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Steve Hann

signed up: 9 years, 9 months ago
profile viewed: 4 time(s) this week
caption quota: 10
votes given since joining: 516
super vote quota: 6

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Forty something. Fat. Father of two. .... I'm not selling this well am I?

Location: Coulsdon

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captions

It's just a figure of speech.

17/07/12 20:07:56

A trip round the penisular

18/02/14 8:01:10

Branson Pickle

24/10/12 8:08:14

Alan finally came out of the closet.

29/09/11 11:00:17

Jobcentre Plus reviewing his Inca-pacity Benefit.

12/06/13 8:18:06

No problem, took me a while to remember which one it was. Hopefully Chris will let us know what happened. --Mr Blonde

I hate to complain but I think you overcharged me.

15/03/12 11:20:38

The relationship was doomed due to the huge language barrier.

27/01/12 11:19:21

In my defence all I said was "Full head of hair, my own teeth and slightly cuddly" Let's be honest, your profile pic ain't that recent either.

16/08/12 21:39:41

Good crop, bad crop.

16/07/12 13:14:11

A moving ceremony.

19/08/11 11:00:09

The young Jedi checking on his light-saver account

15/06/13 8:22:32

It was whipped from right under their noses.

18/08/11 18:10:56

Hi ho.
Erm... hi, but I prefer the term "working girl".

26/10/11 7:39:27

Back Adder

25/09/11 11:00:54

Double breasted jackets are all the rage.

13/08/14 8:01:37

Just popping down the red light district for a tug.

15/11/12 8:09:51

Dave was feeling perky today.

15/08/12 9:03:48

No, I said "can you tape My Family please?". It's on BBC1 at 7 O'clock

30/09/11 11:11:50

Surfing UAE

23/08/11 11:00:47

Gran Prix

22/08/11 11:00:07

Demenstruation

13/12/12 9:17:25

Dat's a priority seat love, and I don't believe you is really blind.

15/10/12 8:49:47

Striker light

23/07/12 11:01:29

One of the signs on this shop needs to be removed. Blatant copy!

21/05/12 11:57:43

01/10/11 11:27:39

21/09/12 12:07:03

14/08/12 9:32:20

09/08/12 11:08:48

Continuing the human race.

17/05/12 11:40:42

After chucking spears Justin decided to move on.

29/08/11 11:21:52

Rein dance.

04/08/11 12:03:10

When Katie discovered she could pee standing up it was one of those Urethra moments.

12/07/11 7:47:01

Total arshole

04/07/12 11:00:10

Strip Lamp

18/03/12 20:01:15

Ginger dead man.

23/11/11 11:59:32

Muuummmy, I've got a sticky backspace again.

06/10/11 17:42:54

He'd always suffered from a reptile disfunction.

25/09/11 11:04:20

05/08/11 11:02:40

20/07/11 11:45:25

23/06/11 11:02:32

20/06/11 11:02:48

Anne Frank wasn't as well hidden as she'd thought

03/03/11 17:16:35

"I wish I hadn't eaten that last supper" moaned Lisa.

05/04/12 11:35:56

After 122 years the dog had heard enough of his master's voice.

07/10/11 11:33:37

Puppetual Motion

04/10/11 11:57:49

Hoisted by her own placard.

31/07/11 11:15:31

Wrong way to Tippa fairy.

19/07/11 11:25:56

A sign for deep-sea drivers

29/06/11 11:22:39

The Great Terrier Reef

09/06/11 11:29:40

On the left we have a cheeky Chardonnay, the right a full-bodied red-head and in the middle a birdeaux

01/02/11 12:30:58

It was raining datsun cogs.

24/01/11 11:49:50

Grapple Mac

20/12/10 11:12:24

Max Mosley's proposal for the new 2013 pit-crews

26/10/12 8:43:15

Buenos Aires Passenger Ferry - AKA The Argy Bargy

16/08/12 10:19:44

I see what they did there. Cunning linguists.

28/05/12 21:14:18

Hello, is that the prosthetics clinic? I'm looking for a leg-to-stand-on. You do? Oh good, because I uploaded a pic to the worlds largest photo sharing site that requires no login and any of the seven billion people on this planet are free to download it and guess what? One of the little buggers has! I'm feeling postal I tell ya.

09/03/12 12:55:04

I feel like I've dyed and gone to Starbucks.

27/10/11 22:25:57

Testes Match.

