Quarter Pounder With Keys.

23/03/23 20:00:17

"Bounce now, yer bastard!"

22/03/23 8:02:05

Trials of novelty monorail get underway on M1.

21/03/23 8:02:08

“Oh alright then, THEY is a knob.”

02/02/23 20:00:29

My Scare Lady

17/12/22 8:26:45

Clark Went

01/12/22 8:11:02

Dave had been putting off defrosting the freezer, but the time had come.

13/11/22 10:02:09

“Well, the good news is there’s no need to rake up the clippings…”

09/11/22 20:00:16

The Naked Butler turned out to be a bit of a disappointment.

03/11/22 20:26:25

The party at Wayne Rooney's house was in full swing.

30/10/22 20:20:57

"Don't think this is a good idea Dave."
"Why, because I'm not wearing any trunks?"
"No, because the tide's out."

25/11/23 9:26:52

"It's life Jim, but not as we know it."

18/11/23 20:03:58

"Great, it will go with my World Trade Centre novelty candles."

01/11/23 20:05:47

"Yes, I did tell you to brush your teeth but I think you've got the wrong end of the stick."

29/10/23 20:24:34

"Okay they're a nice colour but when are you going to wear them?"

19/08/23 7:07:01

The Tour De Ireland was a very different cycle race.

24/07/23 8:26:20

lol

"What do you think of it so far?"

03/07/23 11:07:23

“Your call is important to us…”

27/03/23 19:00:16

It could have been a beautiful moment, but was ruined by the raucous laughter of some nearby humans.

04/03/23 8:06:16

“For Christ’s sake Reg, a mouse isn’t going to hurt you!”

26/02/23 20:01:48

“Bad news…I couldn’t get us any tickets for the Cliff Richard gig.”

13/02/23 12:00:58

RSPCA called after man spotted cleaning patio window with Tiger.

13/02/23 8:02:03

Don't you just hate it when a waiter resigns half way through a shift?

07/02/23 20:06:44

'Now about your x-rays…’

18/11/22 8:02:44

Just off camera, two Bloodhounds by the names of Phil and Holly were sneaking to the front of the queue.

11/11/22 8:22:21

"Yeah, you can't miss it. It's the one with the blue curtains."

Fri 8:45:02

Brain dead

08/11/23 8:01:42

Taking the plunge

29/09/23 19:01:27

Turdish Airlines

04/09/23 19:06:17

"Have you got anything with a centre parting?"

02/09/23 11:17:28

Catch Of The Day

29/08/23 11:22:16

He didn't know whether it was the mercury nudging thirty or the tantalising glimpse of Margaret's right buttock, but Fred felt the urge to loosen his tie.

30/07/23 7:49:17

"I don't like all this cutie-cutie shit either Reg, but it's better than being served up with mint sauce."

09/07/23 19:07:41

lol

Dave loved to simulate snorkeling in the bath. His Goldfish were less keen.

23/06/23 11:04:47

"Why have you just sent me a picture of your food?"

03/05/23 7:02:03

Most bizarre thing about this photo is that car door reflection reveals it was taken by a cat.

11/04/23 10:10:32

"I know this looks dangerous...but she says she's got a driving licence."

11/04/23 7:40:51

Mark Zuckerberg learned a lot from his early money making schemes

08/04/23 7:05:23

"Well the good news Captain, is that we've avoided a shit-load of docking fees."

27/02/23 12:32:54

"Remember the good old days Reg, before they started integrating aerials into windscreens?"

17/02/23 12:16:04, edited: 17/02/23 12:47:14

...but corner shop still open.

01/02/23 8:10:51

Cat Boy Slim

30/01/23 20:16:52

It was either these or the Super Mario burgers and they looked a bit fatty.

16/01/23 8:28:50

Dave had taken it too far again, but it isn't every day your daughter turns four.

06/12/22 8:11:29

“Have you taken the shuttle from Heathrow to Manchester before madam?”

26/11/22 8:18:30

No entry sign

Sat 12:03:32

Cowavan

Thu 20:01:39

"Is that a Browning?"

"It will be if someone pulls the trigger."

14/10/23 15:01:43

"Well it was either this or one of those stupid outfits cyclists wear."

16/09/23 7:32:24

Even from a very young age, Boris was a little shit.

15/09/23 20:51:20

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something mew.

02/09/23 7:02:42

Dave was determined to steal the unit but hadn't fully considered the implications of unscrewing it from the wall.

