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Ellen Duncalf

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I love words... I am new to captioning and am thoroughly enjoying the creativity here, amidst the varying wit and humour. It is fascinating to see how different people interpret and perceive a picture so differently. I have been a lover of poetry all my life, both reading and writing it, both serious and humourous, so this is very different but enjoyably challenging for me. In poetry writing it’s a case of sometimes conjuring up an image through writing but here, it’s the image that triggers the word response. I hope that makes sense and hi to everyone.

Location: Chester

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captions

The new mature Cindy doll comes with grey hair, face mask and mirror shades as standard. Bladder leak underwear and removable teeth can be bought in the accessory section.

22/10/20 19:00:47

Gosh, that new spearmint mouthwash is really strong.

20/11/20 8:00:21

Men working for a local corrugated steel firm, have been told that although they can wear their wives underwear to work, any diva-style outbursts on the factory floor will not be tolerated.

09/10/20 11:00:37

Lewis has been taking himself for his daily one hour exercise session during lockdown whilst his owners stay at home with a 24 pack and giant bags of Doritos.

09/11/20 8:24:13

Pick a feather, any feather, look at it, remember it, now put it back in.

15/10/20 11:10:20

Gav is still haunted by a recurring dream in which he lost his ”biggie blue boulder marble” to Kevin Bradshaw in July 1972.

24/09/20 9:11:28

lol

”Gav, there's a bloke on the doorstep says he’s from the care home up the road, says he was sat watching Cash in the Attic, got a cat hair stuck in his throat, coughed a couple of times and they dumped him outside ours.”

18/09/20 21:17:10

The man from Flora, he say yes.

15/09/20 7:02:32

Named my boat after the wife. She is a little bottom heavy too.

14/11/20 20:22:57

Even the pope has ruff days.

31/10/20 20:00:48

Dalek-tible.

09/11/20 20:00:16

”W”

03/11/20 16:15:18

Due to Gav’s recent visit to the cathouse he was now very much in the doghouse.

17/10/20 7:17:23

They were talking so much rubbish I just had to dive into the conversation.

02/10/20 7:28:27

Wallace and Gromit Appreciation Society

04/09/20 19:00:54

I knew it. Mum hasn’t used Lenor in this weeks wash. She’s used the cheaper Aldi brand.

Tue 23:18:46

A little bird told me it’s important to do the breast test.

Sun 12:00:41

”Here we go again, another damn power surge.
Happens every year when it’s the Strictly Finals.”

18/11/20 22:18:58

lol

No Smoking, but it’s okay to drink Jack Daniels on the job at this local printing shop.

27/10/20 12:53:26

Nothing stops thongman getting to Maccy D’s before the breakfast menu cut off point, not even the two bullet wounds to his chest.

21/10/20 20:18:07

There's nothing like a good lie down in front of the TV.

06/10/20 19:47:24

Kentucky Flied Chicken.

19/11/20 8:42:17

”Please do not feed the animals recreational drugs.”

17/11/20 8:31:23

”You’ve peed all over the floor again” Jim’s wife exclaimed!
”That’ll be because I was distracted by the amazing view”, he retorted indignantly.
”What’s your excuse at home then.?

15/11/20 8:07:36

This year's ”knobbly knees” contest was won by Nancy from Normanton, pictured second left. Doris from Doncaster, far right was disqualified for cheating.

08/11/20 12:00:46

Heavy fines were imposed on an Amish community when an illegal rave held by 500 members was dispersed recently. An elder responded with ”there’s just no fun anymore.” Despite offering the officers a glass or two of cheery cordial they wouldn’t be coerced.

20/10/20 7:21:08

I can never remember trigonometry being this interesting in school.

17/10/20 19:03:54

I have done everything possible to eradicate the memory of it...smiles. --Ellen Duncalf

Gosh, the disturbing characters in this film freaked me out when I was small and here they are again, they’ve resurfaced in my happy place. Back to therapy for me.

30/09/20 9:35:48

”I suppose we should be grateful for the decent weather. All this social distancing suits me just fine because I can’t stand you and I never have.”

24/09/20 19:13:08

Government compromises saying only our lower halves need to follow social distancing rules.

12/09/20 7:07:22

Frocky Marciano.

