lol

”Gav, there's a bloke on the doorstep says he’s from the care home up the road, says he was sat watching Cash in the Attic, got a cat hair stuck in his throat, coughed a couple of times and they dumped him outside ours.”

Fri 22:17:10

The man from Flora, he say yes.

15/09/20 8:02:32

Wallace and Gromit Appreciation Society

04/09/20 20:00:54

Government compromises saying only our lower halves need to follow social distancing rules.

12/09/20 8:07:22

Frocky Marciano.

06/09/20 21:26:55

♪ I always feel like some Buddah’s watching me ♪

06/09/20 21:07:32

”Your house is on fire and your children are gone!
”I don’t care...just go away!

15/09/20 22:43:14

Ethel tests out the impact resistance of the Granny Master 2000 Deluxe Model with Titanium Alloy Wheels, Leather Handle and Burberry Trim (chav version also has optional neon blue underfloor lighting and "spinner" alloys) in a bus lane in Croydon.
 

14/09/20 9:11:13

Hand granitiser.

08/09/20 9:07:44

Doodlepug

Fri 12:24:22

🎵 And I would do anything for love
I’d run right into hell and back
Yeah I would do anything for love
I’ll even have this sac and crack🎵

Thu 17:04:31

I didn’t exactly have this in mind when I listed transparency as a ”must have quality” on.Match.Com.

Wed 17:29:00

I wondered where the teeth from the Lilliput comb had disappeared to.

10/09/20 17:13:07

Josh didn’t realise his full immersion baptism would be so ce-real.

09/09/20 22:36:21

Shady, but with a bad down draught.

03/09/20 14:19:44

I am actually a white dove m’dear, but with lockdown and all, my roots have got the better of me.

02/09/20 15:48:24

It’s my own fault Sid for half-inching that Big Mac, my three bellies are weighing me down and I just can’t take off.

Sat 8:32:08

Hashtag lockdownbellyletsgetadog

Fri 12:23:51

🎵 And now the times are changin'
Look at everything that's come along
Sometimes when I play this old six-string
I look at you and wonder what the hell went wrong. 🎵

Fri 8:21:57

” Gosh Gav, I knew there was a disruption to AA services with everything that’s going on but this is ridiculous.”

Fri 8:02:52

”It was your stupid idea to come to the Halloween Party..how was I to know it was apple-bobbing in a bath of iodine? Sickos.”

Thu 15:10:57

Glamping offers the same exposure to the fresh air of the great outdoors as traditional camping but with added luxury, said the ad, but there was no mention of the toxic waste..hmmm.

Thu 8:13:57

Incongruous attire for Gav on the welcome door at Monkey World this Summer.

Wed 17:25:36

Teddy Tubby feels half a stone lighter after having a tinky-winky and noo-noo.

11/09/20 20:32:59

Baby Gates.

02/09/20 8:07:59

Spiffing stuff boys...I’ll pull out the tooth and you push in the piles.

27/08/20 21:54:25

Builder’s butt by Banksy

25/08/20 22:29:27

I said ”I’ll take the chest and you take the head” but I didn’t mean literally Gav!!

20/08/20 23:08:18

”Yeah”.

Sun 9:33:10

All Sir Bertie Braithwaite wants to do is rust in peace but some weird stalker who just rocked up has other ideas.

Sun 8:38:30

"Has she gone yet? Nasty vile evil hissing spitting sneaky little mog. Can't believe she's got us both pinned in here again. Every time bro..every time.It's not good for our sheep-cred.

Sat 20:47:11

The Teddy Therapy session finishes well this afternoon and the client's share a Dial-a-Pizza. Topics covered today included Separation Anxiety and Abandonment Issues.

Sat 12:39:58

The final three contestants at this years Bake Off Final patiently await Mary Beary’s verdict on their sourdough pizza with goat cheese and black olives. They are bearing up well under the pressure.

Sat 12:28:06

”Smell my thumb and I’ll grant you a wish.”

Sat 11:16:08

They are a bona fide double act. The county and Western stars of to-marrow.

Fri 10:36:17

”They weren’t kidding when they called it the boneshaker bus.”

