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"Well sir after struggling for years, Ive finally decided that I need an eye test."  "Youre not wrong there madam, this is the butchers."
"Well sir after struggling for years, Ive finally decided that I need an eye test."  "Youre not wrong there madam, this is the butchers." photo | portfolio
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stone face Vote score: 4511stone face

"Well sir after struggling for years, I've finally decided that I need an eye test."

"You're not wrong there madam, this is the butchers."

14/05/19 20:56:24

 
James Lennox Vote score: 2375James Lennox

"For a gynecologist you're spending a long time looking at my shoulders."

"Sorry, I'm just building up my courage."

14/05/19 20:32:18

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 4745Dave Bryan

''I have some good news and some bad news for you.''
''Give me the bad news first.''
''You will be dead by 10.00 am tomorrow morning.''
''What's the good news?''
''The clocks go back tonight.''

14/05/19 22:04:52

 
Trace Sarge Vote score: 2455Trace Sarge

"I will be right back with your diagnosis...I just have to confer with Google"

14/05/19 21:34:58

 
James Lennox Vote score: 2375James Lennox

"Be patient ... I be doctor."

14/05/19 20:14:19

 
The Wolf Vote score: 3320The Wolf

"So Doctor, will I be able to see now that I've had the laser eye surgery?"
"Haha, I'm not a Doctor. I escaped from the psychiatric unit, that's why I'm not wearing trousers or shoes. HEY LOOK, I'VE GOT NEW SOCKS ON"

14/05/19 20:38:35

 
Stu Dent Vote score: 2318Stu Dent

Doctor Gulliver will be performing your smear test today mrs Jones

14/05/19 20:00:07

 
Gassy Statten Vote score: 246Gassy Statten

I'm sorry Mrs Ramsbottom but if we give you another face lift you'll end up with a goatee!!

15/05/19 8:27:12

 
James Lennox Vote score: 2375James Lennox

"Doctor, I'm petrified."

"You'll be fine, just hold still."

14/05/19 20:58:05

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 6003Chris Keegan

"Well, I must say I think we've done a pretty good job. Do you fancy a drink sometime Dave?"

14/05/19 20:50:14

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 22029Michael Winner

Test results look positive for the Stannah EZ-inheritance ejector seat.

14/05/19 20:27:00

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 22029Michael Winner

"There see, I told you that superglueing your eyelids open would improve your posture."

14/05/19 20:25:02

 
Zak Toby1998 Vote score: 533Zak Toby1998

"Ok, maureen, the good news first... you won't need to run around this christmas buying presents for your eight grandkids"

14/05/19 20:02:24

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 20816Ian Skelding

"Is that meat hook comfortable enough for you?"

14/05/19 20:00:51

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 9260Neil Mackenzie

Scientists find a solution to the energy crisis, Women have a surplus of brain power that is going to waste.
Two pints of milk and a loaf of bread.

15/05/19 17:22:45

 
larry G. Vote score: 1300larry G.

"You're ceiling is leaking."

15/05/19 16:59:39

 
Tim Lee-Priore Vote score: 18Tim Lee-Priore

..and you control her eyes much like an action man

15/05/19 16:33:45

 
Gary Stuckey Gary Stuckey

Just sit still Mrs.Jones, our new nurse Sasquatch will check your vitals....

15/05/19 8:09:03

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 6878Mr Dome

Stepford grandmas

15/05/19 7:10:06

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 4298Kenny Ireland

"Well make up your mind. Do you want it removed or not"?

15/05/19 6:47:59

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 288Willie Johnson

"That's right, we're going to flick your head all the way up there."

15/05/19 0:52:10

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 288Willie Johnson

"My eyes are up here."
"Well, up there."

15/05/19 0:50:02

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 5622Greg Curtis

"Shoulder muscles...weak. I'm check you for low T, sir."

15/05/19 0:36:57

 
Gavin Smithers Vote score: 282Gavin Smithers

Dr McCarthy and Mrs Stone.

14/05/19 23:39:16

 
Gavin Smithers Vote score: 282Gavin Smithers

It's rare for orgasm to be induced by a series of such small strokes.

14/05/19 23:38:23

 
Gavin Smithers Vote score: 282Gavin Smithers

Macbeth Act 5 Scene 1- "More needs she the divine than the physician."

14/05/19 23:34:57

 
Scrappy Doo Vote score: 946Scrappy Doo

I'm guessing the procedure failed.

14/05/19 22:44:08

 
Scrappy Doo Vote score: 946Scrappy Doo

Go towards the light.

14/05/19 22:36:04

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 6878Mr Dome

Well Ethel I can't wait to give you a matching pearl necklace later

14/05/19 22:29:01

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 36384Welsh Rarebit

"No wonder you were named Irise"

14/05/19 22:28:39

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 12691Dan Nicholls

"No dear, I'm afraid you're just too short for this rollercoaster."

14/05/19 22:05:31

 
stone face Vote score: 4511stone face

"Yes we've managed to pull all that loose unsightly skin from your neck Mrs Reilly. The only trouble is we've had to lump it all together, on the top of your back.

14/05/19 20:52:59

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 22029Michael Winner

"...and does it hurt when I do this?"
*SLAP*
"Y-yes it does, doctor."
"On a scale of one to ten, how hard does it hurt?"
"Five".
*SLAP*
"Six. Sorry, I meant seven."

