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People in Scotland told to cut down to one Scotch egg a day
People in Scotland told to cut down to one Scotch egg a day photo | portfolio
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Stu Dent Vote score: 4502Stu Dent

People in Scotland told to cut down to one Scotch egg a day

29/07/20 12:02:22

 
Al Overy Vote score: 1379Al Overy

"Dear Mrs Smith, due to the current social distancing measures we are unable to provide certain face-to-face services at the clinic. Please bring your stool sample with you to the front desk."

29/07/20 17:42:36

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 32522Tony Edwards

Italian meatballs, just a like mama used to make.

29/07/20 12:13:27

 1
"That's funny, where did mama go? She was here before we started making the meatball." --Willie Johnson
The Wolf Vote score: 8138The Wolf

"Doris, you really should have the doctor check your mole"

29/07/20 12:04:51

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 11836Stephen Bean

Spot the ball for beginners

29/07/20 12:09:01

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 15317Dan Nicholls

Hello Mr Cummings, I believe you dropped this massive boll*ck.

29/07/20 12:01:01

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 11836Stephen Bean

One Malteser can feed a family of Borrowers for a week.

29/07/20 12:00:17

 
James Lennox Vote score: 6148James Lennox

It was an unusual method of final disposition, but Marta's late husband never did like things going to waste.

29/07/20 16:02:50

 1
Lucky Elperro Vote score: 4654Lucky Elperro

I've been okay living with this all my life Doctor, but having seen what those heartless b*stards over at Caption.me are saying, I think I'd like to have it removed.

29/07/20 23:02:44

 
stone face Vote score: 8115stone face

"It started with a little spot on my front, now it's grown into this big fat ugly tumour." Said the meatball

29/07/20 18:28:28

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 11001Neil Mackenzie

Mafia killing made to look like an accident, he choked on a meatball Officer.

29/07/20 18:21:30

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 4991Kenny Ireland

Lucille Ball.

29/07/20 14:06:12

 
David Robb Vote score: 178David Robb

When you know you shouldn't pour cooking oil down the drain but do it anyway.

29/07/20 12:59:09

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 10188Mr Dome

Gertrude Schlump, 76, enters the Guinness Book Of Records with the world's largest nipple

29/07/20 12:57:31

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 6898Glyn Evans

"Take some mince and breadcrumbs and pat them together. That's it. Meanwhile, sterilize your skip and leave to heat over a pyre. Pour in a container drum of olive oil, you want to get it good and hot and turn the meatballs over using an oar so all sides are evenly cooked...and that should be your starter should be ready to go."

29/07/20 12:40:14

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 4991Kenny Ireland

Susan boil.

30/07/20 21:35:52

 
Al Overy Vote score: 1379Al Overy

It was illegal to breed Sasquatch in Ohio, so Brenda had to carry out the castration herself.

29/07/20 17:24:44

 1
Stiff upper lip. --Scrijjy Doo
Michael Winner Vote score: 23484Michael Winner

Maureen Henderson, winner of this year's 'Mrs Goiter' competition.

29/07/20 14:24:10

 
Al Overy Vote score: 1379Al Overy

"You spoil that bloody bluebottle!"

29/07/20 12:47:33

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 11836Stephen Bean

"This is the last time I look after your dung beetle Mr Gulliver."

29/07/20 12:00:06

 
stone face Vote score: 8115stone face

"How's Nan's mole?"

29/07/20 18:26:45

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 2676Scrijjy Doo

Luigi would have wanted it this way.

29/07/20 17:17:46

 
Sam Cass Vote score: 1007Sam Cass

She was going to get Mario off the mushrooms once and for all!

29/07/20 14:58:09

 
alexandra ball Vote score: 686alexandra ball

Oooohhh that's a spicy meatball!

29/07/20 14:11:33

 
Paul Reeve Vote score: 5780Paul Reeve

“I’m not sure if I’m worrying about nothing doctor, but my nipple seems to be rather swollen.”

29/07/20 14:02:38

 
John  Glover Vote score: 20862John Glover

Gladys wins Guiness Book Of Records title for collecting the largest amount of her own bogies in one year.

(Just noticed, nod to 12.57.31)

29/07/20 13:27:42

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 19122Troompa Loompa

"DAVE! Can you help me get rid off this gallstone I've just passed."

29/07/20 12:35:38

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 11836Stephen Bean

Close Encounters of the Turd Kind

29/07/20 12:21:29

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 32522Tony Edwards

Russian shot put champion has to practice indoors during the lockdown.

29/07/20 12:19:00

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 11836Stephen Bean

Lady with world's worst constipation finally cured.

29/07/20 12:15:46

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 15317Dan Nicholls

Meat my Mother

29/07/20 12:01:32

 
Stu Dent Vote score: 4502Stu Dent

When I entered the competition I expected to meet another kind of Meatloaf

29/07/20 12:01:07

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 13099Vanessa the Guesser

I told my cleaner, you can't polish a turd.

29/07/20 12:00:35

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 15317Dan Nicholls

Mamma Mia!

29/07/20 12:00:16

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 4991Kenny Ireland

It was hard to tell but Hilda was having a ball.

30/07/20 10:51:51

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6203Greg Curtis

“My mom was a short-order cook—VERY-short.”

30/07/20 4:04:16

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 1812Willie Johnson

Remaking old Alka Seltzer commercials:
"I can't believe I ate the whole thing."
And "Mama Mia, that's a spicy meatball."

29/07/20 21:09:08

 1
C CaMel Vote score: 5942C CaMel

Italy on an atlas.

29/07/20 20:41:22

 
Sam Cass Vote score: 1007Sam Cass

She carne be arsed to make individual balls for each family member.

29/07/20 14:50:48

 
Sam Cass Vote score: 1007Sam Cass

"Oh, I'll never forget it. We had a ball that day!"

29/07/20 14:28:24

 
Chris Halliwell Vote score: 5205Chris Halliwell

I said ping pong balls not King Kong's ball's. Nod to Peter Kay.

29/07/20 14:04:52

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 6400Vivvy En

For polishing furniture most Lilliputians use Gulliver's Earwax

29/07/20 13:44:23

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 22934Ian Skelding

"Ma Baker, bring me the head of The Thing."

29/07/20 12:44:07

 
Rachel P Vote score: 2304Rachel P

Grandma really needed to get her cat trimmed

29/07/20 12:37:38

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 15317Dan Nicholls

"Bloody Co-Op is out of mince again. Who is buying it all?".

29/07/20 12:31:52

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 1971Mark Wilson

"Dave, that cat's furballs are getting out of hand"

29/07/20 12:16:31

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 7017Hercules Rockefeller

"Come on, Grandma, is it really that spicy?"

29/07/20 12:03:54

 
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