super vote: ( left this week)
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"My toilet is squeaky clean."
27/01/24 12:24:52
Powder room
22/01/24 12:02:43
Monster Munch
21/01/24 12:04:46
"Ooh a four leaf clover, about time we had a bit of luck".
19/01/24 20:11:18
Creche landing.
19/01/24 8:13:16
"I know my condition has worsened recently, but why should I have to pay for more than one seat?" asked the elephant man.
15/01/24 12:15:03
🎵 The Leader of the Alpaca 🎵
14/01/24 8:02:13, edited: 14/01/24 8:08:06
"Hey Harold. Remember when we were younger? We used to be at it like rabbits every day.""Well, my memory isn't what it used to be, but I do know my name's not Harold""MILDRED...OVER 'ERE LOVE."
11/01/24 12:42:39
The buck stops here
11/01/24 8:07:55
"Listen, Harold. I was cleaning the bathroom and I found your nose in the sink again. We've discussed this."
08/01/24 20:31:20
The Prisoner of Azkabean
07/01/24 20:22:01
They are well hung.
07/01/24 8:06:47
The Wind in the Willies
07/01/24 8:06:23
Edward always won
04/01/24 20:05:02
Sweet talker
01/01/24 20:03:57
Try not to stare at their crochets.
01/01/24 12:04:28
Just lay a little closer to the cliff edge, you’ll soon drop off
27/12/23 12:01:28
"What caused the crash?""A stationery object."
25/12/23 20:02:45
"Euston, we have a problem."
22/12/23 8:05:17
"You little bastards!" Shouted Gulliver
21/12/23 12:36:48
Unfortunately there was an Afro in front of her.
17/12/23 8:09:40, edited: 17/12/23 8:40:32
''No, we don't find shoplifters a problem.''
16/12/23 8:17:01
Hard licker
16/12/23 8:00:40
Sealed with a kiss
15/12/23 12:00:16
Pedigree Chums
14/12/23 12:10:59
Eyebrows were raised when Poundland announced they were entering Formula 1.
14/12/23 8:06:52
Davement
10/12/23 20:05:36
Adult Happy Meal
09/12/23 20:06:33
Counter terrierist
07/12/23 12:13:41, edited: 07/12/23 12:14:03
''What dreadful teeth you have, grandmother.''''Not my fault, sweetie, can't find an NHS dentist anywhere.''
07/12/23 8:14:40
Play Doh!
05/12/23 12:02:16
“He’ll drop off any minute.”
03/12/23 20:07:50
The Great Train Shrubbery
26/11/23 8:01:54
"When you said motorbikes were pussy magnets ..."
24/11/23 20:54:51
''All tickets please.''''I don't have one.'' ''That's fine.''
20/11/23 12:07:15
Dave's new girlfriend came with a lot of baggage
19/11/23 12:04:12
Dig me up, Scotty
18/11/23 21:07:19
Landroid
13/11/23 12:01:59
There were no guests, it was a privet affair.
12/11/23 12:13:09
It's a wildlife gym, but not as we know it
10/11/23 8:05:55
" Okay I have removed the c,a,p,t keys just the i,o,n,.,m and e to go. Hopefully you should then get your life back "
09/11/23 8:10:17
“Having been sacked by the Suez Canal Shipping Company I took a job on the buses.”
08/11/23 12:02:19, edited: 08/11/23 16:29:23
"Not the same as a proper tummy tickle, is it Dave?"
05/11/23 8:04:06
I don't think it's a real car. It looks phoney.
02/11/23 12:04:02, edited: 02/11/23 12:21:47
"For bitter or for worse."
29/10/23 8:43:55
I wish I’d chosen strawberry in heinzsight
28/10/23 19:01:20
Billy has a tendency to split hares.
27/10/23 19:02:51
Dial L for Leftovers
23/10/23 11:49:52
Alfridge Hitchcock
23/10/23 11:12:34
''I told you we shouldn't have eaten those spiders.''
21/10/23 19:44:37
Mad Wax
20/10/23 12:16:04
Made from puff pastry.
15/10/23 11:04:40
“Doctor, a bee has stung him in the worst place!”‘Birmingham?’
