"Michelangelo! Stop playing with your food!"

Wed 12:03:20

lol

BREAKING NEWS: Glasgow police ban Halloween mask after local population terrorised.

Wed 12:42:30

''This passport photograph is invalid. There's no date on it.''

Wed 12:02:26

"I gather this is the first time you've seen your husband since the accident. Please be aware he's been left in a vegetative state."

Wed 12:00:10

Face Plant

Wed 17:41:25

As kids we tend not to like veg but as you get older it grows on you

Wed 12:43:19

"Oh my God! Some monster's decapitated the Jolly Green Giant!"

"Not to worry, I can see a pulse"

Wed 12:35:26

Citizen Kale

Wed 12:12:49

Before I became a police sketch artist I was a farmer

Wed 15:39:55

Bob was delighted. He'd been given garden leave with full celery.

Wed 16:25:34

"Eat your grins."

Wed 12:29:04

Dave felt much better after getting the jab, apparently it was one of his Pfizer day.

Wed 12:00:12

My barber used to be a greengrocer. I asked him for a crop.

Wed 13:57:59

"Soylent Green is people!"

Wed 12:55:19

"That's a nasty skin allergy, Dave. Let me grab the first aid box and I'll get you a dressing"

Wed 12:44:46

His mother was a Swede.

Wed 12:28:35

"I've told them bloody kids time and time again. Don't leave your marbles on the greenhouse floor"

Wed 12:17:38

Tom had recently had a face transplant.

Wed 12:12:45

Al Otment

Wed 12:07:36

I ate him earlier - he's just passing through.

Wed 12:07:01

"I'm suspicious about that new employee. I think he's a plant."

Wed 12:05:17

Vegetar-ian

Wed 12:00:15

I suspect Brian has rather overdone the veganism.

Wed 12:00:08

Where's his cucumber?

Thu 1:00:41

The black eyed peas

Wed 21:44:07

"Are you ok Dave? You've gone very green"

Wed 21:31:22

- How come your features look like vegetables?
- it's just how they grocer

Wed 19:36:06

Mr Green, in the dining room with the knife.

Wed 16:54:40

Dave is now vegetarian.

Wed 16:53:52

"What's he like Mavis?"

"He's a real tasty geezer."

Nod to the Piglets

Wed 16:41:29

When the light catches your hair in a certain way and people ask is there a bit of ginger in there?

Wed 16:39:24

How was your day dear?

Not bad but I'm feeling a bit cabbaged.

Wed 16:13:04

Say Peas!

Wed 16:11:11

You sure these face masks help your complexion

Wed 15:46:05

My late father loved his allotment, I sometimes think he's watching over me

Wed 15:38:42

"Do you mind if I share a few words about the Green Party?"

Wed 14:05:58

He's not as green as he's cabbage looking.

Wed 14:04:18

Tosser Salad

Wed 13:30:14

Vegetable for Life

Wed 13:28:57

Don't have a cow.

Wed 13:27:16

Veg Varney

Wed 12:50:05

"Lovely presentation, but it needs a jus with plenty of body."

Wed 12:42:52

🎶 I want to be your sledgehammer...🎶

Wed 12:34:19

"Ha ha, look luv, they've made my salad into a face. What have they done with your sausage and meatballs?"

Wed 12:29:10

Happy meal

Wed 12:27:39

"I'm NOT playing with my food; it's playing with ME..."

Wed 12:23:47

Alopecia studies show that wearing a vegetable face mask will help you to sprout hair.

Wed 12:22:50

How will I recognise you?

Wed 12:19:49

Unfortunately Dave died after some bunny took a bite out of his carrot-id artery.

Wed 12:16:52

Doug?

Wed 12:13:20

Faceplanted

Wed 12:12:47

Dave couldn't face eating his veg.

Wed 12:11:23

"I won't eat anything with a face."

Wed 12:07:46

"My new Halloween mask is great for scaring the crap out of obese people."

Wed 12:06:14

- He's stolen those cheeks from someone surely?
- Yes. They're Tom's

Wed 12:05:32

The Bakewell Tart admits he's one of her 5 a day.

Wed 12:01:36

Veganu Gary.

Wed 12:01:13

Someone’s taking the peas.

Wed 12:00:22