super vote: ( left this week)
"Anything for the weekend sir?""Yes, a dozen Elastoplast and a prosthetic nose please."
29/01/23 14:35:09
Dealer-shep
21/12/22 8:16:18
Britain’s border control capability explained
07/12/22 20:01:29
"This is gonna take for ever. Tight sod could have bought easy-peelers!"
11/11/22 20:59:55
It was a simple system. If there was a pair left, they'd start dredging the pool.
19/10/22 8:42:15
"Haven't seen blubber and tashes like that since last years Miss Barnsley."
27/07/24 7:24:27
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something zoo.
21/06/24 19:04:10
Batman and Joggin'.
03/05/24 11:01:24
Expurrminate
30/04/24 7:01:05
"I've taken to calling him Hewitt."
18/03/24 8:07:07
"Do you want cries with that?"
05/09/23 7:04:26
Should’ve gone to Downing Street
25/05/23 19:00:20
When you've parked too far from the pump and are determined to make it reach.
14/05/23 7:04:08
"What are we eating tonight Hammy?""Oh, just something I've throne together."
13/04/23 12:48:11
And so it came to pass that dozens of captioneers stared blankly at their screens.
13/03/23 12:02:17
Parasole
04/03/23 12:01:21
I saw exactly the same car last week, except it was green.
12/12/22 8:12:07
Dave made two bad decisions that day - parking where he did and leaving the sunroof open.
27/11/22 13:48:17
The evidence leant towards it being a fake. The depth of the layering, the delicacy of the brush strokes...the fact it was printed on a cheap beach towel.
26/10/22 12:08:05
The Marx Brothers
16/10/24 7:04:31
For Plume The Bell Tolls.
17/08/24 7:21:09, edited: 17/08/24 7:22:18
Born and bread
25/07/24 19:02:13
They didn't know what to do with him after the last film. It was either this or a Hoover.
22/07/24 7:29:16
Pan's people
10/04/24 19:01:58
"Honey, I'm home, my train was can..."
02/04/24 11:12:39
"For God's sake, nobody say 'mate'!"
27/03/24 20:07:00
Models take a break at London Fashion week to visit a local market.
10/03/24 8:10:00
Perfect for taking a photoe.
29/02/24 8:12:13
John, Paul, George, and Wingo
30/01/24 12:07:43
Gran Turisimo
27/11/23 12:19:13, edited: 27/11/23 12:19:43
Knuckle sandwich
01/10/23 7:02:03
"Humping the radiator isn't going to help, Rex."
14/09/23 7:01:34
Behind the benign smile lay a sinister tale. Mildred's husband had disappeared in 1972 and nothing had been seen of him since. On every birthday, Mildred prepared herself a treat, and for her 95th, she'd saved something very special.
16/08/23 7:13:01
"And how am I supposed to reach the pedals?"
23/06/23 7:18:52
Barnsley “not fully prepared” for electric vehicle revolution, say local officials.
17/05/23 7:04:30
"You couldn't hit a cows arse at 50 paces, Zeus.""Hold my beer."
11/05/23 11:28:41
Escape Room
15/04/23 11:00:13
Medical breakthrough as three new antibiotics discovered in Hull
01/03/23 13:10:51, edited: 01/03/23 13:11:30
Scary Spice
22/02/23 21:24:47
There was nothing Dave enjoyed more than launching an unprovoked mortar attack on an unsuspecting neighbour.
01/12/22 13:17:31
"...and the vet said it's probably tinnitus."
23/10/22 7:26:39
...and the winning Pumpkins in the 'carve-a-celebrity' competition go to David Dickinson and Katie Price.
21/10/22 20:04:51
"They're called tits lads, and they're why none of you will ever have any money."
11/02/25 12:33:08
When you can't read the online version because you've lost your mouse
21/11/24 8:01:56
Dave's private investigation career didn't last long.
04/10/24 7:02:45
In a chord for once.
