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Ian Mclaren

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Retired.Live in the festival City of Edinburgh surrounded by Haggis,Whisky and bagpipes.

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captions

lol x2

All those who want to learn how to swim put your hands up.

17/08/14 19:04:37

creative x3

Ani-mating.

20/03/13 13:19:15

"see 12:13:43 and 12:47:38" Aw c'mon, thats very nit picky? ani-mating is a play on shagging, the other two don't make the 'mate' part of animate meaning anything other than it's original meaning. --Spud Gunn

lol

Ladies in waiting.

06/04/14 11:01:29

Jugs like that.

02/12/12 20:07:27

Better call a joiner.

10/06/12 10:00:32

Five miles to the galleon.

16/05/12 19:03:15

Hanging Gardens of Boobylon.

01/09/14 11:02:00

Good throw Sir,you keep what you ring,take her home.

22/08/12 7:48:55

It's abattoir day tomorrow girls,want to buy one of my nine lives.

17/06/13 11:10:26

Girls? They're cows ... hehe(unless you are from Hull in which case "Girls? They're supermodels ... hehe") --Spud Gunn

Nobelt prize winners.

07/06/14 19:08:15

There's no such thing as an ugly millionaire.

26/07/12 10:02:40

It's from your wife,she wants a divorce.

31/05/12 19:05:28

Walls have gears.

05/05/12 19:02:38

Little squirt.

30/12/11 11:00:59

This way for a Jolly Rogering.

13/11/11 11:02:54

Don't speak to him dear I know his type.

03/07/14 11:38:02

Man-hat-on-avenue.

05/06/14 8:16:35

Mary is between a rock and a hard place.

14/03/12 20:47:40

"It's always good to meet another mason.

11/07/14 19:04:33

Sleeping policemen don't slow traffic down so much as sleeping policewomen.

23/05/14 19:08:06

Workers look in vein for the gas leak.

13/04/14 12:00:55

If I can catch you Sir I suggest you give up Formula One racing.

21/05/13 19:02:42

Soup of the gay.

09/04/13 11:19:13

What's for the main course, mince? --Paul Woolley

creative

As always politicians turn their backs on the truth.

07/01/13 12:05:40

Disc Jock-ey.

05/10/12 11:04:33

Tim Foil.

10/05/12 10:02:03

Joe has worked hard all his life to keep a roof over their heads.

11/06/14 8:09:30

Well where do you think the white smoke comes from.

24/03/13 12:15:22

Guns 4 higher.

12/08/12 19:01:03

Half hay house.

30/07/12 10:07:30

Working flat out.

11/07/12 19:08:55

Get out and don't come back until you're drunk.

05/06/14 11:03:23

The door is wide open I bet it's a honey trap.

17/05/14 19:26:20

I think this prisoner is past his cell by date.

18/02/14 12:13:37

Unfortunately Tom was a leg man.

29/05/13 11:24:50

No I do NOT take plastic.

06/04/13 19:07:35

Turbot charged.

24/02/13 20:05:55

Chest freezer.

17/11/12 20:02:58

Newcastle under lager and lime.

12/05/12 10:09:11

Pass me that encylopedia Doris,I've got a bit of swatting to do.

31/08/11 10:07:51

Light reading.

29/08/14 11:02:48

I should have guessed that at just £5 the Speed Dating would be below average.

13/07/14 11:06:08

Bed of ales.

14/06/14 19:00:40

Be careful my crown's a bit loose.

23/04/14 11:02:50

Who is that big guy at the end of the queue?.....It's Desperate Dan.

28/03/14 20:09:14

Every army base has an orderly room and a mess.

02/11/13 12:03:08

Solly no understand...only speak Mandarin.

25/07/13 19:06:39

Seems like something he'd actually say. I do like word play but enjoy it more when the captions flow from the character. Nice job! --Greg Curtis

The nuns make a big effort for Ash Wednesday.

24/03/13 12:02:50

Arson.

12/02/13 20:01:36

Arson fire? --Michael Monkhouse

Roger is very shelf conscious.

06/01/13 12:04:58

Circumvision.

18/12/12 20:06:01

The postman never rings twice.

07/09/12 19:08:28

Peek district.

06/07/12 10:05:36

Rear window.

23/06/12 10:00:27

Flower tot.

14/05/12 10:47:20

He wins Spot the Ball every time.

13/05/12 10:08:31

"Hello is that the Hilton hotel? Good you make me a reservation please."

14/08/14 7:45:51

Springfellows night club.

11/08/14 15:07:25

We're doing a merger with The Body Shop.

18/05/14 19:03:26

I spy with my little eye something beginning with MH37......

16/03/14 12:03:49

Sorry Sir I don't care who your father is you can't walk naked along the High Street with that cross.

