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Dear Santa. For Christmas this year I'd love some thermal underpants.

05/10/20 20:27:23

Meat and blue veg

05/10/20 20:19:54

"My eyes are up here!"

05/10/20 20:21:17

"They're only like that because self pleasure is against my religion."

05/10/20 20:06:13

It says "Dear John, I'm afraid I may have given you an infection."

05/10/20 20:03:13

Spot the ball competition for beginners.

05/10/20 20:04:55

I warned him not to spend too long thinking about captions.

05/10/20 20:00:49

"You total pillock Malcolm..you're supposed to swallow the bloody Viagra, not rub it on your genitals"

06/10/20 0:18:25

"You dipped them in cryo-what?"

05/10/20 21:04:39

"I wasn't thinking sexy thoughts, I didn't realise it was erect, it just came out of the blue."

05/10/20 20:27:11

"Would you mind where you're aiming that laser pen."

05/10/20 20:16:43

Kelvin is not impressed with the latest idea of paintballing for enrichment during lock down. "Those chimps are evil" he said in an interview earlier today at Monkeyworld in Dorset.

05/10/20 20:10:43

"Darling, have you ever heard of the term 'blue balls'?"
"You mean the idea that aroused males get blue testicles if they're not able to, well, finish? Yeah, but it's a myth, innit. Why do you ask?"

05/10/20 20:00:35