"His body may have gone, but his sole and spirit have gone to a wetter place."

30/10/14 12:15:24

A Fistful of Doners

22/10/14 7:01:00

"Careful guys, I think they're loaded."

07/02/15 8:54:34

Someone hadn't paid the mandatory entry fee to the Annual Whistleblowers Convention.

04/09/14 19:00:49

Albert Swinestein

24/08/14 20:14:10

Lester Piggout

15/10/14 11:00:10

lol

"Somme thing for the weekend, sir?"

03/09/14 22:03:16

lol

"Grandpa, what's a 69?" asked Jimmy after overhearing one of the swimmers' propositions.
"Oh, it's one of these but without the flake."

20/07/14 7:23:17

Her chances of survival were necks to nothing.

26/08/14 11:06:47

The fart jokes abruptly stopped when realisation set in that John had actually been dead for several hours.

12/11/14 12:44:33

Un-Dress Rehearsal

12/07/14 19:04:14

lol

This wasn't what he expected when he ordered the side order of naan.

03/09/14 14:36:06

After his attacker was taken to court, it was clear that she had no case.

16/07/14 7:32:55

Dragnet.

23/10/14 11:00:43

For Sale: Mobile with one previous owner, crack across screen.

16/07/17 19:01:09

Vandal-eyes

14/07/17 11:06:07

"And this a photo of me and my ex, Ray."

19/11/14 13:06:06

She was developing a smoker's coif.

23/10/14 11:00:12

"It's amazing. Her breath seems to follow you around the room."

12/10/14 7:01:36

"Ewe shall not pass!"

08/10/14 21:30:12

"Psst! Who invited the pig? I thought we were Jewish?"

08/09/14 7:01:04

As a dedicated art student, Adam spent most of his time in collage.

22/07/14 11:06:35

As the two younger men walked away, they could scarcely believe they had just been mugged and stripped by an old man and his grandson.

20/07/14 7:02:55

Alan felt quite dashing in his new suit.

23/11/14 21:28:38

"It's no use, Hector, no matter how many chin-ups I do, I just can't seem to beef up."

04/11/14 12:00:55

"Let her R.I.P.!"

11/09/14 7:02:43

"Chris, Chris. There he is, he's been copying captions."

(Nod to 21:10 ;))

04/09/14 23:04:54

Jeff's first child was delivered by sea section.

14/02/15 12:53:54

Chung was described in his dating profile as having a keen interest in water sports and a distinguishing sense of fashion.

15/11/14 9:43:52

Fountain of Youths

16/10/14 11:00:30

Neighbearhood Watch

09/10/14 7:00:23

Bird of Spray

28/09/14 19:02:17

lol

"Excuse me sir, do you have any idea what speed you were doing back there?"

26/09/14 23:11:29

Former Jimmy Saville impersonator opts for something that kids might find a little less scary.

23/09/14 11:00:45

The Brighton Bomber

08/08/14 21:51:38

"It's not the size of the portion, but what you do with it that counts."

08/08/14 10:17:56

Critics said that Ms. Perry was running thin on material these days.

09/07/14 12:12:46

In medieval times, it was custom to have one's enemies' faces carved into the toilet facilities thereby submitting them to the utmost humiliation while simultaneously having them kiss one's arse.

09/07/14 7:18:47

creative

Despite the stricter controls, Area 51 was still proving a popular destination for Martian stag dos.

26/02/15 20:24:37

"I didn't like it at first, but it's growing on me."

29/10/14 1:45:41

"We're gonna need another coat..."

23/10/14 19:07:44

"Be careful, here come a pair of bent coppers."

17/10/14 21:53:57

"I'm sorry, gentlemen, but it appears that the company has gone into administration and, frankly, we're all bust."

20/09/14 7:47:37

Much 'Airdo About Nothing

15/09/14 11:00:28

By the third day of the French Garlic and Cheese festival, desperate measures were needed.

03/09/14 21:57:59

"The lengths some people go to to get better wifi reception..."

03/09/14 11:24:47

When Adam promised that he would turn over a new leaf, Eve hadn't known that he'd meant a change of underwear.

23/07/14 11:12:58

Dave had gone into January's Ikea bedding sale with all the naivety of the average, sane, twenty-something year old man. He was lucky to come out alive.

