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Ellen Duncalf

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I love words... I am new to captioning and am thoroughly enjoying the creativity here, amidst the varying wit and humour. It is fascinating to see how different people interpret and perceive a picture so differently. I have been a lover of poetry all my life, both reading and writing it, both serious and humourous, so this is very different but enjoyably challenging for me. In poetry writing it’s a case of sometimes conjuring up an image through writing but here, it’s the image that triggers the word response. I hope that makes sense and hi to everyone.

Town/City: Chester

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captions

Can't pay nursing home fees? We'll take them away. Reasonable fees. Phone 01244 321546.

29/05/21 12:03:06

FFS that number is not recognised!! What a waste of my time --Mr Dome

Yep. They've cleared off. Time to have some fun with the goldfish.

28/02/21 13:55:37

The Minus Three Degrees.

15/03/21 20:00:17

"Harold. Have you any idea where the Welsh oak dresser has gone from the dining room?"

04/01/21 12:13:29

Ratachewy

30/03/21 12:00:16

"Have you worked here long love?"

"Not long. It's my third cleaning job this year."

08/03/21 12:03:09

"Does anybody know which bag the paracetamol is in?"

01/03/21 12:00:10

Always wise to keep well in with the mother-in-law.

28/02/21 20:06:33

Breaking news: Actual protein has been found in a McDonalds meal.

16/02/21 12:00:18

After months of lockdown with his wife and 4 kids, Mr.Roberts was more than thrilled to hear the hospital's "No Visitors" policy.

17/01/21 20:00:21

The cameraman was flouting the rules. --Willie Johnson

The new mature Cindy doll comes with grey hair, face mask and mirror shades as standard. Bladder leak underwear and removable teeth can be bought in the accessory section.

22/10/20 20:00:47

creative

Lord Fitzgerald insisted on being present at his will reading so he could see all your indignant reactions when he lets you know he is leaving his 6.2 million to Battersea's Dogs Home.

03/04/21 13:30:32

The cruise was all going well until they told us we were having a stopover in South Africa.

15/02/21 13:03:26

Gosh, that new spearmint mouthwash is really strong.

20/11/20 8:00:21

Men working for a local corrugated steel firm, have been told that although they can wear their wives underwear to work, any diva-style outbursts on the factory floor will not be tolerated.

09/10/20 12:00:37

They say Spaniel's are great working dogs. This one's a snowplough.

11/05/21 9:08:41

The cabinet reconvene after the Winter break.

03/12/20 12:04:39

Tourist arrested on suspicion of smuggling a rare species of glow worm in his backpack.

30/11/20 20:08:12

Lewis has been taking himself for his daily one hour exercise session during lockdown whilst his owners stay at home with a 24 pack and giant bags of Doritos.

09/11/20 8:24:13

Pick a feather, any feather, look at it, remember it, now put it back in.

15/10/20 12:10:20

Gav is still haunted by a recurring dream in which he lost his "biggie blue boulder marble" to Kevin Bradshaw in July 1972.

24/09/20 10:11:28

lol

"Gav, there's a bloke on the doorstep says he's from the care home up the road, says he was sat watching Cash in the Attic, got a cat hair stuck in his throat, coughed a couple of times and they dumped him outside ours."

18/09/20 22:17:10

The man from Flora, he say yes.

15/09/20 8:02:32

Never a good idea to have a game of Twister on your own.

11/03/21 20:00:13

Named my boat after the wife. She is a little bottom heavy too.

14/11/20 20:22:57

Even the pope has ruff days.

31/10/20 20:00:48

Inspired by Tokein.

22/05/21 12:46:26

Cracking the code.

21/05/21 20:00:13

Thank you Finley for your word of the day.

18/05/21 12:52:06

Lol...we used to have word of the day when I was small. I remember it very clearly. --Ellen Duncalf

Pompomerainian.

16/05/21 8:57:16

I've got the cooking bug.

12/05/21 9:14:17

"Daaaad. Have you seen the attachment for the vacuum cleaner?"

"No, but your mother was the last to use it."

