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Guard dog
16/01/26 8:00:17
The cat who got the scream.
14/01/26 12:01:55
Anyone for a slow dance?
13/01/26 8:00:47
🎵 You can't hide your Lion eyes...🎵
05/01/26 8:27:01
"I wish they would stop droning on."
03/01/26 12:00:51
Fashion Shoot
01/01/26 20:05:39
"Looking back, Dave, what do you think could have caused your phobia of cheese?"
01/01/26 8:08:01
Granite of the Apes
29/12/25 8:00:27
Parkinson's and Ride
27/12/25 12:09:09
"I want to meet somebody who'll take me out more than once a fortnight."
24/12/25 8:06:49
Are you sure this is how everyone dictates their new book Mr Walliams ? "
22/12/25 20:22:30
🎵 How much is that doggie in the widow? 🎵
19/12/25 20:01:10
Freezy Rider
19/12/25 8:15:41
🎵 Poel, Poel 🎵
18/12/25 20:06:03
Wreatha Franklin and Judy Garland
18/12/25 8:03:10
Laa-Laakers
17/12/25 8:02:18
"What's your new handicap Dave?""No legs."
16/12/25 13:15:38, edited: 16/12/25 13:24:37
The pattern printed on Dave's bucket fooled everyone.
15/12/25 8:08:40
December bank account be like.
15/12/25 8:01:33
The fire brigade displayed a rather disproportionate response to the pants on fire
14/12/25 20:09:47
Its time for launch.
14/12/25 12:13:50
"We only do flights between 1 and 4 o'clock in the morning"
14/12/25 8:03:32
"I've got this ringing in my ears again."
11/12/25 8:03:33
'Number three, please step forward and say "Get in the van"… .'
08/12/25 8:02:32, edited: 08/12/25 9:03:40, suggested edits
Ruffing it
05/12/25 8:03:46
Though it's best to avoid the spaghetti junction.
04/12/25 20:10:50
“That’ll increase your risk of a stroke.”
04/12/25 8:37:31
How to survive caption me.Training camp day one.... spelling.
01/12/25 12:25:23
Rage Against The Machine
28/11/25 14:01:18
I love the sound of a bird singeing
27/11/25 8:17:14
‘You’ve got the job, just pick up an instrument and stand behind Robert Palmer’
25/11/25 8:31:52
Are You Being Perved?
24/11/25 12:04:02
Night-mares
23/11/25 8:00:51, edited: 23/11/25 8:27:11, suggested edits
Cabboufage
22/11/25 8:21:26
"Everyone just act normal. The woman from social services is here again."
21/11/25 8:06:43
Nicolas Caged
18/11/25 20:03:00
"FFS who invited Boris Johnson ?"
18/11/25 12:03:48
Stops all seamen getting through
17/11/25 12:05:37
A crash cow
15/11/25 12:07:45
🎵 Oh I do like to BP beside the seaside 🎵
15/11/25 8:00:54
"Next time, make room."
12/11/25 20:00:24
Top of the class.
11/11/25 12:04:03
Higher Education
11/11/25 12:01:31
Whatever floats your boat.
10/11/25 20:01:19
"Tinaaaaa! Are you bloody ready yet?"
09/11/25 20:01:51
Sugar Puff the Magic Dragon
07/11/25 20:01:20
Hay Jude
06/11/25 20:02:25
Fashion Police
05/11/25 12:01:20
Who donut
05/11/25 8:03:12
"My cup's been runneth over."
04/11/25 12:09:50, edited: 04/11/25 14:18:54, suggested edits
“In my experience error code #317 means Nanna’s off her meds.”
04/11/25 8:28:47
On a pub crawl
03/11/25 12:02:19
Fergie hangs out Andrew's laundry one last time.
01/11/25 20:08:57
Sweeping Beauty
25/10/25 11:07:07
Sue hated having to stand in when any of the donkeys were off sick
23/10/25 7:02:14, edited: 23/10/25 8:24:59, suggested edits
Wait til you see her weeding glasses...
