"I warned you that smoking stunts your growth!"

18/06/19 15:02:31

lol

"Damn! I thought it was sugar cubes, not Sweet n' Low."

07/08/19 15:37:20

lol

"That last pigeon was very tasty... Do I have room for one more?"

24/09/16 0:01:25

lol

"Relax, I'm just wiping my lipstick off."

21/09/16 8:17:45

Orange is the new greens.

30/05/19 20:42:03

"you should see the mosquito!"

19/01/16 0:43:41

"Do you mind if we piggyback? I need a ride."

16/06/19 14:18:09

"Too dressy?"

25/08/18 18:07:39

After a few cocktail Jimmy does his sit-ups standing up.

29/08/17 15:44:24

Captains last words in book were - water-logged.

12/04/17 17:44:30

Dog day afternoon.

20/03/16 21:03:10

"These used to be my breast implants."

21/06/19 20:23:03

"Damn pigeons!"

09/06/19 16:02:58

Atmosphere people for a Woody Allen movie.

09/09/17 22:43:34

In Trump we don't.

07/01/17 8:56:04

"Will work for carrots."

15/08/16 20:15:31

"If you can correctly identify this smell you will be free to go."

10/01/16 20:11:06

Most good citizens just leave a note.

17/11/15 20:15:01

"According to this...I'm dead!"

25/10/15 20:26:41

"Flush it dammit -I'm going blind!"

19/09/15 8:08:11

Showing their shortcomings.

11/09/19 12:24:12

clever

And fossil fuel.

08/08/19 20:01:17

"My parents were both gorillas, but these damn cigarettes stunted my growth."

09/07/19 14:58:22

"I'm leaving you-I found someone who owns his own aquarium."

09/06/19 16:00:35

"We specialize in backyard barbeques."

10/03/19 18:19:06

Damn this pavement is hot!

12/06/18 20:27:22

Sandal mops are now sweeping the nation.

18/04/17 20:01:29

"That was some good weed- now where did you park the car?"

23/09/16 8:59:49

"My parents never had the convenience of road kill."

20/09/16 9:21:08

lol

Silver back feeding time.

08/06/16 20:24:02

"Why is daddy kissing uncle Billy?"

25/03/16 6:45:17

This location is for 'The Birds.'

22/03/16 0:16:55

Son of a bitch.

12/12/15 8:19:57

Dogwood.

09/03/20 21:28:59

Lipstick melted in my purse.

11/01/20 3:25:18

“Where the hell did I leave my kids?”

03/01/20 19:10:33

“i’m a single mom with great abs.”

12/12/19 0:58:31

Anybody have change for a dollar?

01/12/19 15:12:52

"Sara, Cover your legs, we're in France."

05/09/19 21:13:02

clever

"I'll be tagging along for a while kitty. We're in a no-fly zone."

02/09/19 17:05:28

Breakfast rolls.

17/08/19 20:22:41

"Loose change anybody?"

30/07/19 16:29:13

Aunt hill.

14/06/19 17:02:32

Dummies on display.

05/06/19 17:24:31

"The kitchen staff scraped this off the floor just for you!"

06/05/19 15:30:08

"I slept like a rock."

16/02/19 20:07:28

...and the Russians give him a 9.5 for difficulty on the uneven bars.

27/08/18 5:41:46

"The judges want to see my urine specimen."

06/07/18 20:51:38

Ex-husband says its false advertising.

11/02/18 17:52:30

lol

Palm reader.

30/08/17 22:43:46

"Concentrate, concentrate, how do I make a margarita?"

29/08/17 17:02:39

"Keep looking- I need that other shoe."

08/07/17 18:26:12

lol

"Can you hear me now!"

06/09/16 21:08:03

Results of washing car in hot water.- shrinkage.

09/04/16 16:40:47

Pullets.

01/04/16 9:52:53

"I just can't seem to hit the high notes."

05/01/16 0:56:10

After 10 years of being a prison bitch.

11/11/15 22:50:30

First annual nail drying competition. circa 1932

05/10/15 3:01:43

""Let's hope harpooning is prohibited."

02/10/15 20:37:59

“I can’t read that shit- take me for a walk.”

09/05/20 15:34:31

Boys in the hoodies.

26/02/20 0:14:23

“Not my size or smell.”

05/01/20 16:37:38

The In-laws are here.

20/11/19 19:46:36

Dead man smoking.

12/09/19 21:32:16

“Please make the cat disappear.”

06/09/19 20:43:21

"I raised my hand first Coach-I know the answer."

30/08/19 22:06:50

Harpo Marx at Studio 54.

12/08/19 15:37:20

"Tacos for everyone!"

