A horse walks into a barcode …

17/08/20 22:17:46

They laughed when I tried to fill these shoes, but they won’t laugh when I filll my nappy.

16/08/20 15:23:37

When Peter volunteered to be chairperson he didn’t know what he was letting himself in for.

21/08/20 13:02:19

You can’t leave that settee there, it’s ruining the feng shui!

18/08/20 19:21:40

This city has turned mask wearing into an art form.

15/08/20 23:35:17

My pair aren’t as verdant as those, but the grass is always greener on the other size.

15/08/20 1:54:42

What’s the glaze on the strawberries? Ah, that’s a secrete family recipe.

13/08/20 2:32:07

It was only while lying in the garden after devouring the large slice of cake that Delia realised her mistake: too much self raising flour!

26/08/20 22:43:25

When the UFO landed they feared there’d be a big racket.

26/08/20 8:11:22

Mum: Where’s your brother?
Me: *Realising* I thought you said put Brett out for the bears.

23/08/20 8:55:51

They never change, we spent all that money on the tickets and they spent all the time playing in mud.

19/08/20 10:42:01

His new school shoes always had plenty of room to grow in to.

16/08/20 15:56:44

When the dessert was served it was strawberry and scream.

13/08/20 2:07:03

Paris is baring.

25/08/20 23:13:29

Seasons do be cheerful.

23/08/20 20:10:12

Snug on her knee he was just about to go to sleep and then Cruella said how she loved his fur.

21/08/20 13:30:28

When Jane’s father saved his life he vowed he’d always protect them, without displays of affection. On the fateful day she strayed into the reservation, he could only swallow his pride.

20/08/20 17:53:02

By the end of a day at the races the girls were all hoarse whisperers.

20/08/20 0:07:27

Don’t you laugh at the shape of my ball!

19/08/20 12:19:43

Have you seen the new neighbars?

17/08/20 23:59:43

“Twenty years together and never a cross word.”
“Never across this bridge either.”

17/08/20 18:01:58

Frankly my dear, I don’t risk a drag.

16/08/20 22:03:10

Don’t know about a caption, but a cat shun could be a good idea here.

13/08/20 12:55:56

When Amy won she was over the moon.

13/08/20 9:54:20

One day I’ll reach the moon, watch this space!

13/08/20 9:12:41