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''We can't sell enough of them. They're jumping off the shelves.''
02/04/25 11:50:43, edited: 02/04/25 12:15:08, suggested edits
"2B or not 2B that is the question '
31/03/25 7:00:58
Air Horse One
30/03/25 19:00:35
I have to say, Reverend Green, the weapons in Cluedo are getting more and more extreme
24/03/25 12:04:13
''I'd give that Tina from the office one, Dave. How about you?''''No chance, these are my favourite sandwiches.''
20/03/25 12:33:48, edited: 20/03/25 12:37:52
He always wanted wavy hair.
18/03/25 20:01:53
Next we'll be talking about NHS waiting times.
18/03/25 12:28:48
Wanted to be Action man or an Astronaut not Double Handjob Boy.
16/03/25 8:16:15
I hate it when you turn up for a threesome too late.
15/03/25 8:15:56, edited: 15/03/25 8:18:37
Even after all these years Dave was still on the shelf.
14/03/25 12:02:28
"Where does it go to ?"" Wherever it f@cking likes."
12/03/25 8:06:42
"Worried about the cost of your funeral? Worry no more!"
07/03/25 8:13:32, edited: 07/03/25 8:13:56
“This princess better have big tits.”
05/03/25 23:21:30
Fly-by-knight
05/03/25 20:24:26
“Honestly guys, the keeper just had an empty bucket, if there were fish I’d have told you, buuuurp!”
05/03/25 12:11:24
Dragon's Den
28/02/25 20:02:48
Lounge lizard
28/02/25 20:00:29
"James, thanks for uploading your photo. Please confirm which one is you. Cheers. Chris Beach."
25/02/25 8:04:38
"I warned you not to build a house on the Galapagos Islands."
22/02/25 8:14:11
-"Officer Dave, I can't go."-"It's OK, boy, just think of lampposts."
20/02/25 20:08:13
🎵 everywhere you go, you always take the weather with you 🎵
18/02/25 8:03:47
Home is where the art is.
17/02/25 12:22:17
Look what dragged in the cat
13/02/25 20:16:26
Puppy Love
06/02/25 20:01:05
My wife covered the floor in piss because for the first time ever I put the toilet seat down.
06/02/25 12:04:45, edited: 06/02/25 14:04:23
''I'm waiting for my coach.''
31/01/25 8:19:19
"I'm still faster than Royal Mail"
30/01/25 20:01:42, edited: 30/01/25 20:02:26
I don't think he will score tonight.
23/01/25 20:09:16
“You can park here but may be charged.”
15/01/25 8:41:39
"I came, I clawed, I conquered."
12/01/25 20:04:41
Bread roll
12/01/25 12:01:55
When attending a seance, never ask for a medium coffee.
11/01/25 12:10:02
"She pays me £20 to cut her hedge and £50 to stare at my arse."
08/01/25 12:01:53
“Why can’t it just be the year of the cuboid?”
07/01/25 8:01:04
Farmed robbery
04/01/25 12:04:57
Showing the plastic surgeon the look they're hoping to achieve.
04/01/25 8:13:54
Prince Andrew's 'meet the navy scouts' mission didn't go to plan...
03/01/25 20:04:29
''This isn't what I expected when you told me you knew some boys who were good in the sack,'' said Tina.
02/01/25 12:36:44, edited: 02/01/25 12:42:40
The Catchers of the Rye
31/12/24 8:08:19
They’re the sitting image of each other!
30/12/24 10:21:00
''Our TV has hundreds and thousands of channels.''
28/12/24 12:01:31
Only Stools and Horses
20/12/24 20:00:59
Knocking on death's Carte D'or
20/12/24 14:05:30
Call of the wild
19/12/24 20:02:57
"If Gregg Wallace makes one more pussy joke ...."
14/12/24 12:09:16
“Tipping is encouraged.”
11/12/24 8:08:22
The fowl and the pussy cat
01/12/24 8:00:17
Gator Aid.
