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"They claim to have lost their gramophone."  "Is it a windup?"
"They claim to have lost their gramophone."  "Is it a windup?" photo | portfolio
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Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 13856Vanessa the Guesser

"They claim to have lost their gramophone."

"Is it a windup?"

29/12/20 8:07:47

 1
Well, it did wind up there. --Willie Johnson
Al Overy Vote score: 2855Al Overy

Pensioners: Ask yourself this winter - is my dog too cold?

29/12/20 8:40:58

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 10162Chris Keegan

Sadly, a month later Oscar was diagnosed HMV positive.

29/12/20 8:45:47

 
Peter Houle Vote score: 105Peter Houle

He's a good listener, but not much of a conversationalist.

29/12/20 11:40:01

 
Lucky Elperro Vote score: 4915Lucky Elperro

Can I hump it?

29/12/20 9:42:52

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 23582Ian Skelding

"This is your replacement, he doesn't bite, shed hairs, bark all the time and he doesn't wee on the carpet."

29/12/20 8:27:17

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 12537Dave Bryan

''Why has he got his head cocked?''

''I think he can hear His Master's Voice.''

29/12/20 8:25:12

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 13856Vanessa the Guesser

Don't look now, but there's a giant slug wearing a busby in the hallway.

29/12/20 8:04:10

 
Ellen Duncalf Vote score: 528Ellen Duncalf

“Listen mate, I’m the daddy. I’m the burglar stopper, you’re only the door stopper.”

29/12/20 11:45:39

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 10836Mr Dome

I can't usually stand statues of dogs

29/12/20 10:19:38

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 33135Tony Edwards

Watchdog

29/12/20 10:00:59

 
Lucky Elperro Vote score: 4915Lucky Elperro

Let these pedigree chum salesmen over the doorstep and you just can't get rid of them.

29/12/20 9:41:58

 
alexandra ball Vote score: 928alexandra ball

I don't want to go outside, he's frozen!

29/12/20 9:31:12

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 7407Hercules Rockefeller

"You know, we don't all fit the same stereotype."

29/12/20 8:35:51

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 13821Stephen Bean

"He wants something called a grrramophone."

29/12/20 8:27:16

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 12537Dave Bryan

''Listen, smart arse, I might not be able to fetch sticks but at least I don't shit on the carpet.''

29/12/20 8:09:51

 
Mark England Vote score: 17594Mark England

It was a bit unnerving being a pet of Madame Tussaud

29/12/20 8:09:37

 
Al Overy Vote score: 2855Al Overy

"I'm telling you, he's not moved the whole time. Must be the record."

29/12/20 8:09:15

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 7319Glyn Evans

"Are you going to have me stuffed and mounted on a plinth like that after I die?"

29/12/20 8:04:59

 
Lucky Elperro Vote score: 4915Lucky Elperro

Do I topple it straight away or spray BLM on it first?

29/12/20 22:40:04

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 11358Neil Mackenzie

You’ve called him Nipper? Look my name’s Jack you could of called him Russell.

29/12/20 20:58:17

 
Lucky Elperro Vote score: 4915Lucky Elperro

"I know someone stole the sausages, but this is not a proper police line up.

29/12/20 13:32:40

 
John  Glover Vote score: 21229John Glover

"That'll teach him. Silly sod raided the freezer."

29/12/20 12:49:45

 
Ellen Duncalf Vote score: 528Ellen Duncalf

I am desperate to cock my leg and pee on it but they have the darned doggycam on again.

29/12/20 11:47:15

 
Ellen Duncalf Vote score: 528Ellen Duncalf

This is my buddy Titch. He died last year and they stuffed him. What more can I say?

29/12/20 11:46:20

 
The Wolf Vote score: 9945The Wolf

Be very careful what you buy at a car boot sale. A week ago my owners bought this porcelain dog. "50p? That's cheap", they said. What they didn't know was that it's haunted with the spirit of a voodoo Witch master. Since then, Terry's been stuck levitating in the corridor, Cath tied string to my ears and is floating on the ceiling so she can perform a puppet show for the Witch, and the kids...they have started listening to SClub7...Pure Evil is at work here.

29/12/20 10:23:35

 
Al Overy Vote score: 2855Al Overy

"The humans are watching a horror film about Korean cooking, so we're hiding behind the sofa. I'm a bit frightened but Nipper is scared stiff!"

29/12/20 8:02:25

 
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