16/07/14 7:07:17

"I know you're my twin sister and everything, but I do wish you weren't so negative."

11/11/14 12:21:04

"I don't know about you, but I'm bloody Frisian out here."
"I'm fine, I remembered to bring a Jersey with me."

30/10/14 11:01:03

"He might look friendly, but those are souvenirs from every tourist he's stabbed."

25/10/14 11:05:40

Peace and Goodwill to all Mankini

23/10/14 8:30:32

After weeks of painstaking skull and facial reconstruction, Time Team's new modeller admits to doing a little L.S.D. to take the edge off.

16/10/14 9:29:33

One day, Colin pumped up the air pressure in his tyres a little too far.

10/10/14 10:27:10

Parts of the U.S.A. have become extremely polarised.

06/10/14 9:42:38

"Oh no, not mower rain!"

09/09/14 11:00:17

A scene from the Moo Testament.

08/09/14 7:14:18

"Should have taken the Escher-later."

07/09/14 7:06:27

Just another New Cage religion?

31/08/14 18:35:02

Fatima wasn't even Islamic, she just had really bad halitosis.

12/08/14 8:18:07

Halfway through, Brian realised that he was totally screwed.

09/08/14 19:00:30

Help! Damson in Distress!

24/07/14 14:25:44

"I'm not convinced this product exists. It's only 20% proof."

11/10/14 21:28:29

"Next time this E.T. fucker comes back, I'm getting footage."

24/09/14 11:00:43

With so many cat photos, some are considering renaming the website caption.meow

23/09/14 0:33:11

"Now that's what I call Park and Ride."

21/09/14 11:00:22

Genghis Can

13/09/14 19:42:55

White Trailer Slash

11/09/14 21:16:46

For better or for Worz-el Gummidge.

08/09/14 23:26:30

Wreck'n'balls

06/09/14 7:00:30

She's clearly fed up waiting.

04/09/14 11:04:34

The council's newly installed paedo-trap sees another pervert behind bars.

09/08/14 19:06:22

Scarap Beetle

07/08/14 11:15:39

He was the local bone barrow donor.

29/07/14 9:32:49

After waking up one morning, he briefly remembered his girlfriend had given him an ultimatum about leaving his stuff all over the floor.

22/07/14 11:10:28

Womb Raider II: The Cradle of Life

15/07/14 1:04:54

"I'm sick of the lies, Steve, don't you know I can see straight through you?"

14/07/17 9:21:51

The motivations for this compliment are entirely transparent.

09/07/17 20:28:24

Tracey Emin hard at work on canvas.

26/02/15 12:38:41

"Please do not put hands inside bear traps."

26/11/14 11:58:11

"I'd wear my Donkey Kong ones, but they're full of ladders."

25/10/14 20:57:09

Top-storey writing with a big name, what more could you want?

(Nod to 08:12:05)

16/07/17 7:12:29

The kid might not be the best graffiti artist in the neighbourhood, but he managed to draw a few eyes nonetheless

14/07/17 11:23:38

"We ought to have been more suspicious of the Ryanair river cruise."

13/07/17 20:36:10

When I heard she had legs all the way up to her chin, I thought they were exaggerating.

01/07/17 11:06:24

Denise was beginning to have doubts about hiring a Personal Sherpa.

14/11/14 22:46:13

"How much did that dog pee on the widow?"

29/10/14 13:25:43

WAG and Bone Cart

22/10/14 23:15:19

The streets were suddenly a lot quieter after the traffic cops started using real bullets in their speed guns.

14/10/14 23:20:49

"Trust me, feathers will fry."

13/10/14 23:28:49

Residents had started to complain that the street lamps were a bit faint.

11/10/14 11:05:16

"Psst, don't tell them that it's me voting for all the dog pics."
"Lol!"

09/10/14 20:29:21

Sleep and Sour Chicken

02/10/14 11:16:28

With his snazzy new umbrella and cane, he'd never been a sherpa dresser.

26/09/14 22:35:24

Despite their movie success, Lady and the Tramp are still refused entry to fine dining establishments.

22/09/14 11:26:28

creative

It was a little strange, but Jan's neighbours eventually got used to living next door to a taxidermist.