11/11/13 12:03:30

I hope you come quietly.

17/08/13 11:12:16

Monster Raving Loony party annual conference.

07/02/13 12:02:48

14/01/13 12:04:33

25/09/12 11:04:50

03/09/12 11:00:51

04/07/12 10:04:49

OK love, I've found the problem......Switch on.

08/01/12 20:03:39

Creature from the Black Saloon.

25/11/11 11:38:44

Splash Gordon.

26/09/11 10:08:38

Nicker Bobby Glory.

18/08/11 10:02:05

"Come in boat number 9.".."We don't have a boat number 9."..."Then boat number 6 is in trouble."

13/08/11 10:16:19

Antiques Road Show.

12/09/14 11:05:02

"Waiter there's a fly in my pasta."

08/08/14 8:28:47

"I'll get you to the church on time dear the next bus is due in 22 minutes."

25/06/14 11:05:03

The driver was mortarfied.

16/04/14 11:10:43

Hookers this way.

20/01/14 12:02:07

Eye came Eye saw Eye concreted.

18/10/13 19:17:48

Join the revolution.

20/06/13 7:53:11

Trojan Norse.

29/04/13 11:02:35

Fish and pips.

26/02/13 20:05:03

Cyril prevents another Wall Street crash.

06/10/12 11:18:23

"Do you get much sex these days Betty?"......"Infrequently"......"Is that one word or two?"

17/08/12 11:53:47

I don't fancy yours......or mine.

27/07/12 10:02:52

Egg poacher.

17/04/12 10:08:34

For Sale.....Recently detached villa.

14/12/11 11:05:54

OK so you were dumped by a girl with a big top,but I believe her flat mate is very nice.

21/10/11 11:14:55

What do you mean...wrong pub.

05/10/11 11:02:03

This week's missing captions turn up.

23/09/11 10:10:36

Police order take away.

24/08/11 10:06:47

The grapes of Cath.

24/07/14 11:02:18

Don't worry I don't want any food...I'm stuffed.

17/05/14 19:05:07

Take a tip from the Grim Reaper.

05/05/14 7:54:49

I've never tried a Wotsit but I'll have a stab at one.

06/04/14 19:06:58

Dulux dog.

28/02/14 12:07:41

There's no such thing as an ugly billionaire.

05/06/13 19:03:38

Stringfellows.

04/06/13 11:02:49

Suspendered animation.

30/03/13 12:02:05

Some nuns just can't give up the habit.

24/03/13 12:06:22

Dead beat.

02/02/13 20:40:11

Beware of OA Pickpockets.

01/02/13 12:03:49

Army exercise.

31/01/13 20:02:27

Ann Summers is branching out.

30/12/12 20:06:42

The paparazzi plumb-it to new depths.

30/12/12 12:04:38

The sad hatter.

28/12/12 12:01:11

Muppets on a string.

13/12/12 20:01:35

Wicked witch of the North pole.

08/12/12 20:02:48

01/12/12 12:06:56

24/11/12 20:04:46

16/11/12 20:08:33

26/10/12 11:01:30

13/10/12 11:03:47

What do you mean ...wrong building.

11/09/12 19:02:36

Boy that was SOME honeymoon.

25/08/12 8:07:18

Man hat an busker.

12/08/12 10:09:04

I think we've pooled.

19/07/12 10:04:39

A quickie?........You must be joking.

05/07/12 10:17:01

Top of the stares.

29/06/12 19:09:27

Amazing face.

23/06/12 19:04:01

A quick kiss will shutter up.

24/05/12 10:05:40

Golden shot.

19/05/12 19:01:36

In vest igator.

16/05/12 14:09:42

A little Sheikh of the reins.

29/04/12 10:04:30

DOWN WITH CAPITALISM.

Closed for ten minutes.

Gone to collect our benefits.

05/03/12 20:27:44

Red Admiral on the bridge.

24/01/12 20:17:31

Sheila had always fancied her husband's half brother.

19/12/11 11:49:35

We're making a stand for dolphins.

12/12/11 20:05:44

The butterfly knew he was cornered.

16/10/11 12:23:43

At Heathrow this guy can park four planes at once.

26/08/11 10:01:32

The toll bridge charges less for two wheelers.

23/08/11 10:01:40

I don't care who your father is,you can't drag that cross through my garden.

21/08/11 10:01:36

"Nice of these Germans to get up so early and leave their towels for us."

26/09/14 11:07:17

Too small.........Just perfect................Oh No.

27/08/14 7:30:35

Sleeper walking.

26/08/14 19:02:09

I've ordered five loaves,two fishes and five thousand cases of lager.

16/06/14 19:15:13

Fighting on the front line is a great cure for constipation.

