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Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 13353Vanessa the Guesser

Trump was here.

27/03/20 20:08:36

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 19129Troompa Loompa

Diss a pointing.

27/03/20 21:32:40

 
The Wolf Vote score: 8870The Wolf

What the f*ck do you expect when you tell a bricklayer to self isolate?

27/03/20 20:00:09

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 12412Stephen Bean

*Stares in disbelief at where front door used to be* "But darling, I only coughed once."

27/03/20 20:00:19

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 2795Scrijjy Doo

Explaining universal health care to a Trump supporter.

28/03/20 0:56:23

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 15358Dan Nicholls

Lockdown practice: telling the kids to tidy up. Same response.

27/03/20 20:10:39

 
Rachel P Vote score: 2304Rachel P

♪ All in all, you’re just another......... ♪

27/03/20 20:14:20

 
James Lennox Vote score: 6417James Lennox

Even during self-isolation, black men feel a need to brag about the size of their penises.

27/03/20 20:09:50

 3
They have more than one?? Wow --Mr Dome
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6216Greg Curtis

“Try it, it’s like talking to your wife.”

28/03/20 2:05:57

 1
And just as flat. --Scrijjy Doo
John  Glover Vote score: 20996John Glover

Someone told him that walls have ears.

27/03/20 20:20:15

 
Karyn Harrison Vote score: 5095Karyn Harrison

"Sorry mate, this is Platform 9 1/2."

27/03/20 21:00:02

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 11101Neil Mackenzie

Denzil didn’t have any limes to make a lime mortar, and wondered if he could use lemons instead?

28/03/20 6:41:33

 
Stu Dent Vote score: 4560Stu Dent

After his release from prison Dave realised he had more freedom inside.

27/03/20 21:58:01

 
Rachel P Vote score: 2304Rachel P

A typical conversation between a North Islington constituent and Jeremy Corbyn.

27/03/20 21:33:51

 
Charles Gilbert Vote score: 671Charles Gilbert

Well that’s just grout...

29/03/20 22:31:54

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 2795Scrijjy Doo

Kanye West can't hurt anyone anymore.

28/03/20 13:40:09

 
J Gaskill Vote score: 109J Gaskill

“Now if I could just remember how Hagrid did it...”

28/03/20 8:30:17

 
Karen Oakenfull Vote score: 1752Karen Oakenfull

Andy tries to tell his wife to cut down on her spending sprees and that she doesn’t need 237 pairs of shoes.

27/03/20 21:53:30

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 11824Dave Bryan

2020 Turner Prize winner explains 'BRICKS' to the audience.

27/03/20 21:50:22

 
James Lennox Vote score: 6417James Lennox

Lockdown, day 22: I've started eating imaginary fast food. Today's Subway.

27/03/20 20:33:26

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 13353Vanessa the Guesser

Well you wanted to get plastered on a Friday night?

27/03/20 20:33:15

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 6542Vivvy En

It was a valiant attempt to catch Humpty... but, there were no eggs in Tesco.

27/03/20 20:30:13

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 12412Stephen Bean

Captioneer gets starring role in the re-make of 'The Wolf of Wall Street'.

27/03/20 20:27:16

 
John  Glover Vote score: 20996John Glover

"I didn't have the heart to tell blind Dave that the
Mcdonald's drive through had closed last year."

27/03/20 20:23:23

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 1907Willie Johnson

Some of my best captions get a warm reception.

27/03/20 20:16:57

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 2795Scrijjy Doo

I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll get my jackhammer. GET IN MY MOUTH YOU STINKING PIG!

27/03/20 20:13:42

 
The Wolf Vote score: 8870The Wolf

"Mr Johnson? I'm from Deliveroo?"

27/03/20 20:11:41

 
Rachel P Vote score: 2304Rachel P

Stud

27/03/20 20:09:23

 
Crunchy Chords Vote score: 4127Crunchy Chords

Mortar bored

27/03/20 20:07:46

 
Crunchy Chords Vote score: 4127Crunchy Chords

Trying out my standup routine on Bricky Gervais

27/03/20 20:05:11

 
Crunchy Chords Vote score: 4127Crunchy Chords

"It's Day 11 of my quarantine with no films to work on.... Darling, I think I'm going mental!" said Idris.

27/03/20 20:04:33

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 7007Glyn Evans

"Wall for one and one for wall."

27/03/20 20:03:38

 
Rachel P Vote score: 2304Rachel P

“How the hell did Harry get into Diagon Alley?”

27/03/20 20:01:26

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 7007Glyn Evans

"There's mortar this than meets the eye."

27/03/20 20:00:10

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 12412Stephen Bean

101 pastimes for self-isolation: 83.Talking to a brick wall

27/03/20 20:00:05

 
alexandra ball Vote score: 748alexandra ball

His name is wall mart.

29/03/20 15:55:26

 
Lucky Elperro Vote score: 4699Lucky Elperro

When you have too much time to build that brick barbecue.

28/03/20 11:43:25

 
Dev B Vote score: 645Dev B

"Mom I just completed my freemasonary course successfully, would you get someone now to break the wall?"

28/03/20 10:56:13

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 6542Vivvy En

"CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

28/03/20 6:53:13

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 11101Neil Mackenzie

The wall was ignoring him, but if he didn’t give over it would give him an earful of course language.

28/03/20 6:49:17

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 10308Mr Dome

Boyz n the hod

28/03/20 1:04:55

 
larry G. Vote score: 1471larry G.

“These bricks weren’t the only ones getting laid.”

28/03/20 0:48:30

 
Stu Dent Vote score: 4560Stu Dent

Having a block party on lockdown

27/03/20 22:21:39

 
Gavin Smithers Vote score: 409Gavin Smithers

"Ok, you're right. The orchard walls ARE high and hard to climb." (Romeo and Juliet, 2.2.63)

27/03/20 22:05:23

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 19129Troompa Loompa

Max Wall

27/03/20 21:16:10

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 12412Stephen Bean

*Standing at the back of Tesco* "Ok guys, if we make a hole this wide we can help ourselves to as many toilet rolls as we like."

27/03/20 20:52:10

 
Madeline Charlton Vote score: 175Madeline Charlton

Joe decided to pre empt his night in. He was gonna get completely plastered!

27/03/20 20:46:51

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 32702Tony Edwards

Dragons' Den entrepreneur Daniel practices his pitch to a wall because that's where he'll decide which offer to accept.

27/03/20 20:45:24

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 23490Michael Winner

I see that Dave Prentice has taken up Ultra-Jenga.

27/03/20 20:38:10

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 23490Michael Winner

"But... but where's the ocean view?"

27/03/20 20:37:09

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 12412Stephen Bean

Where's Wall-y? Level 1

27/03/20 20:34:33

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 23490Michael Winner

"Aaarrgghh! We've been robbed!"

27/03/20 20:34:25

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 1907Willie Johnson

"Honey, I really didn't know you were in there when I finished laying the brick for the wall."

(*Does this mean no second date?*)

27/03/20 20:23:16

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 23140Ian Skelding

Rising camp

27/03/20 20:13:09

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 2795Scrijjy Doo

Safe sex is no joke.

27/03/20 20:09:45

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 23140Ian Skelding

"You're supposed to point you idiot."

27/03/20 20:06:02

 
Crunchy Chords Vote score: 4127Crunchy Chords

Mortar and pestilence

27/03/20 20:05:56

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 32702Tony Edwards

The Bricklayer's Arms

27/03/20 20:01:43

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 7148Hercules Rockefeller

"And I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!"

27/03/20 20:01:08

 
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