04/03/21 12:09:47

What do you mean I can't hug anyone? I'm going back in, the world isn't ready for me yet.

18/02/21 8:05:51

No matter how hard he tried he just didn't get the point.

17/01/21 12:00:37

I just can't stop eating liquorice.

09/01/21 8:19:02

Santa assembles gifts for creepy uncles on his list.

03/12/20 8:12:08

Dalek-tible.

09/11/20 20:00:16

"W"

03/11/20 16:15:18

Due to Gav's recent visit to the cathouse he was now very much in the doghouse.

17/10/20 8:17:23

They were talking so much rubbish I just had to dive into the conversation.

02/10/20 8:28:27

Wallace and Gromit Appreciation Society

04/09/20 20:00:54

Totify

26/06/21 9:07:52

Please tell me that one of our owners isn't driving.

12/05/21 12:22:49

Thank goodness restrictions have been lifted at last. It's been purrgatory having them wretched humans at home all day.

28/03/21 12:05:05

Lol..they dig a neat little hole and leave their little poops. Cheeky. --Ellen Duncalf

It's good to know they now have Cajun spiced gazelle on Deliveroo.

16/01/21 12:55:58

I knew it. Mum hasn't used Lenor in this weeks wash. She's used the cheaper Aldi brand.

24/11/20 23:18:46

A little bird told me it's important to do the breast test.

22/11/20 12:00:41

"Here we go again, another damn power surge.
Happens every year when it's the Strictly Finals."

18/11/20 22:18:58

lol

No Smoking, but it's okay to drink Jack Daniels on the job at this local printing shop.

27/10/20 12:53:26

Nothing stops thongman getting to Maccy D's before the breakfast menu cut off point, not even the two bullet wounds to his chest.

21/10/20 21:18:07

There's nothing like a good lie down in front of the TV.

06/10/20 20:47:24

Oldjets in the mirror are closer than they appear.

08/05/21 12:00:46

"That's the third time this week I've had to pick you up from nursery for biting!"

30/04/21 19:19:05

The Green bus company were striving for zero emissions, but weren't quite there yet.

07/03/21 13:13:09

â€œIt neednâ€™t be hell with Nicotinellâ€œ.. --Ellen Duncalf

Kev, Gav and Steve got very into papier-mÃ¢chÃ© craft during lockdown.

20/02/21 9:45:55

Kev on the left used the Guardian, Gav (centre) the Independent and Steve, on the right, the Telegraph. --Karyn Harrison

You are now entering the County of Caption.me.

05/02/21 20:00:19

Oh no! My gravy's lumpy again. Now I am going to have to phone the Anxiety help line for the 5th time this week.

26/01/21 12:00:30

A perfect example of a klan-destine wedding.

24/01/21 20:00:39

So that's where the snowman's nose went. Stand nice and still and we can have a game of hoopla.

12/01/21 8:45:09

I always had a sneaking suspicion that Olaf was a homophobe, I mean come on he's obviously a white supremacist that chants "Snow White Power! Snow White Power!" --Glyn Evans

Unfortunately, due to sickness, the local pub only had a skeleton staff during the festivities.

10/12/20 13:14:02

I hit them damn power lines every time. Looks like I'll be sporting another afro again this Christmas.

08/12/20 21:58:54

The moment you find out the mother-in-law has bogged off home after the Christmas holidays.

05/12/20 9:53:38

" Right. Which one if you wise guys left the seat up?

04/12/20 9:01:35

Sometimes it's the small things that can make all the difference.

02/12/20 13:07:14

lol

Meanwhile in downtown Chicago, the Mob waited for their moment to execute a hit on Mrs.Robert's peanut feeder.

01/12/20 8:06:07

The suction on the public Portaloo flush in the town park continues to cause issues for passing cyclists. Clapham Council have been informed.

29/11/20 9:24:31

Ryan's university "crash course in architecture" wasn't quite what he had anticipated.

28/11/20 12:00:30

Kentucky Flied Chicken.

19/11/20 8:42:17

"Please do not feed the animals recreational drugs."