20/08/11 11:50:33

Flame grilled Whopper

15/08/11 11:06:15

This time the fan's really going to hit the shit.

28/07/11 11:29:43

Star spangled banger.

25/07/11 11:41:04

Silver Surfer

03/07/11 11:40:22

Her attempts at manicuring were admiral.

07/06/11 13:19:31

Energy drink

13/05/11 11:09:25

Tiers of a clown.

06/05/11 11:15:20

Artisand

28/03/11 11:24:01

The girls hope Woody and Buzz live up to their names.

12/01/11 14:59:36

Cervix with a smile.

08/01/11 11:29:08

Bloomin' boil-in-the-bag supper again.

29/10/10 11:38:57

Who do you think you are, Starling Mosque?

24/10/10 11:51:48

Apertunity knots

13/06/13 8:18:44

Orcastrated procedure

28/02/13 8:07:00

Killer moves.

28/02/13 8:04:08

Search your felines, you know it to be true.

29/10/12 13:35:13

The Best Little Warehouse in Texas

15/10/12 12:22:35

Overdrawn again

14/10/12 8:26:05

Digital Marketing

12/10/12 8:25:35

McDusa

17/09/12 14:14:38

A little less conversation, a little more traction.

18/07/12 11:03:41

Hung, drawn and quartet

17/07/12 11:09:30

"Come and suck Mummy's cock" was the last thing you wanted to hear in prison.

15/07/12 22:25:27

Gap Boy Slim

27/05/12 21:12:15

Damn... I think I left the iron on.

22/05/12 21:47:13

Chelsea's flower show.

14/05/12 12:27:17

I look up to him because he is class A...

13/03/12 11:00:11

His nemesis is The Piddler

05/02/12 11:08:52

It's a dog e-dog world.

11/11/11 11:03:54

Page boys.

10/10/11 20:00:07

They were all set to vibrate

24/09/11 11:01:07

It takes off okay but it disneyland.

Nod to 11.02

10/09/11 11:11:06

The first rule about fat club is you don't talk about fat club.

01/09/11 11:26:14

Mum, I think it's time to move on from the booze aisle.

14/06/11 11:35:30

I think we'll call him Spot.

05/04/11 11:36:00

Ugly�

30/01/11 17:18:06

Too late, just stopped off at the budget pregnancy centre a few miles back.

10/01/11 11:11:28

What a lovely mugshot.

01/11/10 18:42:04

This must be the carpool lane.

31/10/10 13:05:04

Big Trouble in Little China

27/10/10 11:04:32

Sphere weather warning.

08/10/10 11:06:21

On an official visit to Finland it turned out that Lap Dancing wasn't some boring folk-dance from Lapland after all. Things are looking up for the next stop in Poland.

21/08/13 20:36:00

Multi-story car parts.

24/02/13 8:04:47

Ooh look, it's snowing outside. I'll update my Facebook status for all of my friends that don't have a window of their own.

Nod to all the tossers that, for some reason, think I'm the least bit interested in some frozen H2O that has fallen on their sorry little patches.

05/12/12 23:41:21

Next door is The Lone Star Skate

28/11/12 9:41:31

I once had dinner with a Polar Bear

27/10/12 12:01:23

After years of working both underground and overground Uncle Bulgaria used this to keep his wombling free.

27/10/12 9:16:30

In Grimsby, it was an effective way of keeping the seagulls away from the trawler boats.

26/10/12 20:38:09

Tales from the Crypt

23/09/12 1:32:06

The cost of living in Holland was quite a revelation to me.

04/02/12 20:35:30

Mike regretted having his stag-do the night before the wedding.

01/02/12 20:21:58

Mummy... I think I�ve worked this out. If Daddy takes five shiny pennies, you take five shiny pennies and Billy and I only take three shiny pennies each, we�re still going to get fucked by the revenue when we submit this tax-return next week.

26/01/12 20:00:14

Kingdergarten

26/01/12 11:00:09

Whore sin sauce anyone?

20/09/11 20:11:36

Lady Gooddiver

14/09/11 11:09:40

Windy Miller

26/08/11 11:32:20

Once a month Chris Beach donned his lynching outfit and taught a captioneer a lesson about superfluous exclamation marks. (!!!)

10/08/11 17:50:25

Suzie established that her breath was fine... but her hand stunk.

02/07/11 11:41:00

Neonderthal Man

25/05/11 13:29:31

Golden Receder

24/05/11 11:50:12

Yes, I am going commando.