06/09/20 20:26:55

♪ I always feel like some Buddah’s watching me ♪

06/09/20 20:07:32

I have no idea how we are managing to jog in these heels but no pain, no gain

Tue 9:01:59

Sleepy Wallow.

17/11/20 8:24:08

You can all stop looking out for Santa. He’s not coming this year. You’ve all been far too naughty.

10/11/20 8:01:49

The Bitches of Sheetwick.

25/10/20 12:07:32

Social services told Edith’s grandson that she was dehydrated and depressed so he killed two old birds with one stone. Edith and her neighbour.

23/10/20 11:00:35

There’s always one who will take the compulsory face covering to the extreme.

18/10/20 19:01:46

A leaked document has been retrieved by the CIA exposing Donald Trump’s next campaign strategy.

17/10/20 19:04:37

The only way I'm getting a holiday this year is if I can fit in this box and we send it back to China for a refund.

06/10/20 19:52:56

Tv’s are getting increasingly bigger but dead bodies are generally staying the same size.

06/10/20 19:07:40

Kelvin is not impressed with the latest idea of paintballing for enrichment during lock down. ”Those chimps are evil” he said in an interview earlier today at Monkeyworld in Dorset.

05/10/20 19:10:43

Opportunity Knots

28/09/20 19:23:25

A recent survey by magazine ”Toys Monthly” has revealed that the average age of little boys who play with Lego is 43.

27/09/20 9:09:03

I am actually a grasshopper and fell into a tin of white gloss with no lid on in the garden where I hang out. My wings are glued together so I am now registered disabled and get about in this toy that I found at the back of the shed.

27/09/20 8:52:18

The Dirty Dozen.

22/09/20 21:32:33

”Your house is on fire and your children are gone!
”I don’t care...just go away!

15/09/20 21:43:14

Ethel tests out the impact resistance of the Granny Master 2000 Deluxe Model with Titanium Alloy Wheels, Leather Handle and Burberry Trim (chav version also has optional neon blue underfloor lighting and "spinner" alloys) in a bus lane in Croydon.

14/09/20 8:11:13

Hand granitiser.

08/09/20 8:07:44

Lose the ankle snapper and you and me can have some fun.

18/11/20 8:54:37

Dev had a dodgy tummy after last nights party so when he saw the giant sea food platter arrive he was a crushedasian.

14/11/20 8:20:57

I wouldn’t trust Public transport to get me to the church on time. In fact I wouldn’t trust them to get me anywhere on time.

11/11/20 8:04:11

He’s been searching for months but Jim still hasn’t found his gym locker key.

03/11/20 13:56:22

If you’re a bit short of change, I’m quite partial to duffle coats. Any colour will do.

31/10/20 12:01:10

Jeff had taken out every window and a couple of elderly shoppers in his village so decided to practice his discus at the lake with a safety rope, from now on.

29/10/20 12:00:24

That's the most spherical discus I've ever seen. Perhaps you mean a hammer, as in hammer throw? (Added benefit is that it's a round weight with a cable attached for throwing, although the cable is much shorter.) --Willie Johnson

”Well Sal, when I bat my lashes like this I’m just the cutest, so he tosses me the biggest, most succulent sardine every time.”
”He hasn’t smelt your breath though, has he?

26/10/20 12:52:30

Cameron only walked as far as his village newsagents, but thought he would have his photo taken here and generate some fake news for his Instagram.

25/10/20 20:01:22

The empty beaches of Cornwall during lockdown are a ”clamity” for British tourism.

25/10/20 15:21:58

This evil chuffer took my eye out last Christmas so this year I am going to kill it.

24/10/20 7:00:44

Deliveroo’s two new recruits in the side dishes department are on the chipatti run this week-end.

23/10/20 19:01:58

Just 3 glasses of Gin and lemon and a beer pong helps the medicines go down, in the most delightful way.

23/10/20 11:03:41

Codeine, Ramipril, Simvastatin and Senna, all washed down with 3 glasses of bubbly. Lockdown isn’t so bad after all.

23/10/20 11:02:16

Winnie used to play the tuba in the Grimethorpe Colliery Band..reminiscence is very beneficial for dementia patients.

23/10/20 11:01:18

Crude Crotch Clan.