17/11/20 8:31:23

"You've peed all over the floor again" Jim's wife exclaimed!
"That'll be because I was distracted by the amazing view", he retorted indignantly.
"What's your excuse at home then.?

15/11/20 8:07:36

This year's "knobbly knees" contest was won by Nancy from Normanton, pictured second left. Doris from Doncaster, far right was disqualified for cheating.

08/11/20 12:00:46

Heavy fines were imposed on an Amish community when an illegal rave held by 500 members was dispersed recently. An elder responded with "there's just no fun anymore." Despite offering the officers a glass or two of cheery cordial they wouldn't be coerced.

20/10/20 8:21:08

I can never remember trigonometry being this interesting in school.

17/10/20 20:03:54

I have done everything possible to eradicate the memory of it...smiles. --Ellen Duncalf

Gosh, the disturbing characters in this film freaked me out when I was small and here they are again, they've resurfaced in my happy place. Back to therapy for me.

30/09/20 10:35:48

"I suppose we should be grateful for the decent weather. All this social distancing suits me just fine because I can't stand you and I never have."

24/09/20 20:13:08

Government compromises saying only our lower halves need to follow social distancing rules.

12/09/20 8:07:22

Frocky Marciano.

06/09/20 21:26:55

🎵 I always feel like some Buddah's watching me 🎵

06/09/20 21:07:32

"Hi little birdie. I come from a long line of psychopaths and I have an incredible urge to pull both your wings off."

01/07/21 21:17:46

The long line of psychopaths wouldn't be the human race, would it? :-) --Glyn Evans

His proposal was right on queue.

27/06/21 12:03:18

Groinavon

05/05/21 20:06:58

Whatever happened to "any loose change mate?"

04/05/21 20:04:28

"Stop pouting Trisha. It's not going to speed up the proceedings."

12/04/21 8:00:13

"Hello officer. This is Myfanwy Jones phoning from her kitchen in Blaenau Ffestiniog. I have just spotted two immigrants from England with my long range telescope who are at the summit of Snowdon and are 3.5cm short of the required 2 metres. You need to get up there and make it snappy.

31/03/21 12:00:21

This day will go down in history. I just can't believe it, Primark is closing down.

19/03/21 8:42:15

Dressed crab.

17/03/21 20:26:56

Love lives matter.

12/03/21 12:00:12

Not the best of places to have a hernia but that's life.

28/02/21 14:49:49

Conerstone.

22/02/21 9:41:32

I prefer my milk chilled.

19/02/21 12:00:12

The Battle of Little with Big Horn.

31/01/21 10:40:00

Orville and Preen.

21/01/21 20:00:10

Folks mocked them for stooping to this form of demeaning entertainment, but they had to take care of their bills. --Mauris Iocus

Pain stops play.

19/01/21 12:09:48

The canteen in our local hospital has taken on a sinister range of carbonated drinks.

10/01/21 11:27:00

It's a sign of the times. Things have gone very off-kilter.

07/12/20 12:00:16

Christmousse.

06/12/20 20:09:06

Gulliver's nitcomb makes a great fence to keep overly keen Twitchers a safe distance from rare bird nesting site.

30/11/20 20:05:55

A nod is a way of acknowledging that someone has posted a similar caption, pun or idea before you did. This benefits the recipient of the nod by making their caption more noticeable via the comment. Along with the nod I think it helps if you say w... --Stephen Bean

I have no idea how we are managing to jog in these heels but no pain, no gain

24/11/20 9:01:59

Sleepy Wallow.

17/11/20 8:24:08

You can all stop looking out for Santa. He's not coming this year. You've all been far too naughty.

10/11/20 8:01:49

The Bitches of Sheetwick.

25/10/20 12:07:32

Social services told Edith's grandson that she was dehydrated and depressed so he killed two old birds with one stone. Edith and her neighbour.

23/10/20 12:00:35

There's always one who will take the compulsory face covering to the extreme.

18/10/20 20:01:46

A leaked document has been retrieved by the CIA exposing Donald Trump's next campaign strategy.