14/05/19 20:23:05

 
Sam Cass Vote score: 663Sam Cass

Sure this was her fifth checkup this year but Betty White was determined to outlive EVERYONE who worked on the set of "The Golden Girls".

14/05/19 20:22:30

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 8677Vanessa the Guesser

"I've not seen my pussy for months."
"Don't worry, we'll do a quick cat scan."

14/05/19 20:14:10

 
Zak Toby1998 Vote score: 533Zak Toby1998

"Hi, my name is doctor Krystlawowsivar"
"Doctor who?"...

14/05/19 20:11:29

 
Stu Dent Vote score: 2318Stu Dent

Dont tell anyone but I only sell ice creams in the carpark

14/05/19 20:08:21

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 3539Stephen Bean

"The new facelift has worked wonderfully Miss Moneybags. You'll be able to look down within a few weeks. The only trouble is your vagina was pulled up significantly, but we managed to tuck it away in your left armpit."

14/05/19 20:00:58

 4
She can now earn a bit on the side. --John Glover
Stu Dent Vote score: 2318Stu Dent

You need to have a operation.
What is it ?
It's a procedure that you have under a anaesthetic, but that's not important.

14/05/19 20:00:49

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 12691Dan Nicholls

"There Mrs Harris, one genuine halo fitted and complete. That will be £18,000."

14/05/19 22:04:17

 
Crunchy Chords Vote score: 1930Crunchy Chords

Nana Neo: “...I know Kung Fu."
Dr. Morpheus: "Show me... "

14/05/19 21:47:49

 
Crunchy Chords Vote score: 1930Crunchy Chords

"Why, yes, Madam, I believe this X-ray machine WAS invented by a man. Now just relax whilst I smash your breast between two plates.”

14/05/19 21:29:43

 
The Wolf Vote score: 3320The Wolf

"Well Doris, welcome to the hairy fanny clinic, now don't be embarrassed, we at the hairy fanny clinic are used to seeing hairy fanny's of all shapes and sizes and it's nothing we haven't seen before, now, let's have a look at that hairy fanny of yours"

"Doctor, I have an ingrowing toenail"

14/05/19 21:28:33

 
Spycenwolf  Vote score: 874Spycenwolf

"How do you like Heaven, Doris?"

"Oh, it's great! Too bad there are no pianos around though. Just harps. Say, has the dye set, yet? Can I wash it or is it too soon?"

"Too soon."

14/05/19 21:26:08

 
The Wolf Vote score: 3320The Wolf

"Ok Miss Jones, firstly I'd like to apologise as I know you've been on the waiting list for this appointment, unfortunately the NHS has a backlog to work through. Now I'm just looking through your notes and your GP has said that you've just started your period and are experiencing complications"

14/05/19 21:00:36

 
Trace Sarge Vote score: 2455Trace Sarge

"Right Mrs Kat O Pult we are just going to tilt your head forward a little"

14/05/19 20:43:41

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 29621Tony Edwards

Heavenly touch

14/05/19 20:39:37

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 8677Vanessa the Guesser

"Would you mind if I built a Hot Wheels track round you whilst we're waiting?"

14/05/19 20:31:06

 
John  Glover Vote score: 19189John Glover

"So the love eggs were a great success, don't worry my nurse will find you a clean pair of knickers."

14/05/19 20:30:07

 
Sam Cass Vote score: 663Sam Cass

Nan's most fervent wish was that LilJoel would meet a nice girl, lose his virginity, and STOP following her everywhere taking "pics" for his social media pages.

14/05/19 20:26:50

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 6003Chris Keegan

"So, now you look absolutely gorgeous in your new 'permanent' wig, we just need to check the glue has set. You may feel a sudden jerk"

14/05/19 20:21:28

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 5512Glyn Evans

"Do you see it? - Now when I say "go", move your head and it should release the swat. We'll get that damn fly yet."

14/05/19 20:19:19

 
John  Glover Vote score: 19189John Glover

"When I said we need a good old chinwag, I meant a serious talk, not for you to shake your double chin at me."

14/05/19 20:19:10

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 5622Greg Curtis

"Now let's try some imagery: You're standing in the Sistine Chapel..."

14/05/19 20:17:08

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 36384Welsh Rarebit

Marjorie finally plucks up the courage to visit the clinic for Altocelarophobia, as she isn't a ceiling fan.

14/05/19 20:13:02

 
Zak Toby1998 Vote score: 533Zak Toby1998

"Now, Mrs Davis, just look up when you feel aroused"

14/05/19 20:07:59

 
Zak Toby1998 Vote score: 533Zak Toby1998

"This is the healthiest chest x-ray i've ever seen. Yours on the other hand..."

14/05/19 20:04:21

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 6003Chris Keegan

"Try not to worry Mrs Jackson, your test results should be back next Tuesday. In the meantime I'll keep you in the loop"

14/05/19 20:03:00

 
The Wolf Vote score: 3320The Wolf

“Don’t worry madam, It's a standard procedure, we’ll soon have those willy’s removed from your back”

14/05/19 20:02:15

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 6003Chris Keegan

There you go Mrs Smith, I'm delighted to tell you that the procedure with your dwarf husband went extremely well.

14/05/19 20:00:41

 
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