22/10/25 7:03:33
Silver surfer
20/10/25 11:00:11
"My Father says that one day, our life of domestic drudgery will be used as the basis of an early morning competition for the unemployed, pensioners and those whose life lacks purpose.""Shurrup, and empty yer bucket!"
16/10/25 7:11:06, edited: 16/10/25 7:18:58
Dave used to fish for lobsters when he was a child. Then when he was older he met Tina and caught crabs.
15/10/25 11:24:25
"Beatrice, that egg really needs to come out."
13/10/25 19:05:08
Head over heels
11/10/25 7:09:24
Stellattos
11/10/25 7:01:07
Severn Brides for Severn Brothers
04/10/25 19:07:31, edited: 04/10/25 19:09:06
Someone's getting cold feet.
04/10/25 19:01:39
“Inuits remain happy, even when their house gets burgled.”
03/10/25 7:20:40
“Dave, busty Sandra over the road teaches you how to paint every Thursday for £80 an hour and this is the result after 18 months?”
02/10/25 11:03:51
Close Encounters of the Firred Kind
02/10/25 7:01:32, edited: 02/10/25 7:03:22, suggested edits
"So what were you doing Dave, when you got shot in the arse?""A cartwheel."
30/09/25 19:04:45
ONE MAN AND HIS DOG''Stop that stupid whistling and listen to me. If you want us to go into the pen, we want a dozen extra turnips.''
30/09/25 7:23:22, edited: 30/09/25 7:36:01
"One day in the future Jim, this is going to look a lot more suspect than it does today."
29/09/25 7:02:34
The Fox and the Hind
28/09/25 19:01:09
''No, Rex, I distinctly remember you saying you'd bring the racquets.''
24/09/25 7:05:06, edited: 24/09/25 7:06:01
Most men preferred something in-between
23/09/25 7:52:27
"We'll have the results in a while, crocodile."
21/09/25 11:08:08
Collage student
20/09/25 11:14:05
''For better or for hearse''
17/09/25 11:06:39
"Open the door, love. I'm ready for my psychiatric assessment."
10/09/25 7:16:28
🎵 How much is that hoggy in the window? 🎵
09/09/25 11:02:03
Shark ingested daughters
07/09/25 7:00:29
Sausage roll
05/09/25 19:05:48
MEANWHILE AT A & E''Can we run through this again, Dave. You got the idea from a toy bear sitting on a vacuum cleaner................''
05/09/25 7:20:47, edited: 05/09/25 7:27:41
Snackered
30/08/25 19:14:25
Guys and dolls
30/08/25 7:00:23, edited: 30/08/25 8:20:41, suggested edits
The Passed and the Furious
27/08/25 11:01:51
Core Meltdown
26/08/25 7:02:27
Two hours before the wedding, the Best Man was desperate to find the ring he'd dropped.
25/08/25 19:21:38
Bloody loan sharks were after her.
24/08/25 19:12:27
Country pumpkins
24/08/25 11:23:21
"I've had a lidl accident."
23/08/25 19:23:41
"Well doctor, I keep hearing an orchestra playing this really monotonous music..."
23/08/25 7:38:07
🎶 I’m forever blowing bubbles 🎶
22/08/25 11:00:22
Hand to Hand Combat
18/08/25 19:00:16, edited: 18/08/25 19:01:05
Back when anaesthesia was… “count to one.”
16/08/25 7:06:14
The last thing to go through the little duck’s head was the Boeing 747 that was right behind it.
13/08/25 7:11:30
'Our parents couldn't afford a TV when we were growing up''Evidently'
12/08/25 11:03:43
Postman Prat
09/08/25 19:53:49
🎵 Watts new pussycat? 🎵
09/08/25 7:05:32
"Yes, it definitely looks like a punctured lung," diagnosed Dr Dave.
07/08/25 11:20:32
Isle of Man
05/08/25 11:00:59
Neptune hates it when people pee in his sea
04/08/25 11:04:37
clever 
suggested edits
