I guess he really cracked under pressure

23/02/24 20:03:23

Julie took the term "being supportive" to the extreme

13/02/24 8:05:01

"Dad, who is this Ermintrude from The Magic Roundabout?"
"Oh, she's legend-dairy"

10/02/24 8:45:44

Thumbless hitchhiker left standing, despite showing plenty of leg.

28/01/24 8:50:37

Is that lift still broken?

20/01/24 8:04:44, edited: 20/01/24 9:25:06

How many swimming pool attendants does it take to change a light bulb?

16/01/24 21:08:20

When I get older, losing my hair,
Many years from now.
Will you pat me cheekily under sunny skies
Sending shivers as you catch my surprised eyes

If I'd been out catching waves by the sea,
Would you lock the door?
Will you still need me, will you still tease me,
When I'm 64?

11/01/24 12:39:11, edited: 11/01/24 12:41:11

The podiatrist got a bit of an unexpected suprise on his first day at work

29/12/23 8:08:21

As the wind rustles through the heather, a wise-looking Highlander turns to his compatriots and declares, "Lads, we've been tasked with protecting this airplane. Aye, it may seem out of place, but dinnae be fooled – it's a secret weapon in our arsenal, designed to transport the world's supply of shortbread and Scotch to our brethren worldwide."

Beside him, to his left, stands the regimental piper, who, instead of playing traditional tunes, is attempting a rendition of "Flight of the Bumblebee" on bagpipes. The soldiers exchange bemused glances but dare not question the piper's artistic expression.

One soldier, wearing a particularly extravagant sporran, scratches his head and asks, "But why a plane? Why not just use our trusty Highland coos to carry the cargo?"

The Highlander, with a twinkle in his eye, replies, "Ah, you see, Angus, a plane is faster than a Highland coo, and it can traverse lochs and mountains with ease. Plus, it has in-flight entertainment – aye, pipers like our dear friend here!"

Meanwhile, the piper attempts a high note that only dogs in the neighbouring glens can hear.

16/12/23 23:19:56

The Barktender recommends the house favourite 'Hair of the Dog'

16/12/23 8:02:17

Believing she had uncovered the long-lost Roar2D2 Dino, Philomena Cunk enthusiastically started digging, only to realize too late that it was just a discarded soda can from a galaxy far, far away.

13/11/23 13:32:15, edited: 13/11/23 15:01:04

The gift that gets glowing reviews

01/11/23 21:02:56

Matilda had been around the block a few times

13/10/23 8:14:57

80 is the new 20

13/10/23 8:14:00

"I like to look my best in case a Captioneer is taking photos"

12/10/23 8:07:21

Lighten up, it's Christmas

11/10/23 11:45:07

When karma strikes and the 'popular' school gang don't age well, much to the glee of every other bullied pupil from their class who sees their reunion picture on Facebook.

06/10/23 12:08:39, edited: 06/10/23 12:14:12

Chasing after the ice cream van

20/09/23 12:08:12

"Now, if I just manage to dislodge that bit from the alternator, then the air conditioning won't work properly and we can have the windows down again!"

14/09/23 8:50:45

When you start to look like an ass, it's time to leave the bar.

08/09/23 8:02:39

Pedestrian parking only

30/08/23 12:29:18

Miss Universe

27/08/23 8:23:19

Why did the chicken cross the road?
"Who's asking?"

16/08/23 12:36:17

...hammer time

14/08/23 15:02:21

Oman was working his way up to senior management level, trying to work out how to make a problem that fit one of his solutions.

12/08/23 8:55:04

Hot on your heels

02/08/23 15:58:41

This isn't what Dave had in mind when Sue said she'd take him whale watching for his birthday

30/07/23 8:25:20, edited: 30/07/23 8:26:10

Basil was still waiting for the slipper he'd ordered

27/07/23 13:38:27

"Can't believe you're eating a 'hot dog'"

27/07/23 13:28:54

I see you're wearing odd socks again

04/07/23 8:03:34, edited: 04/07/23 8:03:44

I had to buy it, it was going cheep

30/06/23 22:47:50

Hendbag

30/06/23 21:31:02

Don't worry, the man on the ladder is wearing a safety noose!

27/06/23 8:10:18, edited: 27/06/23 8:13:38

"Is your top on properly, Penelope? You don't want to be causing any more accidents."

20/06/23 20:28:56

The last resort when you just can't get that song out your head.

29/05/23 20:00:23

Sometimes Gentle Ben wished he could just fight back, but his agent said it would ruin his TV career

14/04/23 8:30:00, edited: 14/04/23 8:41:16

Angry Birds: The Movie

24/03/23 12:27:41

Ascend to the throne

18/03/23 20:15:15

No-one was surprised when Chewbacca's daughters turned up for the new Star Wars Premier, the secret guest appearance had already been spilled on Wookieeleaks.

10/03/23 8:03:28

That should stop it getting nicked again

24/02/23 12:05:10

Out of character

21/02/23 8:00:19

Cool wheels, bro!

10/02/23 12:02:25

Rizzo got into the stash of Skittles and scoffed the lot.

07/02/23 8:00:08

This new approach to bodysurfing was certain to impress the ladies

25/01/23 20:00:09

The Lone Danger

21/01/23 12:01:17

“I’ve got a bone to pick.”
“Which one? A, B, C, D or E?”

15/01/23 12:32:37

Stick with me, kid

01/01/23 8:20:00

This is not what we meant, lads, when we said "Gentlemen please lift the seat"

28/12/22 8:03:04

"Hey there, just leave your car in the barking lot".

21/12/22 8:16:35

I like this picture, but don't at the same time.

