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Mr. Toad Vote score: 2088Mr. Toad

ā€œI’m afraid it's Cholera.ā€

07/10/11 10:35:38

Rob Falconer Vote score: 3359Rob Falconer

About to Kermit a driving offence

04/10/11 10:00:19

Rob Falconer Vote score: 3359Rob Falconer

Keep taking the tablets, love

24/09/11 10:00:23

Bindy Vote score: 298Bindy

Peeking duck

20/09/11 10:00:21

John  Glover Vote score: 23224John Glover

Samslung tv.

16/09/11 10:19:19

Cath Jones Vote score: 38816Cath Jones

Broke Back Mounting.

14/09/11 10:37:39

Shandonbelle Vote score: 2757Shandonbelle

Would Dubai a car from this man?

23/08/11 10:01:15

Steve Hann Vote score: 1082Steve Hann

A moving ceremony.

19/08/11 10:00:09

Chelsea Pearson Vote score: 155Chelsea Pearson

£50

There are some things in life that money can't buy. For everything else, there's Benefits.

27/06/11 14:35:03

Cat Burton Vote score: 39Cat Burton

When Ed admitted to his mum that he liked posing half-naked with boys, this wasn't what she expected!

26/11/06 18:40:39

AXE Vote score: 3691AXE

That's the last time I try stealing pickled onions in Saudi Arabia

10/10/14 19:00:06

Leroy Brown Vote score: 8188Leroy Brown

Artilorry

06/10/14 19:17:21

AXE Vote score: 3691AXE

Toys R U.S.

06/10/14 12:10:24

AXE Vote score: 3691AXE

All three were finding it hard to make a connection

06/10/14 11:06:10

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35547Ian Skelding

Strip lights

04/10/14 11:00:30

Tony Edwards Vote score: 43056Tony Edwards

"We still haven't managed to palm Olive off with anyone."

30/09/14 19:31:20

John Llamas Vote score: 20904John Llamas

Following the 'coming out' of Frank Maloney, Suggs is next ..... it's absolute Madness.

30/09/14 9:37:22

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35547Ian Skelding

We have nice baps.

29/09/14 7:01:10

Cath Jones Vote score: 38816Cath Jones

šŸŽµ Stool's out for summer... šŸŽµ

24/09/14 19:02:52

Michael Winner Vote score: 25611Michael Winner

Lo-cal prise winners.

15/09/14 7:05:42

Cath Jones Vote score: 38816Cath Jones

Turtle Recall.

14/09/14 7:00:09

Smuldo Vote score: 11761Smuldo

"Shit, my 50p has ran out."

10/09/14 18:52:19

Chris Moorhead Vote score: 1564Chris Moorhead

This wasn't what he expected when he ordered the side order of naan.

03/09/14 14:36:06

John Llamas Vote score: 20904John Llamas

"So Mary ........... you look a little different from your profile picture."

03/09/14 11:07:18

"Yeah, sorry. You should now call me Mark." --Doh Nutter
Cath Jones Vote score: 38816Cath Jones

Spike Militant.

03/09/14 8:00:40

Doh Nutter Vote score: 24667Doh Nutter

There's Macavity.

30/08/14 8:40:23

Doh Nutter Vote score: 24667Doh Nutter

"You're having me on, this car doesn't have an ejector seeeaaaaa......"

28/08/14 11:39:17

Cath Jones Vote score: 38816Cath Jones

šŸŽµ Cisterns are doing it for themselves... šŸŽµ

27/08/14 7:34:31

Steve Davies Vote score: 2447Steve Davies

Delays today were caused by Steve's on the line.

26/08/14 19:14:37

Steve Davies Vote score: 2447Steve Davies

Where the streets have no drains.

21/08/14 13:42:37

John Llamas Vote score: 20904John Llamas

Prisoner 9763 had been on the run for almost 4 years.

20/08/14 7:45:14

Tracy Davidson Vote score: 9777Tracy Davidson

All hands on deck.

17/08/14 19:00:06

Leroy Brown Vote score: 8188Leroy Brown

Each cyclist was trying to claim Jersey.

14/08/14 20:11:38

Cath Jones Vote score: 38816Cath Jones

"Sadly I was left like this after a stroke."

14/08/14 11:01:06

Leroy Brown Vote score: 8188Leroy Brown

Damn, no smoke signal!

14/08/14 7:00:09

AXE Vote score: 3691AXE

"you can sign my tummy with one of my biros - but I'd prefer the tips to be felt"

13/08/14 11:00:05

Pete  Vote score: 18533Pete

"That's a surprise. I didn't think the house would be octopied."

12/08/14 20:17:11

Tracy Davidson Vote score: 9777Tracy Davidson

Brogues gallery.