07/07/19 17:24:38

“Your prostate feels fine.”

22/06/19 9:06:55

Steak Tar Tar.

20/06/19 20:31:50

"Honey, some creep with a headache is trailing me."

09/06/19 20:23:05

"Oh no, I can't believe I just bought another checkered shirt."

09/06/19 16:09:06

Open season on butterflies.

01/06/19 20:58:21

"Wow, mommy! Just like E.T."

01/06/19 17:29:02

Reading Sand Scripts.

17/05/19 15:01:20

Loo with a view.

11/05/19 23:23:36

Jack Benny Calculating his taxi ride tip.

15/03/19 2:44:35

Sports Illustrated swimwear model—Moscow edition.

11/03/19 21:51:04

Rudolfs half ass brother.

09/01/19 18:11:11

"OK, OK, I won't ask for your number again."

04/10/18 17:58:32

Flight attendants inflight instructions on Virgin airlines.

07/06/18 0:32:55

"Can't get that bitter taste of defeat out of my mouth."

15/04/18 17:11:09

Freeze frame.

04/04/18 15:32:31

Skinheads.

20/01/18 18:11:43

Twin peeks.

30/11/17 20:50:30

"I wish I knew where I hid my Ray-Bans."

13/08/17 22:23:49

Not a good relationship - he's just stringing her along.

04/07/17 18:54:34

"I don't kiss on the first date."

29/06/17 2:04:42

"And to think my parents said I wouldn't amount to anything-seriously what were they thinking?"

22/05/17 21:38:45

Flexible housing.

05/05/17 0:45:09

Volunteer greeter at United Airlines.

27/04/17 5:10:52

Paul Revere and the Raiderette.

10/03/17 1:04:40

Easy to help because he's a little light.

16/01/17 20:17:23

"That's not your butt!

28/12/16 21:17:26

"Hi I'm your new TOOTH fairy."

16/12/16 18:01:08

"I flossed just for you!"

16/12/16 17:19:12

"I better cover my legs-I smell French cooking."

12/11/16 16:51:21

"No one takes me seriously anymore."

11/11/16 20:14:36

Are those Testicles or is he selling cantaloupes?

10/11/16 5:23:07

The ad for the new drug said that side effects may differ in each case.

21/09/16 20:11:18

Air cut.

07/09/16 15:37:41

She's got everything a man wants- muscles, beard and mustache.

03/09/16 22:19:49

Make a wish.

03/09/16 8:11:45

Rabbit pooper scooper.

01/09/16 17:00:10

Rehearsing a Stone Age moonwalk.

21/08/16 18:08:49

"Doctor told me to get more excercise - I'll ask barkeep for a heavier beer cup."

15/08/16 11:10:50

Waiter just presented them with the bill.

31/07/16 21:11:49

Hungry eyes.

15/04/16 21:13:32

"The missing elf is about this big."

02/04/16 10:17:53

Detective Smith does not want to taint the crime scene evidence.

18/03/16 6:51:13

"Dam, why does this always happen on a first date?"

03/03/16 6:34:01

Ask for Woody.

01/03/16 4:40:14

Brain washing.

05/02/16 20:55:41

The hit parade.

20/01/16 21:14:48

"You've got a frog in your throat."

05/01/16 0:37:32

Self winding.

01/01/16 7:34:42

Taking the pigeons for a walk.

30/12/15 22:14:29

"The mail carrier is late today."

30/12/15 21:46:20

"Get em while they're hot! Get your deviled eggs here."

20/12/15 23:17:27

"The guy next to you has the exact same hair design- the stars are aligned.

19/12/15 6:57:38

Results of unprotected French kissing.

14/12/15 5:51:09

Sorry lady, I'm going to have ask you to move - you're blocking the sun."

12/12/15 7:51:22

"I found the light house from the island of Lilliput!"

10/12/15 4:05:32

"Flash backs of when I was in prison."

03/12/15 8:20:11

MGM mascot has stomach problems from eating fast food-especially Gazelles, Antelope and Cheetahs.

01/12/15 23:15:07

School bus for fish.

26/11/15 1:04:24

"First one that blinks looses."

21/11/15 21:05:56

Baseballerina's

13/11/15 20:29:48

Act now-they're vanishing quickly!

10/11/15 0:22:14

A custody battle that fell between the cracks.

14/10/15 20:42:34

"No wonder my mail hasn't arrived yet."

14/10/15 7:10:03

"How the hell can I have a toothache - I'm wearing dentures."

06/10/15 20:08:16

Frozen in lime.

04/10/15 20:05:15

Portable bowling ball returns.

15/09/15 22:42:19

"After 10 hours of twirling pizzas, everyone here can see that our under arm deodorant did not fail."

