Dear Santa. For Christmas this year I'd love some thermal underpants.

05/10/20 20:27:23

Meat and blue veg

05/10/20 20:19:54

"My eyes are up here!"

05/10/20 20:21:17

"They're only like that because self pleasure is against my religion."

05/10/20 20:06:13

It says "Dear John, I'm afraid I may have given you an infection."

05/10/20 20:03:13

Spot the ball competition for beginners.

05/10/20 20:04:55

I warned him not to spend too long thinking about captions.

05/10/20 20:00:49

"You total pillock Malcolm..you're supposed to swallow the bloody Viagra, not rub it on your genitals"

06/10/20 0:18:25

"You dipped them in cryo-what?"

05/10/20 21:04:39

"I wasn't thinking sexy thoughts, I didn't realise it was erect, it just came out of the blue."

05/10/20 20:27:11

"Would you mind where you're aiming that laser pen."

05/10/20 20:16:43

Kelvin is not impressed with the latest idea of paintballing for enrichment during lock down. "Those chimps are evil" he said in an interview earlier today at Monkeyworld in Dorset.

05/10/20 20:10:43

"Darling, have you ever heard of the term 'blue balls'?"
"You mean the idea that aroused males get blue testicles if they're not able to, well, finish? Yeah, but it's a myth, innit. Why do you ask?"

05/10/20 20:00:35

"Well, that bloody well explains it. Apparently my dad used to play in a blues club that became a ballroom"

05/10/20 20:07:21

Don't you just hate it when your Monkey Nuts go mouldy

05/10/20 20:03:07

"The DNA test came back - I'm not the monkey's uncle I'm the father!"

05/10/20 22:16:57

Winters in Newcastle are cold enough to freeze your balls off

05/10/20 22:06:47

This prescription for my incontinence pills said nothing about side effects.

05/10/20 21:05:54

Monkey nuts.

05/10/20 20:43:49

"Looks like a ransom note for a kidnapped Smurf"

05/10/20 20:33:10

As bold as brass monkey.

05/10/20 20:25:30

"I got em caught in a monkey wrench"

05/10/20 20:08:14

🎵 He wore Bluuue Vervet 🎵

05/10/20 20:00:12

"Sarge, some blue from my uniform has rubbed off on me. I'm requesting permission to return to the station to clean up. It'll blow my cover if they suspect they're being monitored by the Repetitive Caption Police!"

08/10/20 15:21:28

He's a Chelsea fan.

06/10/20 8:23:02

WKD

05/10/20 21:53:40

Blues and twos

05/10/20 20:58:33

"Sir! Sir! I've got a note to skip gym class today because my Mummy says that I'm a protected species"

05/10/20 20:46:17

"That's rubbish, the litmus paper hasn't turned blue."

05/10/20 20:30:00

Christina Aguilera's Biggest Fan

05/10/20 20:28:41

"£27.50??? I only ordered a bacon wrap and a Diet Coke!"

05/10/20 20:19:58

("Hmmm... what rhymes with 'blue me'?")

05/10/20 20:16:58

"Morning boss, I can't work today, that f*cking Orangutan got annoyed when I said I thought she'd put on weight. Here's the sick note from the Vet"

05/10/20 20:16:24

I can't believe they shipped out all my lady friends to Whipsnade.

05/10/20 20:05:30

"There's been a mistake. I ordered Blue Bols"

05/10/20 20:04:46