17/09/14 8:31:45

The school's Orwellian attitude to teaching was often criticised.

24/08/14 21:53:14

Not only were they in the same band, but they were also step-brothers.

21/08/14 11:05:28

Their new uniforms were a bit See-Thru-PO.

03/08/14 19:05:21

"I just let the kids have free range of the garden."

03/08/14 18:04:35

The Grazer's Edge

24/07/14 7:12:52

"Wanna come back to my pad?"

15/07/14 1:16:43

Bored Walk Empire

08/07/14 12:50:46

Lumberjill

19/07/17 12:41:37

When it came to the school photo, the teachers were worse than the students.

18/07/17 19:17:28

At least his four years in art school weren't wasted...

25/02/15 22:36:14

As far as they were concerned, tiddlywinks was still a real man's game.

16/11/14 18:30:53

"I'm sorry, Rajeev, but I've found someone else. As much as I love our days in the park, sharing our sandwiches and our mutual taste in ties, I've decided that I need to move on. Although you'll no longer be my bank manager, know that I will always love you."

15/11/14 12:00:27

Miss Scarlett, in the Hallway, with the hammer.

13/11/14 23:59:15

"Meat the wife."

05/11/14 11:01:07

"9999 bottles of booze on the line, 9999 bottles of booze..."

09/10/14 11:02:41

A Whiter Shade of Scale

04/10/14 19:13:21

Short Focus

24/09/14 11:02:55

"He looks terrifying, but he's a big It at children's parties."

23/09/14 11:08:02

It was a little known fact, but at the weekends he was known as Busty Keaton.

19/09/14 8:59:25

"Help! Is anyone here a meteorologist?"

16/09/14 19:02:15

The Last Chapter of the Hells Angels Motorcycle Club.

11/09/14 7:00:35

A very bad moon rising.

09/09/14 23:37:57

creative x2

Mathematically speaking, the children's play area is 2 x pi x r x h.

09/09/14 7:47:38

When he realised she had pick-pocketed him, he felt such a dummy.

09/09/14 0:59:05

The Munch-ewe-rian Candidate?

05/09/14 21:36:21

A Toon-like Malice

05/09/14 21:33:48

As head waitress, it was her job to oversee all customer orders.

04/09/14 11:03:15

Home Dentistry Kit

30/08/14 10:41:57

"For the safety of other passengers, please place your bags of arrows in the overhead locker."

27/08/14 11:11:50

"You know that little fish that can swim right up a man's urethra? I think I just found one."

15/08/14 21:52:22

Spiderman vs Food

15/08/14 7:51:48

A face-painter's nightmare.

12/08/14 8:20:52

"Must've been taken with long exposure."

09/08/14 8:54:24

A Nice Cup of Ko-Kodak

07/08/14 10:14:17

On market day the town was always filled with street pedallers.

06/08/14 11:18:56

"Darling, I think your penis is showing."
"Sorry sweetie, they can see right up my skirt."

05/08/14 13:57:17

Scott's ex-wife wanted half of everything in their divorce settlement.

05/08/14 8:55:31

Old Gregor was awarded first prize in the category of Most Lifelike Garden Gnome.

01/08/14 7:30:46

And that, Johnny, is the best way to pick up sailors...

20/07/14 7:04:50

The puppets were generally unpopular with the other toys as they were all stuck up.

17/07/14 11:30:42

Genuine muppets for knock-down prices! No strings attached!

17/07/14 11:01:10

"No running by the pool!"

17/07/14 7:06:15

"Help! I can't feel my legs!"

15/07/14 11:13:35

"Would you like a nosebag with that, sir?"

15/10/14 11:00:54

"He calls it his G.I.L.F. buggy."

14/10/14 11:02:37

"Scary? It's bloody petrifying!"

14/10/14 9:40:23

Spark and fried.

11/10/14 9:48:53

Laura couldn't swallow the tablet, so her doctor gave her a suppository instead.

10/10/14 21:52:58

The love egg lady checks out the 12:00 caption on caption.me.

10/10/14 21:51:32

...please leave them in view outside your car for easy access.

-Thank you
Thief

09/10/14 7:01:23

Gupta enjoyed giving out fruit to the humans that came to visit and watching them try to eat.