23/10/20 7:33:42

Hmmm..that was supposed to be a clown with a smiley face but has come out looking like Egyptian hieroglyphics.. --Ellen Duncalf

With an average of 37 blackcurrants in a 500ml glass of Ribena, Gulliver’s going to be waiting a while for his today.

16/10/20 8:37:35

”You should have been wearing your stab proof jacket. You deserve a good roasting for being such an idiot.”

13/10/20 19:01:58

clever

Have always wondered what that little ape-endage was for.

11/10/20 7:04:53

Nissan Cherry tomato.

10/10/20 19:00:39

”Can a guy get a light round here? I’ve been asking for hours but all this lot want to do is discuss their gender identity issues.

10/10/20 12:14:21

I’m not gonna look, I’m not gonna look, I’m not gonna look.

09/10/20 19:00:15

See, I've always said she was a handful!!

08/10/20 7:37:04

Paul held on to his Greggs sausage roll for dear life.

07/10/20 20:55:51

Peppa Pig is so yesterday. This is much more like it.

04/10/20 19:00:39

Apple bobbing.

02/10/20 7:24:30

That look when you wish you were actually blind on your blind date.

01/10/20 11:32:20

Mummyford and Sons rock Edinburgh Festival for fourth year running.

28/09/20 19:01:11

”The wedding was lovely wasn’t it?

”It was Barney, but what happens now?”

”I haven’t got the faintest idea.”

28/09/20 7:03:20

”I’m a Kingfisher and Kingfishers are on the ”rare in Britain” list.”

”You’ll be even rarer once I’ve tortured you mercilessly and then snuffed out your life.”

25/09/20 19:04:28

”Just because I’m wearing my brothel creepers doesn’t mean I’ve been up to no good love”...” No, it’s the fact that your flies are undone, and your t-shirt is on back to front.

22/09/20 8:27:41

Doodlepug

18/09/20 11:24:22

🎵 And I would do anything for love
I’d run right into hell and back
Yeah I would do anything for love
I’ll even have this sac and crack🎵

17/09/20 16:04:31

I didn’t exactly have this in mind when I listed transparency as a ”must have quality” on.Match.Com.

16/09/20 16:29:00

It’s quite unnerving looking at this pic..lol..👍 --Ellen Duncalf

I wondered where the teeth from the Lilliput comb had disappeared to.

10/09/20 16:13:07

Josh didn’t realise his full immersion baptism would be so ce-real.

09/09/20 21:36:21

Shady, but with a bad down draught.

03/09/20 13:19:44

I am actually a white dove m’dear, but with lockdown and all, my roots have got the better of me.

02/09/20 14:48:24

”I must say Ken, you’ve been a lot more relaxed since you transitioned, and long blonde hair really suits you.

Tue 13:20:42

People are being stung by the inflated price of Vitamin B capsules in the U.K.

Tue 13:17:03

”Hey Moggy, you think you’re wellard.”
”Well let me tell you something, I’m mallard.”

Mon 12:43:52

”Go ahead. Break in and make my day.”

Mon 12:00:18

”How many times have I told you to keep out of that pirhana pool? They’ve had a right go at your fin again.

Mon 8:29:48

I’m sure my bald patch is getting worse.

21/11/20 12:50:31

I’m clearly not a mink, now bog off.

17/11/20 8:27:43

Dozey mares.

16/11/20 22:06:58

John Lennon always was a big advocate for reincarnation. He’s come back as Hairy Krishna

15/11/20 12:00:19

Shit view.

15/11/20 8:01:35

Jonathan and Melissa celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary at the 40th come back tour of Status Quo. I too would have a face like that.

13/11/20 16:31:50

A life of drudgery is not what I signed up for. It’s just so unfur (said in a Lancashire accent.)

13/11/20 0:12:22

Julia donned her cutlass and decided to go to the annual Christmas ”fancy dress” as Jack Sparrow.

11/11/20 20:57:43

It’s amazing what you can make from parts of an old Henry Hoover, not forgetting the old bag too.

09/11/20 20:01:07

The Furgitives.

04/11/20 8:01:20

Ha. I’ll bet that Judge Judy hasn’t had a mould taken of her body like I have.

02/11/20 12:00:40

Shearing a secret.

02/11/20 11:53:17

Praying I can see it through to the end.

