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"Has anyone handed in a left ear?"
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Tony Edwards Vote score: 26422Tony Edwards

"Has anyone handed in a left ear?"

Wed 12:26:52

 2
"Nah, no one's left one 'ere." --John Glover
Greg Curtis Vote score: 4836Greg Curtis

"..and the shit on the sidewalk, that was me, too."

Wed 12:41:12

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 18863Ian Skelding

Cops and slobbers

Wed 12:44:35

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 1057Dave Bryan

''I've got a new lead.''

Wed 12:01:32

 
Tina  Flowers Vote score: 332Tina Flowers

'I am a witness for the sheepdog trials'

Wed 12:06:29

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 4836Greg Curtis

"No, I can't, but I can tell you what he SMELLED like."

Wed 12:38:50

 
John Llamas Vote score: 18916John Llamas

Ruff Justice

Wed 12:16:15

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 5504Vanessa the Guesser

"Don't worry Mrs Brown, we've collared the suspect"

Wed 12:33:03

 
Carey Sutton Vote score: 175Carey Sutton

I want to report an assault, my owners cut my balls off without my consent

Wed 12:18:00

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 5504Vanessa the Guesser

Releashed on bail.

Wed 12:01:47

 
stone face Vote score: 1217stone face

Officer Dribble.

Wed 13:00:08

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 26422Tony Edwards

Mutt Ado About Nothing

Wed 12:51:36

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 26422Tony Edwards

Greyfriars Bobby

Wed 12:48:36

 
Smuldo Vote score: 10060Smuldo

Deputy Dog.

Wed 12:15:37

 
Smuldo Vote score: 10060Smuldo

Paw Patrol

Wed 12:12:05

 
Tosser Wivlov Vote score: 5194Tosser Wivlov

You keep to muggers and vice, cat burglars are my job.

Thu 2:38:08

 
Pussy Galore Vote score: 6065Pussy Galore

The sniffer dog's handler had to remind his colleagues about the perils of having a secret stash when Rover's nose was never off duty.

Wed 14:17:31

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 1057Dave Bryan

''This is certainly a tricky case. I'll make no bones about it.''

Wed 13:39:08

 
John  Glover Vote score: 17400John Glover

Bill and Ben.

Wed 13:16:05

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 1057Dave Bryan

''I'll pass on the description of your owner to the missing persons section.''

Wed 13:12:24

 
stone face Vote score: 1217stone face

Heel Street Blues.

Wed 12:52:16

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 4836Greg Curtis

"I'll skip the bread, but that water sounds GREAT."

Wed 12:50:50

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 10172Dan Nicholls

Barking Police Station.

Wed 12:49:49

 
stone face Vote score: 1217stone face

"All the kids keep calling me a smelly mongrel, and chase me down the street with sticks."

"Oh come on ! It's all part of the job,you'll just have to get used to it officer."

Wed 12:49:26

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 4836Greg Curtis

"I'M MISSING A CAT. Description? Um, y'know: paws, whiskers, those annoying little claws...A CAT."

Wed 12:30:55

 
Leroy Brown Vote score: 7620Leroy Brown

Yes Mr Officer you just need to sign the visitors register before coming in.

Wed 12:27:29

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 2025Chris Keegan

I don’t bloody care if you’re a rescue dog, he’s staying in the cells!

Wed 12:24:59

 
Matt Schtick Vote score: 14Matt Schtick

"I thed my thung's thuck to this thucking glass"

Wed 12:23:45

 
Annie Anstis Vote score: 17Annie Anstis

Vincent van Dog

Wed 12:23:34

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 18863Ian Skelding

"You want to know where the Policeman's Ball is? sorry it's a secret."

Wed 12:15:01

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 26422Tony Edwards

Counter-terrierist

Wed 12:07:53

 
Karyn Harrison Vote score: 142Karyn Harrison

"I thought I could smell bacon!"

Wed 12:00:36

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 3711Kenny Ireland

"Have you come for the lab report?"

Thu 17:53:09

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 20480Michael Winner

"So, in conclusion, your statement says that the glowing fiend haunting the fairground was actually your own Uncle Peter in disguise, and that he would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids."

Wed 17:32:06

 
Pete  Vote score: 18117Pete

Uniform Mike: "Bravo Charlie, you found a Kilo of Charlie in the Golf and a Yankee is under arrest."

Wed 16:27:26

 
Pete  Vote score: 18117Pete

"I want to make a compliant about Dixon of Dock Tail."

Wed 15:46:49

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 1057Dave Bryan

''I'm sorry you can't help. Our Patch has already got crime licked.''

Wed 13:18:43

 
Paul Thompson Paul Thompson

Bail! Jump Bail. I thought he said jump ball!

Wed 13:12:25

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 2631Vivvy En

"I'd like my owner arrested, Officer. He commanded me to 'SHIT' so I obediently 'shat' and then he swore and refused to pick up after me.

Wed 13:04:01

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 4819Mr Dome

ZZZzzzz....

Wed 13:02:50

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 4836Greg Curtis

"I'll tell you ONE thing: I'm not going to the pound."

Wed 12:49:24

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 4836Greg Curtis

"Okay, I can sit, but I can't stay."

Wed 12:46:07

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 4836Greg Curtis

"My master called me a bitch."

Wed 12:44:16

 
John Llamas Vote score: 18916John Llamas

The new police 'safe stun' system is the dogs bollocks

Wed 12:38:37

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 4836Greg Curtis

"Are you looking for any help?"

Wed 12:35:07

 
Leroy Brown Vote score: 7620Leroy Brown

It's not that kind of pound!

Wed 12:25:45

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 4836Greg Curtis

"...Then he poured this fluid all over me: It was Spot remover."

Wed 12:17:05

 
Smuldo Vote score: 10060Smuldo

"Hi, I'd like to join the Mounties..."

Wed 12:13:37

 
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