08/10/14 10:30:29

Pac Gran

05/10/14 19:00:18

"Something tells me that you two have the monopoly on this child leashing business."

05/10/14 7:19:00

Footage from this year's Conservative Party Conference.

05/10/14 7:01:16

Rumor had it that she was a live wire in bed.

04/10/14 18:14:45

"She's got Amp-le charm."

04/10/14 18:14:00

Death of an Ales Man

04/10/14 7:24:00

An early combined alarm clock and messaging system.

02/10/14 11:16:07

Signs of a Poe Neighbourhood.

01/10/14 11:48:43

Quality Street Wrapper

30/09/14 11:36:58

Nigerian millionaire businessman disappointed once again as he discovers that no one has responded to his emails.

28/09/14 17:18:08

"OMG, I can't believe I ate this huge lollipop.."

24/09/14 9:57:32

Slam Dump

20/09/14 12:09:45

The professor had always been a bright spark with incendiary ideas.

18/09/14 7:36:35

Sadly, the only trace they ever found of Wally was his glasses.

10/09/14 7:00:49

The kids knew playtime was over when they heard the tubular bell.

09/09/14 7:57:24

All Ewe Can Eat Chinese

05/09/14 21:34:24

"I got it cheap, it was going in a fire sale."

31/08/14 19:12:34

That little blackened dress.

31/08/14 19:04:57

The university's chair of chemistry never failed to get a reaction.

28/08/14 22:16:07

The visiting German physicist was quickly given the nickname Herr Crazy.

28/08/14 22:12:40

"They've been feeding from the Tit Modern."

25/08/14 10:30:07

The City of the Dammed

21/08/14 8:38:35

"And this float is a reminder against the dangers of venereal diseases."

13/08/14 7:08:04

Corner Shot

12/08/14 13:06:02

Dave thought that his Sky package and line rental were a bit of a let down.

06/08/14 11:05:30

When it came to fertiliser, Joseph liked to use his own manure.

01/08/14 7:15:02

"He'll be Crowley in no time."

31/07/14 9:19:31

"They say the child's mother is a sponger."

30/07/14 11:14:10

"I don't like the look of this place."

30/07/14 11:08:32

# Just saw a woman with the stupidest hat! OMG LMAO! #

25/07/14 22:19:42

Hitchcock's version of Scooby Doo

20/07/14 21:23:39

Everyone agreed that Jennifer's new boyfriend was simply the beast.

19/07/14 20:45:50

The sculptures were all hand-made.

17/07/14 21:29:05

Ashes to ashes

(nod to 20:03)

16/07/14 21:24:36

Street Bums

13/07/14 20:21:46

In an embarrassing public display of conventional wisdom, it was confirmed that white elephants can't jump.

11/07/14 7:42:53

When it came to hide and seek, Benny was always a barrel of halfs.

09/07/14 7:20:38

Holding her shotgun in the other hand, Goldilocks stepped disdainfully over the dead bodies of the bear family to claim the sweet porridge of victory.

07/07/14 12:36:41

Fred realised too late that he had not, in fact, applied for the popular TV show 'Four in a Bed', but something else entirely.

23/06/14 11:20:18

Hat's the way to Nelson's calumny.

22/06/14 21:33:35

Bernard Matthews' fast food.

21/07/17 19:47:06

Winner of "Breast in Show"

16/07/17 11:03:48

From the looks of it, it'll be wall-to-wall action.

16/07/17 7:04:34

Queue for the Banana Boat Ride

02/07/17 12:24:43

Gladys always thought her husband's looks improved when looking through the bottom of a glass.

24/02/15 12:44:09

PC Plop

11/02/15 11:33:25

Don of the Planet of the Apes

21/11/14 23:02:38

"Come back Catwoman! What do you mean you're scared of water!"

18/11/14 12:20:30

"C'mon Kumar, just one go on the swings. It's our lunch break!"

15/11/14 12:02:46

Pile Drivers

05/11/14 12:12:24

A Total Car-tastophe

05/11/14 12:00:23

"She's just soiled herself."

(apologies to 09:11)

31/10/14 11:38:14

"My runners are coming along nicely."

31/10/14 11:36:30