And the pilot had spent ages worrying about the rain in Spain.
24/02/23 12:05:12
I sh1t in baseball caps so we are even.
19/05/22 7:06:54
For years I was obese with a large tummy but it's all behind me now.
28/04/22 19:19:47
Ringo. "Hey Paul this woman is a clairvoyant and says after the band I'm going to make more money doing voice overs as a tank engine."Paul. "Oh yeah and I bet I'm going to marry a 1 legged woman who runs off with my money."John. "Who cares as long as live a long happy life and give it a good shot."
05/09/21 7:17:57
Environmentalists examine car bun emissions.
29/06/21 11:01:09
"Pretend you have a limp, Gemma Collins has just booked a riding lesson pass it on."
13/05/21 7:09:46
Thank god we are out of lockdown and we can meet up and talk properly lol
10/05/21 7:02:08
Thank you for pointing out the mistake on the ticket sir as a sign of our appreciation we would like to offer you a chance to purchase 2 bottles for just £1.90
06/03/21 8:03:41
" ................... . ."It's a silent caption
03/02/21 20:13:30
Newcastle under 8s Swim team return after lockdown
19/01/21 8:01:39
I had to return the McDonald's toy I had ordered the Happy meal.
16/03/25 8:23:14
"This one is Barbie ,this is Sindy and this is Ken.""Do you have an Oscar ? ""F#ck off."
07/02/25 12:15:56
We are not putting the heating on. If you are cold put on another coat.
06/01/25 12:06:35
I'm sure someone will be looking into it.
27/12/24 12:03:54
So how long will it be before her meal arrives.
17/11/24 20:11:04
Put it down as a John Dough.
13/10/24 7:12:09
We are out of stock.
15/09/24 11:14:10
Playing games keeps their brains active yet no one noticed the tv was turned round.
10/08/24 11:10:48
Do you remember when you got your 1st mobile phone ?
06/08/24 11:06:57
My robot boyfriend doesn't get excited by sex anymore. Turn it off then see if you can turn it on again.
05/07/24 19:31:58, suggested edits
The wedding was amazing
12/11/23 12:02:15
Can't beat November the 5th a bonfire with a hotdog.
05/11/23 20:12:54
"Hurry up it's your move."""I can't go."
03/11/23 20:04:21
Match of the grey.
21/05/23 7:16:26
Both have an annoying Harry on the flip side.
08/03/23 12:02:08
Leap of Faith, Grace, Julie, Susan and Claire.
29/01/23 8:23:21
Every time we have an argument she just needs time to simmer down.
05/01/23 8:23:40
"Do you have my PIN? My nappy keeps falling down."
19/08/22 7:20:35, edited: 19/08/22 8:28:57
I told you not to puts the whites in with the navy.
08/08/22 7:23:10, edited: 08/08/22 7:35:30
When it's about 80 degrees you always end up in the pool.
26/07/22 11:03:42
Dave wins least offensive MP of the week award.
03/07/22 11:08:56
Constipation can cause a change to your ring tone.
24/05/22 11:07:20
The way the owner described it I thought it would be a lot bigger
22/02/22 8:17:30
"That's 3 days you have been there now lads , I really don't think those girls are coming back from the toilet."
09/02/22 8:16:09
You spoil that maggot.
23/06/21 11:08:56
"Don't be stupid of course I'm not blind I'm just looking after it for the ref."
25/05/21 7:11:35
"I'll be back in a minute I'm just taking the bat for a walk."
11/05/21 19:05:19
Hello Mr Wolf can you tell the 3rd little pig we are going to be late with his delivery
09/04/21 7:10:58
That's my last drop off Noah you will have to send someone else back to pick up the Dodos
10/02/21 20:22:57
The family had no idea he was a drug addict even though he's been shooting up for years.
02/02/25 20:17:32
"Sorry even with the hat and handbag you still look like a man Dave."
16/01/25 20:06:21
We have started the celebrations early . The kids are back to school tomorrow.
05/01/25 12:20:02
When the acting work dried up they had to carve out new careers for themselves.
04/01/25 8:34:39
Dave got fed up with the game and decided to watch the box instead.
09/12/24 20:06:50
Hindenburger.
08/12/24 12:25:38
It's always awkward when you meet the mother in law for the 1st time.
09/11/24 12:00:54
And they said having a drive through coffee shop on the 5th floor wouldn't work.
19/09/24 11:01:31
"I'll make a deal with you . You can have your veil back when you return my football."
17/06/24 7:39:03
We have a gift from the Trojan LGBTQ community.
05/05/24 7:10:01, edited: 05/05/24 7:12:43
I could do that but I don't wish to blow my own trumpet.
21/04/24 11:10:20
Can everyone please evacuate the pool while someone clears the floater.
24/02/24 8:06:24
"I would like to change my statement and say Prince Andrew did nothing inappropriate with my granddaughter."
09/11/23 12:41:52
I can't wear my oak boots I got acorn.
24/08/23 11:10:45
There was an old lady who lived in a shoe. She had so many children she didn't know what to do . So she sold up and bought herself 2 mobile homes.
05/08/23 11:31:31
I got it at a flea market.
12/06/23 12:29:42
Supermarket sweep.
10/06/23 7:17:59
"Have you painted daffodils on the headlights?""No they require bulbs."
22/02/23 12:15:13
Looks like he's had an art attack.
04/01/23 8:12:20
I took up writing captions 10 years ago to fund building my new house .
07/12/22 20:18:08, edited: 07/12/22 20:25:43
Farmula 1 racing
14/09/22 7:15:57
"Look on the bright side, you're not pregnant."
30/08/22 11:05:20
Stealing these badges is a sign of a misspelt youth.
