“No I’m not worried about the water jump. What makes you think that?"

22/11/22 8:02:34, edited: 22/11/22 8:22:14

Richard Branson without his hair and beard was hard to imagine...until now.

18/11/22 21:36:47

lol

Perhaps it was her green face or her pink shoe phone...but nobody noticed her stranded Halibut.

15/11/22 14:38:25

"Pack it in Bob or you can delouse your own back."

07/11/22 20:01:32

The Liz Truss Of Dogs. You can see she got up there but have no idea how.

29/10/22 22:17:32

"Not sure about this Maureen...I don't even think he knows Batman."

Mon 12:14:25, edited: Mon 12:18:21

"And you say you're looking for gloves madam?"

21/04/24 20:07:36

lol

In the rural environment, Private Investigator Dave was able to use disguise to tail his subjects undetected. But he never really adapted to city work.

13/03/24 8:23:28

"Me beam's up Scotty!"

12/03/24 12:00:52

"I don't think you're suited to this."

02/03/24 8:15:05

The Pet Shop Boys

16/02/24 14:05:57

"Piss off kids, I'm having a shit!"

15/02/24 8:20:28

Looks like a cock and pull story to me.

07/02/24 20:03:51

"I know you loved that cat Dave, but it's not going on the tree again this year."

05/02/24 8:04:20, edited: 05/02/24 9:13:20

lol

Entrepreneur sets up new stall in jewellery quarter.

27/01/24 8:18:05

The Headmaster was beginning to think Dave wasn't ideally suited to teaching art to the under fives.

25/01/24 20:16:06, edited: 25/01/24 20:38:40

creative

"You know Dave, when you look out there into the depths of space, it makes you realise how insignificant it is to be ginger."

16/01/24 12:02:59

A 6-year-old Dave had left him to melt as the snow gave way to winter sun. And now 40 years later he was back from the dead... looking for revenge.

10/01/24 20:13:13, edited: 10/01/24 20:55:05

"Okay Dave, prepare to burst out of the Caterpillar suit and engage the enemy commanders with Geoff. Geoff, scratch your nose if you copy."

17/12/23 20:32:03

Karen was beginning to regret the sardine sandwich

15/12/23 12:04:00

"Are you sure these outfits are okay for a night out in Middlesborough?"

12/12/23 12:39:56

Motorola

29/11/23 12:28:56

"No it's not quite right...can you make him a shovel to lean on."

29/11/23 8:14:38

For when the Saving Private Ryan reenactment gets a bit too realistic for your Action Man.

28/11/23 8:09:49

For those who find MMA just a little bit woke.

19/11/23 20:04:18

"Vee have vays of making you squawk."

17/11/23 12:04:44, edited: 17/11/23 13:01:51

As a Courtesy To Other Members Please Wipe Down The Equipment After You've Pissed On It.

10/11/23 8:07:14

The funeral will be held in Leeds, Derby, Ipswich...

25/10/23 12:29:31

Something for both tit and ass men.

17/10/23 20:05:18

Tooth and nail

17/10/23 8:01:11

Dave always liked to write a message to his penis before getting it out.

10/10/23 12:54:00

Paris fashion week "not what it was".

06/10/23 12:12:10

Loo Ferrigno

04/10/23 8:04:14

Soixante-neuf-du-cat

12/09/23 13:08:08

"They're shhhhit!"

11/09/23 20:30:58

"Well, the good news is the constipation has resolved itself..."

11/09/23 14:26:20

Acrapnophobia

11/09/23 12:10:27

These designer crossbreeds are starting to get out of hand now.

09/09/23 8:09:42

"Dear Dave, We have received the photograph accompanying your claim for a water damaged laptop..."

04/09/23 12:11:01

He became know as the Marylebone Minge Snatcher.

02/09/23 12:04:10

Dour mat.

22/08/23 12:30:19

"Just ignore it. It's a cucumber but it identifies as an orange."

07/08/23 12:49:04

Dave was beginning to regret telling his Tinder date he'd pick her up.

24/07/23 8:04:04

Dave had never been on a night out in Barnsley before, that much was clear.

06/07/23 15:14:02

The girls were excited. Not only did the phone work but the box hadn't even been pissed in.

03/07/23 20:48:01

Breadvard Munch

21/06/23 8:59:22

Bum bare over the rainbow.

12/06/23 20:29:56

"Can I go and piss on some sandcastles now?"

30/05/23 8:03:16

"The sex is the same but the bins haven't been put out for a fortnight."

