creative

"They claim to have lost their gramophone."

"Is it a windup?"

29/12/20 8:07:47

Pensioners: Ask yourself this winter - is my dog too cold?

29/12/20 8:40:58

Sadly, a month later Oscar was diagnosed HMV positive.

29/12/20 8:45:47

He's a good listener, but not much of a conversationalist.

29/12/20 11:40:01

Can I hump it?

29/12/20 9:42:52

"This is your replacement, he doesn't bite, shed hairs, bark all the time and he doesn't wee on the carpet."

29/12/20 8:27:17

''Why has he got his head cocked?''

''I think he can hear His Master's Voice.''

29/12/20 8:25:12

Don't look now, but there's a giant slug wearing a busby in the hallway.

29/12/20 8:04:10

“Listen mate, I’m the daddy. I’m the burglar stopper, you’re only the door stopper.”

29/12/20 11:45:39

I can't usually stand statues of dogs

29/12/20 10:19:38

Watchdog

29/12/20 10:00:59

Let these pedigree chum salesmen over the doorstep and you just can't get rid of them.

29/12/20 9:41:58

I don't want to go outside, he's frozen!

29/12/20 9:31:12

"You know, we don't all fit the same stereotype."

29/12/20 8:35:51

"He wants something called a grrramophone."

29/12/20 8:27:16

''Listen, smart arse, I might not be able to fetch sticks but at least I don't shit on the carpet.''

29/12/20 8:09:51

It was a bit unnerving being a pet of Madame Tussaud

29/12/20 8:09:37

"I'm telling you, he's not moved the whole time. Must be the record."

29/12/20 8:09:15

"Are you going to have me stuffed and mounted on a plinth like that after I die?"

29/12/20 8:04:59

Do I topple it straight away or spray BLM on it first?

29/12/20 22:40:04

You’ve called him Nipper? Look my name’s Jack you could of called him Russell.

29/12/20 20:58:17

"I know someone stole the sausages, but this is not a proper police line up.

29/12/20 13:32:40

"That'll teach him. Silly sod raided the freezer."

29/12/20 12:49:45

I am desperate to cock my leg and pee on it but they have the darned doggycam on again.

29/12/20 11:47:15

This is my buddy Titch. He died last year and they stuffed him. What more can I say?

29/12/20 11:46:20

Be very careful what you buy at a car boot sale. A week ago my owners bought this porcelain dog. "50p? That's cheap", they said. What they didn't know was that it's haunted with the spirit of a voodoo Witch master. Since then, Terry's been stuck levitating in the corridor, Cath tied string to my ears and is floating on the ceiling so she can perform a puppet show for the Witch, and the kids...they have started listening to SClub7...Pure Evil is at work here.

29/12/20 10:23:35

"The humans are watching a horror film about Korean cooking, so we're hiding behind the sofa. I'm a bit frightened but Nipper is scared stiff!"

29/12/20 8:02:25