04/05/11 14:02:56

What? You wanted to see me in a micro-mini.

17/03/11 11:42:14

Some say he has an identical twin, all we know is he's called the...

13/03/11 19:16:32

Mad cow disease doesn't worry me... I'm a squirrel!

23/02/11 21:19:43

Urine the West Country.

16/02/11 11:46:50

One more dwarf to catch and Snow White would finally have the place to herself.

07/02/11 18:15:43

"Extreme Twister" tonight on Sky Sports 15.

21/01/11 11:48:37

I got it from Timberland.
Really, which branch?

23/11/10 11:52:44

You scratch my Bach....

19/11/10 11:48:28

Kindergarten Cop

27/10/10 11:00:46

Bouncer at the 2010 Pie Rating competition

18/10/10 12:55:42

Mock Tudor?

12/09/10 11:47:04

She's wearing that crop-top again.

15/08/17 12:02:54

A very Lidl customer

20/02/15 8:19:38

Boy: Look, I've got one of these!
Girl: Yes but with one of these I can get as many of those as I want!

29/09/10 21:50:32

It's ironic really, I used to be a log.

11/09/10 16:04:29

Most people knew how much Chris hated the superfluous exclamation mark... but this time he'd gone too far (!)

09/09/10 8:06:52

Cowardly Lion scarpered when he saw what Dorothy had done to Tin Man and Scarecrow.

08/09/10 13:20:06

Here's the number for my tailor... blue togas are sooooo BC!

02/09/10 21:48:40

That Lara Croft's really let herself go these days.

07/06/13 9:05:16

Carpark

17/12/12 8:15:48

Just admit that your profile pic is twenty years old and I'll let you go.

14/12/12 12:03:23

I've gritted my teeth but it hasn't helped.

01/11/12 23:21:32

Is that a gun in your pocket?
Nomadic

06/09/12 8:15:06

The first Eastern European athletes arrive at the Olympic village.

12/07/12 22:35:40

The new forklift driver's heart wasn't in it. He was just going through the motions.

09/07/12 20:16:09

I want to die peacefully in my sleep just like Grandad... not kicking and screaming like his passengers.

Nod to goodness knows who from twenty years ago!

12/06/12 22:14:40

She bought the attachment for �50. It wasn't her first bargain bucket.

22/05/12 11:04:20

Listen sweetheart, it's your life and you can make your own decisions... but are you sure you really love him?

08/05/12 12:38:16

Fruit Chute

30/04/12 11:49:58

It was one of those Hamlet Moments.

19/03/12 11:47:47

His first Mickey Mouse wristwatch was a wind up.

12/03/12 8:36:19

Shall we go Dutch?

04/02/12 20:26:03

Fancy a spit-roast?

11/12/11 18:35:24

She looks lovely but I heard she has crabs.

11/10/11 12:00:14

Going to work with a spring in his step.

26/09/11 11:04:32

Rekindled passion

24/09/11 11:00:09

Where's you bin?
erm, to the shops.
No, where's you wheelie bin?
Okay, okay, I've been down the pub.

23/09/11 12:01:27

It made a change from the canal knowledge he was used to

20/09/11 12:09:12

Screen dump.

16/09/11 11:06:24

Man and nature, completely Nsync

29/08/11 11:15:23

ooh ooh, The Birdie Song, my favourite.

10/08/11 12:25:33

I've got an itch that I just can't reach.

29/07/11 11:00:06

The doc had a cavalier attitude towards medical procedures.

27/07/11 11:24:30

Where wolf?

26/07/11 11:00:07

If the wedding was anything to go by this should be a pretty stable marriage

15/07/11 11:12:39

Playing the glockandpeel

23/06/11 11:15:42

Have you got another coin? Apparently it takes two for Tango.

08/06/11 11:01:20

Everyone knew Nigel having gin for breakfast was the slippery slope.

03/06/11 12:37:17

erm, sorry about that... someone said it was Dagobah, turns out it was just a Tapas restaurant.

20/05/11 12:07:16

Caught between a rock and a large plaice.

18/05/11 11:54:03

Have they got guns in their pockets...?

16/05/11 17:30:58

Vamputee

09/04/11 11:55:48

What's black & white and eats like a horse?

05/04/11 11:24:18

Duck a l'orange.

