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"I was bloody relieved the other day. I thought she was pregnant but it turned out that I was just sat on her legs"

18/06/21 7:38:43

''She's not very attractive, Dave.''

''True, but she keeps quiet while the Euros are on.''

18/06/21 7:30:56

Jesus, you're 62, just give it up Madonna.

18/06/21 7:26:46

"Jeezus, I thought life with an inflatable wife would be easier. But she's forever making this moaning hissing sound."

"Puncture."

"No! I'd never hit a woman, even a pretend one."

18/06/21 7:17:58

Dave was very happy with her because she kept going down on him.

18/06/21 7:04:20

Sleazy Rider

18/06/21 7:00:20

Fortunately for Helga, Dave was not the sharpest tool in the box.

18/06/21 7:03:18

Whore de France

18/06/21 9:54:03

Some say that the most important thing to take on the Xtreme 3 Month Bike Festival is a puncture repair kit.

18/06/21 7:34:03

People seem disgusted and shocked by Susie. Imagine what they'd think if they knew that my water bottle was full of lube.

18/06/21 7:27:10

"Mate, why the hell would you have a blow up doll?"

"Why? I'll show you why.....Darling, any objection to me drinking ten pints tonight before I come back to the tent and you give me a blowy even though I haven't changed my pants since Wednesday, and then anal?.........That's why"

18/06/21 7:21:37

Behind every great man, there's a great wom- Oh

18/06/21 7:14:07

When your eyes suddenly meet those of your dream girl...

18/06/21 7:00:07