14/09/24 7:06:07
"So, how much more was it for an inside table again Jock?"
06/09/24 7:21:30, edited: 06/09/24 7:21:45
If anyone breaks in, they get a bounty on their head.
14/08/24 7:11:47
"Hello...can I hear you?"
28/07/24 19:01:56
"Who do you think you are, Veal Armstrong?"
21/07/24 19:07:41
Well that's one way to dry out your armpits.
30/06/24 7:05:11
"Nice tits but I'm really more of an ass man."
04/06/24 11:03:42
Mercedes Bendz
10/04/24 11:23:09
"Fucking hell, I'm going bald already!"
09/02/24 12:01:14
"Stop complaining, your mum said I wasn't to get your shoes muddy."
19/01/24 20:12:27
"It's days like this I wish I hadn't gone into plumbing."
18/01/24 20:02:03, edited: 19/01/24 10:54:28, suggested edits
Whinny Bay Go!
03/01/24 8:36:20
"Just a couple more hours Miss Winslet and we'll be ready to go."
27/11/23 8:18:45
Park Drench
02/09/23 21:19:59
"...and as we move into February..."
29/08/23 7:10:47
"I wish she'd stop flashing her tits."
21/08/23 7:10:42
"Remember that little two seater we used to have Mavis before the 128 kids came along?"
15/08/23 7:13:50
"Just the 2,500 coming round tonight."
11/08/23 19:05:40
She literally waited on him hand and foot.
29/06/23 7:08:53
"No, course I haven't left the handbrake on. Do you think I'm an idiot?"
14/05/23 7:02:45
Frantic scenes at Glasgow Central as charity collectors spotted approaching platform.
16/02/23 20:11:19
Dave had no idea how the cub had got stuck to the window, and even less idea how to remove it.
12/02/23 20:08:01
Lad-in-der Field
06/11/22 13:06:12
The works outing had been fun and the mill owner promised that if everyone worked really hard, he might start the engine next year.
12/10/22 19:17:22
"The defendant's attempt to hide was described by police as 'somewhat pathetic', m'lud."
24/02/25 8:21:15
Nicola's Cage
08/11/24 8:02:25
Age 7+ in Scotland.
04/09/24 11:22:22
A valuable road safety message...Don't try to drive with your tits stuck to the windscreen.
26/08/24 8:33:12
Wrist watch.
16/05/24 19:01:07
Old woman wins lottery!
15/05/24 7:05:13, edited: 15/05/24 7:08:12
Dave laughed as he took the photograph. Three seconds later, he was finding it less funny when his moped wouldn't start.
21/02/24 8:06:05
To have and to hold...
27/12/23 20:00:58
Meals on Wheels
20/12/23 20:03:00
As systems go for lighting your own farts, it was complex.
13/12/23 8:08:18
"Alright mate, take off your watch and any jewellery and walk straight through."
28/10/23 7:44:39
"Anyway, enough about my hair...are you buying the couch or not?"
27/10/23 11:41:52
"If we go through another speed camera I want to look my best."
12/10/23 7:10:48
The 'Hot chicks on motorbikes' link wasn't what Dave was expecting.
28/06/23 7:14:49
"I'm sweating me nads off here lads, and then in December they'll have us doing the swimsuit stuff."
24/06/23 7:32:48
If at first you don't succeed...
25/05/23 8:53:18
His bark is worse than his bite.
20/05/23 7:02:47
"It's okay, it's okay...it's only the ginger one."
10/05/23 19:01:54
Quarter Pounder With Keys.
23/03/23 20:00:17
"Bounce now, yer bastard!"
22/03/23 8:02:05
Trials of novelty monorail get underway on M1.
21/03/23 8:02:08
“Oh alright then, THEY is a knob.”
02/02/23 20:00:29
My Scare Lady
17/12/22 8:26:45
Clark Went
01/12/22 8:11:02
Dave had been putting off defrosting the freezer, but the time had come.