Fri 8:57:06

”Well Gertrude, I am so thankful that we can socially distance from these bothersome humans and even moreso now. What’s your take on it all Glenda?”

Thu 20:26:52

Will ya look at that Lionel! Damn kids are eating us out of house and home.
I do wish you you weren’t so easily distracted Lavinia.

15/09/20 22:54:08

Village scarecrow is latest victim of psychopathic serial killer. Following a grisly assault , environmental crime division are still unable to locate his amputated hands and feet but continue to dig up the allotment in their search.

13/09/20 17:11:52

My psychologist says that my not coming out as a sprout has been at the root of all my issues.

13/09/20 10:25:11

There’s no need to get into such a flap Daphne my darling, it’s only the postman bringing our Council Tax bill.

12/09/20 10:16:30

Mummy did have a box of mini flags for us with shiny stars on but Daddy snatched them from her and they started shouting.

11/09/20 12:22:21

Only fruits and horses.

11/09/20 8:07:34

Chris Packham takes Springwatch to new heights during lockdown.

10/09/20 20:03:22

I asked a neighbour if they would both house and cat sit whilst we went on holiday.

10/09/20 14:25:26

Give me some of that cheese you’ve just half inched from the kitchen work top..c’mon.

10/09/20 12:14:29

NASA report just in has confirmed that several ” ʻOumuamua” we're found on a beach in Dorset by the local Ladies ”Beach Clean Committee” posing here with their unusual find.

10/09/20 12:11:51

Listening to ♪ Be-bop-a-lula ♪
Whilst having a brew with Tallulah.

09/09/20 9:24:00

♪ Working at the Car Squash ♪

08/09/20 20:44:22

”The Caterwaul” painting draws big crowds at the Scraatchi Gallery in London this week.

08/09/20 17:32:07

Skippy only managed to pull out half of the Anaconda in the time allowed therefore failing his Bushtucker trial.

07/09/20 20:18:43

The Lilliput branch of Extinction Rebellion deliver a harsh warning ”Only a clear vision with action will ensure Earth’s next chapter.”

07/09/20 9:39:32

Alpaca on the Wacky Bacca.

07/09/20 8:55:17

Nothing Hill Carnival is no longer struggling to stay afloat.

05/09/20 8:49:16

Morning Dave, those two lads down there were charred with the electric fence so we’re now back on the barbed wire, sigh.

04/09/20 8:03:21

They’re taking the pith, we ain’t never gonna drill through this. Typical council...if in doubt, dig it up.

03/09/20 20:18:32

Russell and old Crowe.

03/09/20 15:28:47

To boldly go where no ball has gone before.

03/09/20 9:13:54

The moment you realise you are in line at the lycra leotard test centre and NOT the auditions for new Star Trek movie.

28/08/20 12:59:47

So that’s the origin of the wrestling move ”Nutcracker Knee Hold”...always wondered.

27/08/20 21:52:44

Toupee the Colour

26/08/20 17:07:33

Half price organic caulie for sale. Biodegradable bags...free of charge.

26/08/20 7:46:01

No tank robbing

25/08/20 22:46:55

The lighter way to enjoy chocolate

24/08/20 23:41:40

Stiletto Larghetto by ”Shoepan”

24/08/20 23:27:15

The dentist he said ”would you please open wider”
It’s time for your check-up in spite of the spider.

24/08/20 23:06:59

”Lives well for less” now he shops in the city
Sat on a bench full of bird poo, all shitty...

24/08/20 23:03:48

Four seasoned chefs by Vivaldi

24/08/20 17:12:43

Damn seagull stole my cone...

21/08/20 9:26:50

Big Mike

21/08/20 9:21:05

Come on lads, the Mrs. wants to test out her new washing powder and what the Mrs.wants the Mrs.gets...

21/08/20 9:11:24

Bubble up bitching...

21/08/20 9:06:10

”Catryn” Tate...how very dare you...

20/08/20 23:33:05

Just checking it’s still there...the same as males the world over...

20/08/20 23:26:12

Nothing, absolutely nothing stops the sale at DFS!

20/08/20 23:04:57

So desperate for a hug in lockdown I’ve taken to hugging trees...

20/08/20 22:58:15

Now I know why ”the caged cat springs”...

20/08/20 22:52:46