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"According to my calculations youve spent 43 hours on this week. What have you got to say for yourself Dave?"  "Have you seen how many votes I have?"
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Stephen Bean Vote score: 27097Stephen Bean

"According to my calculations you've spent 43 hours on this week. What have you got to say for yourself Dave?"

"Have you seen how many votes I have?"

20/11/21 9:06:50

Only 43 hours? I thought it was more. --Dave Bryan
The Wolf Vote score: 16731The Wolf

"It's from the hairdressers. It says, Dear Mr and Mrs Samuels. Due to an administration error, you were both given the same hair cuts. We appreciate the distress this can cause and we're happy to offer a refund. Alternatively, we could give Mrs Samuels a matching beard."

20/11/21 10:11:58

James Lennox Vote score: 12605James Lennox

"I'll have the chicken."

"I'll have the same."

In reality, Captioneers are boring as f*ck.

20/11/21 8:15:58

Boring and proud of it. I watched paint dry for four hours this morning. I could have happily done five. --Glyn Evans
Dave Bryan Vote score: 23635Dave Bryan

''Should we have a look at the eight o'clock caption before breakfast, darling?''

''It's not worth bothering. I've seen the upcoming photo. It's just two ordinary people looking at a piece of paper.''

20/11/21 8:13:25

But it's such a crisp piece of paper.  --Glyn Evans
The Wolf Vote score: 16731The Wolf

...and we regret to inform you both that you've been unsuccessful in your application to participate in this series of Love Island.

20/11/21 10:05:46

The Wolf Vote score: 16731The Wolf

"Bill, I know you love pottery and it's good that you've got a hobby, but do you have to spend so much money? Look at the credit card bill. You spent five hundred quid on"

20/11/21 8:57:13

Ian Skelding Vote score: 29502Ian Skelding

"You know I'm against this breast reduction op."
"Yeah but look, I have to wear two bras to keep them up."
"I know."

20/11/21 8:17:32

Lucky Elperro Vote score: 6304Lucky Elperro

"It says our application to have this photo on has been accepted"

20/11/21 21:54:38

Stephen Bean Vote score: 27097Stephen Bean

"What's the maximum length for a caption?"

"I think you're about to find out."

20/11/21 8:55:28

As a kid I used to lie awake at night thinking about the edge of the universe, and if there is one. If you could go any distance, there's still more beyond that and no matter how far and how many times, you could still go farther. What... --Willie Johnson
Chris Keegan Vote score: 12574Chris Keegan

"5 accross, 'what women ask for when their husband has become incredibly dull' 7 letters, starts with D"

20/11/21 9:09:47

Pardon me for interrupting and I don't mean to be rude, but "across" is a six letter word. --Willie Johnson
Al Overy Vote score: 14186Al Overy

"Two Orient Espressos, please."

20/11/21 8:30:38

''I could murder a cup of coffee.'' --Dave Bryan
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