13/11/22 10:02:09
“Well, the good news is there’s no need to rake up the clippings…”
09/11/22 20:00:16
The Naked Butler turned out to be a bit of a disappointment.
03/11/22 20:26:25
The party at Wayne Rooney's house was in full swing.
30/10/22 20:20:57
"Farted under the dining table...you?"
21/10/24 11:01:03
"It was an honour to learn that the village will be renamed after me after my death." Thomas Watt 1827-1892
01/10/24 8:40:26
"Bless me Father, for I've had tinned."
29/09/24 7:11:53, edited: 29/09/24 9:17:23
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You had my vote at Dafyd.
comment on caption: Dafyd never coped well when Bronwyn went to her mother's. [John Harrison]
See also 8:08:36 (not mine)
comment on caption: "Dave...I just found your dirty underpants in the safe!!" [John Harrison]
Kinder Surprise?
comment on caption: "You think you're here to judge a talent show. But do you remember a drunken night in Cardiff in 2022? [John Harrison]
Missed that and voted up! Thanks.
It's sedimentary my dear Watson
comment on caption: "The defendant's attempt to hide was described by police as 'somewhat pathetic', m'lud." [John Harrison]
ding dinG diNG dING DING "⭐ creative" - Sorry, Cap Auth, my quota is out. Hopefully the comment generates a few more votes for you 😉
comment on caption: "But it looks nothing like Meghan Markel?" "Just wait." [John Harrison]
Aye there is, employ Hugh Grant to answer the door when they call. 😈
comment on caption: "There have to be easier ways to keep the Jehovah's Witnesses away Dave." [John Harrison]
My Rastafarian friend use to go door to door preaching the virtues of eating brown breadHe was a Jah Hovis witness
The last time they turned up at the door, I beamed at them and cried "Hallelujah! I was saved last Thursday!". They never came back.
To be fair, most AI image generators don't allow you to create rude images ... or so I've heard.
comment on caption: The only AI picture KT A could use after typing in 'girl with pussy hair'. [John Harrison]
suggested edits
email us
You had my vote at Dafyd.
1:30pm
comment on caption:
Dafyd never coped well when Bronwyn went to her mother's. [John Harrison]
See also 8:08:36 (not mine)
7:28pm
comment on caption:
"Dave...I just found your dirty underpants in the safe!!" [John Harrison]
Kinder Surprise?
8:22pm
comment on caption:
"You think you're here to judge a talent show. But do you remember a drunken night in Cardiff in 2022? [John Harrison]
Missed that and voted up! Thanks.
10:00pm
comment on caption:
"Dave...I just found your dirty underpants in the safe!!" [John Harrison]
It's sedimentary my dear Watson
10:28am
comment on caption:
"The defendant's attempt to hide was described by police as 'somewhat pathetic', m'lud." [John Harrison]
ding dinG diNG dING DING "⭐ creative" - Sorry, Cap Auth, my quota is out. Hopefully the comment generates a few more votes for you 😉
9:07am
comment on caption:
"But it looks nothing like Meghan Markel?" "Just wait." [John Harrison]
Aye there is, employ Hugh Grant to answer the door when they call. 😈
8:30am
comment on caption:
"There have to be easier ways to keep the Jehovah's Witnesses away Dave." [John Harrison]
My Rastafarian friend use to go door to door preaching the virtues of eating brown bread
He was a Jah Hovis witness
9:16am
comment on caption:
"There have to be easier ways to keep the Jehovah's Witnesses away Dave." [John Harrison]
The last time they turned up at the door, I beamed at them and cried "Hallelujah! I was saved last Thursday!". They never came back.
2:59pm
comment on caption:
"There have to be easier ways to keep the Jehovah's Witnesses away Dave." [John Harrison]
To be fair, most AI image generators don't allow you to create rude images ... or so I've heard.
8:46pm
comment on caption:
The only AI picture KT A could use after typing in 'girl with pussy hair'. [John Harrison]