17/10/20 20:04:37

The only way I'm getting a holiday this year is if I can fit in this box and we send it back to China for a refund.

06/10/20 20:52:56

Tv's are getting increasingly bigger but dead bodies are generally staying the same size.

06/10/20 20:07:40

Kelvin is not impressed with the latest idea of paintballing for enrichment during lock down. "Those chimps are evil" he said in an interview earlier today at Monkeyworld in Dorset.

05/10/20 20:10:43

Opportunity Knots

28/09/20 20:23:25

A recent survey by magazine "Toys Monthly" has revealed that the average age of little boys who play with Lego is 43.

27/09/20 10:09:03

I am actually a grasshopper and fell into a tin of white gloss with no lid on in the garden where I hang out. My wings are glued together so I am now registered disabled and get about in this toy that I found at the back of the shed.

27/09/20 9:52:18

The Dirty Dozen.

22/09/20 22:32:33

"Your house is on fire and your children are gone!
"I don't care...just go away!

15/09/20 22:43:14

Ethel tests out the impact resistance of the Granny Master 2000 Deluxe Model with Titanium Alloy Wheels, Leather Handle and Burberry Trim (chav version also has optional neon blue underfloor lighting and "spinner" alloys) in a bus lane in Croydon.
Â

14/09/20 9:11:13

Hand granitiser.

08/09/20 9:07:44

“I have heard of nasal hare, but not this.”

Wed 23:54:49

Orville and Green.

20/06/21 11:03:37

Fruit of the doom.

30/05/21 20:01:01

Life had become increasingly difficult for Pretty Boy. He checked out in style with an antifreeze cocktail.

19/05/21 8:49:31

Not being able to get cock tail was what made life difficult in the first place. --Willie Johnson

Kenlucky Fried Chicken.

16/05/21 20:05:08

My big Greek Wedding shower.

12/05/21 20:00:10

"Don't you death roll your eyes at me. I didn't want to accept the invitation."

09/05/21 20:00:51

There's no wonder the Sat Nav was going for Â£1.99 on E-Bay.

08/05/21 12:00:25

"You could have at least worn your flatties hun."

07/05/21 11:58:31

Could somebody pass the vinegar.

03/05/21 20:45:07

I hate being the on-call plumber when Wetherspoons has a "Vindaloo Night."

02/05/21 20:02:06

Cheerfeeder

29/04/21 20:00:13

One of them is carrying a lot more baggage.

26/04/21 8:34:48

Though I already voted, shorter, punchier might win a few more?"One's got more baggage." --SnapDragon D

Nobody had realised just how out of control Gav's verucca had gotten.

16/04/21 13:25:34

Cat nips.

15/04/21 9:04:08

"Being ginger has never been a problem. What do you mean everybody else has cleared off to a different hotel for Auld Lang Syne."

08/04/21 20:00:14

You just canâ€™t beat a Shearings Tinsel and Turkey holiday. Have been on very many, the best being in Scotland...smiles. --Ellen Duncalf

"We heard there was a protest taking place."

"Yeah. Our Jordan's kicked off cos he didn't get a boss toy from Santa in the precinct Grotto."

30/03/21 8:28:38

Being a woman in this industry always requires a leg up.

23/03/21 14:36:31

Art Attack

11/03/21 12:00:11

I can't believe you are having a physio appointment on your wedding day.

09/03/21 20:01:04

Bladder Lives Matter

09/03/21 9:20:40

Gosh, I came for a relaxing afternoon in the pool not to take part in the human dung beetle challenge.

05/03/21 20:00:08

I just need my phone. My lunch box, purse, flask and sun cream can stay there for now. Thanks babe.

02/03/21 12:01:36

Note to self. Next time you take your cod liver oil capsule on your lunch break, swallow it, not chomp it.

01/03/21 20:00:44

No need to cry over split milk.

16/02/21 20:00:32

Ratty Patty.

16/02/21 12:00:33

According to them, this is my enjoying myself face. One has to wonder what it's like when I'm not.

09/02/21 12:05:56

"Do you like my bear onesie? I got it for Christmas."

06/02/21 20:00:17

This place is weird. I'm busting out.