01/11/20 20:01:29

The moment hotel manager Stavros told the German’s that they have to socially distance and can’t claim each and every sun lounger.

29/10/20 9:22:16

Sealine Dion smashed 'my heart will go on' at Saturdays karoke session.

26/10/20 21:13:03

Thete’s a good reason why wearing a blindfold is mandatory.

26/10/20 8:38:47

It was your stupid idea to enter the competition. You won him, so you can buy his drinks.

24/10/20 19:14:18

Bridge over the River Die

24/10/20 11:00:57

”It’s all in a day in this crazy family” says the Lindt Bear.

23/10/20 11:04:47

Orchestral Manoeuvres on the Cutty Sark.

22/10/20 11:03:59

The local police morph can do amazing things with their patrol animals these days. This traffic hogdog regularly patrols long stretches of the rural B5723 in Shropshire.

20/10/20 14:16:42

Recently discovered alien hieroglyphics reveal that they continue to be fascinated by naked surfers and varying ball sizes.

17/10/20 19:02:54

We really need a hedge-trim. This Grastafarian hair do is driving me potty.

16/10/20 19:00:14

After many years of visits to the child psychologist, my parents were told never to let me watch Flash Gordon again. Imagine the traumatic reaction I had upon seeing Emperor Ming appear on the 8.a.m photo
this morning.

15/10/20 8:59:02

Due to the Pope and papal team all being placed in the vulnerable category during lockdown, the Vatican’s daily message is now being delivered by one of their advocates.

15/10/20 8:43:09

”What are you doing Tigger? I’m feeling a little anxious.”
”Just relax Pooh. It’s called the heimlich manoeuvre.
”But Tigger, I’m not choking.”
”You will be if you don’t shut up.”

14/10/20 7:47:39

Kev always keeps abreast of his bank balance.

12/10/20 19:04:15

I love it when a man flexes his financial muscles.

12/10/20 19:01:09

”My mummy says I am not allowed to sit close to you in class because you have thousands of mean, flesh eating beasties in your hair that can jump and land in mine.”

”Wow, that is so cool. Let’s draw some.”

12/10/20 11:12:49

”There’s a giant beef tomato outside our house Donald. It even has it’s own designated ”T marks the spot” parking space.”

”That’s enough of that Hilda. Let’s get your coat on ready for the Dementia club.”

10/10/20 19:37:09

The tortoise and the pair.

08/10/20 19:00:25

Movie night has never been the same for these guys after watching their Great Uncle Bertie being blown to bits by a bazooka on a recent resurfacing of ”Grizzly” on Netflix.

08/10/20 11:25:08

Never mind her. It’s eat out to help out again at Maccy D’s tonight, come on lads.

07/10/20 20:44:18

Am I really smooching with a loveable Albino mongrel called Archie or is it all a pigment of my imagination?

07/10/20 11:02:27

Oh my gosh! Them chicks are right. I really do have a monobrow and it’s not a good look.

07/10/20 8:28:42

Three fingered aliens have been spotted using giant mobile phones on the Island of Fiji. Despite having no thumbs, they can still text at lightening speed and one of them is captured here accepting intergalactic friend requests on Facebook.

06/10/20 11:03:36

And meanwhile, whilst the tourists are chatting, a sneaky snake makes it's move for a butt bite. Not a great holiday souvenir to be sure!

06/10/20 7:05:33

I know things have been a bit rocky between us but this rift is nobody’s fault line.

06/10/20 7:00:59

Sleep out to help out.

05/10/20 9:52:02

There’s been some top class entertainment by the residents of Monkeyworld in Dorset during lockdown.

03/10/20 11:08:01

Diving in for an afternoon of surfing.

02/10/20 16:34:15

Kind of glad our annual family holiday to Butlins is cancelled now we’ve seen ”Chaz’s Croccy Chuckles” is the headline act.

01/10/20 7:53:51

Night Watchman.

30/09/20 11:16:20

During a period of menopausal mania, Davina stole her husband’s Beemer and drove to the local Garden Centre.

29/09/20 11:30:22

The latest craze to sweep America. Death defying leaps into the air on an invisible skateboard. Yo dudes.

28/09/20 14:22:02

”Classically British that is Gav”
”It’s not Daz, it’s German”
”No, not the car Gav, the botched tarmac pavement job by Hackney council.”

