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"Two eggs on toast for table 8, full English and a coffee on table 3 and get a room for table 5."
"Two eggs on toast for table 8, full English and a coffee on table 3 and get a room for table 5." photo | portfolio
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Dan Nicholls Vote score: 11799Dan Nicholls

"Two eggs on toast for table 8, full English and a coffee on table 3 and get a room for table 5."

12/12/18 9:18:03

 2
I think table 5 fancied crumpet --John Llamas
Ian Skelding Vote score: 20028Ian Skelding

"You keep forgetting, I'm your Granddaughter."

12/12/18 8:22:17

 
GeeDee Vote score: 2639GeeDee

Sorry Fiona, I Can't hear what your saying

12/12/18 8:15:40

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 34332Welsh Rarebit

"No honestly Grace, I'm not married..."

12/12/18 8:54:36

 
Stu Dent Vote score: 1305Stu Dent

The boyfriend 3000 now with extendable arms for the bigger girlfriend.

12/12/18 8:00:09

 
Dot Old Vote score: 317Dot Old

"I really love your ears... I'm just not so keen on the rest of you."

12/12/18 10:53:55

 
Glad You Remember Vote score: 883Glad You Remember

*Massive fart sound*

12/12/18 18:04:28

 
Glad You Remember Vote score: 883Glad You Remember

"You're new to Vulcan mind melds, aren't you?"

12/12/18 21:11:16

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 28421Tony Edwards

There's only one thing on the menu here.

12/12/18 9:29:06

 
Karyn Harrison Vote score: 1833Karyn Harrison

The silver service in here is something else!

12/12/18 9:01:33

 
stone face Vote score: 3199stone face

"It's just you, me and Doreen. Who's under the table with her hands on my ears."

12/12/18 11:07:54

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 11799Dan Nicholls

Fred dreamily pondered that if Marie had both hands on his face, who the hell was unzipping his chinos?

12/12/18 9:16:40

 
Karyn Harrison Vote score: 1833Karyn Harrison

"This isn't quite what I expected when I ordered the Grey Mullet!"

12/12/18 9:10:34

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 34332Welsh Rarebit

Café HUG

12/12/18 8:59:16

 
Glad You Remember Vote score: 883Glad You Remember

"He's watching us. Don't move. Not even a nod."
"But I posted a caption that was simil–"
"Not. Even. A nod."

12/12/18 18:06:33

 
Barrie Bullock Vote score: 405Barrie Bullock

My wife doesn't understand me she only speaks spanish.

12/12/18 16:04:08

 
Sam Cass Vote score: 294Sam Cass

'Will you be mine?'
'Yes! Yes! I'd be happy to be in your will!'

12/12/18 13:32:30

 
John  Glover Vote score: 18362John Glover

"The doctor says I must tell you I have chlamydia, I suppose I ought to tell the rest of your rugby team."

12/12/18 12:29:46

 
Pussy Galore Vote score: 7065Pussy Galore

My GP is great. She takes pastoral care to a whole new level.

12/12/18 12:12:55

 
Funny Bean Vote score: 1639Funny Bean

"You can do it ... We need that coffee machine fixed!"

12/12/18 10:14:10

 
Funny Bean Vote score: 1639Funny Bean

True love can lead to dehydration, weight loss, kidney stones and bed sores.

12/12/18 10:05:32

 
Carey Sutton Vote score: 514Carey Sutton

Don't listen to them Jose, I'm sure you will still be the manager next year, at wich club we don't know.

12/12/18 9:25:39

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 5265Hercules Rockefeller

"Would you be a dear, Diedre? I forgot my ear muffs at home."

12/12/18 9:15:55

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 5090Glyn Evans

The world's longest staring contest has been going on for so long that the two competitors have decided to elope.

12/12/18 9:08:40

 
Karyn Harrison Vote score: 1833Karyn Harrison

That Old Spice works every time!

12/12/18 8:55:04

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 8859Neil Mackenzie

Annie Ball having an old friend for dinner.

12/12/18 8:40:20

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 4564Chris Keegan

Terry was absolutely delighted with his new artificial ears while Jane waited for the superglue to set.

12/12/18 8:14:34

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 3691Vivvy En

"My love, for this year's Christmas prezzie I've booked you in for an otoplasty"

12/12/18 8:11:42

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 2959Dave Bryan

Christmas comes early for one old bastard.

12/12/18 8:05:15

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 7271Vanessa the Guesser

These two have been married for over 20 years, just not to each other.

12/12/18 8:03:00

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 2959Dave Bryan

''Have you just been shopping or am I keeping you awake all night?''

12/12/18 8:02:40

 
Molly R Vote score: 701Molly R

"Prisoner 080863 Biggs, visiting time is over NOW!"

12/12/18 8:01:30

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 4564Chris Keegan

I wrote a caption for this but had no confidence in it. Apparently it's going to the vote.

12/12/18 8:00:33

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 2959Dave Bryan

''I'm not a child. Please don't panda to me.''

12/12/18 8:00:23

 
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