02/02/21 20:02:18

The Masked Blinger.

31/01/21 20:00:14

The moment you have to believe that personality is everything.

24/01/21 20:00:12

"This season on The Bachelor : communist version" --Mauris Iocus

Where did you tell her you were going?"

"To carry on stripping at the bar."

"What did she say?"

"She didn't, she just kneed me in the groin."

24/01/21 12:00:14

🎵 I can see clearly now the rain has gone 🎵

23/01/21 20:00:13

The Hurt Locker

22/01/21 20:00:18

I've always been a good listener. I was born that way.

15/01/21 12:00:15

Melania celebrates in style as her and Don leave town.

14/01/21 21:21:14

Many people have regressed during lock down. This guy thinks he is aged 7 in a "Music and Movement" session in primary school. Determined to be the biggest, strongest animal in the zoo.

10/01/21 12:00:28

The moment when you think things can't get any worse and someone ties a live grenade round your neck disguised as a bauble.

03/01/21 12:22:22

Captain Birdseye promotes his new product of beer-battered cod.

27/12/20 9:35:14

My house is just along here on the left. It's not the best place to live and it's a nightmare getting home insurance.

22/12/20 12:24:59

When I grow up I want to be a bellyrina.

21/12/20 20:14:42

Dave was arrested for exposing himself in pubic.

13/12/20 10:38:34

Crime Scene Investigators were keen to shed some light on the evidence.

12/12/20 9:49:44

National Geographic have reported on the unearthing of a perfectly preserved prehistoric people following a giant quake in Peru. Looking at those chunky thighs, it confirms my theory that women's rugby has been going a lot longer than any of us knew.

08/12/20 14:51:46

A bottle of Bud and a blue acid tab. The Christmas party might not be too bad after all this year.

06/12/20 12:50:40

Flowers and the Addict.

05/12/20 12:26:12

Looks like Halloween has had a head-on collision with Christmas but then it's been that sort of a year.

02/12/20 20:20:38

Caesarian Section Sindy.

26/11/20 20:01:10

Lose the ankle snapper and you and me can have some fun.

18/11/20 8:54:37

Dev had a dodgy tummy after last nights party so when he saw the giant sea food platter arrive he was a crushedasian.

14/11/20 8:20:57

I wouldn't trust Public transport to get me to the church on time. In fact I wouldn't trust them to get me anywhere on time.

11/11/20 8:04:11

He's been searching for months but Jim still hasn't found his gym locker key.

03/11/20 13:56:22

If you're a bit short of change, I'm quite partial to duffle coats. Any colour will do.

31/10/20 12:01:10

Jeff had taken out every window and a couple of elderly shoppers in his village so decided to practice his discus at the lake with a safety rope, from now on.

29/10/20 12:00:24

That's the most spherical discus I've ever seen. Perhaps you mean a hammer, as in hammer throw? (Added benefit is that it's a round weight with a cable attached for throwing, although the cable is much shorter.) --Willie Johnson

"Well Sal, when I bat my lashes like this I'm just the cutest, so he tosses me the biggest, most succulent sardine every time."
"He hasn't smelt your breath though, has he?

26/10/20 12:52:30

Cameron only walked as far as his village newsagents, but thought he would have his photo taken here and generate some fake news for his Instagram.

25/10/20 20:01:22

The empty beaches of Cornwall during lockdown are a "clamity" for British tourism.

25/10/20 15:21:58

This evil chuffer took my eye out last Christmas so this year I am going to kill it.

24/10/20 8:00:44

Deliveroo's two new recruits in the side dishes department are on the chipatti run this week-end.

23/10/20 20:01:58

Just 3 glasses of Gin and lemon and a beer pong helps the medicines go down, in the most delightful way.

23/10/20 12:03:41

Codeine, Ramipril, Simvastatin and Senna, all washed down with 3 glasses of bubbly. Lockdown isn't so bad after all.

23/10/20 12:02:16

Winnie used to play the tuba in the Grimethorpe Colliery Band..reminiscence is very beneficial for dementia patients.

