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| This Week | Last Week | All Time | ||||||||
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| Quota | Added | Score | Rank | Added | Score | Rank | Added | Score | Rank | |
| Captions | 88 | 6 | 13 | #10 | 20 | 44 | #14 | 5670 | 15439 | #17 |
| Photos | 1 | #4 | 5 | #6 | 299 | 763 | #6 | |||
| Comments | 19 | 1 | 5 | 7 | #2 | 1078 | 1681 | #3 | ||
| Forum Posts | 2 | 53 | ||||||||
| Suggested Edits | 2 | 2 | #2 | 2 | 2 | #2 | 16 | 24 | #2 | |
| Tips | 1 | 2 | #1 | 1 | 2 | #9 | ||||
| This Week | Last Week | All Time | ||||
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| Voted | Rank | Voted | Rank | Voted | Rank | |
| Captions | 6 | #14 | 28 | #17 | 9013 | #27 |
| Photos | 15 | #5 | 833 | #21 | ||
| Comments | 4 | #3 | 4 | #3 | 1832 | #5 |
| Forum Posts | ||||||
| Suggested Edits | 17 | #2 | ||||
| Tips | 1 | #4 | ||||
captions
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18/01/24 8:12:29, edited: 15/03/24 18:17:37 |
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Many congratulations, James - blooming marvellous! --Molly R
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01/09/23 20:02:48, edited: 15/03/24 18:19:32 |
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Love your caption James. You're gonna need a bigger vote 😉 --Dot Old
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"This is most embarrassing, but could you help? Somehow I've caught my penis in the fence." 18/07/21 12:55:41 |
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Many congratulations, James! I've been out of it a while with Covid and missed some pictures entirely, so this has come as a new delight. A very worthy winner! --Molly R
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10/01/24 8:33:06 |
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Hahahahahaha. That's hilarious! You've made me choke on my toast. --Vivvy En
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23/03/19 8:46:34 |
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Haha. I don't mind chipping in a tenner for second place (it definitely will not be one of mine)!! Great caption. Genuinely choked on my toast. So thanks for nearly killing me! --The Wolf
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22/01/19 8:22:17 |
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Thanks Dave and everyone else. Chuffed to be on the board and loving the spirit of Caption.me. Will continue to represent the hobbits down here in NZ. Cheers all. --James Lennox
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*Ding* 13/01/23 12:10:08, edited: 13/01/23 12:31:58 |
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I agree with KT A. This is a killer. --Dave Bryan
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"Bloody typical," muttered Dave. "I just paid £25 for mine." 20/01/24 12:10:18 |
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This public gathering is just asking to get Corona. 12/05/20 8:16:32 |
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Looks like the shit's hit the van. 16/07/23 8:23:55 |
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"Lord Vader, the Rebels are attacking. Perhaps you should change out of your pyjamas." 27/12/22 20:01:39 |
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18/06/22 8:00:31 |
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Cheers for the congrats, guys. I think I was lucky to pip Tony's one, so I'm very glad he got a 2nd place prize. A big cheer out to the caption.me contributors who have made this extra prize possible. And, as always, many thanks to Chris for the... --James Lennox
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17/03/22 8:01:22 |
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09/03/21 12:35:25 |
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...and along with the suit he was wearing. --Willie Johnson
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28/04/20 20:23:57 |
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First off, I'd like to thank the Academy ... no but seriously, thanks to Chris for picking #3 (I too preferred it to my other), and kudos to Smuldo for being equal #1. Thanks also to Mr. Dome for his "BeeSI: Miami", which forced me to edit my ... --James Lennox
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13/11/23 8:01:26 |
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Nice one ... It took me a while --John Glover
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29/04/23 8:05:06 |
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"Disaster here in the Paralympic eventing course as Wu Chan's wheelchair refuses to take that jump." 01/12/22 20:07:31 |
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"Gosh darn it," said Davy-Bob. "Nobody told me you could reload them." 12/12/21 12:08:44 |
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Javelins should only be thrown outdoors. 03/02/20 12:00:41 |
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The good news is she was standing just past the world record distance. --Willie Johnson
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05/02/24 8:01:50, edited: 05/02/24 8:21:59 |
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15/10/23 20:13:01 |
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Best Captioneer a few weeks in a row and The Wolf gets all cocky. 28/09/23 20:17:44 |
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Yea I wanna C a Camel toe. --Karen McDonald
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I have a strange urge to whack her with an oversize rubber mallet. 17/11/20 9:17:11 |
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The cheap seats at the opera are OK. Just make sure you duck when they turn the spotlights on. 31/07/20 8:09:57 |
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21/03/24 12:00:40 |
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Some people shouldn't be allowed to raise children. 16/09/22 12:00:35 |
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Usually, they're called parents. --Glyn Evans
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"Perfect, my last batch was a little on the dark side." 29/03/22 20:28:20 |
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"I'm sorry luv, but Noah said I'm only allowed to bring one, and Nancy's got better tits." 06/04/21 12:26:41 |
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"Yes, but I don't think Nancy is the right monkey for you on this trip, Joan," said Percy. :^) --Crunchy Chords
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Harold always believed the son shone out of his arse. 27/08/20 8:00:40 |