25/09/20 15:54:56

”Have you even had a wash today Bertie darling? You’ve got crusties in both eyes and your breath smells like the elephant enclosure at London Zoo.”

25/09/20 8:41:54

When you come across the headline that ”Status Quo” have finally stopped playing live and touring.”

24/09/20 12:07:54

Status Quo actually had a tour for this year but obviously had to cancel! --The Wolf

Gosh, even the dog doesn’t trust me.

23/09/20 7:00:43

Fred the flour grader finally hangs up his hat and marries the love of his life. It’s a batch made in heaven.Their song ”You Raise Me Up” was played as they walked up the aisle.

22/09/20 13:07:32

The family of the late Mr. W Gummidge would like to thank all those friends who came from far afield and respected his wishes for a ”coloured funeral”.

20/09/20 11:45:17

It’s my own fault Sid for half-inching that Big Mac, my three bellies are weighing me down and I just can’t take off.

19/09/20 7:32:08

Hashtag lockdownbellyletsgetadog

18/09/20 11:23:51

🎵 And now the times are changin'
Look at everything that's come along
Sometimes when I play this old six-string
I look at you and wonder what the hell went wrong. 🎵

18/09/20 7:21:57

” Gosh Gav, I knew there was a disruption to AA services with everything that’s going on but this is ridiculous.”

18/09/20 7:02:52

”It was your stupid idea to come to the Halloween Party..how was I to know it was apple-bobbing in a bath of iodine? Sickos.”

17/09/20 14:10:57

Glamping offers the same exposure to the fresh air of the great outdoors as traditional camping but with added luxury, said the ad, but there was no mention of the toxic waste..hmmm.

17/09/20 7:13:57

Incongruous attire for Gav on the welcome door at Monkey World this Summer.

16/09/20 16:25:36

Teddy Tubby feels half a stone lighter after having a tinky-winky and noo-noo.

11/09/20 19:32:59

Baby Gates.

02/09/20 7:07:59

Spiffing stuff boys...I’ll pull out the tooth and you push in the piles.

27/08/20 20:54:25

Builder’s butt by Banksy

25/08/20 21:29:27

I said ”I’ll take the chest and you take the head” but I didn’t mean literally Gav!!

20/08/20 22:08:18

”We may be ugly but boy are we brainy.”

Wed 21:22:32

Wild Forest Moonshine’s hair had been so neglected during lockdown he soon attracted the new strain of giant, mutant headlice.

Wed 8:42:31

”I did warn you about making sardine butties for our beach day out.”

Mon 20:43:41

The caterpillar cha cha.

Sun 20:01:30

It’s a question of taste.

Sun 20:00:19

Gulliver often used his bong in the woods for a bit of privacy.

Sun 9:27:12

When mother nature calls.

Sun 9:25:40

”Welcome to America. All those who are up for a Big Mac raise your hand.”

21/11/20 20:00:32

That pesky mouse has popped up again.

21/11/20 12:51:27

Strange phenomenon spotted at the Halfords Annual family bike ride.

21/11/20 10:02:44

Shuduppayaface.

20/11/20 22:18:52

”You goat two be kidding me.”

20/11/20 20:20:17

Final Score: England 2 West Germ

19/11/20 20:00:56

Pop chicken.

19/11/20 8:44:44

With those handsome, chiselled features Donald thinks he’s taken his rightful place.

18/11/20 12:05:02

”Where’s the lamb shank?”
”I can’t just whippet out here! The humans will see me.”
”Dammit”.

18/11/20 9:13:26

Looks like Mr.Jackman has struck gold with his Showman role.

17/11/20 20:00:28

Kermit thought he had golden balls when he met Miss Piggy.

17/11/20 13:31:39

Someone has made a sculpture out of all the cylindrical black liquorice sweets Gulliver doesn’t like in his bags of Allsorts.

15/11/20 20:14:41

Wolfgang the German Shepherd has gone down with dog flu but Scrappy the lucky dip dad’s dog has stepped up to cover the shift.

15/11/20 12:00:46

Poo with a view.

15/11/20 8:00:24

Betty and Anne misunderstood the local lockdown rules and acted quickly when they spotted the BBC filming inside the red lion on Saturday.