08/09/15 0:52:12

"Any good doughnut shops in the area?"

30/08/15 19:34:18

"It's good to be named King!-my own private milk maids."

25/08/15 1:24:20

"Got him cheap — low-balled the negotiator."

20/08/15 21:56:51

"Do you want another cocktail or would you rather hear one?

19/08/15 7:13:51

“I tested negative!”

04/05/20 0:31:30

Good news! Liposuction worked.

14/04/20 22:18:34

“Hey Sam, have you seen my contacts?”

06/04/20 20:18:59

“I’m self- employed- I walk myself.”

12/03/20 22:14:33

Working his six-pack by doing hundred of crunches.

08/03/20 2:50:58

“I went phishing and caught a cheerleader this big.”

02/03/20 23:26:17

Baggage handler.

01/03/20 6:20:06

Lunchtime- compliments of our last patient.

25/02/20 5:23:06

Pointer sisters.

28/12/19 23:20:03

“Uber driver needs a breath mint.”

20/12/19 3:04:57

“This ain’t working-maybe I should back into the car.”

17/12/19 1:19:21

Watching paint dry.

15/10/19 23:48:45

"My wife is just saving this spot until the real lap dancer gets here."

15/10/19 20:00:00

Just hanging out.

08/10/19 20:17:06

University of Vietnams first Homecoming float.

04/10/19 23:54:13

"I huffed and I puffed and all I got was this damn porridge."

13/09/19 17:05:05

"Anything you say in a foreign language can be held against you."

10/09/19 17:10:42

"Sorry, wrong ball."

04/09/19 20:52:56

"I've heard of Big Foot but this is over the top."

26/08/19 20:32:56

Stevie Nix thinning out.

15/08/19 15:17:22

"Your mother only carried you for 9 months-I've been carrying you for 9 years!"

19/07/19 17:22:45

Low tide in the Bronx.

19/06/19 20:22:51

Movie night in Nebraska.

18/06/19 14:57:29

"And here's a nervous photo of me the day before I got married."

18/06/19 14:40:50

"It's a bit stuffy- I'm going out for some air."

09/06/19 15:57:19

"Will work for bamboo."

08/06/19 21:35:50

"Someone throw me a lifeline! and a few peanuts while you're at it."

02/06/19 17:36:26

Chinese export.

18/05/19 15:26:59

"Hello, Microsoft - my screensaver came to life."

18/05/19 15:23:14

Disregard this message-my kitty just came home.

18/05/19 15:11:21

Shitty deer blind.

11/05/19 23:28:44

"What flavor is it mommy?

30/03/19 20:25:15

"I can wash this down at the mini-bar."

30/03/19 19:58:50

"That's how you clean a toilet!"

20/03/19 16:27:33

The lunch menu in an Oxford dining room.

15/03/19 2:40:41

Awkward moment-he popped the question, she said no.

11/03/19 16:23:59

"Sweetie, I think its time to leave the tanning bed."

06/03/19 17:53:54

Downsizing is the only option in today's expensive market.

04/03/19 17:56:09

"I'll never think outside the box again."

11/01/19 23:06:02

Open-toed for kicking foot in balls.

09/12/18 21:00:32

"And don't come home without a seal!"

11/10/18 18:25:19

How many professors does it take to screw in an invisible lightbulb?"

11/10/18 18:17:29

"Somebody must be talking about me!"

03/09/18 14:59:46

"You are one ugly kitty."

26/08/18 18:00:22

"I don't whether I'm coming or going."

23/07/18 21:53:44

There's wisdom in knuckles.

16/05/18 0:17:02

Japanese tour bus.

13/05/18 20:05:52

fresh out of the egg.

05/05/18 18:11:15

Rosemary's baby.

26/03/18 23:01:31

Casual Friday at the workplace.

25/03/18 20:11:42

"Goes nicely with fava beans."

17/03/18 21:11:13

"Dad, we won by a nose."

24/02/18 0:27:10

General Schwartzkopf tries his hand at karaoke.

18/02/18 5:23:13

Straw dog.

03/01/18 18:23:27

"Who the hell is this!"

19/12/17 19:12:22

Shedding some light on the subject.

17/08/17 22:10:20

"I smell gas."

13/08/17 22:09:54

By this time tomorrow you can photograph the humped animal under cellophane wrap in your local butcher shop.

18/07/17 18:19:52

"Hey you guys, we're drifting into the peanut butter patch.

15/07/17 21:59:38

Preparation H won't keep your arse from itching but it will fertilize your flowers.

10/05/17 8:20:49

Came, saw and conquered.

19/04/17 15:52:16