30/05/14 11:04:06

I told you this path led to a dead end.

24/05/14 7:06:50

Due to falling congregations these guys are surplice to requirements.

23/05/14 11:06:36

Open the window you ugly bastard.

28/04/14 9:56:29

Beauty is in the eye of the boulder.

13/04/14 8:20:52

... Or beer holder. --Michael Monkhouse

One is amused.

10/04/14 7:59:11

Well it sure beats Marmite.

19/02/14 12:11:34

The Romeo and Juliet balcony scene was most disappointing.

05/11/13 13:09:45

Snake in the grasp.

26/08/13 19:04:09

"That's not a hammerhead shark."....."No but it soon will be."

09/07/13 11:02:13

Bakers dozing.

02/07/13 19:02:02

I've never seen Blackpool so quiet.

19/04/13 11:04:09

Donald buys two donuts,one to eat and one to sit on......piles can be very painful.

29/03/13 12:17:06

Susan was very fond of Sam but his feelings ran hot and cold.

21/03/13 12:05:00

Don't stop me now,I'm on a roll.

25/02/13 12:04:50

Careful guys it's a repeater.

19/12/12 12:06:56

No one's going to fork out much for that.

12/11/12 12:03:45

Payroll.

14/10/12 19:01:14

Four wheeled drys.

28/09/12 19:13:31

I'm with the Woolwich.

10/08/12 19:20:40

Insectasside.

29/07/12 10:03:31

Step brothers.

28/06/12 19:02:35

Amsterdam has the porn market cornered.

21/05/12 10:19:03

Jane will do anything to hide her spare tyre.

19/03/12 20:14:18

OK son just a few more yards I'll let go,then your on your own.

16/03/12 20:06:31

Sale of the centenarian.

12/01/12 11:38:00

Would you buy a second hand caption from this man?

26/11/11 11:05:08

Chris is making these photos too difficult,I'll skip this one.

11/11/11 20:31:25

I thought you'd be pleased about me buying the flat next door for mother.

09/11/11 12:08:53

Eve had never been so tempted.

02/11/11 11:00:59

Have a gander at that.

20/09/11 10:03:46

Dress caught in escalator,Bride will be on time but the train will be a little late.

19/08/11 10:19:00

"Should we call the Lifeboat or the AA.

17/08/11 10:04:15

High Flying Scotsman.

02/10/14 8:35:23

The Ancient Marina.

23/08/14 19:08:48

Bruce Forsyth's new game show can only afford cuddly toys on the new economy conveyor belt.

20/08/14 11:06:01

Mike just had a mind blowing idea.

27/07/14 11:11:12

Just what the wife needs for the children...A nopair."

21/07/14 19:15:12

Even the Mafia are finding business tough these days and have been forced to find an alternative to horse's heads.

15/07/14 11:23:17

Probably put there by Al Carpone. --John Glover

Mary was a real grouse.

21/06/14 8:05:04

Hymn and hair stylists.

06/06/14 11:05:07

Hymn and Hair? --Doh Nutter

Wrestleminia.

12/04/14 7:28:33

Full bodied red wine.

26/03/14 20:16:07

Bottoms up.

14/01/14 20:03:44

The long lens of the law.

25/11/13 20:01:11

Dressed to kill.

19/10/13 11:17:44

Girls left on the top shelf.

28/07/13 19:12:05

Storm troopers in a tea cup.

13/05/13 11:01:58

"I think they are bronze."...."No they are copper."....."God you're tit picking again."

23/03/13 20:07:51

Last night the drinks and drunks were on Stella.

10/03/13 12:03:14

Family planning?...er no can't help you there.

18/02/13 12:12:39

Full bodied rich fruity flavour well filtered with a hint of crankshaft.

24/01/13 12:17:10

Bloody Mary's.

02/01/13 12:02:37

Sin bin.

08/12/12 9:52:58

O A Pee's.

06/12/12 20:02:40

A brush with the thaw.

17/11/12 20:01:19

Bamboozled.

02/11/12 20:07:08

Armoured bus.

01/10/12 19:06:34

Bulls eye.

23/08/12 11:00:41

God this is heavy......Phew.

25/07/12 19:02:24

Andy Murray fails his flying test.

10/07/12 10:04:43

When Mum says jump,dad says how high.

06/07/12 19:02:43

Windowlean.

20/05/12 19:01:16

I wouldn't shutter out.

02/04/12 19:04:34

Beam me up Scotty.......Not so bloody fast.

22/03/12 11:17:34

more captions

last comments (total: 92)

Don't understand this comment My caption was NOT changed,and my caption Eddie the Eagle was posted at 20.02.54 the other caption referred to was posted at 20.09.49.

Ian Mclaren