14/11/20 20:54:35

Dogfished.

14/11/20 20:50:42

Back in the good old days. Or we're they?

13/11/20 12:03:52

We aren't they, as far as I know. I could be mistaken. --Willie Johnson

When interviewed about the recent US elections, this smiley patriot flagged up a few concerns.

12/11/20 8:00:29

”You’ve been on my back for weeks now, it’s time you flocked off.”

11/11/20 14:21:18

The poor guy had so many existing health problems he didn’t stand a chance.

10/11/20 20:01:02

”Mum, where’s dad gone?
”He’s just nipped out to get some Teriyaki sauce for the Termite Tagine.”

10/11/20 14:35:23

”My name is Wolfgang and I’m from Stuttgart. You?”

09/11/20 14:57:44

♪ You Stole The Sun from my Heart ♪

08/11/20 22:25:16

It’s been a wishy washy Summer this year.
In truth, it’s been a wishy washy year.

08/11/20 20:11:58

The Yorkshire Gazette apologises for a misprint in last months edition. ”Trophy winning slappers” was actually meant to say ”Trophy winning flappers.”

08/11/20 12:02:27

If I can’t see them, then they can’t see me, and they might all bog off home.

08/11/20 8:02:20

An extremely hot weather warning has been announced for Chester in Cheshire this p.m. Anyone who it going out in the sun is advised to wear a straw hat.

08/11/20 8:01:53

”The nut is mine. Now flock off.”

07/11/20 20:10:22

Two pot-heads were caught growing an illegal weed plant in the picturesque village of Stonedwell, Hampshire. Police made a real hash of their arrest and they are now on the run.

07/11/20 18:38:58

America can finally relax. This election has been a rollercoaster. We’ve had the showdown, now it’s time for the ho-down.

06/11/20 20:11:31

”His nappy’s not too bad Mum, just a little bit soggy.”

06/11/20 12:00:18

I can’t believe the old witch made me sit in the Halloween window display of the local charity shop for three days.

06/11/20 8:27:59

I wish that sour-faced chick would get out of the way, all I want is a pic of the painted wall. The colour will go really well in my kitchen.

05/11/20 8:07:55

Thieving gull goes against the pail again.

04/11/20 21:27:38

I raise a glass to you Mr.Trump. Enjoy your retirement in Bognor Regis.

03/11/20 20:02:23

The hard hat is to protect him from a shower of pennies from heaven.

03/11/20 17:59:09

Fortress of iron.

03/11/20 8:24:59

Am sure that’s one of my Jelly Babies stuck in your teeth.

02/11/20 20:00:20

”Do you think they can see us?”

02/11/20 11:54:42

more captions

last comments (total: 19)

Wood hang clan cheeky face

Ross Davidson

23/10/20
6:33pm

comment on caption:
Crude Crotch Clan. [Ellen Duncalf]

🤡

Ellen Duncalf

23/10/20
6:41pm

comment on caption:
Crude Crotch Clan. [Ellen Duncalf]

Hmmm..that was supposed to be a clown with a smiley face but has come out looking like Egyptian hieroglyphics..

Ellen Duncalf

23/10/20
7:12pm

comment on caption:
Crude Crotch Clan. [Ellen Duncalf]

Inspired by 20:00:53

(caption author)

27/10/20
9:18pm

comment on caption:
Bluey Lewis and the Hues. [Ellen Duncalf]

Willie Johnson

29/10/20
10:49pm

comment on caption:
Jeff had taken out every window and a couple of elderly shoppers in his village so decided to practice his discus at the lake with a safety rope, from now on. [Ellen Duncalf]

'W'

[anon]

03/11/20
1:42am

comment on caption:
Double knit. [Ellen Duncalf]

Ellen Duncalf

03/11/20
8:45am

comment on caption:
Double knit. [Ellen Duncalf]

Thank you..smiles.

Ellen Duncalf

05/11/20
8:35am

comment on caption:
Double knit. [Ellen Duncalf]

We aren't they, as far as I know. I could be mistaken.

Willie Johnson

13/11/20
6:28pm

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Back in the good old days. Or we're they? [Ellen Duncalf]

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13/11/20
8:52pm

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Back in the good old days. Or we're they? [Ellen Duncalf]

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Ellen Duncalf

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