11/08/14 7:00:07

Doh Nutter Vote score: 24667Doh Nutter

Meanwhile, the guests at Keith Floyd's dinner party were sipping a nice cold glass of sage and onion stuffing.

10/08/14 20:16:15

Doh Nutter Vote score: 24667Doh Nutter

Tom had always wanted to be a drill instructor.

09/08/14 20:48:19

Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 16888Hercules Rockefeller

Hal has frozen over.

09/08/14 7:01:52

Ron  Allan Vote score: 5548Ron Allan

Exclusive
Three million vehicles recalled due to design defect in pop-out cigarette lighters

05/08/14 10:56:22

AXE Vote score: 3691AXE

Ireland's top police sketch artist unwittingly becomes prime suspect..

04/08/14 7:41:54

Tony Edwards Vote score: 43056Tony Edwards

"Mummy, you said it was a battery hen."
"I can't find any batteries."

03/08/14 12:10:00

Shouldn't this all be one sentence? --Chris Moorhead
John  Glover Vote score: 23224John Glover

"No sweetheart, I really don't think that's a good place to put your dummy."

03/08/14 11:16:10

D C Vote score: 2691D C

In front the car a Toy-Yoda is.

03/08/14 8:15:49

Mr. Toad Vote score: 2088Mr. Toad

She was known for being a bit of a globetrotter.

01/08/14 19:17:46

D C Vote score: 2691D C

Scary Poppins

31/07/14 8:37:03

Leroy Brown Vote score: 8188Leroy Brown

The baboon's plan to get more food was working a treat.

28/07/14 18:12:25

Michael Winner Vote score: 25611Michael Winner

Dave was demolished in order to make way for a block of flats.

27/07/14 11:04:09

Pissed myself laughing at you trying to explain an unexplainable joke to someone who probably now needs another explanation as to what your first explanation was actually about..priceless..lol  --Ron Allan
John Llamas Vote score: 20904John Llamas

Inflatable pool ......... beware of punchers

26/07/14 11:35:32

Michael Winner Vote score: 25611Michael Winner

"Don't speak- I can see that right now, you are beyond words", grinned Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen.

25/07/14 11:00:22

That did brighten my day. --Lucky Elperro
John  Glover Vote score: 23224John Glover

Watching the world cup final had left a lasting impression on this Argentinian fan.

19/07/14 19:23:11

Leroy Brown Vote score: 8188Leroy Brown

"Don't mind him, he's my little gardening angel"

18/07/14 7:28:29

Leroy Brown Vote score: 8188Leroy Brown

Given the green light

16/07/14 19:00:06

Chris Moorhead Vote score: 1564Chris Moorhead

After his attacker was taken to court, it was clear that she had no case.

16/07/14 7:32:55

John Llamas Vote score: 20904John Llamas

Amazon ...... for all your deliveries

14/07/14 11:04:12

Boycie Vote score: 7002Boycie

"Don't be obvious, but i've slipped it into your pocket. Take it to the racoon - don't say where you got it from".

13/07/14 20:10:17

Tony Edwards Vote score: 43056Tony Edwards

Fashion police.

13/07/14 7:39:58

Ian Mclaren Vote score: 3528Ian Mclaren

"It's always good to meet another mason.

11/07/14 19:04:33

Tony Edwards Vote score: 43056Tony Edwards

Bathet Hound.

07/07/14 19:11:41

There, that's 12 captions voted for. I thought we'd all be bored of dog photos by now but obviously not. Ha ha.  --Doh Nutter
Leroy Brown Vote score: 8188Leroy Brown

Looking for the tomato source.

07/07/14 7:00:22

Tracy Davidson Vote score: 9777Tracy Davidson

And that is how Clarence became cross-eyed.

06/07/14 11:14:01

Tracy Davidson Vote score: 9777Tracy Davidson

My-Tea Mouse.

05/07/14 11:00:07

Pete  Vote score: 18533Pete

They're making an exhibition of themselves.

05/07/14 9:19:43

Cath Jones Vote score: 38816Cath Jones

The Da Vinci Road.

05/07/14 7:00:16

Cath Jones Vote score: 38816Cath Jones

Janet always has great presents of mind.

03/07/14 19:21:13

Smuldo Vote score: 11761Smuldo

"Can you smell what it is yet?"

01/07/14 19:08:29

Cath Jones Vote score: 38816Cath Jones

The Cowering Inferno.

01/07/14 11:00:14

Michael Winner Vote score: 25611Michael Winner

"Retire? Pah! A good Pimp never retires."

30/06/14 7:00:08

Steve Davies Vote score: 2447Steve Davies

Has anyone seen Dorothy's magic shoes? because Dorothy sure as hell cant.

