Pensioner accused of stealing 100cwt of Bananas, says police plantained the evidence.

11/12/23 8:10:12

No entry sign

02/12/23 12:03:32

Cowavan

30/11/23 20:01:39

"Is that a Browning?"

"It will be if someone pulls the trigger."

14/10/23 16:01:43

"Well it was either this or one of those stupid outfits cyclists wear."

16/09/23 8:32:24

Even from a very young age, Boris was a little shit.

15/09/23 21:51:20

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something mew.

02/09/23 8:02:42

Dave was determined to steal the unit but hadn't fully considered the implications of unscrewing it from the wall.

30/08/23 8:13:21

Dragpipes

23/07/23 13:47:12

Well that's the 'something blue' covered.

13/07/23 12:34:52

"According to this you've got arachnophobia, Reg."

05/06/23 12:10:45, edited: 05/06/23 12:11:38

"Someone just tried to rob me!"
"No sir, that's the regular price for a cheese sandwich."

04/06/23 8:52:21

Catfish...Tigerfish...Lionfish...Nope, can't come up with anything.

22/05/23 12:04:36

They didn’t have any hot water, but they did have a perfect re-creation of the London Underground Network.

17/05/23 12:00:25, edited: 17/05/23 12:02:27

“Just paint a white circle around it, it’ll be fine.”

26/04/23 8:00:21

“Way out man!”

15/04/23 12:01:00

Cost of weddings set to rise due to inflation.

03/04/23 12:00:15

Slantchester City

23/03/23 8:00:49

The Pelican Briefs

09/03/23 20:00:13

"I wonder if anyone will come up with anything that doesn't allude to shoving it up my fanny?" mused Janice.

18/02/23 12:36:47, edited: 19/02/23 9:14:05

Despite her best intentions, Karen always came over as too keen on a first date.

17/02/23 22:04:02

Sundae Stool

28/01/23 20:02:37

“I wouldn’t worry about it Shirl, nobody is going to recognise you from that angle.”

28/01/23 8:14:08

Dave had packed his Taj Mahal jumper by mistake.

15/01/23 8:30:59

"I know you've got your fork lift licence Dave, but you're on bog rolls from tomorrow!"

02/01/23 20:19:40

creative

Resourceful as ever, Dave had used the pile of Donkey shit as an impromptu bike stand.

02/01/23 12:27:34

They might look alright now, but they'll regret those tattoos when they're older.

14/12/22 8:03:52

As a new vegetarian, Dave had good and bad days.

12/12/22 12:10:16, edited: 12/12/22 12:52:06

“Well, where do you think you left it?”

08/12/22 20:11:33

"Bugger! Grey's the only colour I can't do."

05/12/22 19:55:23

lol

“I can’t see ‘em getting much milk out of that.”

19/11/22 12:00:24

"Back off Buddy or I'll shit on your tongue."

07/11/22 20:03:01

Therapy sessions to cure Dave's OCD had gone much better than expected

05/11/22 8:51:34

On the plus side, they were a lot less messy than the treadmills.

28/10/22 20:25:21

"No, not that one."

14/04/24 8:15:05

"Unexpected item in wagging area."

01/04/24 8:04:20

Tortilla Hips

10/03/24 20:01:40

It's nice, but I'd have chosen something else for a funeral.

08/03/24 12:03:06

The things you have to do for a Michelin star!

19/02/24 12:04:16

Road rage unheard of in India

08/02/24 12:01:46

Bill & Jen

05/02/24 20:01:40

lol

"That's it Dave, perfect....don't move!"

03/02/24 20:34:04

"So Dave, as a blind man what was it that attracted you to Karen?"

"Oh I don't know, I just had a feeling."

27/12/23 20:08:48

lol

"Merde!"

22/12/23 8:34:10

"Well that's a surprise, it's a soy."

20/12/23 12:05:34

"And this week on 'Recycle It' mortuary attendant Maureen shows us how she repurposes discarded body bags."

18/12/23 8:30:19

New ad' for Viagra accused of lacking subtlety

11/12/23 8:01:53

She had the care-worn look of a woman who was about to administer Gulliver's suppository.

08/12/23 8:06:13, edited: 08/12/23 12:49:42

"Switch that bloody toilet light out when you've been in there!"

01/12/23 8:04:56

Mystery lottery jackpot winner tracked down to Glasgow.

06/11/23 8:05:19

"Let's make this interesting...loser wipes."

03/11/23 20:43:31

When you're expecting a new grandson and asked to knit something they can grow in to.

