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"Ok, this is a schematic of the Kitchen. Now, if my memory serves me correctly, the Haribo were placed in this top cupboard when the shopping was delivered on Friday. Weve only got one chance at this so I need utter bravery and determination. Grab the ch
"Ok, this is a schematic of the Kitchen. Now, if my memory serves me correctly, the Haribo were placed in this top cupboard when the shopping was delivered on Friday. Weve only got one chance at this so I need utter bravery and determination. Grab the ch photo | portfolio
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The Wolf Vote score: 9316The Wolf

"Ok, this is a schematic of the Kitchen. Now, if my memory serves me correctly, the Haribo were placed in this top cupboard when the shopping was delivered on Friday. We've only got one chance at this so I need utter bravery and determination. Grab the chair and I'll turn the TV up so they can't hear. Let's get this done whilst they're upstairs 'having a cuddle'! Honestly, they really do think we're idiots"

12/10/20 11:14:42

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I won't object if you want to delete the final sentence Caption Author. I think it's fine either way. --Karyn Harrison
Eric Didage Vote score: 52Eric Didage

Deer miss McNeill. Sally has been of school for too weeks after she had really bad diarea and a sore head. Yours sinserally. Mrs porter.

12/10/20 11:07:07

 
Al Overy Vote score: 2066Al Overy

And then I realised I had the decimal point in the wrong place and I'd actually discovered a cure for cancer. Which was nice.

12/10/20 17:27:39

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The Wolf Vote score: 9316The Wolf

Dear Daddy. We write to you in regard to our recent request for a trampoline in the garden. We'd like to acknowledge your original answer of 'no', however, we believe that further thought on this matter should be considered due to the fact that we saw you dressing in mummy's clothes whilst she was at work. Think about it. Ps. Happy Mother's (oops, sorry) Father's Day. wink

12/10/20 11:42:34

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Dear Children,It was a nice attempt at leverage, but a bit of a pointless and an outdated one at that. Mummy knows and doesn't mind me trying on her clothes, she's incredibly supportive actually. Sometimes her outfits suit me better. Oh, a... --Glyn Evans
Karen Oakenfull Vote score: 1823Karen Oakenfull

“Don’t give this drawing to Mummy Chloe. Last night she was banging her head on the fridge door and shouting “Why do we have all these fecking A4 sized shit drawings and paint splodges of fecking rainbows and blobs on here!? I can’t find the fecking fridge door handle anymore. Geoff! come and get me another wottle of bine for fuck sake. Then she told daddy that she swore to drunk she wasn’t God.

12/10/20 15:12:00

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 2910Scrijjy Doo

Dear Santa,
Get bent. We're Buddhists.
P.S.
We peed on your milk and cookies.

12/10/20 14:53:50

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 23332Ian Skelding

Your right, that's not aloud, there not very good, they're house is for sale.
"Must be right, that's exactly how adults type on Facebook."

12/10/20 11:13:02

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 15400Dan Nicholls

...and if we finish Daddy's tax returns we can watch Cbeebies.

12/10/20 11:01:17

 
Lucky Elperro Vote score: 4765Lucky Elperro

Dear Boris Johnson - thank you for your letter asking us to put together some coherent suggestions to manage the covid pandemic.

13/10/20 2:41:56

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 10513Mr Dome

This is my daddy. I'm colouring him in brown because mummy says he's a shithead

12/10/20 17:06:05

 
The Wolf Vote score: 9316The Wolf

“I thought the kids said they were playing Tudor Kings and Queens?”

“They are. They’ve decided to sign my death warrant because I won’t let them have sweets before dinner”

12/10/20 11:01:28

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 32856Tony Edwards

Katie and Charlotte complete their father's colouring book while he sleeps off the effects of his drinking.

12/10/20 11:15:16

 
The Wolf Vote score: 9316The Wolf

"THAT'S IT...That's Daddy's signature, well done. Right, let's book our trip to Disneyworld"

12/10/20 11:06:21

 
The Wolf Vote score: 9316The Wolf

Dear Pigs.

We want a helicopter, a Curly Wurly and 2 Blackcurrant Fruit Shoots or the Dolly gets it...

12/10/20 11:01:06

 
Al Overy Vote score: 2066Al Overy

"You can't put a border there! That's the middle of the Irish Sea!"

"Well, Mr Johnson said nobody will notice."

12/10/20 20:02:24

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 13030Stephen Bean

"Look Maisy, Mummy and Daddy's temperatures are really going up. I wonder who will get to the top of the page first. The funny man with messy hair on TV says it's nothing to do with us going back to school though, so I guess it's ok for Nana to take us tomorrow."

12/10/20 15:47:45

 
alexandra ball Vote score: 811alexandra ball

Clever parents have taught their kids so well they home school themselves.

12/10/20 13:08:47

 
John  Glover Vote score: 21087John Glover

"Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared, simples, now you do my geography for me, I'm crap at that."

12/10/20 12:29:13

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 32856Tony Edwards

"..........and that's how babies are made."

12/10/20 11:57:18

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 13030Stephen Bean

"Daddy said he saved Mummy's life last night and I saw the whole thing. It's hard to explain what happened, but I think I can draw it. He was standing behind her making grunting noises and kept pulling on her hips to help her breathe. She was bent over and he was obviously helping her a lot because she kept shouting 'yes'."

12/10/20 11:01:11

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 9840Chris Keegan

"No Jenny, when put 'Mrs Scott, you can stick you homework up your arrrs' I don't think it's spelt that way"

12/10/20 11:00:58

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 9840Chris Keegan

And finally I think Tottenham will give Arsenal a right spanking, 4 - 0

12/10/20 16:24:39

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 2910Scrijjy Doo

This executive orders gives me unlimited authority to poop my pants.

12/10/20 14:52:26

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 12064Dave Bryan

''What have you written?''
''I think the teacher stinks.''
''What are you going to do now?''
''Put Colin's exercise book back on the teacher's desk for marking.''

12/10/20 11:45:27

 
Ellen Duncalf Vote score: 368Ellen Duncalf


”My mummy says I am not allowed to sit close to you in class because you have thousands of mean, flesh eating beasties in your hair that can jump and land in mine.”

”Wow, that is so cool. Let’s draw some.”

12/10/20 11:12:49

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 11197Neil Mackenzie

She’s drawing a cat, and her friend will copy cat.

12/10/20 19:45:02

 
Al Overy Vote score: 2066Al Overy

'I must not call Michael Gove a confused sack of mince when he visits our school
I must not call Michael Gove a confused sack of mince when he visits our school
I must not call Michael Gove a confused sack of mince when he visits our school'

12/10/20 12:18:52

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 5061Kenny Ireland

Centerfold girls.

12/10/20 11:39:52

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 7123Glyn Evans

"This was the technology they used before everything went completely digital. This is called a book, it's made out of paper. And this is a wooden stick with a lead filament they used to make markings, it's called a pencil"

"Whoa. They were so primitive in the 21st Century. Is the reason you're doing it that way is because that's the way they did it back then too? Did they also not have telekinesis?"

12/10/20 11:31:46

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Fun facts: Pencils actually had lead originally, and we all know the deleterious effects of lead poisoning (That's why they took the lead out of gasoline aka petrol. Can you imagine being at risk for brain damage just so your car won't knock?) I... --Willie Johnson
Dave Bryan Vote score: 12064Dave Bryan

''So that's how you get so many Gold Stars.''

12/10/20 11:20:25

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 12064Dave Bryan

''2b or not 2b?''

12/10/20 11:07:06

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