14/05/23 16:06:36

"On the plus side it looks like your thrush has cleared up."

02/05/23 20:28:48

"Bloody hell, I must have been pissed last night."

23/04/23 8:01:27

Aberdeen's decision to play in summer to avoid worst of weather, pays off.

10/04/23 8:03:36

Call centre recruitment started early.

08/04/23 8:08:54

Convent-ional weapons

31/03/23 22:40:51

"Just uncross your legs love, we've got a bet on."

29/03/23 22:03:26

Not all heroes have a Capon

28/03/23 10:23:50

"You're quite right madam, it's not what you expect to see when you come out of the shower naked. Nice taps by the way."

20/03/23 12:46:05

Dave laughed, but the implications of catching a floating turd in a flimsy poop bag, hadn't yet hit him.

04/03/23 8:11:45

"Quick, pull the steps up Geoff...all I can see out there are 12 nobheads eating what look like Kangeroo cocks."

23/02/23 9:49:50

“Do I look like I’m loving’ it?”

19/02/23 20:00:17

What is known colloquially as a Les Dennis & Amanda Holden scenario - nobody has the faintest idea how it got up there, but are intrigued and impressed that it did.

04/02/23 16:45:09

Part of The Tracey Emin Outdoor Lighting Collection.

04/02/23 16:41:05

"Dave's always messing about when he's board."

25/01/23 20:52:26

"I think the piece is good but it's just too dear."

22/01/23 8:52:36

Gonna live here until the fungus out of it.

12/01/23 8:20:15

"If you think this is embarrassing, I had to model a Man Utd kit last week."

03/01/23 20:27:40

Reassuringly Offensive

23/12/22 12:05:42

They've upped their game for Ladies Day at Aintree this year.

17/12/22 9:31:53

Man admitted to hospital with three boxes of Ferrero Rocher, two pairs of novelty socks and a bad case of frostbite.

15/12/22 20:56:29, edited: 15/12/22 20:57:07

creative

Dave's decorations never really captured the Christmas spirit.

15/12/22 8:14:19

"Don't know about you love, but I think the Anne Summers catalogue has really gone down hill."

28/11/22 20:06:25

Deep down, Dave realised he needed to stay away from Tk Maxx.

18/11/22 12:00:45

Mini Driver

13/11/22 20:30:07

It's strange, but it keeps them occupied and the sheep are grateful for that.

12/11/22 22:44:49

Brief Hencounter

12/11/22 8:49:56

Tea Shirt

31/10/22 20:00:24

“He says he’s identifying as a Unicorn.”

20/10/22 12:00:22

Can't we just climb a tree or something dad, like normal cats .

12/10/22 9:59:07

"I know it's you Dave, stop pissing about and milk these cows."

30/04/24 20:23:00

When your dog won't stop humping the cushions.

19/04/24 8:06:44

creative

Thieven' Seagall

12/04/24 10:17:52

Amy Shitehouse

10/04/24 20:06:02

Only in America...The drive-thru flower show.

10/04/24 12:40:17

"Do we really have to have this every time she need a haircut, Dave?"

08/04/24 12:15:01

"I told her we should have bought a smaller dog."

29/03/24 12:01:36

"I was kinda hoping for a passing God Of The Sea, not some fat bloke with rubber feet and goggles."

22/03/24 8:07:33, edited: 22/03/24 8:08:03

Bannatyne's "not what it was" say members.

21/03/24 12:43:34

That's humorous!

10/03/24 8:15:47

"This week on 'Real Or Fake?' we're going to find out if women can tell a plant based sausage from a severed penis."

02/02/24 20:11:28

Cocktail sausages

02/02/24 20:03:52

"It's the horse's day off."

01/02/24 20:02:41

"Alright, alright...I'll look at the quote again."

30/01/24 8:08:52

New ITV Docudrama reveals plight of Reindeer forced to live on the streets after being cruelly sacked by seasonal employer.

11/01/24 8:22:14, edited: 11/01/24 8:22:44

Nobhead!

08/01/24 8:34:26

Sharon had been feeling a little horse.

23/12/23 9:35:08

"I've no idea why I keep flying back to the same branch, Dad."

19/12/23 8:15:07, edited: 19/12/23 8:24:25

Paws for taught.

10/12/23 8:19:50

Glove Story

05/12/23 20:08:47

Incoming and outgoing Miss Barnsley guests of honour at local fashion show.

05/12/23 8:16:15, edited: 05/12/23 8:16:40

"When I was a pup there was none of this identifying as a rabbit crap."

27/11/23 21:29:59