25/10/23 8:11:13

"Pass me the bull repellent spray Robin...Robin!?"

22/10/23 8:07:19, edited: 22/10/23 8:08:05

They're usually solo artists but have come together to make this album.

20/10/23 20:06:29

White trash

10/10/23 8:02:01

Eugene didn't want much for Christmas - Werthers Originals, Haemorrhoid Ointment and the freedom to have a leisurely shit in his own bathroom without being interrupted by ankle-snappers.

06/10/23 20:43:22

Campaign warning of dangers of Veganism criticized for being too graphic.

06/10/23 13:21:42

"Hello, yeah I'm calling about the ventriloquists dummy you sold me."

05/10/23 20:11:44

One Man And His Bog

04/10/23 8:08:08

Dave came to realise that his camouflage was not as effective in an urban environment.

01/10/23 15:21:07

"Are you sure these outfits are appropriate for my mother's funeral, Dave"

13/09/23 12:22:17

Barnsley women clean the street in preparation for installation of BT fibre broadband.

06/09/23 8:06:20

"Massive pussy Louise."

"I'm not 21 any more Geoff."

01/09/23 8:02:06

Doncaster man wins lottery!

17/08/23 18:19:39

As worn by Billy The Skid

05/08/23 12:29:19

"Mouse should be rare? They're not, I've killed loads."

01/08/23 10:27:39

lol

"You're always bloody complaining Linda...you didn't like being on the roofrack, you didn't like it in the boot..."

24/07/23 12:11:40

"Faster Dave, I've still got a piece of meat stuck between my teeth."

23/07/23 20:03:15

creative

"Dave! Have you put Helium in these tyres again?"

01/07/23 8:09:43

lol

Everyone had their own technique at the Chinese flatulence championship.

29/06/23 20:01:59

Dachshorse

22/06/23 20:13:26

"Very good...how much do you charge?"

26/05/23 12:01:49

“I know I said some people make a lot of money with their cats on the net but…”

16/05/23 8:00:53

“…and a Lentil wrap for the boy wonder.”

15/05/23 12:02:20

“I still don’t know why you can’t leave for work by the front door like everybody else.”

15/05/23 8:01:37

“You’re guilty kid. It’s written all over your face.”

26/04/23 20:00:22

Times were changing. Madge was now allowed to sit and watch George eat.

04/04/23 8:40:54

The Texas Coleslaw Massacre

03/04/23 8:52:10

"It's a shit job, but your options are limited when you're pregnant."

31/03/23 13:09:23

Helmet envy.

28/03/23 12:00:45

Sam Smith’s new look hailed as a definite improvement.

02/03/23 8:00:39

Accident investigators say it will be some time before they are able to say what caused the aircraft to lose altitude so quickly.

24/02/23 12:01:10

As she waited for the prototype Orgasmatron to take effect, Margaret mused that it might be easier to just get a boyfriend.

24/01/23 20:45:51

Dave was too lazy to peel his own bananas and so let time and gravity work their magic.

15/01/23 20:00:19

Little Dave had been challenged to water pistols at dawn and he was taking no chances.

10/01/23 20:26:41

"If you can lay some more round ones like this we'll make a bloody fortune."

05/01/23 12:01:59

Specially trained Police Goat apprehends bike thief.

01/01/23 10:35:11

“No I haven’t got any sodding mints!”

16/12/22 20:00:14

“Let the clutch out!”

13/12/22 12:00:53

Dave set out to drink himself under the table.

10/12/22 8:31:13

creative

"No it's absolutely fine, we just don't normally get this on the flight simulator."

26/11/22 8:20:04

“No I’m not worried about the water jump. What makes you think that?"

22/11/22 8:02:34, edited: 22/11/22 8:22:14

Richard Branson without his hair and beard was hard to imagine...until now.

18/11/22 21:36:47

lol

Perhaps it was her green face or her pink shoe phone...but nobody noticed her stranded Halibut.

15/11/22 14:38:25

"Pack it in Bob or you can delouse your own back."

07/11/22 20:01:32

The Liz Truss Of Dogs. You can see she got up there but have no idea how.

29/10/22 22:17:32

"And you say you're looking for gloves madam?"

21/04/24 20:07:36

lol

In the rural environment, Private Investigator Dave was able to use disguise to tail his subjects undetected. But he never really adapted to city work.

13/03/24 8:23:28

"Me beam's up Scotty!"

12/03/24 12:00:52

"I don't think you're suited to this."

02/03/24 8:15:05