19/12/22 20:12:49

The sign was met with a luke warm reception

15/12/22 20:00:12

The Great White Bark

13/12/22 8:00:23

lol

A lone shark digging for gold – they’ll do anything to get their money back

13/12/22 8:00:12

He was a sourpuss

11/12/22 9:14:43

Should one address a royal corgi as "Your Highness?"

03/12/22 8:07:31

Proof that politics has gone to the dogs

02/12/22 21:05:15

"Oh I stood around in a field and ate a bunch of grass. What did you do this weekend? "

27/11/22 8:12:16

Henrietta was always treading on eggshells around her family

15/11/22 20:00:12

New clients were always a bit worried when arriving for acupuncture with Dave.

14/11/22 12:10:12, edited: 14/11/22 14:31:47

They say eating fruit is healthy. So why are we so @*!$*** fat?!!

11/11/22 20:10:18

Here's Johnny!!!

08/11/22 8:03:51

Alan was thin on top. Cathy wasn't.

04/11/22 8:27:10

Papa bare

03/11/22 20:24:25

"So you have another excuse for not taking out the rubbish bins".

02/11/22 12:20:20

Beauty is in the pie of the beholder

21/10/22 20:17:12

There’s nothing to worry about regarding this national emergency

21/10/22 8:07:33

Don’t be fooled, they’re not friends, they’re arch enemies.

18/10/22 12:46:43

Great Scot!

16/10/22 8:00:50

A tough nut to crack.

28/09/22 12:01:38

£1.90 for the dramatic enactment of pretending to serve chips… this could be well worth the money.

26/09/22 12:16:53

Guess who found the antidepressant pills?

25/09/22 12:00:33

Workaholics can sit in this office chair forever and bury themselves in their work.

25/09/22 8:10:17, edited: 25/09/22 8:15:40

Look, spaghetti arms. This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don't go into yours, you don't go into mine.

10/09/22 20:00:19

Well this apartment is a lot smaller than it looked on Rightmove.

08/09/22 8:25:31

Honey, I shrubbed the kids

01/09/22 12:07:38

Simon was so level-headed that he became a Roll Model.

17/08/22 8:03:59, edited: 17/08/22 8:05:01

Red Rum flavoured ice cream

25/07/22 8:00:20

Bob caught his biggest fish… but then was gutted he couldn’t post it on facebook because his wife thought he was busy working

22/07/22 14:25:12

Ant and Dec get everywhere nowadays....

07/07/22 8:00:46

It was clear to everyone that Ginny was going through a particularly nasty break up.

05/07/22 12:52:05

After a dip in the insurance market, Churchill found himself auditioning for a new advertising role.

28/06/22 20:14:35

Margaret was upset that she didn’t get the mask she’d asked for, with a rose and tulips.

20/06/22 8:00:19

The Fast and the Curious

22/04/24 12:42:59

Margarita Thunberg

20/02/24 8:32:05

Bedam

15/02/24 12:27:41

That's what happens when you eat a lobster's distant cousin twice removed

06/02/24 8:06:28

The bride's dress had more gaps than the best man's speech

26/01/24 12:11:57

A tea party with ewenique charm

22/01/24 20:06:54

"Next time, stick to traditional 'Pin the tail on the donkey'"

09/01/24 12:16:28, edited: 09/01/24 12:19:03

Dave made a habit of washing his dirty linen in public

07/01/24 8:36:21

Passengers get an inkling that the flight meal will be vindaloo

06/01/24 20:07:25

Hairley-Davidson

28/12/23 8:17:26

They say it takes two to tangle

28/12/23 8:15:48, edited: 28/12/23 8:16:50

🎵 But I can't help fowling in love with you 🎵

22/12/23 13:19:32, edited: 22/12/23 13:29:28

Cyclist: (panting) Crikey! This wasn't on the itinerary for today's bike ride! (Looks over his shoulder and spots the bear) Oh, botheration!

Bear: (in a gruff, sophisticated British accent) Good day, sir! Would you mind slowing down a tad? I seem to be experiencing a rather un-bearable desire to catch up with you.

Cyclist: (puzzled) Slowing down? Are you out of your bear mind? You're chasing me like I'm a picnic basket filled with salmon sandwiches!

Bear: (nonchalant) Well, one does get peckish during forest strolls, you know. But let's not digress. (Picks up pace) I simply wish to discuss matters of great importance, like your choice in bicycling attire.

Cyclist: (confused) My attire? Now? Are you kidding me? Look, can we talk about this later? I'm kind of in a tight spot here!

And so, the absurd chase continues, with a soundtrack of random coconuts being banged together, and a group of lumberjacks singing a lumberjack song.

20/12/23 20:15:33

And your guest speaker today is Paul McKenna. "3, 2, 1.... you're under"

16/12/23 7:58:54

They say laughter is the best medicine, but have you tried lifting an alpaca?

15/12/23 8:17:02

This time Karyn was on a reel adventure

23/11/23 12:02:28

Little Timmy, armed with his secret bubble-boosting potion, accidentally turned his bath into a frothy fiesta. The bubbles grew so colossal that they developed personalities and started demanding rights. Timmy, now the unwitting leader of the Bubble Liberation Movement, negotiated with his soapy compatriots for peace. In the end, a treaty was signed, and Timmy's bathtub became a symbol of unity, where bubbles and bathers coexisted in playful harmony.

22/11/23 8:07:12, edited: 22/11/23 8:07:45

Aquaman, wielding a hilariously large fork, decided to host an underwater cooking show. Little did he know, his friends had replaced all the real ingredients with inflatable sea creatures.

19/11/23 8:23:18