28/06/14 19:35:17

Mark England Vote score: 24370Mark England

"Ding Dong the bitch is fed"

28/06/14 19:03:36

Shandonbelle Vote score: 2757Shandonbelle

A pair of trunks

26/06/14 19:01:51

Tracy Davidson Vote score: 9777Tracy Davidson

No wonder it's half price, it doesn't look anything like Demi Moore.

26/06/14 11:00:09

John Llamas Vote score: 20904John Llamas

Sports kit

24/06/14 19:40:08

Leroy Brown Vote score: 8188Leroy Brown

So you're telling me, when you close this lid, I will neither be alive nor dead?

24/06/14 19:03:50

Tosser Wivlov Vote score: 6766Tosser Wivlov

If things got out of hand they could call in the Gherkin Regiment.

24/06/14 11:39:22

Shandonbelle Vote score: 2757Shandonbelle
Fist Come, Fist Served

23/06/14 19:05:18

Cath Jones Vote score: 38816Cath Jones

Jesus Crust.

18/06/14 11:01:09

Tony Edwards Vote score: 43056Tony Edwards

"Come back here! I thought you said that you are a game bird."

18/06/14 7:57:20

Tosser Wivlov Vote score: 6766Tosser Wivlov

These were full length jeans when I started cutting the grass.

17/06/14 19:53:49

Cath Jones Vote score: 38816Cath Jones

Godrophenia.

16/06/14 19:00:44

Lucky Elperro Vote score: 6321Lucky Elperro

In Bournemouth the Beach Inspectors last job of the day is to see who is still alive.

16/06/14 16:00:17

Michael Winner Vote score: 25611Michael Winner

Dig those crazy beets.

12/06/14 12:07:00

John Llamas Vote score: 20904John Llamas

Once again the chance to win the painting eludes Tim as he fails to land the hoop on the cross and it sits there mocking him on the head of the statue.

10/06/14 7:12:14

Doh Nutter Vote score: 24667Doh Nutter

Whenever they went to get sausages, Punch and Judy always fought over the Bill.

08/06/14 19:52:24

Pete  Vote score: 18533Pete

Truncheon Judy.

08/06/14 19:28:35

I admit, I had to google what the word "truncheon" meant! Very clever! --Amy Simcik
Gordon Bannerman Vote score: 4691Gordon Bannerman

Mass Breakout from Kellogg's factory

06/06/14 21:16:19

Walter Butler Vote score: 91Walter Butler

What China's new cannon lacked in accuracy was made up for by its near endless ammunition supply.

05/06/14 20:39:26

Helen Llamas Vote score: 933Helen Llamas

Jane was always the plane one.

27/05/14 19:24:03

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35547Ian Skelding

"We ordered lintels you idiot."

27/05/14 15:13:12

Ian Mclaren Vote score: 3528Ian Mclaren

Sleeping policemen don't slow traffic down so much as sleeping policewomen.

23/05/14 19:08:06

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35547Ian Skelding

Canjunctivitis

22/05/14 19:20:30

Mark England Vote score: 24370Mark England
"The bastard is still standing, Coleen. Throw another one and knock the rest of his teeth out."

20/05/14 19:01:03

Doh Nutter Vote score: 24667Doh Nutter

"So Mr Pistorius. You say you thought the Nolan Sisters were trying to burgle you?"

18/05/14 22:53:25

Chris Halliwell Vote score: 6238Chris Halliwell

I think he's looking for the paws button.

12/05/14 11:01:21

Ron  Allan Vote score: 5548Ron Allan

In the early spring many flocks of Goats fly back from their winter retreats and embark on a frantic search for secluded locations well away from Townships and high enough to deter the Wingless Suet Moth (their natural predator)
Large nests are then intricately constructed and equipped with small petrol driven incubators in which they can safely store their eggs, thus leaving them totally free for other pastimes such as crocheting Tea Cosies or Sudoku.
Towards the end of May many Goats have already welcomed their new hatchlings and celebrate this event by holding spectacular pyjama parties which inevitably include firework displays, talks on furniture restoration and skilful demonstrations of Rhubarb juggling...thus ensuring that the cycle of life continues.

11/05/14 21:08:37

I don't know what you have been smoking, but got any left? --John Glover
Karen Oakenfull Vote score: 3986Karen Oakenfull

Having just had two Bishop's Fingers, Brendan needed a drink.

09/05/14 8:02:16

After that he was Hob gobbling. --John Glover
Gayna Dee Vote score: 2981Gayna Dee

Hey Dude.. good to see you.. Pull up a Stool

08/05/14 21:14:18

John Llamas Vote score: 20904John Llamas

"Mrs Francis ...... we're going to let you back up now as there are some inspectors coming to the care home. Now remember, you have a sore throat and can't speak."

06/05/14 11:07:56

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