30/07/22 19:55:14
Man City have fallen on hard times.
18/06/22 11:04:21
I thought nothing could be worse than going shopping with mum and then I went with Gran.
29/04/22 11:01:35
It's a tangled mess but the Chinese refuse to have a fork in the road.
28/04/22 11:02:36
If you think those dogs are weird you should see the rabbit my wife got from Ann Summers.
02/04/22 7:19:13
"Mist me."
06/03/22 12:07:48
Pickit line.
28/02/22 20:03:32
Even his blow up doll mocks him about how big her last owner was.
29/07/21 11:14:14
"Who is that leaving with the village bike?"
15/06/21 19:04:34
Further evidence of global warming as more Polar Bears suffering from sun burn.
20/05/21 7:08:41
The last time he pretended to be injured they brought on the stretcher , he's not done it since.
15/05/21 7:01:35
We came straight from the bridal shower.
26/04/21 19:20:20
I think those matching gold chain necklaces we got for each other are a bit heavy.
09/04/21 11:14:04
Always check the dimensions when buying a model Taj Mahal on Ebay.
03/04/21 19:39:25
I told you a swim would help his constipation.
05/03/21 20:26:33
So what do you think my A level results will be now Sir?
26/02/21 8:00:54
Australian caption me:Not another bloody koala picture.
12/03/25 12:07:38
Where we started this photo shoot there was only 2 rabbits.
09/02/25 12:20:49
That John Lennon may one day make a good song writer but he is never baby sitting for us again.
07/01/25 12:18:44
The T-Rex may have small arms but has a big chopper.
25/12/24 12:16:54
Looks like he's had hundreds and thousands.
07/12/24 12:08:24
"Why did everyone else's secret santa buy them a mobile phone ?"
01/12/24 20:04:17
I know the kitten thinks I'm it's adopted mum but I had to stop the breast feeding somehow.
30/09/24 11:03:36
Bloody hell did no one think to bring a bottle opener.
20/09/24 7:04:27
The relationship was fine until I suggested adding a sidecar to make it interesting .
18/09/24 7:19:27
Even spaghetti gets up and runs away to the sound of a child playing 3 blind mice on the recorder.
16/09/24 19:04:38
371 - 380 361 - 370 351 - 360 341 - 350 331 - 340 321 - 330 311 - 320 301 - 310 291 - 300 281 - 290 271 - 280 261 - 270 251 - 260 241 - 250 231 - 240 221 - 230 211 - 220 201 - 210 191 - 200 181 - 190 171 - 180 161 - 170 151 - 160 141 - 150 131 - 140 121 - 130 111 - 120 101 - 110 91 - 100 81 - 90 71 - 80 61 - 70 51 - 60 41 - 50 31 - 40 21 - 30 11 - 20 1 - 10 1 - 0
I feel a bit bad for 8:03:37, which is pretty similar but has missed out on the votes.
comment on caption: I'm not too stable on them [Tony S]
That's right, they're not looking into it.
comment on caption: Don't tell me for this crime that police have nothing to go on. [Tony S]
I wouldn't rely on the police.This looks like a case for the Mario Brothers!
... and she's got great pins.
comment on caption: After a long search Johnny finds the voodoo doll he needed. [Tony S]
Thanks Molly my typing is terrible
comment on caption: "Why did they call you Trump?" "I'm orange, claim to be a little bit Scottish, and live in the white house." [Tony S]
''But Mrs Price told me to leave Norman till last.''
comment on caption: It's always a dilemma who to save from a burning building first, but I think you should have started with the children. [Tony S]
See 20.08
comment on caption: "Head shoulders knees and toes ...." "My God do you think I'm only 2 ?" [Tony S]
And carrots
comment on caption: We need to stop eating spinach. [Tony S]
This led to the first posting of the ereptile dysfunction joke in one million years BC.
comment on caption: The T-rex died out because it found it hard to breed with such an odd shaped penis. [Tony S]
"You mean, BillYard Balls?"
comment on caption: "I'm only coming if I can bring this on the dinghy, they won't have anything like this game I've invented in the UK." [Tony S]
I feel a bit bad for 8:03:37, which is pretty similar but has missed out on the votes.
7:35pm
comment on caption:
I'm not too stable on them [Tony S]
That's right, they're not looking into it.
12:19pm
comment on caption:
Don't tell me for this crime that police have nothing to go on. [Tony S]
I wouldn't rely on the police.
This looks like a case for the Mario Brothers!
8:17pm
comment on caption:
Don't tell me for this crime that police have nothing to go on. [Tony S]
... and she's got great pins.
12:14pm
comment on caption:
After a long search Johnny finds the voodoo doll he needed. [Tony S]
Thanks Molly my typing is terrible
8:16am
comment on caption:
"Why did they call you Trump?" "I'm orange, claim to be a little bit Scottish, and live in the white house." [Tony S]
''But Mrs Price told me to leave Norman till last.''
8:46am
comment on caption:
It's always a dilemma who to save from a burning building first, but I think you should have started with the children. [Tony S]
See 20.08
1:32am
comment on caption:
"Head shoulders knees and toes ...." "My God do you think I'm only 2 ?" [Tony S]
And carrots
11:31am
comment on caption:
We need to stop eating spinach. [Tony S]
This led to the first posting of the ereptile dysfunction joke in one million years BC.
12:21pm
comment on caption:
The T-rex died out because it found it hard to breed with such an odd shaped penis. [Tony S]
"You mean, BillYard Balls?"
12:16am
comment on caption:
"I'm only coming if I can bring this on the dinghy, they won't have anything like this game I've invented in the UK." [Tony S]