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If dodos had been better jugglers they wouldn't be extinct. 08/02/20 12:00:17 |
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21/05/19 12:00:27 |
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It was a beautiful wedding, but the honeymoon in France didn't end well. 01/03/19 20:13:39 |
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The Four Riders of the Alpacalypse 14/01/24 8:17:49 |
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17/08/23 20:05:32, edited: 17/08/23 20:06:03 |
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"Hang on, mum, we haven't tied the string round Billy's bad tooth yet." 18/12/22 20:43:09 |
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...and who can forget Dave's final words: 27/04/21 20:40:05 |
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"Pssst! Word of advice. Some Russians might take offence to this as they might see it as an insult to their National animal, however I know that you're talking about it's actual state of being. If you're urinal cake is glowing a funny colour o... --Glyn Evans
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27/11/20 8:36:38 |
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😂😂😂 I’ve since looked at a Kiwi bird on Images and now it all makes sense and it’s a brilliant caption. I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw what the Kiwi bird looked like. I am going to lol this caption because it’s funny and clev... --Karen Oakenfull
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Nobody makes better balloon animals than Dave. 29/09/20 20:15:41 |
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Always start with a blowfish --Al Overy
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Giving up smoking, diary entry day 23: Either I'm starting to hallucinate or my wife is a bitch. 03/03/19 20:47:18 |
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No she’s not, she menthol 🙃 --Karen Oakenfull
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29/03/24 21:30:50, edited: 29/03/24 21:32:27 |
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09/03/24 8:06:15, edited: 09/03/24 8:07:26 |
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--Chris Beach
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04/03/24 20:09:39 |
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"It was either this or pineapple." 24/02/24 20:04:31 |
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16/01/24 8:16:36 |
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30/12/23 12:11:12 |
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"I thought after 80 years he'd have forgiven me for eating his porridge!" 29/09/23 8:05:07, edited: 29/09/23 8:12:23 |
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"I'm sure we've met, but I'm sorry, my short term memory is terrible." 22/09/23 8:03:59 |
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16/11/22 20:01:07, edited: 16/11/22 20:01:48 |
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"So God created Adam in His own image, which, strangely, was that of a 70s pornstar." 07/05/22 13:28:08 |
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14/12/20 8:05:11 |
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Barbie hasn't changed much in the last 60 years. Ken on the other hand ... 24/11/20 8:17:40 |
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Well that's interesting and disturbing Willie. I bet Ken's namesake had a fun childhood growing up as the kid who has a penis-less incestuous plastic doll named after him. --James Lennox
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Always buy your catnip from a trusted source. 08/09/20 14:23:56 |
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Looks like the match went to sudden death. 17/07/19 8:30:33 |
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"Ok, girls, now our husbands have gone, let's put away the Tupperware and bring out the vibrators." 22/02/24 20:01:42, edited: 23/02/24 5:26:55, |
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This is the type of arrant pedantry up with which I shall not put. --Scrijjy Doo
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01/02/24 20:07:16 |
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"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE FLYING THAT SLEIGH YOU FAT BASTARD!!" 24/12/23 20:05:41 |
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07/11/23 8:04:00 |
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"And here's 4,999 I prepared earlier." 11/08/23 20:20:11 |
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10/08/23 20:47:41 |
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I guess the moral of the story is to be careful what's down under when you're Down Under. --Stephen Bean
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"Are you going to take the train, Dave?" 18/06/23 8:03:56 |
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"The worst thing about Great Floods," moaned God. "Is having to dry everything afterwards." 04/06/23 12:01:22 |
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01/01/23 20:00:20 |
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09/11/22 12:00:44 |
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What the hell is Sambuchino, and why is throwing it at gnomes a good defence? 31/08/22 8:10:06 |
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09/07/22 8:00:27 |
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"That's OK, you're swimming in our septic tank." 19/05/22 8:02:06 |
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08/10/21 8:08:37 |
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"Sorry to intrude, but could I please have my rubber bone back?" 19/07/21 8:07:59 |
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Sadly, none of the gospels recorded Jesus's performance of YMCA. 23/04/21 12:12:14 |
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Described by critics as 'rather wooden'. --Karyn Harrison
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22/03/21 8:04:11 |
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US politics are insane, General Lee speaking. 24/01/21 8:06:09 |
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12/04/20 8:01:39 |
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"... and then he took his shirt off and things started to get weird." 09/04/20 20:40:08 |
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No animals were harmed during the making of this picture, but some were highly pissed off. 25/03/20 8:07:25 |
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"No animals were harmed" - just someone's dignity. --Willie Johnson