11/10/23 11:36:29
What shellfish parents!
09/10/23 19:04:49
"Aah, that's nice. It's from Dad's care home... Do you think he likes it there?"
06/10/23 19:10:35
Weburyanycar.com
06/10/23 7:17:03
The Passed and the Furious
06/10/23 7:05:52, edited: 06/10/23 7:06:24
Chapter 1. Think outside the box.
02/10/23 11:21:52
I've never seen a boulder statement
02/10/23 7:08:48
Killed by a duck and a pair of great tits.
30/09/23 7:12:13
“Anyone ELSE object?…”
30/09/23 0:58:03
Gran and bear it.
29/09/23 7:04:42
You have to be careful when taking a photograph. I took this one to show my wife a car made from bricks and then she found out I'd started smoking again.
28/09/23 7:13:24
It's a very friendly neighbourhood; the lady upstairs is always dropping in.
23/09/23 11:15:58, edited: 23/09/23 23:24:46
"Shit, I forgot my screwdriver."
19/09/23 19:00:23
" Sorry Harold, I hate to let you go... but that's the sixth time, this week, that the birds locked you in the cage."
19/09/23 7:02:34, edited: 19/09/23 7:15:49
"Ah, here's your problem. You have a big red arrow stuck in your knee."
18/09/23 19:14:22
"Mate, how good are we at trampolining."
17/09/23 19:00:25
It was a tough upbringing. I still have flushbacks.
15/09/23 19:02:12
Dave tried to chat them up but they completely ignored him. They were so full of themselves.
11/09/23 7:12:19
That bloody Al Overy and his caption.me prizes.
10/09/23 7:04:13
"Errr, excuse me. Not before you've finished your tea. You've still got two slugs and a caterpillar on your plate.""But Muuuuum."
31/08/23 11:18:02
"SHOAL!!!"
29/08/23 11:11:08
"They were both given yellow cards for diving."
29/08/23 11:01:24
"This bench in loving memory of all those suffering from OCD."
28/08/23 19:06:47
Oompa loompa doompety doo, give me a weight, I'll lift it for you.
27/08/23 19:04:27, edited: 27/08/23 19:15:08
Forest Bump
26/08/23 11:16:34
"Drinks are on the spouse."
26/08/23 7:01:53
Wish I'd bought roll up blinds now.
23/08/23 8:02:29
-"Could I please have a large cone with sprinkles?"-"Ah, no, sorry, we're an ambulance, not an ice-cream van."-"Oh, my apologies, I'm a cow, I can't read."
20/08/23 7:32:52
BREAKING NEWS
13/08/23 11:15:18
New Kids On The Bloke
09/08/23 19:04:33
Day one at the Police Training Academy.
07/08/23 19:09:03
''There's one. Got the little bugger!''''That's a ladybird, Rex.''
03/08/23 11:34:57
Board again Christian
01/08/23 19:09:06
Wok's new pussycat?
01/08/23 7:01:02
“You’re not dying Fred, it’s your Wife flashing before your eyes.”
30/07/23 7:39:34
A school in Texas invites a drag queen to read to the children.
28/07/23 11:06:39
He's always sticking his neck out for those kids.
27/07/23 19:13:57
The Goods, The Dad and The Pugly
27/07/23 7:05:36, edited: 27/07/23 7:07:44
"This is the wurst day of my life!"
26/07/23 7:01:19
Stig of the Dump
24/07/23 11:02:50
"I said I wanted a traditional Christmas. ""Sorry I thought you said transitional. "
21/07/23 19:36:43
"I like museums, but I'm not sure how I feel about this Blue Whale Clit Exhibition."
21/07/23 7:35:30
Fine, I'll fetch my own damn stick...
12/07/23 11:09:23
"How will I recognise you?""I'll have a Rubik's Cube."
12/07/23 7:02:08
🎵Let's get digital, digital 🎵
10/07/23 19:03:07
🎵 Retch for the stars... 🎵
10/07/23 11:02:54
Karma Comedian
10/07/23 7:08:57
Harey chest.
09/07/23 7:03:52
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