23/10/20 12:01:18

Crude Crotch Clan.

23/10/20 8:33:42

Hmmm..that was supposed to be a clown with a smiley face but has come out looking like Egyptian hieroglyphics.. --Ellen Duncalf

With an average of 37 blackcurrants in a 500ml glass of Ribena, Gulliver's going to be waiting a while for his today.

16/10/20 9:37:35

"You should have been wearing your stab proof jacket. You deserve a good roasting for being such an idiot."

13/10/20 20:01:58

clever

Have always wondered what that little ape-endage was for.

11/10/20 8:04:53

Nissan Cherry tomato.

10/10/20 20:00:39

"Can a guy get a light round here? I've been asking for hours but all this lot want to do is discuss their gender identity issues.

10/10/20 13:14:21

I'm not gonna look, I'm not gonna look, I'm not gonna look.

09/10/20 20:00:15

See, I've always said she was a handful!!

08/10/20 8:37:04

Paul held on to his Greggs sausage roll for dear life.

07/10/20 21:55:51

Peppa Pig is so yesterday. This is much more like it.

04/10/20 20:00:39

Apple bobbing.

02/10/20 8:24:30

That look when you wish you were actually blind on your blind date.

01/10/20 12:32:20

Mummyford and Sons rock Edinburgh Festival for fourth year running.

28/09/20 20:01:11

"The wedding was lovely wasn't it?

"It was Barney, but what happens now?"

"I haven't got the faintest idea."

28/09/20 8:03:20

"I'm a Kingfisher and Kingfishers are on the "rare in Britain" list."

"You'll be even rarer once I've tortured you mercilessly and then snuffed out your life."

25/09/20 20:04:28

"Just because I'm wearing my brothel creepers doesn't mean I've been up to no good love"..." No, it's the fact that your flies are undone, and your t-shirt is on back to front.

22/09/20 9:27:41

Doodlepug

18/09/20 12:24:22

🎵 And I would do anything for love
I'd run right into hell and back
Yeah I would do anything for love
I'll even have this sac and crack🎵

17/09/20 17:04:31

I didn't exactly have this in mind when I listed transparency as a "must have quality" on.Match.Com.

16/09/20 17:29:00

Itâ€™s quite unnerving looking at this pic..lol..ðŸ‘ --Ellen Duncalf

I wondered where the teeth from the Lilliput comb had disappeared to.

10/09/20 17:13:07

Josh didn't realise his full immersion baptism would be so ce-real.

09/09/20 22:36:21

Shady, but with a bad down draught.

03/09/20 14:19:44

I am actually a white dove m'dear, but with lockdown and all, my roots have got the better of me.

02/09/20 15:48:24

The shocking moment these fans realised they have won absolutely nothing this season.

08/06/21 20:16:01

more captions

last comments (total: 65)

After much giggling, Finley was the one caught passing a piece of paper around class. It just happened to land on him, poor bastard. But then you'd think the class would have common sense enough to make the paper smaller and scrunch it up, wouldn't you? But then times change, why do that? smilie face

Glyn Evans

19/05/21
12:42pm

comment on caption:
Thank you Finley for your word of the day.
[Ellen Duncalf]

Lol...we used to have word of the day when I was small. I remember it very clearly.

Ellen Duncalf

19/05/21
7:52pm

comment on caption:
Thank you Finley for your word of the day.
[Ellen Duncalf]

I absolutely love the elderly and have chosen to work with them for many years but the way people are on the make during this pandemic, it would not surprise me one iota to see an advert similar to this...seriously.

(caption author)

29/05/21
2:40pm

comment on caption:
Can't pay nursing home fees? We'll take them away. Reasonable fees. Phone 01244 321546. [Ellen Duncalf]

Don't get me excited & then tell me it's a joke, damn I'll be bankrupt soon & they're spending my inheritance.

Barrie Bullock

29/05/21
3:45pm

comment on caption:
Can't pay nursing home fees? We'll take them away. Reasonable fees. Phone 01244 321546. [Ellen Duncalf]

FFS that number is not recognised!! What a waste of my time