30/11/24 20:01:39
“I’ve been shooting watermelons off my daughter’s hands since they were just knee high triplets.”
29/11/24 8:22:26
"Ok, honey, I take it back. You're NOT just like your psycho mother. Now put the scissors down."
27/11/24 20:15:42
Bed and Breakfast
25/11/24 8:00:18
"'Seeking mature male', yes, 'who enjoys reading', yes, 'is playful', oh yes, 'loves food', yes yes, 'and enjoys cuddling', yes yes yes. 'Must be 6 foot plus' ... Goddammit."
21/11/24 8:43:50
Where’s my Serf?
20/11/24 20:32:49
Sir Persilval
20/11/24 20:01:32, edited: 20/11/24 20:02:24
''You can't rely on him. He's hobbitually late.''
18/11/24 12:10:14
"Oh good. My eye drops have arrived."
18/11/24 12:02:20
Danny Burrito
12/11/24 12:00:36
This is my current girlfriend
11/11/24 8:15:54
Cobra meeting
10/11/24 12:00:16
Once a Pond a Time.
07/11/24 20:00:19
"...Did I pass?"
03/11/24 9:26:43
Do you need a toe ?
02/11/24 8:45:24
Root canal
27/10/24 20:01:16
The people waiting on the next floor up were losing their patience.
27/10/24 8:15:34
Head Zeppelin
26/10/24 7:01:38
“Can you grab me some food, and step on it.”
25/10/24 7:22:41
He looks like a right Mummy's Boy
24/10/24 19:08:52
Subspecies
24/10/24 7:05:44
Minnie Break
22/10/24 11:00:49
Ploughman’s pickle
21/10/24 19:01:45
Is this your 1st Christmas in Australia ?
15/10/24 7:05:02, suggested edits
You spoil those moles.
12/10/24 19:00:56
🎵 She's got a thicket to ride 🎵
04/10/24 7:04:01
“Damn, someone’s found that stupid board game again.”
03/10/24 7:14:25
Hound control to Major Tom.
02/10/24 11:33:08
I believe this is the turd edition.
26/09/24 11:24:24
Funnily enough, I had a few jars last night and woke up with someone very similar…
25/09/24 11:34:38
They just have to work out a few bugs.
22/09/24 19:04:37
Judy Drench
21/09/24 19:09:31
"She loves me from the heart of her bottom."
20/09/24 11:02:17
Pop Idle
18/09/24 11:03:44
“We come back every year.”
17/09/24 11:24:00
"Do you want to accept cookies?..... You bet I do!"
14/09/24 19:04:02
"Vanilla. Yours?""WD-40."
12/09/24 19:35:23
It was at this point that Dave started to question his decision to fashion a parachute out of twigs and leaves.
07/09/24 19:02:50
Bun-galow.
01/09/24 7:00:33
You wait all day for the public hanging and then it's cancelled.
30/08/24 11:50:11
Apparently with every drink you get free straw!
30/08/24 7:03:15
Tragic Carpet Ride
28/08/24 19:02:06
"It's bad news Jim, we've found blood in your drug stream."
25/08/24 19:02:33
🎵 When you wish upon four star 🎵
20/08/24 11:24:11
Type 2 diabetes
19/08/24 7:08:50
The Grim Sweeper
14/08/24 11:52:09
“Should we worry about that sniper, Dad?”‘He cost £20,000, he shouldn’t miss you from there.’
13/08/24 11:00:02
Pain in the neck
03/08/24 7:02:34
''He's lying down. It must be going to rain.''
14/07/24 7:12:21
Birds of a feather frock together
10/07/24 19:15:39
🎵...God save Johnny Rotten...
29/06/24 19:14:41, edited: 29/06/24 19:25:09
"Did the oeuf move for you last night?"
27/06/24 11:01:34
He's just got a new lead.
27/06/24 7:02:44
suggested edits