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"Ok Dave, you create a diversion while I steal the mini." 09/01/20 12:14:25 |
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05/12/19 8:04:18 |
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02/09/19 8:57:49 |
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"One way or another Monsieur, you will leave a tip." 05/03/19 12:24:57 |
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15/02/19 20:16:18 |
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"One wonders if she spreads easily." 09/03/24 20:07:56 |
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No, that's her sister, Flora. --Karyn Harrison
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19/02/24 20:15:33 |
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Dave was rubbish at picking up girls. 31/12/23 20:19:41, edited: 01/01/24 8:03:59 |
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"Yeah, sex with him is dry, boring, and one sided, but for some reason it does keep my thrush away." 12/12/23 8:24:39 |
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"Jeez, I could murder a grandma ... I mean, a kebab." 07/12/23 8:13:13, edited: 07/12/23 8:28:15 |
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Ha, you've got me wondering now whether murder a grandma is funnier. It's nice having the double 'gr' sound though. --Stephen Bean
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12/10/23 20:17:35 |
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13/08/23 20:31:47 |
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"Any last words, sir?" 04/06/23 20:52:29, edited: 04/06/23 20:55:29 |
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The did say his sentence would be suspended. --Tony S
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And in Dublin, the annual 'Swap you Wife for a Keg of Guinness' promotion kicks off. 04/05/23 8:01:19 |
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22/03/23 12:11:18 |
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"Hmmn, do you reckon we should put the 'Out of Order' sign at the bottom or the top?" 06/03/23 12:29:17 |
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"I think I'm gonna find a new Best Man, Dave. This Stag Do sucks." 09/02/23 12:17:23 |
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Despairing the inevitable onslaught of excruciating puns, the bananas chose suicide. 15/01/23 20:18:34 |
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Careful about giving in to the urge to make a banana pun. It's a slippery slope. --Willie Johnson
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03/12/22 8:21:53, edited: 03/12/22 8:39:07 |
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That poor dog :-D --Glyn Evans
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08/11/22 12:50:33, edited: 08/11/22 12:56:06 |
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08/05/22 13:53:13 |
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"On the plus side, my hemorrhoids are gone." 12/03/22 12:00:56 |
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01/02/22 8:02:45 |
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18/11/21 13:17:02 |
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I'll show you mine if you show me yours. --Willie Johnson
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"Oh hell, not again. I wish your mother would tell me when she's pregnant." 19/10/21 8:20:26 |
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suggested edits
email us
There's an Irish chicken, a Scottish chicken and an English chicken crossing the road...
Feel free to engage and finish this joke with a punchline if you please...or not
8:11pm
comment on caption:
Wokeists insist all old jokes must be rewritten. [James Lennox]
Glyn, I’ve had a go at writing a joke about the English, Irish n Scottish chickens but it would take me a week to condense it down lol. The basic tag lines were, Hurry, pub soon to close, are you paying? No, two turn back, Scottish one finds out it’s only 10p a pint, crosses road, gets to the other side but a wall falls on him.
(Something, perhaps nothing like that, but it’s fun to play with 😂.
Wanted to add my favourite chicken crossing road joke. I’m sure most will know this but may like to be reminded again. 😳
A duck walked past a chicken who was about to cross the road. He said, “Don’t do it mate! You’ll never hear the end of it.”
I’ll get my kagool..
9:50pm
comment on caption:
Wokeists insist all old jokes must be rewritten. [James Lennox]
Glyn - How about "There's an African chicken, an English chicken and a Chinese chicken crossing the road"? No punchline required
Karen - Nice one. Here's another: "Why did the rabbit cross the road? Because it was nailed to the chicken."
9:53pm
comment on caption:
Wokeists insist all old jokes must be rewritten. [James Lennox]
😂😂
9:55pm
comment on caption:
Wokeists insist all old jokes must be rewritten. [James Lennox]
Lol, Karen, yes she's definitely going for the full set. But speaking of ponchos, she is lacking a Mexican...
]
[Oh dear, just went to upvote your comment and it's vanished, which makes mine incomprehensible. Much like many of my captions
10:24pm
comment on caption:
Wokeists insist all old jokes must be rewritten. [James Lennox]
Here goes...
There's an Irish chicken, a Scottish chicken and an English chicken crossing the road. A Welsh chicken waltzes up, and asks "Why is it you always forget about us Welsh!?"
The Irish chicken urges the Scottish chicken and English chicken to continue saying "Don't turn back, leave her. It's best we get away from this Welsh farmyard as quickly as possible because if it's true what happens to sheep, imagine what they do to chickens!?"
10:11am
comment on caption:
Wokeists insist all old jokes must be rewritten. [James Lennox]
Oh crap. This caption literally took me 6 minutes to write, and now I see it's a dupe ... No time to edit, so a nod to the earlier entry.
8:11am
comment on caption:
"So, Dave, how is marriage to a mermaid?" "Crap. I can't breath underwater. There's sharks everywhere. And my wife has no sexual organs." [James Lennox]
He received a 21-pun salute off his friends on the caption site.
8:26pm
comment on caption:
"...and so, as we commit Dave to the grave, we remember his great loves, machines of war, and tropical fish." [James Lennox]
Thanks for the suggestion Kathleen, but I have no idea about Baskin-Robbins.
9:35am
comment on caption:
"Well, that's the last time I ask for the fish gut flavoured ice cream." [James Lennox]
I don't think any meaning of the word fast applies to her - unless she is stuck in her chair
9:47am
comment on caption:
"Ok, as I can now see my arse, I probably was spinning on my office chair a little too fast." [James Lennox]