Bust Stop

08/06/12 20:00:06

"Oman that looks bad"

"Yemen it does!"

19/10/11 11:14:42

“Ejaculate…..ejaculate….!”

15/04/12 11:00:06

Dave liked to unwind at the end of the day.

26/06/12 20:00:09

Living the dream: Sat in a jacuzzi with a bird on his cock.

15/05/12 20:04:38

After years of going "low energy", Phil switched back to a 100 watt bulb.

12/04/12 21:05:17

He hoped his daughter would grow up older, budweiser.

09/12/12 13:22:39

"My mate says he came to Bangkok and caught crabs but I haven't had a bite all day!"

11/10/12 13:49:22

"Darling I'd love to have your mother over to stay but we haven't got enough seats."

03/09/12 12:01:55

"Drinking lots never harmed me!" says Dave, 24 from Clapham.

10/01/12 12:28:13

"Ok, I know it's big but there's no need to spell it out!"

29/10/11 20:05:06

The first blonde to walk all over a Beetle since Heather Mills.

25/07/11 18:53:52

Ring of Fire

12/02/13 20:04:07

"Ahmed, when I said 'are you coming out?' I meant for a drink!"

03/10/12 21:30:13

After winning another gold, Chris Hoy was overcome with emulsion.

06/08/12 16:00:18

Railway sleepers

07/06/12 20:00:05

May the sauce be with you...

02/01/12 20:11:30

"Put the earthling back. Our test results show he's got exactly the same DNA as the last 5 we tried."

"Should we try somewhere else other than Norfolk?"

13/12/12 13:23:03

"Sod this audition! I don't even like Lurpack anyway!"

29/09/12 12:07:06

"I can see what the problem is....someone's parked a lawn-mower on your genitals."

04/09/12 12:05:39

He loved his girlfriend, but she came with too much baggage.

22/08/12 20:01:03

"Grandad, what makes men want to spend all their spare time trying to grow vegetables?"

"About 25 years of marriage, son."

13/08/12 20:03:10

"Hello son, did you bring any souvenirs back from Thailand?"

16/04/12 20:03:51

After the Andrex puppy had nicked the toilet roll, things got even worse for Dave.

11/04/12 12:51:57

Loitering within tent

05/03/12 20:44:40

"Right, come on you lot, he's just finished cleaning his car..."

05/02/12 20:12:11

In Thailand it's not unusual to find a girl with a Chopper.

04/01/12 13:36:39

"See lads! I told you I knew a slag we could all have a go on!"

07/12/12 12:57:24

Timmy regretted asking his mum where he was conceived.

14/09/12 13:50:33

"Dave, that perfume you bought your mother-in-law has caught fire. What sort was it?"

"Unleaded."

01/08/12 20:06:23

The mystery of the vanishing dogs, and the feeding of the five-thousand, appeared to be solved.

01/08/12 11:05:58

"And there you go, the full 'Leslie Ash'!"

23/02/12 20:15:59

"What factor suncream should I use?"

"Fifteen, love."

05/12/11 15:06:56

David was amazed that his neutrinos were in his jar as he hadn't planned on putting them there until tomorrow.

24/11/11 12:34:36

Never mind lads, you can shave them off on Saturday.

29/11/12 20:01:45

"Hang on lads.....I've got an idea...."

07/09/12 12:57:52

"Marvellous! She makes us come halfway across the known universe and then decides she liked the shoes in the first shop better!"

31/08/12 13:40:40

There are many mysteries in the world:

How did we get here?

Is there a god?

But one question puzzles us all....

Who the fuck voted for this photo?

30/08/12 20:10:07

When Debbie found out her boyfriend had been sending pictures of his gentials to other women, she decided to buy him a suitable camera.

02/04/12 20:01:53

Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Park

17/02/12 20:03:10

"Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be....Whitney Houston."

17/02/12 13:27:19

It was a strain looking after Harry Redknapp's tax returns.

26/01/12 20:29:37

Photographers gather as John Cleese, Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett arrive in Tokyo.

19/11/11 12:00:54

"So I took my knickers off and said 'Have you ever seen a red-haired twat before?', and he said 'Yes, Mick Hucknall.'"

27/10/11 20:07:39

"Why Dubai such weird t-shirts?"

19/10/11 11:19:14

"Hmm, it says here that Socrates thought that for a man to conquer himself is the first and noblest of all victories."

"Hmm, these birds sure are angry!"

10/10/11 22:07:44

He turned up in a 7.5 tonner but was going home with a Tranny.

22/11/12 22:23:48

Sophie Dahl

09/11/12 20:13:08

Man with elephant's trunk seeks lady with a camel toe.

29/08/12 20:57:27

The lady taxi-drivers would soon learn that they have to be more specific when meeting flights from Liverpool.

13/08/12 12:05:01