30/08/23 7:13:21

Dragpipes

23/07/23 12:47:12

Well that's the 'something blue' covered.

13/07/23 11:34:52

"According to this you've got arachnophobia, Reg."

05/06/23 11:10:45, edited: 05/06/23 11:11:38

"Someone just tried to rob me!"
"No sir, that's the regular price for a cheese sandwich."

04/06/23 7:52:21

Catfish...Tigerfish...Lionfish...Nope, can't come up with anything.

22/05/23 11:04:36

They didn’t have any hot water, but they did have a perfect re-creation of the London Underground Network.

17/05/23 11:00:25, edited: 17/05/23 11:02:27

“Just paint a white circle around it, it’ll be fine.”

26/04/23 7:00:21

“Way out man!”

15/04/23 11:01:00

Cost of weddings set to rise due to inflation.

03/04/23 11:00:15

Slantchester City

23/03/23 8:00:49

The Pelican Briefs

09/03/23 20:00:13

"I wonder if anyone will come up with anything that doesn't allude to shoving it up my fanny?" mused Janice.

18/02/23 12:36:47, edited: 19/02/23 9:14:05

Despite her best intentions, Karen always came over as too keen on a first date.

17/02/23 22:04:02

Sundae Stool

28/01/23 20:02:37

“I wouldn’t worry about it Shirl, nobody is going to recognise you from that angle.”

28/01/23 8:14:08

Dave had packed his Taj Mahal jumper by mistake.

15/01/23 8:30:59

"I know you've got your fork lift licence Dave, but you're on bog rolls from tomorrow!"

02/01/23 20:19:40

creative

Resourceful as ever, Dave had used the pile of Donkey shit as an impromptu bike stand.

02/01/23 12:27:34

They might look alright now, but they'll regret those tattoos when they're older.

14/12/22 8:03:52

As a new vegetarian, Dave had good and bad days.

12/12/22 12:10:16, edited: 12/12/22 12:52:06

“Well, where do you think you left it?”

08/12/22 20:11:33

"Bugger! Grey's the only colour I can't do."

05/12/22 19:55:23

lol

“I can’t see ‘em getting much milk out of that.”

19/11/22 12:00:24

"Back off Buddy or I'll shit on your tongue."

07/11/22 20:03:01

Therapy sessions to cure Dave's OCD had gone much better than expected

05/11/22 8:51:34

On the plus side, they were a lot less messy than the treadmills.

28/10/22 19:25:21

"Switch that bloody toilet light out when you've been in there!"

Fri 8:04:56

Mystery lottery jackpot winner tracked down to Glasgow.

06/11/23 8:05:19

"Let's make this interesting...loser wipes."

03/11/23 20:43:31

When you're expecting a new grandson and asked to knit something they can grow in to.

25/10/23 7:11:13

"Pass me the bull repellent spray Robin...Robin!?"

22/10/23 7:07:19, edited: 22/10/23 7:08:05

They're usually solo artists but have come together to make this album.

20/10/23 19:06:29

White trash

10/10/23 7:02:01

Eugene didn't want much for Christmas - Werthers Originals, Haemorrhoid Ointment and the freedom to have a leisurely shit in his own bathroom without being interrupted by ankle-snappers.

06/10/23 19:43:22

Campaign warning of dangers of Veganism criticized for being too graphic.

06/10/23 12:21:42

"Hello, yeah I'm calling about the ventriloquists dummy you sold me."

05/10/23 19:11:44

One Man And His Bog

04/10/23 7:08:08

Dave came to realise that his camouflage was not as effective in an urban environment.

01/10/23 14:21:07

"Are you sure these outfits are appropriate for my mother's funeral, Dave"

13/09/23 11:22:17

Barnsley women clean the street in preparation for installation of BT fibre broadband.

06/09/23 7:06:20

"Massive pussy Louise."

"I'm not 21 any more Geoff."

01/09/23 7:02:06

Doncaster man wins lottery!

17/08/23 17:19:39

As worn by Billy The Skid

05/08/23 11:29:19

"Mouse should be rare? They're not, I've killed loads."

01/08/23 9:27:39

lol

"You're always bloody complaining Linda...you didn't like being on the roofrack, you didn't like it in the boot..."

24/07/23 11:11:40

"Faster Dave, I've still got a piece of meat stuck between my teeth."

23/07/23 19:03:15

creative

"Dave! Have you put Helium in these tyres again?"

01/07/23 7:09:43

lol

Everyone had their own technique at the Chinese flatulence championship.

29/06/23 19:01:59