29/03/11 11:12:02

Watch the birdie

19/03/11 12:33:54

New age bed ouin traveller

18/03/11 11:50:27

The pay's rubbish but I love the uniform, I get my own mat and the boss knows exactly how to press my buttons.

09/03/11 11:34:30

Looks like you've blown a head-gasket mate.

07/03/11 12:37:53

Gash in the Attic.

03/03/11 17:04:17

On paper it looked like the best stag night ever.

14/02/11 11:29:29

I really DID create Windows 7.

09/02/11 21:45:48

It's unusual, Mr Smith, but you have athlete's cheek.

21/01/11 11:56:41

Daryl Nannah

09/01/11 12:45:13

Marc Bolan ignored the "ghost of Christmas yet to come" at his peril.

31/12/10 12:36:09

For the other 51 weeks Santa employed a skeleton staff

26/12/10 13:10:38

When I booked this cruise they said I'd be going on safari.

21/12/10 11:31:45

I bet you wish you'd voted for upcoming photos now.

02/12/10 11:16:16

She had the universe in the palm of her hand, then she just blew it all away.

01/12/10 11:23:05

He'd been really canine it through the country lanes.

30/11/10 17:48:35

No mate, trust me, she's definitely NOT waving at you.

29/11/10 22:42:27

"...98, 99, 100. Coming, ready or not!" shouted flat-chested, hairy-faced Mary.

28/11/10 11:33:20

neighbourhood SWATs scheme

17/11/10 11:10:51

The breast photo on the whole site, bra none!

13/11/10 11:05:31

By far the best looking Beach we've seen on this site.

13/11/10 11:03:43

It's a bit nippy here today.

13/11/10 11:02:37

and I was like whoah, and she was like yeah, and I was like totally

06/11/10 11:11:38

It seems the estimated figure of 101 was rather inflated.

04/11/10 11:12:33

I can't hold him back any longer... have you finished that damn fence?

02/11/10 17:26:48

Did you remember to put the fish out of the way of the cat?

02/11/10 17:25:13

Captioneer pays the price for pissing herself laughing too much.

31/10/10 11:28:08

What a dive!

28/10/10 18:18:28

more captions

last comments (total: 71)

a golden oldie

phil mcavity

13/06/12
8:57am

comment on caption:
I want to die peacefully in my sleep just like Grandad... not kicking and screaming like his passengers.

Nod to goodness knows who from twenty years ago! [Steve Hann]

Arguably, Argie bargees are largely the best bargees, bar none.

Michael Winner

16/08/12
10:24am

comment on caption:
Buenos Aires Passenger Ferry - AKA The Argy Bargy [Steve Hann]

F Mackay

15/10/12
9:42am

comment on caption:
Dat's a priority seat love, and I don't believe you is really blind. [Steve Hann]

Did you share a bowl of Frosties? on your Icy Date.

Neil Mackenzie

27/10/12
12:08pm

comment on caption:
I once had dinner with a Polar Bear [Steve Hann]

SW fan giveaway

Lee Hauxwell

29/10/12
10:16pm

comment on caption:
Search your felines, you know it to be true. [Steve Hann]

(caption author)

30/10/12
6:53pm

comment on caption:
Search your felines, you know it to be true. [Steve Hann]

I know we were a picture down on wednesday night, but are we missing the photo that followed this one on the lunchtime slot ...if so i have absolutely no memory of it.

Chris Brooks

15/06/13
10:22am

comment on caption:
Jobcentre Plus reviewing his Inca-pacity Benefit. [Steve Hann]

We've lost the photo of the 5 guys and a tiger on the motorbike. Probably either because of a request from the photographer to take it off or a glitch with the site. I don't recall anything offensive about any of the captions so don't know why the photo would need to be taken off.

Mr Blonde

15/06/13
6:30pm

comment on caption:
Jobcentre Plus reviewing his Inca-pacity Benefit. [Steve Hann]

Thanks Mr B. I just couldn't remember the photo, the old memory not as good as it once was.

Chris Brooks

15/06/13
6:41pm

comment on caption:
Jobcentre Plus reviewing his Inca-pacity Benefit. [Steve Hann]

No problem, took me a while to remember which one it was. Hopefully Chris will let us know what happened.

Mr Blonde

15/06/13
6:45pm

comment on caption:
Jobcentre Plus reviewing his Inca-pacity Benefit. [Steve Hann]

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Steve Hann

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last comments (total: 71)

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